Update XX: A Darn Good Judge of My Financial Situation

[J-Mann]

Bushie,  the fact you fail to admit your life is in shambles, is part of the  reason you are in your current situation

Again, have I ever said things are perfect?  There's nothing wrong with looking at the bright side of life.  Things could be much better, but they could also be way worse.  I will say again, I have nothing to be ashamed of right now.  I have nothing to worry about.  If God be for me, who can be against me?

I honestly have to ask you, what do you consider "things are going bad?" Your parents being eating by wolves?

Among white American 30-39 yr old males born to middle class households, I'd say your quality of life is about 5th percentile.  Most of the people below you have terminal cancer and heroin addictions. Actually, some heroin addicts probably are above you.

Do you ever want to find love? Do you ever want to be not only independent of your parents but pay to buy them nice things? Do you ever want to feel healthy and not plagued with constant aches and pains?

It's all a matter of perception.  You cannot subjectively peg my life into a percentile and expect me to agree with it.  Life is not great, but it sure as heck not bad.  I am just a normal human being who happens to be unemployed at the present time due to no fault of his own.  I'm no better than that and no worse than that.  There's no other way to put it.  You can't make it look better than what it is and you can't make it look worse than what it is.

Smash, my life is not in shambles, but that doesn't mean I am content to leave it where it's at.  God loves me just I am, but loves me too much to leave me where I am.  He wants to see me reach my full potential and that's something I want, as well.  My faith has everything to do with it.  I can't do anything on my own.  I need His strength and guidance to carry me on, because without Him, my life would definitely be in shambles.  You ask me how I can say my life is not in shambles?  My answer is because God is in my life.  He makes everything new.  Don't judge me yet, He's still working on me.  Again, things could be much better than where they are now and I want to get there, but at the same time I cannot be ashamed with where my life is at right now at 8:45 pm CST Wednesday, January 14, 2015.  With God's help, I'll get there.  Without His help, I won't.  Simple as that.

The above is basicaally your problem in a nutshell.  God isn't going to do it for you, and yes your life is absolutely in shambles.  You can get out of it, but you need to do it YOURSELF, not God, but YOURSELF.

Nonsense.  I can do nothing without God.   Do not dismiss my faith as irrelevant.

Bushie, I'm not dismissing your faith as irrelevant.  However, your situation isn't going to change if your answer for everything is God this and God that.  Seriously you sound like Inhoffe when he tried to explain why he didn't think Global Warming was real (because GOD...)

  YOU need to do it, YOU need to make changes, YOU need to better yourself, YOU need to take better care of yourself.  The only one that will get you out of your current situation is YOU. 

I'm not trying to mock or dismiss your faith, but you need to realize, the one that controls you is YOU.  Until you get to that point, you won't have a chance in hell of having any type of financial Independence.  You won't have a chance in hell of taking the massive financial burden off your parents.  You won't have a chance in hell of not being a walking sitting heart attack waiting to happen

This. Jeff, we're on repeat for the twentieth time here: relying on nothing but faith has seen you get five years older, 50 pounds heavier and more deeply in debt over the last half-decade. There's nothing wrong with faith as long as YOU are doing what it takes to succeed. In most cases, you don't.

In this little stint of unemployment, you should -- as morbid as it sounds -- imagine what would happen to you if your parents were killed tomorrow. Car crash. Boom. Dead in an instant. And there's no life insurance to be your safety net. You're on your own.

What would you have to do to survive? What would you have to do in terms of employment and basic life skills to get by on your own? Could you? Could you work a full-time job plus a part-time job to make ends meet? Could you lower your standards for base pay and accept something far more likely to have a semblance of permanence?

Is your health a hindrance to caring for yourself without help? If so, what are you doing to change it? No one is saying to magically change overnight; we're all saying start SOMETHING NOW. Enough planning. Enough talk. DO.

And if you go through this thought process and in no reasonable circumstance see yourself able to stand on your own two feet without ready, immediate help, then God help you indeed. Maybe he's made welfare and disability available for a divine reason, eh?

On an unrelated note: does OKC have Uber? You like to drive and have a phone with GPS. Why not stay in OKC and just drive for a living. You'd like that.

