Update XX: A Darn Good Judge of My Financial Situation

[Joe Biden 2020]

Wow, Panda.  You are completely off track.  I'm not dumb enough to believe that last paragraph.  I'm going to heaven not because of anything I've done or not done, but it has everything to do with Jesus.  There is no sin whatsoever that can keep me out of heaven now that I've accepted His free gift of salvation.  I do not have to earn my way to heaven.  Yet, because of Jesus, I am guaranteed to go to heaven.  Nothing can ever change that, period.

oh

what if you got mad at the Braum's cashier for forgetting the pickles on your burger and murdered her in a fit of rage?

Even that, as heinous as it is, is forgivable.  I would still have to pay the penalty of the law, but it would not keep me out of heaven.

[Indy Texas]

Wow, Panda.  You are completely off track.  I'm not dumb enough to believe that last paragraph.  I'm going to heaven not because of anything I've done or not done, but it has everything to do with Jesus.  There is no sin whatsoever that can keep me out of heaven now that I've accepted His free gift of salvation.  I do not have to earn my way to heaven.  Yet, because of Jesus, I am guaranteed to go to heaven.  Nothing can ever change that, period.

Jeff, I'm pretty sure that "accepting" His salvation requires you to actually, you know, follow his teachings and the other stuff in The Bible. You aren't leading a Christian life. You're a lazy person who takes advantage of others. Church is just an excuse for you to gorge yourself on taco salad and various casseroles at the weekly potlucks.

Works has absolutely nothing to do with salvation.  It is the result of salvation, not the cause.

Jeff, by refusing to honor your father and mother, you are violating one of the ten commandments. Obeying God's commands isn't "work" in the Catholic sense of doing good works. It's obedience, which is an inseparable part of faith. Your "faith" that God is going to give you a free pass despite you doing absolutely nothing He asks you to do isn't faith - it's self delusion.

[Mr. Morden]

Yet, because of Jesus, I am guaranteed to go to heaven.  Nothing can ever change that, period.

What if you renounced Jesus before you died?  Do you still get in?

Also, what does "accepting His free gift of salvation" involve?  What did you actually have to do?  Just say the words "I accept His free gift of salvation"?

[Mr. Morden]

I plan to do exactly what you describe.  I don't have to do a complete 180.

I'm afraid you may be in such dire straits that a complete 180 wouldn't cut it.  You'll have to go all the way and do a complete 360.

[Indy Texas]

What did you actually have to do?  Just say the words "I accept His free gift of salvation"?

It went something like this:

[Associate Justice PiT]

    I find it hilarious that Bushie's theology has no issue with allowing unrepentant criminals and monsters into heaven. No wonder Southerners are so tough on the wicked; they sure don't think that God will be.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

No wonder Bushie lives the way he does.... no sin, no personal flaw, no damage done to others can keep him out of Heaven.

[Panda Express]

I did not say drinking water is a 180.  I meant doing what Panda suggests is a 18 and unnecessary.  Water is absolutely essential and I will drink more water.  I just will not completely give up my Diet Dr Pepper for 3 or 5 days a week.  I will reduce it, but not give it up entirely.

Unnecessary? You're like 350 pounds and you're at the point where employers don't even want to give you a courtesy interview. They just want you to get the hell out of their office before you cause the floor to collapse.

How about 2 days a week? No soda on Mondays and Tuesdays. Can you do that?

[Lief 🗽]

Damn, I'm loving this season. Bushie is pushing 400 pounds and he still refuses to drink carbonated sugar water any less than 7 days a week. Plus the shocking revelation that murderers and rapists get into Heaven too!

[Lief 🗽]

Bushie if Adolf Hitler decided to believe in Jesus right before he killed himself, is he in Heaven now?

[memphis]

I am leaning toward renewing my lease for at least another six months.  I have every intention to do just that unless I were to get a job in Oklahoma City before March 31.  I have until that date to make my official decision to either renew or vacate.  The new lease would start June 1.

This point got lost amid all the theological debates. Unbelievable.

[King]

You're wasting your time, Aizen.  There's no such thing as setting the bar low enough with Bushie. He's psychologically averse to stepping over it. I challenged him to 30 days of not eating ice cream and he went 4 days before he had nothing but ice cream for dinner.

[Small Business Owner of Any Repute]

I am leaning toward renewing my lease for at least another six months.  I have every intention to do just that unless I were to get a job in Oklahoma City before March 31.  I have until that date to make my official decision to either renew or vacate.  The new lease would start June 1.

