A Mini-Timeline

[mencken]

1988

With Dukakis ten points ahead nationally and the unfortunate death of Lee Atwater from astrocytoma, the Bush campaign resorted to a Hail Mary move, choosing famed actor and Carmel-by-the-Sea mayor Clint Eastwood as VP. The move proved surprisingly effective, with Eastwood holding his own against respected Senator Lloyd Bentsen.

George H.W. Bush / Clint Eastwood 317 51%
Michael Dukakis / Lloyd Bentsen 221 48%

1992

The nomination of New Democrat Bill Clinton gave Democrats a glimmer of hope at reclaiming the White House after a dozen years in exile...until President Bush was assassinated by undercover Iraqi Republican Guards. The country easily rallied around the flag toward new President Eastwood's re-election.

Clint Eastwood / Jack Kemp 529 59%
Bill Clinton / Al Gore 9 33%
Ross Perot / James Stockdale 0 7%

[Devout Centrist]

Clint Eastwood


visual approximation

[mencken]

1996

Eastwood's middling approval ratings, a protracted war in the Persian Gulf, and a poor performance in the 1994 midterms led to an unprecedented amount of talent entering the Democratic primary to challenge him, featuring such names as Mario Cuomo, Bill Bradley, Ann Richards, Al Gore, John Kerry, Joe Biden, and Dick Gephardt. With such options to choose from, the Democrats naturally turned to --- Reverend Jesse Jackson, who swept almost every contest starting with the New Hampshire primary. Eastwood's troubles with social conservatives (peaking with Pat Buchanan's New Hampshire victory), proved ephemeral in the face of a common enemy. Jackson's firebrand reputation combined with various campaign missteps (most notably his ill-fated public courting of Joe Lieberman for the Vice-Presidency) led many Democrats to abandon the ticket, either for Eastwood's re-election or the Reform Party candidacy of Dick Lamm (a stand-in after Ross Perot's abrupt withdrawal.)

Clint Eastwood / Jack Kemp 535 54%
Jesse Jackson / Jerry Brown 3 34%
Dick Lamm / David Boren 0 11%

[LLR]

5 terms of one party rule? Actually what the hell? This is so unrealistic...

[mencken]

2000

The Democrats, facing a twenty-year electoral drought, sought to end it the way the other party did in a similar scenario about fifty years earlier: nominate a general. General Wesley Clark ran virtually unopposed in the primary. Meanwhile, the Republicans faced a large group of talent contesting their party's nomination - but with Governor Jeb Bush standing far ahead of the rest of the field, riding on the promise to fulfill his late father's legacy. That is, until businessman Herman Cain won the Iowa caucuses and narrowly prevailed in a long, bitter, and protracted nomination battle. Between Clark's amorphous ideology and general lack of charisma and Cain's bizarre advertisements and foreign policy gaffes, the battle between the two least qualified nominees in modern times was fought virtually to a draw, until a wave of sexual harassment allegations against Cain tipped the balance in favor of Clark.

Wesley Clark / Bob Graham 335 49%
Herman Cain* / Newt Gingrich 203 45%
Ralph Nader / Winona LaDuke 0 5%

*co-endorsed by the Reform Party

[mencken]

2004

Jeb Bush had a much easier time seizing the Republican nomination on the second go-around, although he once again had to prevail against an increasingly absurd list of characters. Seeking to replicate his father's campaign to a tee, he selected actor-politician Fred Thompson for a running mate, although he proved significantly underwhelming on the campaign trail. With such boring candidates to contend with, it proved no surprise that the Reform candidacy of Jesse Ventura gained much media attention - and anger when his votes more than made the difference in the election's verdict.

John "Jeb" Bush / Fred Thompson 46% 271
Wesley Clark / Bob Graham 47% 267
Jesse Ventura / Gary Johnson 6% 0

[Progressive]

Awesome

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

5 terms of one party rule? Actually what the hell? This is so unrealistic...

Try telling that to President Dewey.