A Man Called Da-Jon (Brand New Novel)

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

DISCLAIMER: The character of Sergeant Mr. Mr. Morden is not based on the real life moadmin Mr. Morden, except of the latter strong, you may even say noble, desire to find out the truth behind an infamous OJ coverup.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

lmao, this story and entire thread is amazing. I'm dying laughing.

Does anyone else remember that time when OC made a totally cogent, rational, on topic post with perfect spelling and grammar? It's stuff like that which leads me to believe we're being trolled. But at the same time, it can't be. It would have to be the longest and most elaborate troll in existence.

Edit: Ugh, I just spent like 20 minutes digging for it, but it's impossible. Hopefully someone can back me up on this.

I was using a regular phone instead of an android galaxy to type, naturally, the internet speed wasnt catching up fast enough to my post

Is it just me, or does this read as if he's giving an excuse?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

"#NEVERTRUMP!"

"Jesus," groaned Mr. Morden. "What's that dreadful noise?"

"IT HAS VOTED FOR A LITERAL FASCIST!"

"It's that guy from cell three, sergeant," a cop answered. "He keeps shouting gibberish all day and night long."

"DON'T VOTE FOR HITLER'S CANDIDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"My head hurts because of his yells."

"I'm sorry, sarge. He just won't shut up."

"TRUMP IS HITLER 2.0!"

"Can't you get him something to shut up?" a sergeant asked with irritation. "I don't know, lethal injection or something along these lines?"

"I'm sorry, sergeant, but we can't buy this from the Europeans now."

"HE IS A LITERAL FASCIST WHO WOULD RUIN THIS COUNTRY!!!!!! $$$$! $$$! $$!!!!!!"

"It appears his Cuban cousin just lost all his money in some Florida casino, sir", a policeman explained. "Poor bastard is taking it very bad."

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

"I'm sorry, Sergeant, but you can't interrogate him in this state."

"Why the hell not?", Mr. Morden demanded.

"Because his operating system underwent a sudden format and he's no longer a man we knew," the doctor replied.

"What do you mean?"

"Just follow me and see for ourself".

"Reps are winning WI," OC, now in a straightjacked, told the wall.

"What the actual f**l?"

"The electorate  is looking  like the nation, finally, 60% White, 20% Latino, 13% Black. TRUMP has great relationship with Blacks while nation gets more diverse."

"See? That's what I meant."

"Trump is the strongest nominee since Regen, and should be leading in Va and FL by 5-6 points, I think Dems has to learn another defeat lesson."

"Obama doesnt want to sit in Prson for 30 yrs, he wants to open up trade with Cuba and travel to Carribbean. Hispanola and Cuba are beutiful places for him to visit."

"LEANS Takeover

WA, COL, & NY

Can potentially be pickups

VERMONT, MD and Ct"

"Dear Lord," the Sergeant muttered.

"This is good news NH is still safe hold for Reps."

[Antonio the Sixth]

What happened?!?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

What happened?!?

Format is a harsh mistress.

[Kingpoleon]

lmao, this story and entire thread is amazing. I'm dying laughing.

Does anyone else remember that time when OC made a totally cogent, rational, on topic post with perfect spelling and grammar? It's stuff like that which leads me to believe we're being trolled. But at the same time, it can't be. It would have to be the longest and most elaborate troll in existence.

Edit: Ugh, I just spent like 20 minutes digging for it, but it's impossible. Hopefully someone can back me up on this.

I was using a regular phone instead of an android galaxy to type, naturally, the internet speed wasnt catching up fast enough to my post

Naturally

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

It appears this thing is going to be on hold for some time. I got a sudden RL emergency and won't be around.

[Higgs]

It appears this thing is going to be on hold for some time. I got a sudden RL emergency and won't be around.

Sad to hear that, I hope whatever it is works out all right.

[Leinad]

It appears this thing is going to be on hold for some time. I got a sudden RL emergency and won't be around.

Sad to hear that, I hope whatever it is works out all right.

[SUSAN CRUSHBONE]

yeah good luck kalwejt!

[Mike Thick]

It appears this thing is going to be on hold for some time. I got a sudden RL emergency and won't be around.

Sad to hear that, I hope whatever it is works out all right.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

It appears this thing is going to be on hold for some time. I got a sudden RL emergency and won't be around.

Sad to hear that, I hope whatever it is works out all right.

[Mr. Morden]

I hope your emergency isn't too serious.  In any case, whenever you return to this, my request if you're up for it is to somehow incorporate "Kim Jung Su" into the story:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=232766.msg4986069#msg4986069

A classic "Da-Jon" non sequitur that shouldn't go to waste.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

I hope your emergency isn't too serious.  In any case, whenever you return to this, my request if you're up for it is to somehow incorporate "Kim Jung Su" into the story:

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=232766.msg4986069#msg4986069

A classic "Da-Jon" non sequitur that shouldn't go to waste.

Thank you, good sir. I'll sure remember this when I can get back on the story.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

"All right, let's cut the s**t," the sergeant said. "I know you're just pretending to go crazy to avoid indictment, but I can see thought your bulls**t."

"Yes, especially if Trump is elected POTUS," OC replied.

"You think Trump is going to protect you?" Mr. Morden laughed.

"Planned Parenthood is gonna do most of attacking."

"What is a Planned Parenthood?!" the interrogator demanded. "Are they your accomplices? Answer me, dammit!"

"Which Dems intend on doing."

"Are Democrats in your little scheme too?"

"No, not since his pal Glenn Beck."

