Update XIX: Melancholy and the Infinite Napping

[Joe Republic]

I really need to lose weight.  I'm sure if I lost even 25-50 pounds, my back would feel better.  So, I am going to try to behave myself the rest of the year except for Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day.

Good job, that diet lasted three whole sentences!

[Joe Republic]

Could Bushie speak to his doctor about liposuction?

No, the In New Thing for obese people too lazy to exercise and too lacking in self control to diet is to have lap band surgery.

I'm sure the Tribe will be able to pay to perform it for him by 2023 at the latest, if they start pooling their resources now.

[Joe Republic]

I'm sure the Tribe will be able to pay to perform it for him by 2023 at the latest, if they start pooling their resources now.

Bushie told us that Native Americans were rich because of casino money, so money should be no object.

If that were really true, they wouldn't have made him wait like a year and a half for a dental appointment.

[Joe Republic]

Talk is cheap, yo. I still remember the Ice Cream Challenge. Thanksgiving is coming up.

Talk is definitely cheap.  I may have a little ice cream on Thanksgiving with my pie, but the non-holy-days I will honor the challenge.  With the Thanksgiving and Christmas clause in the challenge contract, this challenge will expire on December 31, 2014 at 2359.

Thanksgiving is a holy day now?

[Joe Republic]

Thanksgiving and Christmas are connected and cannot be separated.

In that case, what are your thoughts on non-Christians who celebrate Thanksgiving?

Or non-American Christians who don't celebrate Thanksgiving?

These types of questions would confuse the hell out of any Real American.  "They don't celebrate 4th of July outside the US?!"

[Joe Republic]

LOL!  The Okies think because they literally only eat the slop we associate with them that the rest of the country must be the same.  People from the Delaware Valley only eat cheesesteaks, Chicagoland only eats deep dish, etc.

Phil, you should hit up a nice Japanese joint in Center City, take a food selfie, and post it to that thread.  You don't have to stand for lard asses from the plains states taking jabs at you when it comes to food.  Northeasterners eat far better than Heartlanders (the area being named, of course, for the enlarged heart that's so common around those parts) and that's not debatable.

Wait...the best part? That comment came from the genius that said real pizza is "horrible" but the garbage he shovels in his mouth - you know, pineapple pizza with chocolate syrup on top - is good.

I literally just tasted vomit in the back of my throat when reading that.

Yes, BRTD.  Literally.

[Joe Republic]

What the hell is 'Skip Bo'?  Its name implies healthy exercise, but such a thought is silliness.

[Joe Republic]

Dare I ask what particular brand of fiber-less, nutrition-less lumps of sugar you call 'cereal'?

[Joe Republic]

Bushie you're missing like 3/4 of the plate!

But see, that nonsense would never fly in Real America.  ¼ of the plate reserved for f*gg*ts?  Not in Oklahoma, pal!

[Joe Republic]

This is getting boring. Bushoklahoma needs a new girl. Do you use Tinder, Bushie?

The next great update storyline.  Download it now Bushie,  its FREE

I'm sure there's an app out there with identical functionality but about 5% the membership, that costs $3.99.  That's the one for Bushie!

[Joe Republic]

The weekend is underway!!  He just came to us 5 minutes ago and said "Happy Thanksgiving, get out of here, see you on Monday!"

Jesus stopped by to wish you a happy Thanksgiving?

Bushie's supervisor is Hispanic?

[Joe Republic]

Bushie, what ever happened to that $58 guidebook on how to pass the USPS application process?  Gathering dust already?  Or are its pages lining the floor of Blondie/J.J.'s kennel?

[Joe Republic]

It is confirmed, my friend and I will go bowling at 1800 this evening.

And who is this "friend", I didn't know you had any?  Is it someone from your church group?

Its a friend from church.  He's on his way to the bowling alley now.

Bushie, do you have any friends or acquaintances who are atheist/agnostic?   

Much like gays in Iran, they do not exist in Oklahoma.

http://youtu.be/yOwdwh5o0wA

[Joe Republic]

Isn't it true one of the mistakes overweight people make (which contributes to them staying the way they are) is they have a tendency to underestimate their caloric intake, yet overestimate their caloric output?

I wouldn't call a deliberate act a 'mistake'.

[Joe Republic]

^ I don't know what the hell any of that meant, but congrats on making your own turkey wrap, Bushie!

[Joe Republic]

What do you expect me to drink when there is no water, except for tap water, in the break room?

Tap water.

[Joe Republic]

Don't these busybody white people have anything better to do than spread their nonsense beliefs to a part of the world with far more pressing concerns?

[Joe Republic]

Jeez, it's not like if you leave your home unattended for an extended period, a bunch of strangers break in and start having sex everywhere.  That just doesn't happen.

[Joe Republic]

The Tulsa apartment burning down would actually be a blessing.

Assuming he pays rental insurance (which apartment management companies usually require), you'd certainly be right.

Hmm... are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[Joe Republic]

Jeez, it's not like if you leave your home unattended for an extended period, a bunch of strangers break in and start having sex everywhere.  That just doesn't happen.

One of those "perfectly unbelievable but totally realistic in BushOK's world" stories.

And there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with that.

[Joe Republic]

Bushie hasn't given us an Update since Saturday. Any news from the facialbook? RIP Bushie?

He's still updating quite often on the facialbooks.  He's fine. 

This is like a preview of when Colbert moves over to CBS, isn't it? 

[Joe Republic]

Guys, I think the Tulsa apartment or something in it might be the Zahir.

... Is that a religious thing?

[Joe Republic]

I still don't understand why a restaurant would call itself a warehouse?? Food should not be cooked and served in a warehouse! This is why the terrorists hate us.

Presumably for the same reason that people will pay $1,000,000 to live in a drafty loft space in a converted old warehouse. It's quirky.

Apparently there is a clear red-state blue-state divide between the most common and acceptable uses for a renovated warehouse.

[Joe Republic]

Bushie, have you eaten at local eatery Spaghetti Warehouse?

[Joe Republic]

God damn it I knew I should have trusted my instincts and kept New Year's Eve as the second most valuable property in Update-opoly instead of changing it to the 4th of July.