Update for Everyone V: Born Under A Bad Sign

[Virginiá]

How conservative was your upbringing, Virginia?

It wasn't really conservative, though I'm not sure how to weigh that. My parents were "liberal" but my dad could be a savage homophobe. My mom was indifferent but couldn't/wouldn't really influence the situation. I wasn't a problem until HS though

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

My guinea pug seems fine now. Tomorrow I'll take him to a vet for a scheluded checkup.

[Virginiá]

excellent news kal!

[Blair]

My guinea pug seems fine now. Tomorrow I'll take him to a vet for a scheluded checkup.

That's good I know how stressful it can be when pets are ill

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Thanks guys.  Leiden is pretty nice. Going to rent a small house for the first year there.  Also just 12 minutes from the Hague by train, 25 minutes from Amsterdam and about 30-40 minutes from Utrecht; nice location. 

Rotterdam aside that's basically every Dutch city I know

[mvd10]

Thanks guys.  Leiden is pretty nice. Going to rent a small house for the first year there.  Also just 12 minutes from the Hague by train, 25 minutes from Amsterdam and about 30-40 minutes from Utrecht; nice location. 

Rotterdam aside that's basically every Dutch city I know

Kruikenstad is the only one that matters

[Santander]

LLR is in the LA Times.

[DavidB.]

Kruikenstad is the only one that matters

Had to look that up. You didn't strike me as one from the Generality Lands. For some reason I had Utrecht in mind.

[LLR]

LLR is in the LA Times.

Huh?

[Kingpoleon]

Elaborating on my last post in here. i couldn't sleep last night. my existential struggle that plagued me last fall is back.

specifically in relations to my sexuality. I haven't been able to live a functional life because of my insistence of staying in the closet/being scared to come out due to homophobic/biphobic family.

it's getting lonely in the closet and i'm not sure i can take anymore mental anguish from it. :/

thinking about coming out to my sister, who is the most likely to have a non-awful response.

Interesting. I can't say I'm having much of a struggle. My mind is constantly moving(I have ADHD), so it's hard for me to get too sad. I imagine I probably could if I wanted to, as I have plenty to be sad about.

Enough about me. As to your query for advice, all I can really say is to pull yourself together and plan. If you have a plan, you should be able to navigate the dangerous pathways of life with ease. That said, if you feel like your sister will be most empathetic/sympathetic, then your plan should probably involve telling her first and, if you think it wise, asking her to help you come out to your parents and any other siblings you may have.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

This is kind of random, but I have a few questions for anyone who has clinical depression, assuming there are other such people here.

Does being in a relationship make your depression easier to cope with?  Do the responsibilities that come with a relationship prompt you to pick yourself back up so you can be there for that person and be a better boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever?  And has your depression ever become so severe that it ended up severing all the connections you thought you had to that person?

And if you get suicidal thoughts a lot, do relationships make you feel less suicidal, or perhaps more?  How do you serve your partner that way?  Do you become a burden to them?

Just some things I've been pondering this weekend.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Suicide is such a hard thing to moralize.  When my dad died, the police thought there was a chance it was a suicide.  It wasn't.  But my mom and I agreed that killing yourself when you have a family and obligations and such is a very rotten thing to do.  Maybe my dad would have killed himself if he didn't have us, because I know he was extremely unhappy toward the end.  At least recluses can kill themselves because they don't have any obligations to anyone (unless you bring God into the equation, but that's a whole different can of worms).

It's so much easier to die for someone than it is to live for them.

[JA]

Does being in a relationship make your depression easier to cope with?

Yes and no. The emotional support that comes with a healthy relationship, along with the confidence and a sense of purpose or belonging, certainly helps. But it's unlikely to eliminate the depression and may cause it to manifest in different ways, such as feeling that you're a burden on them, that they'd be better off without you, and enormous insecurities during the first months of the relationship.

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It's highly unlikely that a relationship alone can directly or indirectly lead to depression going away, even in the healthiest and most emotionally supportive ones. But if you can find a sense of purpose in it, that can certainly give you the motivation to try harder at life; conversely, it can also make you feel worse if you are unable to achieve what you believe you need to or should.

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I'm sure there are people with experiences like that, but I cannot speak from personal experience on this question.

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I've noticed my suicidal thoughts have decreased in romantic relationships. It really helps to have someone who listens; never underestimate the power of having someone with whom you can vent and talk out your issues. A lot of people with depression feel they have no one who can understand them, cares, or will listen; a good partner can eliminate or greatly reduce those feelings.