[J-Mann]

I checked and it appears that Uber is in both OKC and Tulsa. I would think that OKC would be busier, but who knows.

I had a religious Uber driver once, and it was Uber-annoying (see what I did there?). I said something like, "Thank God," and he said, "So, I noticed you mentioned God there ..." Oy!

[J-Mann]

If God be for me, who can be against me?

Hmm.  Romans, right?

Well the facts indicate that for 20 seasons of Update that God is not for you.

That's a matter of interpretation, I guess.

I'm going to try to shift the conversation from the life in ruins talk to the actual job search.  It is true that they are both related, but I posted an update toward this new conversation topic last night, but everyone was too busy trying in vain to convince me my life is in shambles.  I'll share it again so it might gain some traction.  I applied for two jobs yesterday, both are drafting positions, of course, and they're both in Tulsa.  Also, one of my best friends at church is going to send out a mass text today to about 30 guys to see if anybody knows of any CAD jobs here in Oklahoma City that I might be qualified for.  I've got that "grassroots" effort in OKC now, and I've got those two applications in in Tulsa and a job fair next Thursday.  I'm going to spend the bulk of the day today job searching.  I'm going to try not to take a nap and I will keep my phone's volume up.  I'm also going to call the staffing agencies in Tulsa that I've applied with before and get them started looking.

Not taking a nap and keeping your phone's volume up? So much more a senior citizen than a man in his prime ...

Look into Uber, Jeff.

[J-Mann]

I dunno if uber would be a good fit for Bushie. He obviously wasn't cool with his co-workers smoking reefer. How would he handle the late night drunk crowd?

By not working late nights on weekends?

[J-Mann]

Uh, boys and girls, have you not learned in 20 seasons he doesn't drive when there's a flake of snow or rain..........driving is out of the question.

Which isn't all the time in Oklahoma. Yes, he has some issues driving in bad weather. That's the beauty of Uber ... there's no time clock. You earn what you put into it. May not be the best solution, but it's an option to get him through a drought or prevent him from taking the first insta-job that comes along.

[J-Mann]

Jeff:

https://www.uber.com

[J-Mann]

So, here's the situation:  I have two nights left at Grandma's and then starting Saturday night, I will spend 11 of the next 12 nights at my parents'.  I plan to go back to Tulsa to stay on Thursday, January 29, 2015.  I will be up in Tulsa this coming Wednesday night, January 21 for the job fair Thursday morning.  I will be back in Tulsa briefly Saturday afternoon/evening for a Sunday School Fellowship in East Tulsa.  I will go up that morning and come back after the fellowship and then go up to stay the next Thursday.  There is a chance it could be Wednesday, January 28.  I will, of course, job search all during the time I'm still down here and will not hesitate to go back to Tulsa for an interview.

Why are you spending so many nights at your parents' place, given that you no longer have a job in the OKC area to go to each day?  I thought you wanted to stay in Tulsa?  So then, why aren't you now spending most of your nights in that Tulsa apartment?

We have company coming in on Tuesday who will spend eight days.  I don't want to miss them, so I'll stay with Mom and Dad until they leave.  In other words:  I'm not being given much of a choice…

You're being held at gunpoint or something?  Or maybe your parents are threatening to cut you off if you don't entertain the guests?

Wrong. More elaborate free meals are being prepared during the company's (oddly long) stay, so it only makes sense that he would stay to take advantage of the meal situation.

[J-Mann]

If the family expects you to stick around for EIGHT DAYS to see relatives that you see four or five times a year, they're being selfish. If that's really how you feel, see them for a day or two and then leave. In all likelihood, they'll think more of you if you are trying to make it on your own. They're probably having private conversations like, "Can you believe that Jeff is STILL at home? What is he doing with his life? If that were me, I would be out looking for jobs or living my life and not mooching off the family."

You'll never know, because they'll be super-polite to your face and give you the impression they'd be hurt if you didn't stick around for their week-and-a-half visit.

Cut the cord, Jeff. Trust me, the family will be OK.