This point got lost amid all the theological debates. Unbelievable.

That's not really news -- most of us loyal Update readers knew Bushie would be renewing the moment he mentioned it as a possibility. I mean, it's such a horrible idea that the sheer fact that Bushie mentioned he was considering it was a clear indication that he'd already decided.

The real new revelation getting lost here is that Bushie is now pushing 450 pounds. At this point, he will have four different kinds of diabetes by his next checkup.

[J-Mann]

I am leaning toward renewing my lease for at least another six months.  I have every intention to do just that unless I were to get a job in Oklahoma City before March 31.  I have until that date to make my official decision to either renew or vacate.  The new lease would start June 1.

This point got lost amid all the theological debates. Unbelievable.

That's not really news -- most of us loyal Update readers knew Bushie would be renewing the moment he mentioned it as a possibility. I mean, it's such a horrible idea that the sheer fact that Bushie mentioned he was considering it was a clear indication that he'd already decided.

The real new revelation getting lost here is that Bushie is now pushing 450 pounds. At this point, he will have four different kinds of diabetes by his next checkup.

Patient Zero for Adult Types 3 and 4 Diabetes?

[Joe Biden 2020]

Now, guys, you cannot lie about my weight.  There is no way I've gained 160 pounds in just 2-3 days.  I'm still sitting at 290 as of yesterday morning.

[IceSpear]

Bushie, now that you've cracked 500 pounds, will you consider getting that gastric bypass surgery I suggested months ago?

[Joe Republic]

I went to get Braum's for supper, but the burger tasted terrible to me, so I had to throw out half the burger.  I still consumed all the fries and coke, but I threw half the burger in the trash.

I'm just so thankful that everytime mine is checked, which is every six months, my blood sugar and A1C levels are always perfectly normal.  I am not taking any medication for diabetes, either.  I am really, really fortunate.  I need to do everything I can to keep it that way, and I have not been doing well, but I'll get there.  It may be a slow, painful process, but I'll get there.

I just will not completely give up my Diet Dr Pepper for 3 or 5 days a week.  I will reduce it, but not give it up entirely.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Memphis, what's wrong with extending the lease in Tulsa?  I live in Tulsa.  Where else would I live in Tulsa?  It's not unbelievable.  It's smart.

[Joe Republic]

Memphis, what's wrong with extending the lease in Tulsa?  I live in Tulsa.  Where else would I live in Tulsa?  It's not unbelievable.  It's smart.

You live wherever you work, typically.  Where exactly is that again?

[Joe Biden 2020]

Memphis, what's wrong with extending the lease in Tulsa?  I live in Tulsa.  Where else would I live in Tulsa?  It's not unbelievable.  It's smart.

You live wherever you work, typically.  Where exactly is that again?

So, because I don't have a job, I should live on the streets?  That's awfully cold-hearted.

[Indy Texas]

Memphis, what's wrong with extending the lease in Tulsa?  I live in Tulsa.  Where else would I live in Tulsa?  It's not unbelievable.  It's smart.

Bushie, who is going to pay the rent at your Tulsa lair now that you're a stay-at-home...person?

Who is going to be paying your monthly loan bills? What about the palladium cable package?

[Joe Biden 2020]

You guys have this idea that I will never get a job again.  You think I'm too fat and too much of an idiot to work.  Further proves my point that most of you do not care a lick about me.  In fact, most of you use me for your entertainment.  That's not friendship.  That's hate.  Cold hate.

[Indy Texas]

You guys have this idea that I will never get a job again.  You think I'm too fat and too much of an idiot to work.  Further proves my point that most of you do not care a lick about me.  In fact, most of you use me for your entertainment.  That's not friendship.  That's hate.  Cold hate.

You didn't answer my question. Who is paying next month's bills? You have no savings and no assets.

Once you've burned through whatever cash you have on hand, you can either mooch off Papa some more or go get on the unemployment dole and mooch off the taxpayers.

If you have any dignity, you'll go to Papa. If you have any decency, you'll get on the dole. But you have neither one.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I'm not answering your question.  You don't care about me.  All you care about is calling me the worst idiot in the world.  You hate me.  Plain and simple.  Why should I answer the question of someone who hates me?

[King]

lol we care more about you than you do. you're the one 290 lbs doing nothing but napping all day waiting for sweet death