The Little Private

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

"It was uhh.... September 11th, 2001, I remember that... I was with my girlfriend... something bugged me and told me to check the news... Then, right there, a plane crashed into the Twin Towers. We both looked in horror. "What the f*** just happened?", I thought. I'd eventually figure out it was a Terrorist Attack on our soil that killed almost 3,000 people. I was 16... Two years later, I'd f***ed up. I got a girl pregnant, I was 18, graduated High School with a 2.5 GPA, and damn nobody would hire me. I saw that Texas Idiot declare war on Iraq. Me and my friend signed up. That would take me... on an adventure... that I wish I'd never been on...." - A Story of Wretched War: My Time - Derrick Lovelace

"My name is Private Derrick Lovelace. I am in the 101st Airborne Division. Today is my first day in Iraq. It smells like sh** and all the hookers have bushes. The people don't even damn want us here.... Hell, base is sh**t too... Hope we catch that f***tard Saddam so we can get back home in time for the holidays... I got a brother though, known him since i was 12. Johnny... he smells like sh** too..." -Derrick Lovelace's Army journal, June 28th, 2003



To Be Continued

[Mike Thick]

Edgy... but I like it! Keep it up!

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

"Mom's writing me again... Son of a b****.... I don't know what to write back, I just don't know anything anymore... It's been a month since I've written in here. Sorry, future self." -Derrick Lovelace's Army Journal, November 8th, 2003.



"I remember, I had just written in my journal, I literally just stood up and a bullet ripped through my helmet's cover. I heard a piercing sound that deafened my ear and Johnny ran to cover me. Boom. It landed right next to Johnny's leg, the dust got in my eyes so I couldn't see, couldn't hear. About twenty seconds later, I open my eyes while trying to get myself up... Johnny was shot in the neck... I tried to save him.. I f***ing tried, dammit! 2 guys ran towards me. Boom. A sniper rifle pierced my right arm. I started spraying a small building about 100 meters out. That was the last shot from that. Boom! An RPG hit my Sergeant straight on, his legs were f***ing destroyed, as well as his face. I got up, and shot that ayrab son of a b****. It ended right then and there. I was going home...... Happy ing New Years guys, this is all that's on my mind.... I'm sorry, just kidding." -Part of Derrick Lovelace's Suicide Letter , January 1st, 2004.

"I'm alive b**ches... Well, myself... It's all my fault... Anyways, I've taken to drinking booze and smoking pot. Mom says I gotta take damn pills now. It's the only thing that keeps me from going f***ing insane. Ya know... I really am not all that religious but some chick... damn some chick... she invited me to a war protest, says I'll somehow reinforce their argument. Them damn ayrabs, them damn liars in Congress. BUSH. Ya know... This guy, Dean. He seems bout right. I'll volunteer at his Michigan HQ..." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, February 3rd, 2004

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

Edgy... but I like it! Keep it up!

Thanks! Expect a lot more, trust me this guy will change America.

[/]

Edgy... but I like it! Keep it up!

^^

[Captain Chaos]

So, Derrick Lovelace is elected to Congress in 2016, defeats Senator Ted Cruz in an upset in 2018 and is elected President of the US in 2024.

Then, he nukes Iraq, Iran and Syria to Kingdom Come.

The End.

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

So, Derrick Lovelace is elected to Congress in 2016, defeats Senator Ted Cruz in an upset in 2018 and is elected President of the US in 2024.

Then, he nukes Iraq, Iran and Syria to Kingdom Come.

The End.

nope XD

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

I'm about to do it. Bush needs to go down. His rally ain't too far from here... -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, October 27th, 2004

This was a holy hell moment, what in the hell just happened, guys? This was a disaster for Bush...  Also, who in the hell was Derrick Lovelace? We found out. The hard way." -The Rise of Derrick Lovelace: The Siege of American Values, foreword by Senator Barack Obama



Derrick Lovelace started recording from a video camera...

Bush: "Let's win Michigan in '04!!!"

Lovelace: "Michigan deserves better than a liar!!!"

Bush: "Uhh who was that, excuse me?"

Lovelace: "Sir, my name is Derrick Earl Lovelace, I am 19 years old, I am an Iraq War Veteran, I'll probably go back soon and all I can say is.... How's that Halliburton money, sir? It sure as hell costed a lot of lives and a whole nation. Hope you enjoy it"

*Secret Service agents tackle Lovelace*

Bush: "Thank God, get him out!"

*after being severely booed by the crowd, Bush just leaves*

Headlines from October 28th, 2004:

BUSH DESTROYED BY PROTESTER

HALLIBURTON CONNECTION TO IRAQ WAR?

