Have you ever cheated on a significant other? / Is cheating always wrong?

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Some of you know that my parents' marriage has fallen apart over the last year and that this process was exacerbated by extra-martial activities on the part of my dad. If you didn't know, now you do.

I accept it even though I don't particularly like it, because I realize I will never be in his shoes and can't know why he did what he did or what truly led him to do it. I believe it's more of a symptom of the failing marriage than the cause, but my mom is certainly not interested in approaching the situation with any kind of open mind.

So reflecting on this experience as well as my own relationship, I've been thinking a lot about cheating. I've been trying to put myself in the shoes of both the cheater and the cheated on, and I think that sometimes it could be more morally grey than it's often made out to be in Western society. Just curious what people's thoughts and experiences are on the matter.

I realize this might be an instance of hiding behind the poll, and that's fine.

As for the definition of cheating, I left it vague on purpose because I expect people would reasonably be able to determine when their behaviour has crossed a certain line (and I respect that the line may be different for different people/relationships).

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Sorry to hear about your parents, Hagrid

[LLR]

*implies most Atlas posters have been in a relationship*

I, of course, have not

[Kingpoleon]

No/It's acceptable, but slightly wrong, if you're getting divorced/are separated.

[Green Line]

Cheating is wrong, but you have to look at it on a case-by-case basis to judge fully.  I don't agree with people who say "If he cheated once, he will cheat again" when dismissing someone.  Unfortunately, I think an honest survey would find that the majority of marriages involve cheating by at least one spouse at some point, and the successful marriages are probably better at hiding it (obviously not in ALL cases).

I haven't ever cheated, but I can easily, from my own experience, see how good people end up in situations where it happens.

[/]

Why do you think it's more morally grey than most people make it out to be?

[Illiniwek]

Cheating is wrong, but if someone was in a loveless, abusive relationship, then I'd probably give the abused a pass.

[Xing]

I've never cheated, and I believe that it is wrong, even if it's understandable why some people would.

[The Dowager Mod]

No I have never cheated, First husband cheated on me though, That's why he's the ex.

[Intell]

Cheating is wrong, unless someone is getting abused or oppressed.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

FTR, I am not considering cheating. I am interested in gauging whether this is a common thing and deciding if my dad is a complete SOB or just a bit of one.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Options 2 and 4

I have not nor would I ever do so (not a monster) and cheating is morally repugnant at best regardless of the circumstances.  Sorry about your parents, Hagrid

[Green Line]

Options 2 and 4

I have not nor would I ever do so (not a monster) and cheating is morally repugnant at best regardless of the circumstances.  Sorry about your parents, Hagrid

Give me a break!  The majority of men will cheat at one point in their life.  It's truth.  They're not all monsters, it goes much deeper than that.

[Miles]

No, primarily because there's never been a significant other.

And this :

Sorry to hear about your parents, Hagrid

[evergreenarbor]

Cheating is wrong, but if someone was in a loveless, abusive relationship, then I'd probably give the abused a pass.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Options 2 and 4

I have not nor would I ever do so (not a monster) and cheating is morally repugnant at best regardless of the circumstances.  Sorry about your parents, Hagrid

Give me a break!  The majority of men will cheat at one point in their life.  It's truth.  They're not all monsters, it goes much deeper than that.

I call bullsh!t on the bolded part.

[IceSpear]

2/4 (normal)

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

[Kingpoleon]

2/4 (normal)

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

What about after filing for divorce?

[IceSpear]

2/4 (normal)

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

What about after filing for divorce?

Yeah, I'd have no problem with that. Or in an abusive relationship, things of that nature. But like 99% of cheating is not conducted in these narrow circumstances, which was my point.

[Kingpoleon]

2/4 (normal)

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

What about after filing for divorce?

Yeah, I'd have no problem with that. Or in an abusive relationship, things of that nature. But like 99% of cheating is not conducted in these narrow circumstances, which was my point.

Why exactly does Newsom get so much hate for "cheating" after filing for divorce, then?

[RINO Tom]

Sorry to hear about your parents, Hagrid

Also, yes, I have.  Made me feel really shltty about myself, and I haven't done it since.  I didn't have any good reason besides an old fling being interested.  To be fair, I didn't think I liked the girl I cheated on ANYWHERE near as much as I eventually liked her, and there certainly wasn't any cheating after that.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

FTR, I am not considering cheating. I am interested in gauging whether this is a common thing and deciding if my dad is a complete SOB or just a bit of one.

Oh, I misread the OP - sorry.  But I don't think we determine if something is right or wrong based on how often it occurs.  I also don't think there's much you can do about your father's cheating, unfortunately.  That has to be worked out between him and your mom.  I really hope things turn out best for you and your family, though.

I'm also going to call BS on Brown Line's claim unless he has something to back it up...

[Green Line]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

FTR, I am not considering cheating. I am interested in gauging whether this is a common thing and deciding if my dad is a complete SOB or just a bit of one.

I'm also going to call BS on Brown Line's claim unless he has something to back it up...

It's absolutely true, and I base it off personal experience.  I have no doubt.  It's probably upwards of 70% of men, especially those in their 20's.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

FTR, I am not considering cheating. I am interested in gauging whether this is a common thing and deciding if my dad is a complete SOB or just a bit of one.

I'm also going to call BS on Brown Line's claim unless he has something to back it up...

It's absolutely true, and I base it off personal experience.  I have no doubt.  It's probably upwards of 70% of men, especially those in their 20's.

This isn't how it works.  But even if that were true, it doesn't excuse the behavior.