Dynasty America: A 2116 Election Night Timeline

[JonathanSwift]

The Presidency is not some crown to be passed back and forth between two families.
-American politician Martin O'Malley (1963-2015), shortly before his mysterious suicide.

Historic Presidents
45. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) / Tim Kaine (D-VA): 2017-2021
46. Marco Rubio (R-FL) / Tom Cotton (R-AR): 2021-2029
47. Joseph Patrick Kennedy III (D-MA) / Julian Castro (D-TX): 2029-2037
48. George P. Bush (R-TX) / Bianca Garcia (R-NH): 2037-2041
49. Chelsea Clinton (D-NY) / Brian Schatz (D-HI) 2041-2049
50. Malia Obama (D-IL) / Patrick Murphy (D-FL): 2049-2057
51. Sasha Obama (D-VA) / Hunter Biden (D-DE): 2057-2065
52. Prescott W. Bush (R-NC) / Evan Singh (R-ME): 2065-2073
53. John W. Bush (R-GA) / Richard Sato (R-NE): 2073-2081
54. Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky (D-NJ) / Stephen Patel (D-AZ): 2081-2085
55. Jose Chung (G-HI) / Kyle Anderson (G-MN): 2085-2093
56. Tyler C. Clinton Jr. (NL-AR) / Hillary Mezvinsky (NL-CT): 2093-2101
57. William Walker Bush (NC-OK) / Alejandro P. Bush (NC-AZ): 2101-2109
58. Monica Mezvinsky (NL-CT) / Jeff Clinton (NL-KY): 2109-2117


Welcome to our Election Night 2116 Coverage, folks! As you know, Vice President Jeff Clinton and running mate Governor Nathan Mezvinsky of Pennsylvania are running to procure a third White House term for the Neo-Liberal Party. They are running on a platform of free trade, open borders, interventionist foreign policy, and increased abortion rights. They are being challenged by South Carolina Governor George H. P. Bush and New Mexico Senator Jorge Bush of the Neo-Conservative Party, who are running on a platform of free trade, open borders, interventionist foreign policy, and opposition to abortion. It's a very exciting race, and anything could happen, so stay tuned! The first polls close in just a few minutes.

[JonathanSwift]

It's 7:00 p.m. and polls have closed in the first six states. We are able to call only two of these at the present moment.

Kentucky has been carried by native son Jeff Clinton, while Governor Bush has carried his home state of South Carolina. This is unsurprising not only because of home state advantage, but also because both states have gone this way in all six elections since the emergence of the two major parties in 2092. The last time they voted on the same side of an election was, of course, in Green Party President Jose Chung's 50-state landslide re-election back in 2088, in which President Chung won every state except West Virginia.

Georgia, Indiana, Vermont and Virginia are usually fairly close, so it's no surprise that they are too close to call at the moment.

Bush: 10 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 6 Electoral Votes

[JonathanSwift]

It's now 7:30 p.m. and three more states are closing their polls.

North Carolina and Ohio have unsurprisingly been won by Vice President Clinton. This continues Ohio's Neo-Liberal voting streak; it has voted Neo-Liberal in every election since it helped elect Clinton's uncle back in 2092. North Carolina, meanwhile, has voted Neo-Liberal in five of those six elections, only breaking to help re-elect William Walker Bush -- the current Neo-Conservative candidate's cousin -- in 2104.

West Virginia is still a bit too close to call at this time.

Clinton: 33 Electoral Votes
Bush: 10 Electoral Votes

[JonathanSwift]

It's now 8:00 p.m. and many more states are closing their polls.

Alabama, Maryland, Mississippi, New Jersey, Oklahoma, and Pennsylvania have been called for Bush.

Illinois, Maine, Massachusetts, Missouri, and New Hampshire have been carried by Clinton.

Columbia, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Rhode Island, and Tennessee are all a bit too close to call at this hour.

Clinton: 65 Electoral Votes
Bush: 59 Electoral Votes

[Enderman]

Looks amazing so Far! What are the Battleground States?

[JonathanSwift]

Looks amazing so Far! What are the Battleground States?

You'll have to watch and see.

[JonathanSwift]

It's 8:30 p.m. and Arkansas, a traditionally Neo-Liberal state, has unsurprisingly been carried by Jeff Clinton.

It's 8:34 p.m. and Georgia has become the first swing state that we are able to call tonight. Though it is a swing state, Georgia has a decided Neo-Conservative lean; it voted for the losing presidential candidate twice in the past six elections, and both times (2096 and 2108) it voted for the Neo-Conservative candidate against the Neo-Liberal winner. It's no surprise that it went to Bush tonight.

It's 8:45 p.m. and Virginia has been carried by George Bush.

It's 8:57 p.m. and Vermont has gone to the Neo-Liberal ticket. We have three minutes until another group of states close their polls, including the all-important battleground of Texas. That's coming up right after this commercial break, so don't go anywhere, folks.