MEET THE HERO: DERRICK LOVELACE:

"Well, first off, other than the protest, who in the hell are you?"

"Well, it's a pleasure to be here, thank you. My name is Derrick Earl Lovelace, I was born in Detroit, Michigan, on May 1st, 1985. I was born into a hard place, not too long after I was born, my dad left. My mom took care of me, I grew up as a hater of anything establishment. I was really rough as a teen, I smoked pot daily, had unprotected sex almost all the time, Green Day was my savior. I got a girl pregnant. Everything was just f***ing up in my life, I saw that idiot declare war on Iraq. My only way out. I joined, with one of my best friends. He helped me a lot, I fought and I served. My friend was killed, as well as me being wounded in a firefight patrolling the outskirts of a small town next to an oil rig. Because of a company, Halliburton, a great man was killed. I was crazy, I wanted to kill myself, and even tried.  I came back, I became born-again, found a great girl... who by the way I'm about to propose to, the day Bush loses, sorry for ruining the surprise, honey."

"What caused you to do what you did?"

"The Halliburton stuff, the knowledge that Saddam Hussein did not have any connections with the 9/11 attacks, he had no WMDs. This was a fake war. It's hard to believe the greatest enemies of the Constitution live right here in America, not in the sands of a faraway desert."

"Any plans for the future?"

"Hopefully to get married, I'll probably move down to Alabama, and uhhh ya that's about it. Thanks!"

U.S Presidential Election of 2004:

Senator John Kerry/Senator John Edwards: 336 Electoral Votes 53.4%
President George W. Bush/Vice President Dick Cheney: 202 Electoral Votes 43.4%
Michael Badnarik/Richard Campagna: 0 Electoral Votes 2.5%
Write in: Pvt. Derrick Lovelace/Rep. Ron Paul: 0 Electoral Votes 0.5%, 3.9% in TX

[NOT gonna be banned soon]

this story was so good i made a wikibox about it

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

this story was so good i made a wikibox about it

Thank you so much! Can I use it

[NOT gonna be banned soon]

this story was so good i made a wikibox about it

Thank you so much! Can I use it

Sure.

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

this story was so good i made a wikibox about it

Thank you so much! Can I use it

Sure.

Thx!

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

Looks like I'm moving to Alabama so Cheyenne can be closer to her family... Also gotta start going to church... Hello, Eufaula, Alabama. -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, March 23rd, 2005.

Got married today. F*** yes. -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, May 9th, 2005.

Today I done got drunk, again. Came home late from work, again. Cheyenne says I gotta sober up or else. Gotta go to church or else. Son of a bitch, what's happened to me? She wants kids too, doesn't she know I gotta work on myself first? My brother in law signed up for the Marines today, welp. sh**t. That douche, Kerry is taking his jolly ol' time in Iraq. There's alot of Draft-Lovelace '08 T-shirts selling, 156,000 as a matter of fact. , I just wanted to point out the guy for who he is, not be president. I'll wait a few years, run for Congress maybe. After all, our representative is a piece o' sh**t. -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, March 19th, 2006.

The 2008 Democratic Primaries:



President John Kerry: 45 States + all territories 67.6%
Representative Dennis Kucinich: 5 states 23.4%

President Kerry's war in Iraq took over the face of his presidency. He actively campaigned in primary states to combat Kucinich's rise. The Housing market was also rapidly declining, and the economy was nearing a crash, and with the debt, it was hard not to like Kucinich. Kucinich took it all the way to the Convention, though.

The 2008 Republican Primaries:



Fmr. Mayor Rudy Giuliani: 37 states + territories 49.5%
Senator Sam Brownback: 6 states 23.4%
Governor Mitt Romney: 5 states 18.1%
Representative Ron Paul: 3 states 7.0%

The 2008 Republican primaries were at first competitive, but shortly after Iowa, Brownback became the conservative candidate, Giuliani became the establishment candidate, Romney was just running for the hell of it, and Paul was the anti-war candidate. After many states, it became Giuliani vs Brownback vs Paul. Giuliani won big.

The U.S Presidential Election of 2008:

Fmr. Mayor Rudy Giuliani/Gov. Charlie Crist: 346 Electoral Votes 52.3%
Pres. John Kerry/VP John Edwards: 192 Electoral Votes 45.9%

President Kerry was just plagued by so many issues, he was called "another Jimmy Carter". Giuliani bested Kerry at the debates, and the housing market collapsed. The failed withdrawal from Iraq resulted in the deaths of 2,000 soldiers, and the debt was at 10 trillion dollars.

"Voted for Giuliani today, I think he can make America great again. Go Rudy Go. Cheyenne is Preggers too, hell, too bad we're getting divorced. Oh well, off to the bar." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, November 5th, 2008.

