I want to thank my good friend and former Senator Yankee for inviting me to speak here, and gaze out upon the crowd thank you all for coming to listen to me on this day of days.
Friends, I don't know what this thread is about. I haven't really read what is going on nor do I know what this petition is for, but I am here for one thing, the middle class. The middle class of this great nation is the salt of the earth, The People that I hold so dear to my heart, The People that supported me when I was down, wiped a tear from my eye when I was up, and took the bottle of bourbon out of my hand when I was having too much fun.
In order for us to have a thriving nation, we must coddle and protect the middle class as we protect our children before turning them loose into a world filled with drugs, alcohol and premarital sex. As President, I worked my hardest not only to attract middle class girls, but to make sure their parents and grandparents had ample opportunity to succeed.
We passed a small business loans program, we cut corporate taxes, and we gave unions fair representation in the labor market. I am not here to demonize unions in the slightest, so sorry for going off on my own, for they play an important role in building the middle class and protecting workers rights because, let's face it, corporate abuse is real. It's as real as the dog in your lap or the dead squirrel in your driveway that you ran over last night. I always attempted to strike a healthy balance between both sides, which led me to be hated by both sides, but I digress.
In closing, I want to reiterate that while the wealth inequality is still growing, it can shrink with jobs, high quality jobs that our graduates can take, investing in green technology, and education, something my administration also took steps at updating and overhauling during our glorious and emotional 8 months in office.
Again, I want to thank you all for allowing me to speak. What an honor, I can't stop crying right now and I don't know why, but I am honored nonetheless. Good luck to all of you, and if you ever need anything, please, don't be afraid, for the only thing you have to fear is the ramifications of not approaching me.
