A Man Called Da-Jon (Brand New Novel)

[Kingpoleon]

Heil Dan-Jones!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

...I'm sorry to interrupt you, John, but he have a life footage from Pyongyang, as the South Korean President Park Geun-hye is about to sign a historic pact with the North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un, forming an military alliance between the two Koreas.

This incredible turn of events, that changed the balance of power in the continent in a mere moment, is a direct consequence of President OC decision to abduct and execute South Korean sportsman Kim Jung Su, whom they took for Kim Jong-un. Although the White House issued a statement blaming the mistake on the President's android phone and offered to send Mr. Kim's remains home in a golden coffin as a mark of respect, South Koreans couldn't be appeased. North Korea, meanwhile, is very angry somebody else was taken for their leader. These strong feelings brought peace and alliance between the two greatest enemies.

In other news, a team of six Navy SEALs abducted former British Deputy Prime Minister Michael Heseltine at the House of Lords this evening. We've been informed by an high-ranking source that it has something to do with Lord Heseltine's hairstyle, which was judged suspiciously Republican.

[NeverAgain]

Heeee's back!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

I'm just gonna bump this so it doesn't fall off of the first page.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Chapter Five
The Final Nail


Tender jumped on his feet with a wide grimace of satisfaction. He just realized that his dreams are excitingly close to come true. Now, with the Koreans uniting against the 272 freiwal, all he had to do was to handle OC personally and thus win Kim Jong-un's gratitude. And then he'll be able to marry the object of his most passionate desires*.

"Excellent," he said to himself with barely contained delight. "But I will need a team of comrades to put this final nail "

_________________________________________________
* If you don't know what he was referring to, PM Mr. Morden for details

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

It was very crowded in Tender's basement, as the people he summoned gathered around the table.

"Welcome " said Tender, taking his presiding seat. "There's one thing we all have in common: we all want to get rid of OC. My reasons may be most important, but I respect your reasons to join my crusade as well "

"Why can't you go back to Narnia or whatever is that place you've made up called?" asked Antonio.

"Um... it's called Austria and it's real " Tender replied.

"How very original You've just took letters A and L from 'Australia' and you expect us to believe this?"

"I made a number of threads about Austrian politics to prove it's real " Tender stated.

"You should be banned for spamming."

"Excuse me," Cranberry joined the conversation. "Austria is actually real, but people think it's fake because of Tender's flooding the board with Austria-related topics."

"Can we get back to the business? OK, we all, around this table, have good reasons to get rid of this OC fellow. So why won't we just let everybody explain their reasons? Funny man sitting on my left, you go first "

"Hi,"

the man said,

"OC caused my served to crash due to changing his predictions 1000 per day.

Thanks,
Dave."

"Wait a second," Antonio interrupted. "Weren't you killed in a drone attack just recently?"

"Hi,"

the man replied,

"I was but then I created new account and merged it with my old.

Thanks,
Dave."

"OK, makes sense."

"And what about you? " Tender asked the next guy.

"OC attacked me publicly with his android phone and I can't have anybody questioning my credibility as master of electoral predictions," Larry Sabato stated.

"OC decided to nuke the entire state of New York, which would be fine, except my beloved hometown of Hudson, the best small town in America and every other continent, was vaporized in the process," Torie explained emotionally.

"Good reason, not as good as mine, but good nonetheless " Tender commented. "And what would you do with OC if you were to get your hands on him?"

"To torture him I lust! Let's singe his hair, and up his nostrils hot bananas thrust!" was the response.

"And people say I'm creepy Now, what's, funny fellow with a slasher smile?"

"I was supposed to become Vice President, but he abruptly stopped to post about me..."

"Um, no, Joaquim, I was the one supposed to be Vice President."

"No, I'm the one called Julian."

"Wait... aren't you one and the same person, just with ability to split in two identical specimen?"

"NO, WE ARE TOTALLY DIFFRENT AND UNIQUE PERSONS," the two Castros replied in unison.

[LLR]

This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read *sniff sniff*

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

"Mr. President! Mr. President!" shouted a visibly panicking adjutant. "Our country is being invaded by the joint Korean forces!"