"Is Glenn Beck a real name or a codename?"

"Denying Trump the spoils guarentees a third party bank robbery for Trump."

"So wait... there's also a bank robbery being planned?"

"Mark Begich will comeback."

"Is that Mark Begich guy planning to rob the bank too?"

"He and Joe Heck did before."

"Ah I see!" Mr. Morden said triumphally. "This is a wide criminal conspiracy. If you provide me with more details, I'll see if I can persuade the DA to resign from demanding the death penalty. Talk."

"Schumer is a loyal solider."

"Is Schumer a foot soldier for Trump or Begich?"

"Yes, this is the break Dems were hoping for."

"So he is Begich's underling, huh?"

"Al DMato was set to sodomize Bill Clinton, not what New Yorkers wanted."

"Well, that's really my field of work," Mr. Morden decided. "I'll pass this to the vice squad."

"Cmon," OC replied. "Dems are very good at avoiding sodomy and I enjoy doing my civic duty."

"And what is your civic duty?" Mr. Morden demanded.

"I wouldnt call my answer just yet."

"Oh, we're playing hardball now, aren't we? And what would you say if I were to shut down this camera and strap some wires to your sensitive areas? Wanna try?"

"I dont believe that Morden strapping for a second," OC called his bluff.

"You asked for it," the Sergeant said, shutting down camera. "Now, I will connect these wires to your..."

There was a blinding flash and the devastating wave of heath. In a friction of a second, Mr. Morden turned into a pile of ash.

Because no man could have possibly survived a direct contact with the 272 freiwall.

"I HAVE THE POWER!" OC declared.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

RIP Inspector Mr. Morden, FF!  You will be missed

[Antonio the Sixth]

RIP Inspector Mr. Morden, FF!  You will be missed

Indeed.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

RIP Mr. Morden, FF nice guy

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Good evening. Our main story tonight is the nation being held hostage by a brilliant political analyst, protected by an impenetrable 272 freiwall. Mr. OC, also called Da-Jon, is President Obama's former National Security Advisor and a man recently suspected of killing the Inevitable.

In other news, former President Bill Clinton was savagely sodomized in a New York City dark alley this afternoon. The police released this sketch of a suspect:

[Free Bird]

Bump for convenience

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Good evening. Our main story in the very first day of the new are is we are safe under the impenetrable 272 freiwal, provided by our new Supreme Leader, Mr. OC., who bravely firewalled the White House last evening and took over. And I, for one, welcome our robotic overlord.

And now we go to Mr. Torie, a lawyer, who will explain to us why Hudson, NY, is the best small town in America...

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

"Why are we averting our eyes?" a CIA Director asked his neighbour.

"It is unsafe to look at the mighty 272 freiwall for longer than eight seconds," the latter man explained. "Look a moment longer and your eyeballs will explode."

"Well, Mr. President," the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs stood at attention. "On behalf of everyone in the White House Situation Room, I want to express my heartfelt congratulations upon your seizure of power. We are at your orders, sir."

"I will be the nxt prez with Dem Senate," OC replied.

"You're absolutely right, sir."

"I am hoping for a Dem majority in Fall."

"Yes, sir, right away, sir," the General saluted. "We will shot every single Republican in this country to make it happen."

"Kasich would have had momentum after NH had Jeb dropped out. But clearly only Kasich is assured OH and Va at this time."

"Yes, Mr. President, we will assassinate Kasich as you wish."

"Dems aren't winning election without IL, WI, NH, CO, NV and Pa."

"Of course, sir, we will nuke all other states to make it safe."

"What a visionary," the CIA director commented with astonishment.

"Anything else you want us to do, Mr. President?"

OC was thinking carefully.

"I doesnt like Korea and Kim Jung Su."

"Do you want us to take that Kim Jung Su fellow our?"

"Its a jesture that not all cowboys are in TX," the freiwalled President confirmed.

"Yes, sir, you'll have him by your feet by next morning."

"Why the hell are we taking our a South Korean sportsman?" the CIA man asked and these were his last words, as the mighty freiwall burned him to ashes in a matter of nanoseconds.

"Right," the General said. "If he says we should take our a South Korean sportsman, then he must be sure it's in our national interest."

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Our main story tonight is that every state except IL, WI, NH, CO, NV and Pa. will suffer a massive nuclear attack at 9.00 AM Eastern Standard Time tomorrow. Residents of these states are urged to remain calm and let themselves be annihilated for the greater good, as seen by our great President.

Also, remaining members of the Republican Party are to report to the authorities by noon EST to receive their mandatory bullets to the head. We urge those people not to feel sad, because their sacrifice is a part of the President's great vision to ensure a Dem majority in Fall.

But the most important news is our brave troops capturing North Korean leader Kim Jung Su. Here's an exclusive footage of Kim Jung Su trying, in vain, to escape our SEALs in his vechicle:



According to the White House, the President decided to have Mr. Kim Jung Su executed during the next Last RODEO. The press secretary described it as a strong jesture.

Now, let's go back to Mr. Torie. Mr. Torie, how do you feel about your hometown of Hudson, NY, being about to be nuked?

Torie: Well, John, frankly I'm pissed. I asked those bastards nicely to vote for Hudson for the greatest small town in America and they trolled me. If only Hudson got more votes, there wouldn't be any attack. I'd like to take this opportunity to say: f**k you, Grumps.

Wow, what a strong comment from our guest. We'll be back after the commercial break.

[Antonio the Sixth]

The Era of the Freiwall has begun.