[J-Mann]

Hey, folks, we're back from dinner.  We went to Ted's Café and Escondido for supper tonight.  It was decent, but it wasn't the best.  Anyway, Memphis, I will be teaching senior adults in their 70's and 80's.  I am just going to teach this Sunday, then try to find someone else to teach for me next Sunday so I can officially move back to Tulsa next Saturday.

I am also going to call the doctor Monday morning and see if I can get into see him about my dizziness and my potential sleep apnea.  While I don't have a job, it would be a good time to see him without having to take off work.  He's kind of difficult to get into see, so it may be a challenge, but I'm certainly going to call and try.

The doctor's just going to tell you what we've been telling you for years - that you need to lose weight and aren't going to unless you eat healthier and exercise. You'll never listen to him. RIP.

You can't have it both ways, Jeff. One minute, Granny Bushie is a hardy, vibrant woman who has no problem cooking and cleaning and "waiting on [you] some." Now, suddenly she's a frail invalid who is helpless. Why do Aunt and Uncle Bushie have to stay for so long to tend to her? Why can't your parents do that? They actually live near her and it's not like your mom has a job apart from managing Papa's diabeetus and drawing up a new "game plan" for you after the latest firing/layoff. Why weren't you doing it seeing as you've been living in her house for free? I don't buy this "they like to travel" BS. Spending a week in your elderly mother's house cooking and cleaning for her isn't traveling. Sounds more like they have to come in from out of town to do stuff that you and your parents ought to be doing. Whatever the explanation is for what's going on over there, it still has nothing to do with why you need to spend 4 to 5 days there.

Listen, you are in NO position whatsoever to condemn anybody in my family.  Keep your mouth shut.  Your opinions are invalid and completely irrelevant.  NEVER condemn my family again!!!!!

I can see this scenario being realistic (and think your chiding Jeff's parents for shirking supposed responsibilities is going too far). My mother spent a lot of her time taking care of my grandparents after she retired and moved to the same town, and it was nice when her brother or sister would come in for a week or so to give her some downtime. Even when they were in their mid-to-late-80s and were "capable," it was a lot of work to check in, make sure they were taking medications, helping with their bills, driving them to appointments, etc. My grandparents had had serious medical problems that made them less capable of caring for themselves ... not sure if that's the case with Jeff's grandmother.

Despite the realism of the family's scenario, Jeff, it does put you in a little worse light. My grandparents needed support and tending-to, and while I could imagine myself using a spare room in their house if I was in need, I'd damn sure be taking care of them 100 percent if that were the case. You've previously portrayed your grandmother as quite capable ... now she seems in need of more help than we were aware, and if that's the case, I think the question is: why does the rest of the family still have to work hard taking care of grandmother if a 32-year-old man is living with her rent- and responsibility-free?

Just an assumption as to where the vitriol may be coming from ...

[J-Mann]

Jeff, show an ounce of sanity and do your change of address form online. I would guess that you've been "up" at some point today, so the burden of getting up to get your wallet is a moot point. You'll pay more in time and fuel costs by going to the post office to fill out a paper form than you will the the $1.00 confirmation charge.

I know you wanted to make your week sound "busy," but aside from cleaning a house, you don't have much going on. Work smarter, not harder -- fill out the form online and use that valuable time on Tuesday to build a LinkedIn profile, continue the job search or reach out to some professional connections.

[J-Mann]

I've already got a LinkedIn profile, but honestly, I do not know how it works, so I never look at it.

But aren't you an IT genius that was prepared to pass the A+ Certification with no experience for a helpdesk job? How do you not get LinkedIn?

I'm good at IT, but I have never understood LinkedIn other than it's a networking site.

It's professional networking ... like an online resume on steroids. You can connect with colleagues and prospective employers, give and receive references, and access a lot of other employment-related networking, information and research.

[J-Mann]

I think Bushie has a point. LinkedIn is the most useless networking website I've ever seen. There's occasionally a good front page article. That's the most you can get out of it.

That's a rather bold statement for opinion. I've gotten much more than that out of LinkedIn. It's all in how you use it and what you're trying to get out of it.

[J-Mann]

I think Bushie has a point. LinkedIn is the most useless networking website I've ever seen. There's occasionally a good front page article. That's the most you can get out of it.

