Bernman or (The Unexpected Virtue of CNN)

[rpryor03]

[Enderman]

Amazing!

[The Other Castro]

Well, looks like I need to change the name of my TL now...

[Bakersfield Uber Alles]

Interesting. I'll be following this to see where it goes.

[rpryor03]

Tuesday November 8, 2016, 5:55 PM EST;  Atlanta, GA

There were some days that Wolf Blitzer really hated his job. This was one of those days. Election Day. He detested it. Having to work for hours in the crowded studio, especially working with John King. How he detested that simpleton. Over five hours with him would be enough to drive anyone mad. And here he was now. Ugh.

"Hi, Wolf! Are ya excited for tonight?," exclaimed the exuberant and boyish wielder of the "Magic Wall."

"I'm fine, John. Why don't you go check the "Magic Wall" to make sure it's working OK? Tonight's gonna be a big one." Wolf knew the best way to distract the man, and John was out of there like it was no one's business.

"Wolf, one minute." The game face went on.

"And five! Four! Three! Two! One!"

"Welcome to CNN Election Night, I'm Wolf Blitzer. Tonight, America decides on her next President and more. Let's get it started."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4vg70oOmG4

[/]

LOL

[rpryor03]

A video montage begins, showing scenes from the 2016 campaign.

The Situation Room theme song plays over the speeches

Voiceover: It's the finale of a long and tense Presidential race.

Rand Paul: Today begins the journey to take America back. Today I announce with God's help, with the help of liberty lovers everywhere, that I am putting myself forward as a candidate for the president of the United States of America.

Bernie Sanders: People should not underestimate me... I've run outside of the two-party system, defeating Democrats and Republicans, taking on big-money candidates and, you know, I think the message that has resonated in Vermont is a message that can resonate all over this country.

V/O: Voters are choosing and America is waiting for the results and the last word on who wins the White House.

Donald Trump: That's the kind of thinking our country needs, We have the opposite thinking. We have losers. We have people that don't have it.

Hillary Clinton: The story of America is a story of hard-fought, hard-won progress. And it continues today. New chapters are being written by men and women who believe that all of us – not just some, but all – should have the chance to live up to our God-given potential.

V/O: Tonight, in a 4-way contest, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Rand Paul battle for the highest office in the land, knowing that any state could be the ultimate decider.

Jesse Ventura: Let's ensure victory for America, Minnesota!

John Kasich: Rand and I need your help, Ohio! We can do it!

Tim Kaine: Together towards a greater America, Virginia!

Elizabeth Warren: It's time for us to work together for greatness, Massachusetts!

V/O: A contest that's been up in the air for months, in a nation divided by ideology. We don't know who will win.

Donald Trump: This election counts, so we have to win here!

V/O: Because the outlook is not clear.

Hillary Clinton: Are you ready to break the glass ceiling?

V/O: Now CNN's coverage of Election Night in America. The fight for the Presidency, the battle for Congress, the issues dividing the nation.

Rand Paul: Freedom and Liberty for all!

Bernie Sanders: Today is our day, America!

V/O: The polls are open, the nation is watching, and history is in the making. This is The Situation Room.

[rpryor03]

And now he had to actually interact with people. He liked his monologues. But alas, he had to talk with others. He really detested election nights.

"It's 6:00 pm on Tuesday November 8, 2016. I'm Wolf Blitzer, and this is The Situation Room's Election Night In America. As always, John King is here with the 'Magic Wall', and we have a wonderful panel of guests, but we'll get to them later. First, the 6:00 poll closings. These are the states of Indiana and Kentucky. At this time, we are prepared to call the Commonwealth of Kentucky's 8 electoral votes for its Senator, Rand Paul. We can also say that the State of Indiana is too close to call. The latest polls showed that Senator Paul and Secretary Clinton were neck and neck. We'll go to John King for an update on the Senate and Gubernatorial races. John?"

"Thanks, Wolf! Hello, America! It's so wonderful to be here with you all today! We can now call the Senate races in both states. In Kentucky, Representative Thomas Massie has defeated former Lt. Governor Crit Luallen to replace Senator Paul. In Indiana, former State GOP Chair Eric Holcomb has defeated former Representative Baron Hill to repace Senator Dan Coats, Holcomb's former boss. These two seats are both Republican Holds in safe states, making the Senate currently at 34-32 in the Democrats favor. We can also announce that the Indiana Governor's race is too close to call. The race, between Governor Mike Pence and former Indiana Speaker John Gregg is very tight. Back to you, Wolf!"

Again, how Wolf detested that man and his happy-go-lucky attitude. Maybe in 2020, if he retired, he could make a drinking game out of King's exclamations. He'd be slammed by the end of the night. Aack! They were back on him!

"Thank you, John. And now, for our panel. We're pleased to welcome former Crossfire hosts and commentators Van Jones and S.E. Cupp. We're also pleased to welcome former RNC Chair Michael Steele, DNC Vice Chair Donna Brazile, and CNN Analysts Dana Bash and LZ Granderson. Now panel, what do you think of the results so far? Michael, we'll start with you."

"Thanks, Wolf. You know, Eric's a good friend of mine, and I think he'll do very well for Indiana. Indiana being a tossup is not surprising. We saw in 2008 how long it took to call Indiana, and I think with the two added candidates, it might be even longer."

"Thanks for that insight, Michael. We'll be back after these messages."

[rpryor03]

"Aand, welcome back to Election Night In America. I'm Wolf Blitzer. Its 7:00, and 6 states are closing their polls. Incoming from the nerds at CNN HQ, we can now project the following: New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Virginia. Wait, Virginia? Virginia, that's confirmed will be sending their electors to vote for Rand Paul and John Kasich. Vermont, Bernie Sanders's home state, Florida, and Georgia are still too close to call. Let's go to Mr. Addicted-to-5-Hour-Energy, John King, to discuss the other races. John?"

"Thanks Wolf! Let's begin! Right now, let's inform the state of Georgia that Johnny Isakson will be returning for another 6 years as their Senator.Tim Scott and Patrick Leahy will both retain their seats, as well.The seats in Florida, vacated by Marco Rubio, and in New Hampshire, occupied by Kelly Ayotte are both too close to call. The Governor's races in New Hampshire and Vermont are too close to call as well."

"Thank you, John. Donna, let's go to you. What are your thoughts on this?"

"Well, Wolf, this is still anyone's game. That's all I've got to say."

"Thanks, Donna. I'm Wolf Blitzer, we'll be back."

[rpryor03]

I'm sorry. My muse for this has died. I will give you the final maps.

President (Green-Sanders, Yellow-Trump)

Senate

Governor