What would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend came out as transgendered?

[Thunderbird is the word]

But still wanted to be with you, discuss

[Bacon King]

I would stay with them as long as our sexual orientations remained compatible

[angus]

What would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend came out as transgendered?

Never happened to me.  However, I do have an ex-girlfriend who is now an avowed dyke.  Dixie mullet, gas-station attendant shirts, the whole nine yards.  She's okay, though.  My friends used to tease me, since I was her "first"--this was back in high school--and they'd say, "man, I've heard of being bad in the sack, but you ought to win a prize for it."  I guess it never really bothered me.  She was always gay, and I sort of had a feeling about it even when I knew her.

If my serious significant other came out, all of the sudden, and said, seriously, that she was a woman trapped in a man's body--did I say that backward?  Well, you know what I meant--then I'd probably be more worried about its effect on the child rather than any harm to my reputation.  Still, the worst thing I could do would be to make it worse, so I'd probably start asking lots of questions and try to come to terms with it as fast as I could.  Not for her/his sake, or mine.  

Also, like Bacon King, I'd stay in the relationship, as long as it could be conveniently achieved.  In the case of the middle-aged couple, the quality, frequency, or even the existence of the sexual act gets farther and farther down on the list of priorities, so it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker.  

[/]

Probably the normal, I would just be all like "I can't do this anymore", say sorry a lot, and then cry buckets


But I know that's impossible because... mwahahahahahaahah

[courts]

in real life it was the other way around for us.

[SWE]

I don't have a girlfriend

[DC Al Fine]

Prepare for a long hard road of celibacy.

[Frodo]

Dump them. 

[tik 🪀✨]

I'd stay with them and support them if they were still committed to being with me. But it's a bit easier for me to adapt than most, I imagine.

You can't change who you're attracted to, though, and I do think that sex is an important aspect for many people, so I personally don't blame anyone who would choose to leave. Just don't be an asshole about it.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Why does the title of this thread conjugate 'transgender' as though it's a verb?

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

I'd support them, certainly. I don't know if I'd be able to stay with them, due to different sexual orientations.

[SATW]

I don't think I'd be able to stay with them, but I'd support them as a friend.

[Ban my account ffs!]

Like, as in my girlfriend wants to be a dude? Or is this where I discover that my girlfriend used to be a boy? It's so hard keeping up with proper names for this crap these days.

Its however you want it to be cathy

[IceSpear]

I don't think I'd be able to stay with them, but I'd support them as a friend.

[Mercenary]

Probably convert our relationship to friends only.
I mean if someone really considered themselves a man, even if they didn't get surgery, I couldn't stay with them romantically.

This reminds me of a topic somewhere from many years ago that asked what you'd do if you found out your boyfriend/girlfriend was post-op transsexual. On that too, I couldn't be with someone who was born male even if they had surgery to align their body with how they perceived themselves mentally.

All of that has no impact on my ability to support them and be their friend though, which I would do.

[Antonio the Sixth]

If I deeply and sincerely loved her, I'm reasonably confident I would still love him. Of course it would be pretty hard, and might not last long.

[angus]

Why does the title of this thread conjugate 'transgender' as though it's a verb?

If engender can be a verb, then why not transgender?  And if it becomes a verb, then it can become a participial adjective. 

I do agree that it should go through the formality of becoming a verb before existing as a past participle.  The evolution from transgender as adjective to transgendered as adjective offends my Kantian philosophy regarding the natural order of things.  I suggest that we accept that it must have become a verb for at least some fleeting moment, at least in someone's mind, before becoming a participial adjective.  Twenty years ago, I hadn't encountered the term transgender ever; now it's everywhere.  To misquote that Allstate dude and take him way out of context, "Etymological irregularity regarding modern English lexicon comes at you fast."  {note the use of "fast" as an adverb here. }

[tik 🪀✨]

I couldn't be with someone who was born male even if they had surgery to align their body with how they perceived themselves mentally.

Why do you think that is? Would you be with someone who was born with indeterminate genitalia that was made to be female? Is it because you would be unable to have children? I'm not trying to call you out or anything, I'm genuinely curious.

To hazard some guesses myself, on one hand, it feels like most people would say the repulsion is innate because they then identify that person's gender with their born genitalia, which they are not attracted to, because it suddenly betrays their straightness or whatever else. On the other hand, maybe it's just icky to imagine all of the surgery and the what it is you're ..interacting with, so you can't get past it. On another hand (for this thought experiment you have more than the standard amount of normally allocated hands) maybe you think there would be too much work involved in dealing with the baggage of it all, socially and otherwise. Perhaps you have just never considered that it might be possible to deeply love someone despite their junk? Perhaps most people have just never considered it seriously - when would it ever affect them?

Again, I don't mind to call you out specifically - I just always wonder about the specific why's behind this rejection, and if they've really been thought about much by the person answering.

[traininthedistance]

My impression that "transgendered" as opposed to "transgender" is considered to be archaic and kind of a slur.  I think because it implies that it's something done to that person rather than an intrinsic part of their identity?  

In any case, I'd be on the same page as ChairmanSanchez and darthbearnc.  I'd of course support them 100%, but let's be honest here, my orientation is sufficiently inflexible that I don't think I'd be able to remain sexual partners with them.  I have nothing but respect for people who are able to do so, of course, and I'd certainly feel guilty at not being strong/flexible enough to make it work.

[Antonio the Sixth]

My impression that "transgendered" as opposed to "transgender" is considered to be archaic and kind of a slur.  I think because it implies that it's something done to that person rather than an intrinsic part of their identity? 

In any case, I'd be on the same page as ChairmanSanchez and darthbearnc.  I'd of course support them 100%, but let's be honest here, my orientation is sufficiently inflexible that I don't think I'd be able to remain sexual partners with them.  I have nothing but respect for people who are able to do so, of course, and I'd certainly feel guilty at not being strong/flexible enough to make it work.

It was not precised that the partner in question would undergo surgery or modify their bodies in any way. As far as I know, there are plenty of transgender people who keep their body as it is.

[Rockefeller GOP]

I don't think I'd be able to stay with them, but I'd support them as a friend.

[Crumpets]

I'd be willing to give it a try, although I wouldn't have high hopes. I also think that it depends whether they were planning on changing, or had already changed. If I had dated somebody for a while who told me that she was born male, it wouldn't feel as strange as having my girlfriend tell me she feels male and wanted SRS.

[Ban my account ffs!]

Yeah... I feel if I was in love with them I could make it work.  Obviously it was more than a penis that I fell in love with.  But it would not be easy.  And there'd no doubt be the "well how do you think I feel" fights.

[/]

Yeah... I feel if I was in love with them I could make it work.  Obviously it was more than a penis that I fell in love with.  But it would not be easy.  And there'd no doubt be the "well how do you think I feel" fights.

You said a potty word...

[DemPGH]

Issues about bisexuality and trans-issues always come up fairly early and in usually a pretty casual way, but I would have to settle for friends-only if a woman told me she was bisexual and certainly friends-only if she used to be a man. This probably isn't something I would have to worry about, though, thankfully since I normally only attract conventional women.