That's a rather bold statement for opinion. I've gotten much more than that out of LinkedIn. It's all in how you use it and what you're trying to get out of it.

How have you used it and what did you get out of it? I keep my profile current and have dozens of connections, but I've never found a use for it other than snooping.

It was an easy way to make connections when I was looking for a job. I can connect with other professionals who do similar lines of work to share best practices. The articles and information can be good at times. I use it to connect with customers and potential customers, and I use it for recruiting and research on potential hires.

I also have my own blog on LinkedIn and have around 850 connections.

[J-Mann]

Bushie, Jeff, whatever

Please take my advice and just deactivate your account... please. You were gone for a week and these fools had to make up stupid jokes just to keep this sh**ts alive...come on man. You know you are better than this, delete this and your Facebook, and these bums will be as screwed... many of them base their whole lives on this update thread, just force them to do something worthwhile.

Thank you for your advice.  I do need to just stop posting.  I did so good for almost two weeks, then I just couldn't hold it any longer.  Unfortunately, though, I cannot delete my forum account.  Plus, I enjoy talking politics, so that wouldn't work too well.  As far as Facebook, I have too many other real friends (over 500 worth) that it would be very time consuming to re-add them all with a new account and I don't want to lose the communication I have with them.  I did the next best thing and kicked five individuals off my Facebook who kept bringing stuff from my Facebook into the Update.  They were like dogs who kept dragging in road kill.  I still have some of the forum on my Facebook, those who I feel genuinely like me for more than entertainment purposes and don't bring stuff over.

Wouldn't it be heartbreaking if, after all these years, this was the one piece of advice that Jeff took!?

You know, this Polls_PuffPass character may have a bit of a point with his so-called "controversial opinion." While I doubt anyone is taking out years of pent-up bullying aggression on Jeff or has some sort of homoerotic fascination with him, I would guess that many of us see the worst parts of ourselves in him.

So many of us who respond to his updates -- whether we're genuinely trying to help or not -- portray only the best of ourselves. At times, the pages seem to be filled with comments from Olympic athletes who exercise non-stop, Fortune 500 CEOs whose employment records are flawless and culinary masters who never eat poorly, all giving Jeff direction. Still others have overcome some of his very same challenges, whether they be in social relationships, employment or matters of health. We try to share what we've learned and get incredibly frustrated when Jeff rejects what we know to be sound advice.

Why do I keep posting here year after year, when none of my advice has been adhered to? I don't honestly know, other than I feel that Jeff is our own Sisyphus, and I want to see him succeed. I want Update to go away because Jeff finds success and the updates become boring, not because he shuts himself off to harsh truths. And I suppose I genuinely feel that some of my advice is sound, because I've been in his shoes at times and succeeded.

I'm probably also battling my own Jeff-like tendencies and giving myself reminders as much as I'm giving Jeff advice. Sometimes I fail at work. Sometimes I'm incredibly lazy. Sometimes I need a kick in the ass. Seeing what life is like when you don't stay consistent and work to better yourself is probably a motivator for me.

But it's probably too much to say that anyone's life would be empty without Jeff's updates. For now, he chooses to share and we choose to respond, and he probably takes up far less of anyone's mental energy than 20 "seasons" of updates belie.

[J-Mann]

Do they have 'full figure' models available?

A beanbag with a paper-plate-and-macaroni-art face would be eerily lifelike when considering Jeff's love life.

I've always lacked drive, determination, and follow through.

You should definitely include that statement on your resume.

Jesus, Jeff ... isn't this just horribly depressing to say? Don't you want to do something about it!?

[J-Mann]

Jesus, Jeff ... isn't this just horribly depressing to say? Don't you want to do something about it!?

It's definitely not a pleasant thing to say.  I am trying to do something about it.  I just don't know how to gain those qualities.  You can't just go to Walmart and pick them up on sale.  They take time to acquire and develop.  What would you suggest I do to develop those qualities?

Read: Update, Seasons I through XX.

[J-Mann]

Jesus, Jeff ... isn't this just horribly depressing to say? Don't you want to do something about it!?

