Actually, RFayette's post reminded me of something very interesting: This forum has taught me how to respectfully disagree and discuss things without being taken over by emotions. I didn't realize how true this was until I had my first couple fights with my boyfriend. When I disagree with someone, I try to understand their points, respect the fact that they hold these beliefs for good reasons and are not evil people, and work to meet in the middle (or find common ground in our goals or purpose). Admittedly I've lost patience with this tactic on some hot-button issues like LGBT rights (it's not worth being patient with a bigot), but what I outlined above generally characterizes the approach of most people on this forum.
After my first fight with my boyfriend, however, I realized the ground rules were very different. It was an argument about offering students extensions on academic assignments. And we disagreed. He could not accept the fact that there was some truth to be told in both of our positions. It became not about the merits of our points, but about my right to hold the view I held. Basically, I was wrong and lacked decent moral character because our views diverged. I was pissed, of course, because I respected the difference of opinion and didn't judge him harshly for having a different perspective. But thinking about it, I probably would have been just like him had I not had the experience of being on this forum.
And mark my words, the experience is very different for users with red avatars and blue avatars. I don't want to validate our resident troll's hyperbole, but conservatives
are a minority here. When I started off with my R-ON avatar, I learned very quickly that I needed to find different ways to engage and compromise if I was going to be respected. That difficult balancing act of respecting the fact that my beliefs were not consensus, constantly rechecking to see if my positions held water, and being open to seeing things differently,
did make me a better person. Some people haven't had that experience, and it's a shame.
As for my boyfriend and I, now that we've had a few more fights and he understands how I do things, I think he's sort of started to accept the way I approach conflict and adopted that style for himself, too. He'd never admit it though, but that's okay.
Thankfully, our disagreements now never end in disbelief or disgust at the fact that the other person could possibly believe x or y... we understand that we're both just making different considerations.