"I wasn't attacked because of my pro drone stance. But, the flood gated would have opened on my executing korean people proposal." the President responded.

"They landed in California and took over Kern County."

"The Joint Chiefs are worried about possible nationwide invasion."

"These natl invasions dont mean." then OC added: "This will be a OC victory. But, a landslide is far from assured. Natl Guards will wait until first debate and see where each commander stand."

"I hope you are right, sir."

"OC has a good chance of knocking off Kim Jong Un."

OC pondered over something for a moment.

"Kim brand name has been Damaged," he predicted confidently."

"Mr. President, the Joint Chiefs are worried about Nevada being overtaken by the enemy."

"Nv isn't lean Koreans  Me is statistically tied with Kim jong UN."

"If only we all were as confident as you, sir."

"Invaders are focused on Iowa, MO and AZ as 2nd tier battlegrounds."

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Kern County? I know what that means!

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Kern County? I know what that means!

Dave help us all...

[Free Bird]

Still game for a cameo lol

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Chapter Four
Les Misérables

Chapter Four
The Final Nail

Shouldn't that be Chapter Five?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Chapter Four
Les Misérables

Chapter Four
The Final Nail

Shouldn't that be Chapter Five?

Corrected.

[Lumine]

You monster, what have you done to Heseltine?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

You monster, what have you done to Heseltine?

Rest assured his famous hairstyle was not harmed during the abduction.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

"OK, buster," the police detective told the prisoner. "Name?"

"Lord..."

"Your name is Lord?"

"I'm Lord Heseltine and I haven't been so insulted since they picked Richard E. Grant to portray me in The Iron Lady. He doesn't have my hair, for God's sake," the prisoner responded with irritation.

"So, your first name is Lord and your second name is Heseltine?" the detective  wanted to make sure.

""

"Please speak English not Tenderish," the cop said. "Anywho, you're charged for Trumpism."

"Trump-what?"

"Your hairstyle was judged to be too republicanish presumptisich nomineeish."

"Oh for Christ' sake, I'm British and Donald Trump doesn't have my hair. I had this hairstyle before that bugger was even born. Beside, my hairstyle is cool, and his hairstyle is just pathetic."

"Right," the detective smiled. "We have a sworn affidavit from one Norman Tebbit, accusing you of every wicked thing under the sun, including murder of one Margaret Thatcher and criminally acting in collusion with one Mr. Boring Bloke with the Glasses. He says you were his chief underling."

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Because of OC's disappearance, this story may never be finished.

And now, as a mark of respect, there will be a piece of music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bosouX_d8Y

[Mr. Morden]

Because of OC's disappearance, this story may never be finished.

Why do you need him to be here in order to finish?

For that matter, whatever happened to that Tender story you were doing before this one?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Because of OC's disappearance, this story may never be finished.

Why do you need him to be here in order to finish?

His contributions were inspiring us all.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

After a long break I felt like I lost the steam and just quickly finished that.

[LLR]

OC is back, but this isn't. We want more!

(Speaking of which, OC isn't in Lake Michigan on his profile map thingy and he has a PM score, is that new?)

[Antonio the Sixth]

Bump because I'd love to see this continued.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Bump because I'd love to see this continued.

OK!

[Antonio the Sixth]

Bump because I'd love to see this continued.

OK!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Bump because I'd love to see this continued.

OK!

OK, Comrade, I should be able to come with something up tomorrow.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Tender Branson, a proud womanizer, stepped into his cozy basement after having an excited evening with his numerous 20-something Black girlfriends, staying with him out of their free will.

"Oh boy " Tender said. "It's sure time to do some work "

He decided to test the wheel on one of those nasty "refugees" whom he kept in chains ever since they attempted to stole his bike.

Not to fell into a boring routine, Tender decided to turn the wheel counterclockwise and did so with so much force and enthusiasm, he was able to reverse the earth's rotation and bring us back to the time OC still lived in the Lake Michigan.

Unfortunately, Tender reversed time some more, thus preventing his birth. RIP, FF

And with this, one major problem in the story was gone.