It's definitely not a pleasant thing to say.  I am trying to do something about it.  I just don't know how to gain those qualities.  You can't just go to Walmart and pick them up on sale.  They take time to acquire and develop.  What would you suggest I do to develop those qualities?

You actually can go to Wal-Mart and pick them up on sale, by starting out as an Associate and working your way up through Wal-Mart management.

You want a great job handed to you and you work that way when you have a job.

Again, I NEVER said that.

Your actions say it. You worth yourself >$15/hr starting for no reason. You left another job in the past because you weren't getting frequent enough raises for no reason. You chased after scam jobs that promised big payouts for no reason.

You want a head start on everybody else.

I'm worth $15-$20 an hour, but I don't pursue jobs that pay that high because there are none with my qualifications.  However, in order to pay ALL the bills I need at least $12 an hour and that's not too much to ask for my experience and qualifications.  I don't need to spend time on minimum wage jobs, not because they aren't good, but because they aren't adequate for my needs.  My goal is to get completely out of Mom's checkbook and I cannot do that for less than $12 an hour unless I cancel EVERY piece of entertainment and live in the 1940's with nothing to do except sleep.

Jeff, you seem to completely miss the point that a lower-wage job at which you can excel, learn, grow and take on more over time would be BETTER for you than continually shooting for $xx-an-hour jobs that you HAVE to have because they meet your needs.

Those haven't worked out for you in ... ever.

These guys are recommending to start fresh ... lower on the totem pole with something that isn't as challenging and / or risky for you, be good at it and be consistent with it, and through that you'll learn drive, determination and follow-through. Because if you want to get more money from a lower-wage job, you have to first excel at that lower-wage job.

[J-Mann]

My goal is to get completely out of Mom's checkbook and I cannot do that for less than $12 an hour unless I cancel EVERY piece of entertainment and live in the 1940's with nothing to do except sleep.

Then do that, Jeff. People who don't have the safety nets that you do have to forgo frivolous extras like eating out (even fast food), cable packages at apartments they don't live in, etc. The only reason you're able to keep this type of "entertainment" is because you've got a safety net to fall back on.

As I've told you before -- imagine life without your parents. What would you have to do to survive? Prioritize. That's what builds character, and drive, determination and follow-through. And you have to have all of those things to qualify for the $15-$20 an hour job. They're not handed out for qualities you admit you lack.

[J-Mann]

Jesus, Jeff ... isn't this just horribly depressing to say? Don't you want to do something about it!?

It's definitely not a pleasant thing to say.  I am trying to do something about it.  I just don't know how to gain those qualities.  You can't just go to Walmart and pick them up on sale.  They take time to acquire and develop.  What would you suggest I do to develop those qualities?

You actually can go to Wal-Mart and pick them up on sale, by starting out as an Associate and working your way up through Wal-Mart management.

You want a great job handed to you and you work that way when you have a job.

Again, I NEVER said that.

Your actions say it. You worth yourself >$15/hr starting for no reason. You left another job in the past because you weren't getting frequent enough raises for no reason. You chased after scam jobs that promised big payouts for no reason.

You want a head start on everybody else.

I'm worth $15-$20 an hour, but I don't pursue jobs that pay that high because there are none with my qualifications.  However, in order to pay ALL the bills I need at least $12 an hour and that's not too much to ask for my experience and qualifications.  I don't need to spend time on minimum wage jobs, not because they aren't good, but because they aren't adequate for my needs.  My goal is to get completely out of Mom's checkbook and I cannot do that for less than $12 an hour unless I cancel EVERY piece of entertainment and live in the 1940's with nothing to do except sleep.

Jeff, you seem to completely miss the point that a lower-wage job at which you can excel, learn, grow and take on more over time would be BETTER for you than continually shooting for $xx-an-hour jobs that you HAVE to have because they meet your needs.

Those haven't worked out for you in ... ever.

These guys are recommending to start fresh ... lower on the totem pole with something that isn't as challenging and / or risky for you, be good at it and be consistent with it, and through that you'll learn drive, determination and follow-through. Because if you want to get more money from a lower-wage job, you have to first excel at that lower-wage job.

