Could I ever get elected to anything?

[Goldwater]

What are your views?

I'm basically your generic liberal Democrat, but with an independent streak on certain issues. Pro-choice, pro-government, pro-Union, anti-trade, pro-gun control and above all, I hate conservatism and Republicans. I strongly support tougher accountability laws on police and their treatment of people, and if elected to Congress, I'd introduce a bill to allow the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, the CIA, and the Department of Justice to collaborate with the Southern Poverty Law Center to shut down right-wing hate/terrorist groups and anti-government militias and arrest their members before they can commit more acts of terror.

The biggest problem would be getting rid of some skeletons in my closet. How do they always manage to do that?

Don't worry, we hate you too.

[Goldwater]

What are your views?

I'm basically your generic liberal Democrat, but with an independent streak on certain issues. Pro-choice, pro-government, pro-Union, anti-trade, pro-gun control and above all, I hate conservatism and Republicans. I strongly support tougher accountability laws on police and their treatment of people, and if elected to Congress, I'd introduce a bill to allow the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, the CIA, and the Department of Justice to collaborate with the Southern Poverty Law Center to shut down right-wing hate/terrorist groups and anti-government militias and arrest their members before they can commit more acts of terror.

The biggest problem would be getting rid of some skeletons in my closet. How do they always manage to do that?

Don't worry, we hate you too.

And that's a badge I'd wear proudly. My campaign slogan would be, "Making right-wing heads explode since 1995"

That explains a lot.

Don't let that sucker ruin 1995 as a birthyear.

TIL I was born the same year as Wolverine.