Have you ever cheated on a significant other? / Is cheating always wrong?

[Bojack Horseman]

Never been in a serious relationship, but I can say that I probably could forgive my future husband if he cheated on me for probably the same reason that Hillary forgave Bill: when you love someone that much for that long, it's far harder than you might think to just say "screw it" and end the relationship. Now it's like getting a cut on your arm: it will heal, but there's always going to be a scar there and it will never be completely the same. But if it continues over and over and over again with no remorse or desire to stop, that's where I'd draw the line. One example I can think of is the one couple on Oprah where the wife wouldn't stop cheating on the husband, and she's now about to give birth to a half black child, so her husband can't even pretend that it's his.

[dead0man]

2/4

If you're in an abusive relationship you should leave, not cheat.  Once it's clear the marriage is over, it's not cheating even if the paper work hasn't been signed.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

If you're in an abusive relationship you should leave, not cheat.

Speaking as someone who's known multiple people in abusive relationships (including one who ended up marrying the bastard after knowing him for less than two months), it's really not as easy as it sounds.

[dead0man]

I'm sure it's not, as I've heard that many times.  But you've got to do hard things sometimes.  People in abusive relationships should be strongly encouraged to leave them.  Doubly so if you like them.  Hundred times so if you are an important person in their life.

[RaphaelDLG]

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

[Mr. Smith]

Ops. 2/4. (normal)

[Crumpets]

If I'm in a relationship, it's because I've already invested a tremendous amount of time and emotional energy into making it work, not to mention a good deal of luck. Even if I did want to cheat on a significant other, I just can't imagine actually managing to pull it off.

Also

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

[Antonio the Sixth]

It's generally wrong, but there are exceptions and the gravity can vary a lot depending on context.

As for myself, option 3 of course.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

Options 3 and 4.  I would urge you not to do that, Hagrid.  Imagine how you would feel if your SO cheated on you, too - not just in general.  Be honest if the relationship isn't as good as you wanted it to.

(I do believe that victims of abuse have a good reason, though.)

FTR, I am not considering cheating. I am interested in gauging whether this is a common thing and deciding if my dad is a complete SOB or just a bit of one.

I'm also going to call BS on Brown Line's claim unless he has something to back it up...

It's absolutely true, and I base it off personal experience.  I have no doubt.  It's probably upwards of 70% of men, especially those in their 20's.

As Scott said, that's not how it works.  All that tells us is that you know some people who done an incredibly sh!tty thing.

[Cassius]

1/5 (although under the Bill Clinton definition I'd probably be a 2).

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

2/4

I mean, I'm sure we can concoct scenarios in which it would possibly be acceptable, but they're very rare. The vast majority of the time there's no excuse for it.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

I've never cheated in a committed relationship and never would. I take the view that if you're unhappy/selfish enough to cheat, then you owe your partner honesty and if you don't want to work at it, then you should leave.

I've had some discussions with friends who were really unhappy or bored or whatever and were either cheating already or planning to. The one thing that they had in common was when I asked them if they thought their partner was happy... they just assumed so. I was reading some kind of advice column and this issue came up and the response made my jaw hit the floor, "your sexual gratification and happiness is a right that you need to demand" without ANY discussion about communication or figuring out where there partner might be.

I don't think it's a case that this is always wrong. I have a few friends, particularly in high school, whose parents are married in name only, and clearly are only staying together for the sake of ease and ensuring maximum inheritances.

In my personal life, my only experience with this was about 11 years ago. I had been dating this girl for 5-6 months. But we both knew I was going to the US for at least 5 months, I made a joke, because of her sex drive that she wouldn't be able to help herself, she made the same comment about  me, but I didn't REALLY mean it as a joke. In late September, so about 7 weeks later, I got an email from a friend of her (who is now a friend of mine) to tell me she's been dating a couple of guys for the last month or so. My response was a bit childish, I was 22. I decided I was going to let her tell me, but as far as I was concerned, my unemotional response told me it was over anyway and I considered myself single. She didn't tell me until Thanksgiving weekend, when I told her I knew, it was fine and it was absolutely over.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

I suppose I have just recently been thinking that even though my dad kind of "pulled the trigger" by doing a bad thing, there is still blame to go around, and the situation could speak to his genuine unhappiness with my mom. It doesn't excuse him for being a poor communicator and making mistakes, but I don't know how exactly the disloyalty unfolded, and... if it's what he wanted, it's what he wanted.

I don't have to like it, but I accept it's a legitimate reflection of issues in their marriage.

[Tartarus Sauce]

Cheating, as in engaging in sexual relations with another while in a committed relationship without the express consent of one's partner, is always wrong as far as I'm concerned. It's violating the trust relationships are founded on. On the other hand, some partners allow their SO's to engage in additional sexual relations, in which case it's perfectly ethical, so long as it's a mutual agreement between the partners.

I have never cheated nor could I ever envision myself doing so.

[Oldiesfreak1854]

No/Yes.  I have never had a significant other yet.

[Higgs]

Those 18 votes make me sad

Everyone deserves love.

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

I suppose I have just recently been thinking that even though my dad kind of "pulled the trigger" by doing a bad thing, there is still blame to go around, and the situation could speak to his genuine unhappiness with my mom. It doesn't excuse him for being a poor communicator and making mistakes, but I don't know how exactly the disloyalty unfolded, and... if it's what he wanted, it's what he wanted.

I don't have to like it, but I accept it's a legitimate reflection of issues in their marriage.

I think that's a very mature and forgiving way to look at it (and I mean 'forgiving' in the best way), and certainly more equanimous than I'd probably be able to manage if one of my parents cheated.

[Hammy]

Never cheated (and never would)--it's wrong in pretty much any case you have the option of terminating the relationship (if you're in an abusive one where leaving puts you at risk that's an entirely different story.)

If you can leave, whether you've "found someone else", don't get along with the person anymore, or have simply grown apart, just terminate the relationship rather than carrying it on and having another behind their back.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Those 18 votes make me sad

Everyone deserves love.

It's actually a lot less than I thought. And I bet I'm one of the oldest who voted that way.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Those 18 votes make me sad

Everyone deserves love.

Even worse! I clicked option 2 out of moral outrage before reading the options. (Not at the OP/family, just my gut. The issue has a bit more nuance than that for certain circumstances, but I don't like to except myself personally.) You can add me

[Thunderbird is the word]

Yes, when I was sixteen just because my girlfriend was long distance and I'd been sex starved for so long that when a girl that actually lived near me suggested a relationship I couldn't turn her down because you know sixteen and hormones. It ruined my long distance relationship with the girl I actually liked and to this day I regret and feel horrible about it. All I got were a few makeout sessions with a prissy girl that I didn't even particularly like or have much of anything in common with.

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

I suppose I have just recently been thinking that even though my dad kind of "pulled the trigger" by doing a bad thing, there is still blame to go around, and the situation could speak to his genuine unhappiness with my mom. It doesn't excuse him for being a poor communicator and making mistakes, but I don't know how exactly the disloyalty unfolded, and... if it's what he wanted, it's what he wanted.

I don't have to like it, but I accept it's a legitimate reflection of issues in their marriage.

I think that's a very mature and forgiving way to look at it (and I mean 'forgiving' in the best way), and certainly more equanimous than I'd probably be able to manage if one of my parents cheated.

Thanks Nathan. Although I don't know if I'd even say I forgive him. I wouldn't even say I particularly like him right now. I just kind of "get it" is all, and I appreciate that a good but unhappy person could still find themselves caught up in doing a horrible thing.

It doesn't help that my mom is infinitely divorceable in her own right.

Let's just say I'm happy to be away from it all in Vancouver.