So, I should give up completely on CAD and go work at a grocery store?

Until you can personally develop those qualities that it takes to earn and keep a $15-$20-an-hour job, maybe. You've honestly got a lot to get together in your life, as your health prevents consistency in any work environment.

Your problem, Jeff, likely stems from never truly wanting in life. Sure, there are things you can't have that maybe you want, but -- at least as far as what you've shared here -- you've never had to prioritize. You've never had to choose between an unnecessary cable package and your next meal. You've never had to choose between a 200-mile round trip to go to a church picnic and paying rent.

Those people who you degrade -- the peasants who work at grocery stores, of all places -- likely show more independent thinking and living, more grit, more drive, more determination and more follow-through than you ever have. They may be working a second job while you work none because you're "worth more." They may be working toward something better, working while putting themselves through school. They may be raising a family through the same process of prioritization that seems lost on you.

You could learn a lot from people who earn less than you want but do much more than you have. It wouldn't hurt you to live in their shoes so you know why you're striving for something better; so that you actually develop the drive to get there, instead of just expecting it.

[J-Mann]

If you respected them, you'd be doing something ... anything ... in the downtime between jobs, or working two to get out from under them sooner. Take a cashier job now, work it full time, transition it to part time when your CADD job comes along and work both to earn more faster.

That's drive. That's determination. That's follow-through. When crisis strikes, you act and you overcome. That's what real people do, Jeff, to earn those qualities you said you want. How much respect would you earn in your parents' eyes if you got off the couch, swallowed your pride and worked double shifts at a 7-11 to pay them back and applied for CADD jobs like a mad man during your off hours. Again, the issue is, you're never in crisis. You know that, no matter how many times you fail, mom and dad will be there to pay the bills. That's crippling any ambition you may actually possess.

[J-Mann]

How is your non-deadbeat brother doing? He lives in New York, right? What does he do again?

He's doing fine.  I'm not exactly sure what he does, but he is working and enjoying it.  Yes, he lives in far northern New York near Plattsburgh.

How can you not know what he does? That's always baffled me ... spouses, parents or siblings who don't know what those closest to them do. It seems quite common.

[J-Mann]

Not that I can cook worth a damn anyway, but buying food in Walmart simply makes my stomach turn.

Why? We shop at a Walmart -- they have "Neighborhood Markets" around Kansas City which are groceries-only. It comes down to price for us. We stock up really well for two-week time frames, and what was costing $350+ for two weeks' worth of groceries is often $100 less at Walmart. Plus they're consistent on what they have.

We go to an Asian market for fish and pork, though.

[J-Mann]

We don't have old fashioned meat markets close by so Walmart is as good as we can do.

No, WalMart is not the best grocery for meat. They don't even have a meat counter, just some refrigerated bins. Seriously, I want you to check out The Fresh Market while you are in Tulsa. You don't have to buy anything as they can be a bit pricey, but I want you to see what a nice grocery looks like. Don't worry. It doesn't have any of the Whole Food hippie vibe. It's just a pleasant place to be, something WalMart is certainly not.

As far as steaks go, they do have New York strips (choice) that are reasonable as far as price and of really good quality. That's about it as far as meat goes, though. I mean, chicken breasts in bulk, but there's no fish and we get our pork elsewhere.

[J-Mann]

So, things are definitely percolating in the job market!

Indeed!

http://www.indeed.com/q-Grocery-Store-l-Tulsa,-OK-jobs.html

[J-Mann]

Look, guys, we all have our own ways of doing our finances.  My mother is not wrong nor wasteful in what she does.  She has good reasons to do so and she taught me very well.  Her advice, while not perfect, is nowhere near the worst advice ever.

And how's that working out for you? Got your six-month safety net in the bank?

Their irritation comes from you likely spending a decent little chunk of money on ink (it's not cheap, and God help you if you bought color ink) when the free alternatives are numerous -- if those confirmation pages are that important, take a screenshot of them or save them as a PDF (usually an option), save them to your computer in an organized bill pay folder and email them to yourself so you have a version saved in the cloud.

Lots of little ways you could be saving money, Jeff, and $15 here and $30 there will make a difference to someone in your situation.