Bush: 91 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 73 Electoral Votes

[SingingAnalyst]

Back from our commercial break, folks. Let’s take a quick break to Michigan, where Hazel Park mayor Caleb Kalinski will join us shortly. The Greenertarians, running for the first time as a unified party, seem to be getting about 7% of the vote nationally. Of course, all of these are write ins. Our exit polls tell us about 15% of voters under 30 are going with Greenertarians Rand Rand and Summer Winter, as compared with only 3% of voters with post-post-doctorate education and just 2% of voters who make over $10 million a year. Caleb, your city gave the Greens and Libertarians combined about 45% of the vote last time. Are you thinking the Greenertarians might crack 50% this year?
Kalinski: Yes, the assassination of the Greener community organizer last week seems if anything to have galvanized the public. Of course 40% of our residents are unemployed and the other 60% work for Clinton-Bush Cement Mixing Co, where they are required to work 21 hours a day and only have one day a year off.
Reporter: Yeah, UN Day of course. Thank you Caleb! Back to the map!

[JonathanSwift]

Okay, everyone, welcome back. As you can see, a bevy of states closed over the commercial break, and we also updated some states back east. We have those calls, so lets take a look at our map.

Bush: 160 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 110 Electoral Votes

Texas is the place to keep your eye on tonight, folks. Texas is the battleground state in American politics; no candidate has won the White House without it since Chelsea Clinton did so in 2040. With the close race we have on our hands here tonight, it looks like our most populous state and its whopping 84 electoral votes will again be the deciding factor. Florida and California, competitive states with 46 electoral votes each, are also worth watching.

[JonathanSwift]

It's now 10:00 p.m., and four more states have closed their polls.

Montana, Nevada, and Utah have gone to the Neo-Conservative ticket, while Iowa has been won by the Neo-Liberals. All of these states are considered safe for their respective parties, so no surprise here, but we do have more interesting news back east. It appears that our 51st state, Columbia, has been won by George H. P. Bush. The state generally leans strongly towards the Neo-Liberals, but it seems that Bush's ancestry -- he's a Bush on his father's side, obviously, but he's also the grandson of former President Malia Obama on his mother's side -- has really helped him here, where the Obamas are still extremely popular. It was during Malia Obama's presidency that Columbia finally became a state, after all.

Bush: 188 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 115 Electoral Votes

[JonathanSwift]

It's 11:00 p.m. More states have closed their polls and we have more calls to make. We project that Bush has won Idaho, while Clinton has won Hawaii, Oregon and Washington. We also can call Rhode Island and South Dakota for Clinton at this time, and Kansas for Bush. California is too close to call at this hour.

Bush: 197 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 148 Electoral Votes

[Enderman]

Holy crap Texas! Just imagine the pain of redistricting there, much less trying to gerrymander it

[JonathanSwift]

It's 12:00 a.m, and we have one hour remaining until Alaska closes its polls. However, we have a few projections to hold everyone over until then.

North Dakota has been won by Bush.

Clinton has carried Louisiana, New Mexico and Florida. The loss of the Vice Presidential nominee's home state must be very disappointing to the Neo-Conservative campaign, but with votes still pouring in from Texas and California, this election is anything but over.

Clinton: 205 Electoral Votes
Bush: 203 Electoral Votes

[JonathanSwift]

 It's now 1:00 a.m. Alaska has closed its polls and -- no surprise here -- been won by Clinton by a wide margin. Meanwhile, we are now able to call California for Bush.

As on so many election nights in recent memory, it all comes down to Texas. To whom shall our most populous state deliver its electoral votes and the Presidency? Stay tuned to find out!

Bush: 249 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 208 Electoral Votes

[JonathanSwift]

Breaking news, viewers! It's 2:11 a.m., and our network is the first to call the state of Texas for George H. P. Bush. It looks like after eight years with a Neo-Liberal in the White House, the American people decided it was time for a change and elected Governor George Bush to be our 59th President. For those of you who may be just tuning in, we repeat: Neo-Conservative George H. P. Bush will be our next President. You heard it here first.

Thank you all for choosing the Bush-Clinton News Network, the most trusted name in news.

Bush: 333 Electoral Votes
Clinton: 208 Electoral Votes

[Thunderbird is the word]

I highly doubt that the US would still exist at this point and human civilization might be threatened if our politics is as unchanged at this point.

[DS0816]

It should be mentioned that, along "I voted" stickers, each voter receives a complimentary vomit bag. This lovely gesture is in use for making the voting process more comfortable for willing participants nationwide.

[Türkisblau]

Neoliberal Platform: free trade, open borders, interventionist foreign policy, and increased abortion rights.

Neoconservative Platform: free trade, open borders, interventionist foreign policy, and opposition to abortion

Love it!

[badgate]

I love how this George Bush's middle initials are H.P. For horrible person.

[Captain Chaos]

I noticed that New York, Pennsylvania, upper New England and California lost electoral votes over this past century.