[NOT gonna be banned soon]

Watch out! Infoboxes with both primaries and the election are coming!

[NOT gonna be banned soon]

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

"I crashed my car few days back. I done drove my car into a tree, just outside the Church. Them people were awful nice to me, I had a concussion, Doctor says must have been a miracle how I wasn't dead." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, November 18th, 2008.

"Poor Derrick... I'm worried this is my fault... I've found someone though.... We're getting married today...." -Cheyenne Daisy Lovelace-Lee's Journal, November 20th, 2008.

"Figuring what Doctor said, I went to church. What can I say? I'm kind of a changed man. Though sure, I do not actually believe in God but that's what it's best to believe down here." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, November 26th, 2008.

"I'm spending Christmas alone this year, what am I gonna do with my life? Merry F***in' Christmas..." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, December 25th, 2008.

The Rudy Giuiani Cabinet:



President: Rudy Giuliani
Vice President: Charlie Crist
Secretary of State: John McCain
Secretary of the Treasury: Meg Whitman
Secretary of Defense: John Bolton
Attorney General: Ted Cruz
Secretary of the Interior: Gale Norton
Secretary of Agriculture: Terry Branstad
Secretary of Commerce: Carly Fiorina
Secretary of Labor: Elaine Chao
Secretary of Health&Human Services: Kathleen Sebelius
Secretary of Housing&Urban Development: Shaun Donovan
Secretary of Transportation: Anthony Foxx
Secretary of Energy: Sarah Palin
Secretary of Education: Richard Paul Mills
Secretary of Veterans' Affairs: Jim Gilmore
Secretary of Homeland Security: Michael Hayden
Chief of Staff: Trent Franks
UN Ambassador: Tom Ridge

[LLR]

Secretary of Veterans' Affairs: Jim Gilmore

WE DON'T WANT GILLESS, WE WANT GILMORE!

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

Secretary of Veterans' Affairs: Jim Gilmore

WE DON'T WANT GILLESS, WE WANT GILMORE!

XDDDD

[Higgs]

I'm liking it, keep it up!

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

2009-2010


The Church where Derrick Lovelace announced his candidacy for Congress.

"Hello, my friends! Ya know... It's a hell of a coincidence that I'm pickin' a church for this... I've kind of seen things, how they work in Washington. It's all politics, they don't care about any of us. I truly care, though I may be new here, I love the people. I've had a lot of life experiences leading up to this. They must have been created by God, I was raised in an atheist home, so... I learned in Iraq, and after great emotional trauma here... that there is a Lord who loves us all... Now that well my sort of backstory is out of the way, so uh, Therefore, I am announcing my candidacy.... for a House seat, in Alabama's 2nd Congressional District. I will run as a Republican, but let me be absolutely clear... I put people before politics. I'm a long shot, no doubt about that, but Bobby Bright has got to GO! We need to get money out of politics, the government out of our lives. Let's show America, right here in Alabama that we want solutions to our problems! Thank you, and God Bless!" -Derrick Lovelace's announcement speech, June 28th, 2009.

F***, Roby is running. One poll shows it's close. We're campaigning like hell out here in what seems to be a Democratic year. Gingrich endorsed her, I've just got word. I've got Kucinich and Ron Paul in a Republican field.... not too good for me.... Giuliani's tax cuts didn't pass, so much more sh**, Iraq is botched, we're gettin' the hell outta dodge... I should have ran as a Democrat."-Derrick Lovelace's Journal, April 4th, 2010.

Alabama 2nd Congressional District Republican Primary Results (100% in)

Martha Roby: 49.3%
Derrick Lovelace: 49.2%


"I may have lost this time around... But it was for the better. No Republican can win, or at least this year anyways." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, August 1st, 2010.

Alabama 2nd Congressional District General Election Results (100% in)

Bobby Bright: 53.4%
Martha Roby: 44.1%

_______________

The Rudy Giuliani Administration:



From 2009-2010, the whole year was rough for the new President. He tried to pass tax cuts, which narrowly passed in late October. On top of that, he' a gaffe machine. He set a timetable for also getting out of Iraq for March 2012. President Giuliani's approval rating is at 46%.

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

"Derrick Lovelace got up after his primary defeat, he said he needed to plan. And planning is what he would do. He would run again, again as a Republican, and win. He had the determination of a dragon in him..." -The Rise of Derrick Lovelace: The Siege of American Values, page 32.



Derrick Lovelace announcing his bid for Congress at a local football game.

