The End, Or So We Think: The Atlasian Free Press (2016-)

[LLR]

October 2, 2016 - LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY

I've only been on the campaign trail two weeks and already I've gotten used to the smell... The bloody, awful smell. I've been living in second rate hotels in Omaha and places like that, and all for this crazy sh**tshow. My god.

This is nuts, man. Within the past week, the Federalist candidate, tmthforu, was endorsed by 2 members of the House Labor Caucus, one of them his VP, and then he dropped out. The Feds candidate is now likely Santander, one of the least popular men in all Atlasia. The United Alternative ticket is gaining traction, and through it all Labor remains strong...

As to the Senate, the Feds have it in the bag now [that] Goldwater is running ("he's the ideal candidate", says an anonymous Fremont voter), unless something crazy happens down South. In the House, who knows - we may not even have 9 candidates. The Northern Assembly is falling apart - what a time we live in.

I've had three drinks, and I'm wasting away in the Santander campaign basement - nobody's looking at me. Probably think I'm a Laborite because of my long hair. Damn right I am. Voted for Leinad in June. "Impartial journalism", whatever. If I'm still sober by the time I can interview this freak...

I mean even fycking Leinad doesn't think Santander's gonna be the nominee. Beats me why he didn't run - I would've voted for him in a heartbeat. I just hope this doesn't end badly - whatever that means. Oh, the campaign's kicking me out, lovely. Even AZ would talk to me - all he gave me was canned press release bullsh**t: "I respect Goldwater however I feel some of his past Senate activity levels were concerning. I will run a clean campaign focusing on a reform message as well as committing to be an active Senator."

God help us all.

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press October 2, 2016

[LLR]

Note: this is done in a character so if any information is wrong or not as in-the-loop as it should be, that's intentional. Feel free to let me know how you like it.

[Heisenberg]

Are you pretending to write from Bandit3 the Worker's perspective?

[LLR]

October 2, 2016 - DAYTON, OHIO

I'm back home and I got a letter on my doorstep: "Santander will not be the nominee. Can't share more details at the moment, but you will be surprised. Keep my source anonymous. Thanks." That and Ben Kenobi's got a new party. Ol' Ben Kenobi must be as fycking disliked as Santander himself. At this point, nothing will surprise me. Can't even go to sleep without some crazy letter or whatnot. What a year. At least I get to sleep in my own bed tonight.

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[Leinad]

This is the kind of fun stuff we need to make Atlasia more interesting--keep it up!

[LLR]

October 3, 2016 - CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA

Fyck this, man. I woke up at 4 AM to get shuttled onto a plane to North Carolina because Yankee is fycking running for president. Nothing against the guy, he might even have my vote, but this is not the life I want to live. The 5:45 flight from Dayton to Charlotte ain't a fun one. Guy next to me had to be told three times to stop smoking. They charged him five hundred bucks. Priceless.

No wonder Santander wouldn't talk to me. Of course, he's dropped out by now. Don't understand why the Yankee campaign had to send me that cryptic letter then an email 2 hours later. Waste of energy, I think. And I land at 8 and he goes on to speak at 5:15. Don't they understand journalists need sleep, too? Probably don't. Damn rich assholes.

Might as well stop by Rep. Peebs' office while I'm in town. Oh, of course, it's fycking closed.


Now for the speech we've all been waiting for. I'm sure it'll be filled with vague policy and bullsh**t. Always is. Why'd they even send me to cover it? Oh right, we don't have any other writers covering the fycking election. Gotta love the media!

Ah, of course. Pandering to LGBT voters, talking about the memory of Tmthforu. I could've written this speech two hours ago and I would've copied it word-for-word. All this predictable bullsh**t. All the Feds are lining up for him, of course. It's all gonna come down to the damned UA voters, as always. No, the interesting sh**t is all downballot.

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Might as well stop by Rep. Peebs' office while I'm in town. Oh, of course, it's fycking closed.

RIPeebs
Keep up the good work!

[Blair]

This is brilliant

[Clyde1998]

This is brilliant

[White Trash]

"I swear to the lord almighty if I see that little Morceau de merde hippie journalist take a step towards my property I'll send a .22 his way."

"And if he makes it past that?"

"Hell, I'll buy him a beer."

- Legislator Southern Gothic on news that Roger Dreckman was at the Santander campaign HQ.

[LLR]

October 8, 2016 - PITTSBURGH, PA

I'm writing this sh**t in a train station. It's a long story of how that came to be. Briefly, I was in Vermont, needed to take a train back home, wound up stuck in Pittsburgh without a ticket. Fyck the train system, man. Anyway, where was I? Politics, yes. 'Nother crazy week of news... SouthernGothic becomes a Federalist and immediately later, his opponent (Santander) joins Ben Kenobi's Tinfoil Hat Book Club - What is it, The Atlas Conservative Party? Not like it matters. Spiral's gone as SoIA, the House is gonna pass a sh**tty minimum wage bill, and the state-level governments are all still dying.

