Southern Gothic for Southern Legislature

[White Trash]

(Southern Gothic, age 33, a lawyer from Lafayette, Louisiana addressing the media)

It's time for an end to the rampant Conservatism and near-one party rule of Governor Leinad and the Federalists! I am officially tossing in my hat in the race for the Southern legislature.

I will run a campaign on a platform of greater support for our most vulnerable of citizens, this will include the following:

Greater funding of public education

Entirely revamped infrastructure

Subsidies for vulnerable farmers

Greater funding for disaster relief

Ease of access for voting, and an increased push for direct democracy

Protection of the right to unionize

Increase in excise taxes

We must protect our beautiful Dixieland from those within its borders who seek to divide it and do it harm.

[White Trash]

Thank you all for the kind words. I hope that this campaign will be one entirely devoid of negativity and amoral politicking. Let's just make sure that our beloved Dixie has the best possible legislature.

[White Trash]

You should probably fix the name typo then. It looks bad.

Jiminy crickets! Didn't even notice! Thank you kindly!

[White Trash]

(Mr. Southern Gothic addressing a local newspaper on the campaign trail)

In reading the text of the "Jobs Creation Act of 2016', I've noticed a few shortcomings. I applaud Speaker Haslam and the other supporters of the legislation, but I've got a real serious rub with the bill. Simply put, it doesn't go far enough. I've collected a series of amendments I would make to the bill namely:

1. The building of 1,500 wind turbines rather than 500. We have the infrastructure and the ability to complete such a task and we should be doing all we can to ensure the energy independence of the South This will tap into the green energy potential in the region and guarantee thousands of long term jobs as a result.

2 I would also include a tax credit for businesses dealing with green energy sources to come set up shop here in Dixie.

3. I agree with the money allotted for roads and businesses in the South, but we must also work to protect our maritime and river-based infrastructure. I would allocate 5 million for the purpose of cleaning up congested areas of the Mississippi to make shipping and transportation easier. Another 5 million would go to advancing and expanding the infrastructure of the inter-coastal waterway, as this will allow maritime communities to expand and flourish.

4. I would include a package allocating 20 million to school systems in impoverished areas of the Deep South for the purpose of setting up new public schools in overcrowded and under funded areas.

We need to continue to pass legislation like the Jobs Creation Act to ensure the long term prosperity of the South. But we must do so with the intent to take advantage of all the wonderful and abundant natural resources that Providence has gifted us.

[White Trash]

(Southern Gothic, addressing a crowd at Johnson's Boucaniere Barbecue Restaurant in Lafayette, Louisiana)

Ladies and Gentlemen, you have known me for a long time as being a fighter for the common man. A fighter for the poor and the downtrodden. And a few months back I unsuccessfully tried to take my fight straight to the state house. And although my attempts were unsuccessful, my resolve has only grown stronger. So that's why I am once again announcing my candidacy for the Southern legislature. It's time for the working man of Dixie to have a voice in the halls of his government! Thank you.

[White Trash]

(Southern Gothic, addressing a crowd at Johnson's Boucaniere Barbecue Restaurant in Lafayette, Louisiana)

Ladies and Gentlemen, you have known me for a long time as being a fighter for the common man. A fighter for the poor and the downtrodden. And a few months back I unsuccessfully tried to take my fight straight to the state house. And although my attempts were unsuccessful, my resolve has only grown stronger. So that's why I am once again announcing my candidacy for the Southern legislature. It's time for the working man of Dixie to have a voice in the halls of his government! Thank you.

Congratulations on your return to politics, endorsed!

Much obliged. I think we can all agree we need more moderates in the South.

[White Trash]

I want to thank all y'all for your endorsements. It's time for the South to live up to the full potential it possesses. A potential that has been so long ignored and cast aside in the name of partisan hackery and harsh rhetoric on both sides of the isle. If there is one thing I truly believe in, its the power of Southern civility and Southern hospitality. It is time for our politics to reflect the attitudes and tones of our people.