"Hello, my friends! My name is Derrick Lovelace. I'd like to talk to y'all, everybody. The state of our government is not good. We are currently represented by thieves and crooks in Washington, who don't care about us. Trust me, I learned the hard way. I am an Iraq War veteran, I have pointed out corruption in the past and I shall continue to do so. I am announcing my intention to again run for Congress, to kick Bobby Bright and the crony capitalists out! Let's send a message this fall: Alabama doesn't want you! Than y'all, God bless!"

*crowd claps*

"Holy hell, polls have me 5 points up on Bright. I just might f***ing win this thing! I feel like a damn freight train this Mexican stuff is good too!!! I'm already living the Congress life, baby! Well, I hope, Edwards may sweep the South!" -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, August 29th, 2012.

Alabama 2nd Congressional District Election 2012 Results (100% in)

Derrick Lovelace: 50.1%
Bobby Bright: 48.9%

"Thank you, I love you all! Thank you, Let's go to Washington together and solve our problems! Let's get corruption out of our political system, and move Alabama forward!"




The 2012 Democratic Primaries:



John Edwards: 43 states + territories 57.6%
Hillary Clinton: 3 states 22.3%
Evan Bayh: 3 states 20.1%

Edwards won Iowa, a devastating blow to the Grayson and O'Malley campaigns. New Hampshire went for Clinton, causing Dean to bow out and support Edwards. Obama dropped out after a fourth place finish in South Carolina. Edwards dominated Super Tuesday and the April primaries, eradicating is competition.

The U.S Presidential Election of 2012:

Fmr. VP John Edwards/Gov. Brian Schweitzer: 284 Electoral Votes 49.2%
Pres. Rudy Giuliani/VP Charlie Crist: 254 Electoral Votes 48.7%

Edwards campaigned on a reformist born again attitude, acknowledging the Kerry Administration's mistakes. Though originally very ahead, Giuliani actually campaigned effectively in the last few weeks, and led him to a close loss.


CONGRESSMAN-ELECT DERRICK LOVELACE ONLY 27 YEARS OLD!!! YOUNGEST CONGRESSMAN!!!

[LLR]

Lookin' good, Haslam!

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

Lookin' good, Haslam!

Thanks! Adding an update in the next hour!

[Former Senator Haslam2020]

"Here I am, first day being in office, I was taking a walk.. by myself... This real nice lady walked up, we talked for hours. She didn't even know I was a congressman. I got her number, it was great. I'll give her a call. -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, January 4th, 2013.

"Told that girl who I was, she didn't mind and immediately recognized me. She used to go to my old middle school, we dated back in 8th grade. Sh**. She's fu**ing hot now. Her name is Shawnnah." -Derrick Lovelace's Journal, January 8th, 2013

"Little did I know... that many years ago... America's youngest congressman would have been the place's he's been... Done the things he did... He changed the country, and I launched him. Sorry....Everything is too much for me to handle... Goodbye... Laura Jackson's Suicide Letter, Marc 29th, 2027.




INTERVIEW WITH AMERICA'S YOUNGEST CONGRESSMAN: HOT STUFF

January 9th, 2013:



Interviewer: Hello, Congressman.

Lovelace: Hello, mam. Great to be interviewed by Politico, It's nice here.

Interviewer: Haha, no problem. Since you are now America's youngest congressman, what are your plans?

Lovelace: Welp, the usual. Trying to balance the budget, move belong party lines, bring peace, etc..

Interviewer: Haha, well how do you feel about President-Elect Edwards?

Lovelace: Uh, well I wish him the best, his story is truly inspiring, rose from a lawyer, to Senator, to Vice President in just six years. After incredible emotional trauma after his wife died.... he rose up... But judging off his political positions, and with his time in the Kerry Administration, I doubt he is what this country needs... I'll try my best to work with him, though.

Interviewer: Well, we're told you have places to be, but thank you for your time, good luck!

Lovelace: No prob mam'!



The John Edwards Cabinet:



President: John Edwards
Vice President: Brian Schweitzer:
Secretary of State: Joe Biden
Secretary of the Treasury: Jack Lew
Secretary of Defense: Chuck Hagel
Attorney General: Loretta Lynch
Secretary of the Interior: Randi Weingarten
Secretary of Agriculture: Jack Conway
Secretary of Commerce: Gary Locke
Secretary of Labor: Julian Castro
Secretary of Health&Human Services: Kathleen Sebelius
Secretary of Housing&Urban Development:
Secretary of Transportation: Anthony Foxx
Secretary of Energy: Ken Salazar
Secretary of Education: Linda Hammond
Secretary of Veterans' Affairs: Jim Gilmore
Secretary of Homeland Security: Jeh Johnson
Chief of Staff: Bill Richardson
UN Ambassador: Jon Huntsman

[Captain Chaos]

Shouldn't Randi Weingarten be Secretary of Education or Labor?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randi_Weingarten