I Just Want To Be Dead

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

First and most importantly, things would not be better if you were dead.  That's not just my opinion, Clint, it's a fact.  Your family and many others would be devastated and the world would be a worse place without you in it.  Retromike is absolutely right that if the folks you mentioned were real friends, they'd have understood.  They might've joked around a bit about the "whipped" thing (and that's normal), but they wouldn't have done it in a harassing sort of way and certainly wouldn't have stopped being your friend because of it if they were ever real friends.  You'll start with a blank slate in college and meet plenty of new people, some of whom may very well end up becoming real and life-long friends.  Another thing to keep in mind is that some of the your former friends may get over whatever they're mad at you about (whether you'd be willing to forgive their behavior if this happens is another story and something only you can decide).  The end of high school has a way of healing grudges and old wounds.  Senior classes often come together as the end approaches and everyone wants to leave with good memories about each other in the last few months (at least, that was how it was at my high school).

As for the the girl, that's gonna hurt for awhile, there's no getting around that.  Ultimately, however, the best thing you can do is to try to move on.  It won't happen over night, but as someone who went through a pretty devastating situation of my own involving a girl whom I was in love with (and actually in a serious relationship with), I can promise you that time will gradually heal all wounds.  I'm not gonna get into the details of what I went through because this isn't about me, but I will say that I know from first hand experience that things will get better (even if the healing process is slow and this hurts like a son of a b!tch in the meantime).  

Right now, it may seem like there couldn't possibly be anyone else who can make you feel the way this girl did, but in time you'll find that there are other girls (and some may even be interested in having a serious relationship if you play your cards right).  Think of it this way: Realistically, there have to be a number of people out there for everyone, otherwise no one would ever have a happy relationship (let alone a happy marriage).  If there was just one "right" person for everyone, there'd be too many people for anyone to ever find the "right" person for them.  So statistically speaking, the idea that there is one "right" person for you or anyone else is simply not grounded in reality.

From what you described, it sounds like what may've happened in this situation was that the girl was never interested in being anything more than friends and probably didn't intend to give you the impression that the two of you were dating.  If that was the case, then when she said stuff like "I don't know" or "I haven't thought about it," she was probably trying to tell you that she wasn't interested without hurting your feelings.  Many girls genuinely think they're softening the blow by saying stuff like "I don't know," "I haven't really thought about it," or "let's just be friends."  Ironically, that can sometimes send mixed signals and actually make it a more drawn out, uncomfortable, and painful process (whether by inadvertently giving the impression that they really do want to still be friends or by causing someone to have a "so you're saying there's a chance?" type reaction).  I obviously wasn't there, so I don't know, but from what you described, it sounds like that may've been what happened.  In other words, you may well have simply misunderstood the signals she was trying to give you causing her to get increasingly irritated with you.  

Incidentally, I should note that it is never a good idea to try to start a relationship with a girl if she already has a boyfriend (for a wide variety of reasons, some pertaining to moral issues and others to practical considerations).  It's something that probably won't end well for whoever does it and will almost inevitably leave at least one person (and quite possibly everyone involved) feeling serious emotional pain.

I know you may not want to hear this, but he truth is that the best thing you can do is to give her space and begin the slow process of moving on both intellectually and emotionally.  I'm not saying that she'll want to be with you if you do that, but it'll both allow the healing process to begin and reduce the chances of her feeling like you're harassing her and refusing to accept that her answer is no.  At the end of the day, the best thing you can do (for a variety of reasons) is to slowly stand back up, dust yourself off, climb back in the arena, and focus trying to move on at both an intellectual and emotional level.  

For better or worse, life has ups, downs, and everything in between.  No one gets through for free, we all have our struggles, challenges, and demons.  Things may feel pretty bleak today and maybe even tomorrow, but I promise that sooner or later the sun will come up again.

One other thing: Cathcon is absolutely right that should ignore Deus' terrible advice!

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

again, I'm the furthest thing from a fan of moderation, but threads like this should not be allowed.

99+% of the time the OP won't commit suicide, but if he did and the thread was discovered, this message board would get all sorts of attention that it doesn't need.

there are plenty of places on the internet where people w/suicidal ideation can 'talk things out' with others.  uselectionatlas.org doesn't need to be one of them.

Those are actually some pretty good points.  You're probably right about this.