What would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend came out as transgendered?

[Marokai Backbeat]

I would stay with them as long as our sexual orientations remained compatible

[RI]

If my wife transitioned, it would be grounds for an annulment, but that would never happen, so meh. If she decided she were secretly a man but didn't do anything, my opinion of her might go down, but that's about it.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

I would have to settle for friends-only if a woman told me she was bisexual

I'm curious as to why. If it's that there's something inherent to the psychology of bisexuality that makes fidelity more difficult, that idea is widely thought of as a homophobic canard these days.

If my wife transitioned, it would be grounds for an annulment

Isn't that only the case if it can be shown that the desire to transition predated the marriage?

[afleitch]

I would never know unless it happened. Any decision a loved one makes should be considered that way. I don't see why anyone could say anything less.

[ElectionsGuy]

That would be extremely awkward for me. I wouldn't know what to do, but if I had to do something I would probably just maintain a friendship. Luckily, I know she wouldn't do that

[Mercenary]

I couldn't be with someone who was born male even if they had surgery to align their body with how they perceived themselves mentally.

Why do you think that is? Would you be with someone who was born with indeterminate genitalia that was made to be female? Is it because you would be unable to have children? I'm not trying to call you out or anything, I'm genuinely curious.

To hazard some guesses myself, on one hand, it feels like most people would say the repulsion is innate because they then identify that person's gender with their born genitalia, which they are not attracted to, because it suddenly betrays their straightness or whatever else. On the other hand, maybe it's just icky to imagine all of the surgery and the what it is you're ..interacting with, so you can't get past it. On another hand (for this thought experiment you have more than the standard amount of normally allocated hands) maybe you think there would be too much work involved in dealing with the baggage of it all, socially and otherwise. Perhaps you have just never considered that it might be possible to deeply love someone despite their junk? Perhaps most people have just never considered it seriously - when would it ever affect them?

Again, I don't mind to call you out specifically - I just always wonder about the specific why's behind this rejection, and if they've really been thought about much by the person answering.

My position may be a bit strange or it may be common, I have no idea but...

Yes, there is a repulsion I would feel. I would always in my mind consider them their birth sex. It isn't about thinking it makes me less heterosexual or something, I am not that insecure, but it is just that I couldn't think of them as a female. That said, I am all for people doing what they feel is necessary to find happiness in this world and I am perfectly fine with treating people as the gender they identify with and referring to them as such, but I will most likely in my mind always think of them as their birth sex.

I don't really know much about the topic though when it comes to things like gender identity, but I am just unable to distinguish sex and gender. And to me surgery is just cosmetic and doesn't change what you are. I don't want to mistreat anyone because of this though. I realize that for many happiness is something very difficult to achieve and if someone does feel they are the opposite sex of their birth sex, then they should indeed be supported to live as how they feel they are.

Your other aspect is right too though, I want kids and this would obviously be an additional hurdle. However, I cannot say the inability to have kids would be the deal breaker because I know if I got married and found out my wife couldn't have kids or that I couldn't have kids that even though I'd be upset about such I'd know there are many kids that need homes and I can adopt.

I have no idea in regards to someone that was born sexually ambiguous. I cannot even imagine what I'd do in that situation.


This is how I am on a lot of issues though. When it comes to my own personal thoughts and way I live my life I am generally very conservative, but when it comes to laws and how others live their lives I am far more liberal. I may not agree with something but it doesn't mean I should infringe on someone else's right to happiness.

[RR1997]

I don't think I'd be able to stay with them, but I'd support them as a friend.

[tik 🪀✨]

This is how I am on a lot of issues though. When it comes to my own personal thoughts and way I live my life I am generally very conservative, but when it comes to laws and how others live their lives I am far more liberal. I may not agree with something but it doesn't mean I should infringe on someone else's right to happiness.

Thanks for the honest answer. This part I quoted in particular I can relate to. I will admit I take deep offense at some of the things you said and I'd urge you to really consider the differences between biological sex and gender identity because they are important. But, you know, your views on them aren't unusual, just often unspoken, so thanks for airing them. Just for fun, I'll add that your confusion on how to approach someone who was born "sexually ambiguous" was a sideways reference to "classic" transgender people, as the disconnect between gender identity and biological sex can itself be seen as an intersex phenomenon. Cheers.

[DC Al Fine]

If my wife transitioned, it would be grounds for an annulment

Isn't that only the case if it can be shown that the desire to transition predated the marriage?

My understanding was that these sort of desires manifested themselves from a very young age, which would indicate that they were lying/in denial at the time of the marriage. Is that not the case?

[afleitch]

If my wife transitioned, it would be grounds for an annulment

Isn't that only the case if it can be shown that the desire to transition predated the marriage?

My understanding was that these sort of desires manifested themselves from a very young age, which would indicate that they were lying/in denial at the time of the marriage. Is that not the case?

Not all transgendered individuals have a desire to transition.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

If my wife transitioned, it would be grounds for an annulment

Isn't that only the case if it can be shown that the desire to transition predated the marriage?

My understanding was that these sort of desires manifested themselves from a very young age, which would indicate that they were lying/in denial at the time of the marriage. Is that not the case?

Not all transgendered individuals have a desire to transition.

Plus a lot of people don't have this realization about themselves consciously until a comparatively advanced age. I was semi-consciously aware but in some degree of denial from the ages of about fifteen to twenty-one, and I have a friend who is about thirty and just starting to wonder things about him(?)self. If I'd had a Catholic wedding at, say, nineteen (vanishingly unlikely in my social circles but still), I really don't know enough about the process of annulment to be able to take a guess at whether the extent to which I was aware of it at that time would have been enough to have the marriage ruled invalid later.

[TNF]

I would stick with them, because whether or not my partner identifies as a man or woman is far less important to me than whether or not I love that person and that those feelings are reciprocal.

[DemPGH]

I would have to settle for friends-only if a woman told me she was bisexual

I'm curious as to why. If it's that there's something inherent to the psychology of bisexuality that makes fidelity more difficult, that idea is widely thought of as a homophobic canard these days.

It's actually not so much that as much as, based upon past experience, I could foresee personality conflicts that would be just a little too much. I also don't think I could relate well enough to be an rewarding/understanding partner. Maybe I'm generalizing a bit too much, IDK, it's possible. That said, though, I would never reject the friendship of such a person or a transgender individual. It's not really in my makeup to reject friendship based upon things like that, but physical and emotional intimacy indeed goes to quite another level, especially the older you get.