Oh, of course, the debate has begun. Canned opening speeches have been posted by Blair and Yankee. Wouldn't surprise me if Pryor doesn't fycking show up. He might not even get his own party's endorsement, for Christ's sake.

But we have some actual shocking news - all this politics is just bullsh**t anyway. But, man, unemployment is way up. Tell me about it, I'm lucky I landed this bullsh**t gig - otherwise I'd be in this train station begging for money rather than writing a story. Hell, I basically am begging for money. What a world we live in...

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[/]

The excessive use of curse words isn't really that necessary, tbh.

[Enduro]

The excessive use of curse words isn't really that necessary, tbh.

Agreed, but don't get rid of them completely. They're a central part to his character.

[LLR]

The excessive use of curse words isn't really that necessary, tbh.

Agreed, but don't get rid of them completely. They're a central part to his character.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I'll make note of it, certainly.

[LLR]

October 10, 2016 - NYMAN

Oh look, Ben Kenobi's cute, homophobic, alt-right circlejerk party is growing. They even have a despicable party platform! Jesus Christ...

In other news, a crazy man is wandering around the Congress building, so naturally they sent me to cover it. We've identified him as an "Abraham Washington". He's even introducing legislation and all. What fun. He's screaming random rants, about the United Alternative Party, which he seems to be a member of. What a nation we live in...

What else has happened? Nothing. The debate trudges on, the UA won't endorse anyone yet, and there are a couple junky polls. Just another weekend in Nyman!

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[LLR]

October 12, 2016 - DAYTON, OHIO

I awoke this morning to a phone call. "Roger, Rep. AZ's running for president." I proceeded to laugh until my sides hurt. Seriously, why? Some random representative abandons a winnable senate race to launch a hopeless bid for president? One of the dumbest strategic moves since I became eligible to vote, certainly. I think AZ wins a single vote, his own. And that's not a given, in my opinion.

We have two joke third-party candidates in this election, is what it means. Rpryor can't win his own party's endorsement, and his VP hasn't been seen on the trail in a week. And AZ will likely poll below him! You simply can't make this sh**t up. Of course, I still have no clue who I'm voting for. I'll probably stay home - none of the candidates are very good.

And recent digging by Al Realpolitik have found some odd tapes from Yankee's past. I doubt they'll be very damaging, but it's certainly fycking worrying if this guy gets elected. I'll wind up saying this every week at this rate, but what a nation we live in...

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[LLR]

October 16, 2016 - DETROIT, MICHIGAN

Fycking shooters - can't walk down the street without someone trying to kill me. Yeah, I'm in the hospital. But currently, people are voting in some Senate races. Goldwater should win easily, of course. But both Southern races are very, very close. More importantly, both AZ and rpryor withdrew, with rpryor taking Yankee's VP choice, meaning that, like it or not, the UA will have the VP slot again. Now, Kingpoleon's a great dude, I like him, but the UA as an organization is slightly atrocious.

We don't know much about the guy who tried to blow my head off, but we think he's a far-right activist. Which, y'know, doesn't surprise me. I don't get the far-right contempt for the media. It might be baked in with the racism and all, but it's just bizarre. Gun control, man...

-Sean Stockwitz, on behalf of Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[LLR]

October 22, 2016 - DETROIT, MICHIGAN

I'm still in the hospital - looks like I'll be in this hellhole for a good while. Can't cast my ballot since I'm too far away from home. Oh well. Looks like the troll party - sorry, the HarambeHanukkah Freedom Party - has run a ticket. Former president Xahar along with Bacon King, running as write-ins. Doesn't matter, cause Yankee's margin's too big anyway.

Only interesting race is the Southern Senate runoff. Gothic's up 11-9 - he's a great guy, I hope he wins. JCL ain't too bad, but Gothic is probably one of the last honest guys in this crapshoot profession. Northern Senate is an easy win for LLR, even though Truman ran a last minute write-in bid. Northenr Governor's easy win for MikeWells, too.

And who knows with the House - ever.

-Roger Dreckman, Atlasian Free Press

[LLR]

Presidential Election Map (didn't know where else to put it)

Presidential Election Map Without State-by-State Voter Counts

Ties were broken by most votes in the region. States with no voters just went to regional winner


Blair
Yankee
Xahar

[LLR]

October 2016 House Election Map

Vote-splitting between Labor, Indy, and Socialists makes this look odd

Ties were broken by most votes in the region. States with no voters just went to regional winner.

Labor
Federalist
Independent
Washburnian Socialist

[Leinad]

Ties were broken by most votes in the region. States with no voters just went to regional winner

DC and DE should go to Yankee, then.

Regardless, great work on the maps! I love when people make those, and probably would've done so myself had no one else.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

That is a crazy map.

[Blair]

that's west wing level of crazy

[LLR]

Ties were broken by most votes in the region. States with no voters just went to regional winner

DC and DE should go to Yankee, then.

Regardless, great work on the maps! I love when people make those, and probably would've done so myself had no one else.

DE is in the north, and i assumed (for some reason) that Nyman was too.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

From Truman's Library of Congress Thread:

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