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I'm pretty certain you'd become a burden if that's all you ever talk about with them or if they sense no progress is being made, especially if it's a new relationship. Depression isn't easy for either partner, so it's best not to overwhelm them with it. They're human too and if they always associate conversations with you with negative emotions, that will become increasingly difficult for them to bear.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Thanks, JA.  I would think it is nice to have someone who listens if you're in that kind of mental state.  That would be easier for me if I were actually capable of social interaction beyond writing things behind a computer screen, but I have autism on top of everything else so that makes communication with people in person difficult as well, and since death is regularly something that occupies my mind when I'm sober anyway (since I was a kid), I know I would be a burden to most people.  That's why I vowed to remain celibate.  But I can't help but feel envious of people who are both mentally and socially 'normal' or 'healthy' and don't have to battle these problems all the time, and can live regular lives.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Obligatory prayer/positive vibes request... I'm sorry if I'm bumming anyone out.  I'm crying now.

[JA]

Obligatory prayer/positive vibes request... I'm sorry if I'm bumming anyone out.  I'm crying now.

I can relate to you a lot, Scott. I've had very severe depression, generalized anxiety, and especially social anxiety (along with ADHD from childhood) - all diagnosed - for years now. Not to mention IBS that is interconnected with my anxiety disorders. Lots of fun. So, trust me when I say I can very much sympathize with your situation. But even if IRL social interaction is difficult for you, you can try making friends or forming an LDR online; I've found that to be much easier to handle and while it's not as good as face to face interactions and physical intimacy, it can do a lot to help you and is significantly better than total social isolation. That's when all the awful thoughts haunt you constantly and you stay up all night, locked away in your room, only making it worse.

Funny enough, I think I vowed to remain celibate for similar reasons a few years ago. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems, nor did I feel capable of forming and maintaining a lasting relationship - or any at all. Plus I envied all the socially adjusted people like you do. "Were they let in on a secret that I wasn't? They all just seem to get it effortlessly, yet I try and try but can't figure it out. Screw all that then, I'll just focus my time and energy on my intellectual and leisurely hobbies. I can deal without all that." But deep down you know you can't.

So, I'll certainly send positive vibes your way and I definitely hope you can find a way to start feeling better very soon.

[muon2]

Hi all.  Just checking in.  I'll be moving to the Netherlands permanently in early August.  Snagged a job at Leiden University's Philosophy Institute.  Looking forward to a new life there.

Congrats on the new position. However, it sounds like you'll miss the eclipse at Carbondale.

[SATW]

Obligatory prayer/positive vibes request... I'm sorry if I'm bumming anyone out.  I'm crying now.

Prayers sent your way. One of the other issues I've been dealing with is mild-to-serious depression/anxiety, though I think my situation is a bit different then yours.

I've always been pretty social, for the most part, but my extroverted tendencies have wound up hurting me in terms of getting help for depression. I always felt like I had an obligation to put on a public face and stay active in my communities. Came back to hurt me big time.

I think balance is something everyone should strive for, but much easier to say than actually do, of course.  I'm still struggling to find a balance.

[Santander]

LLR is in the LA Times.

Huh?

The main picture in the article:

[SATW]

LLR is in the LA Times.

Huh?

The main picture in the article:

lmaoo yesss

[LLR]

LLR is in the LA Times.

Huh?

The main picture in the article:

I'm actually gonna be there on Wednesday, I'll try to get a picture 

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

Thanks for the prayers and advice... I was PTSDing majorly last night.  I honestly believe the only way to kick these problems that I've had my entire life would be for me to check out of this life early, but then I have my mom to worry about, and of course upsetting God.  I honest to God don't want to be here anymore, and if I must then I want to be unconscious for as much of it as I can, just so that I don't have to be in pain.

The only person left in my life right now (outside the internet) is my mom.  She's all that's left.  When her time comes, whether it's thirty days or thirty years from now, I know I'll be evaluating a lot of things.  Her health isn't good either, though.  I don't know what's going to happen.  I'll do what I think is best when the time comes.

[SATW]

Stay strong, Scott. I know it's not easy, our situations are different, but that bitter feeling of disillusion is similar.

[Classic Conservative]

I just met Secretary Zinke!

[Grumpier Than Thou]

I just met Secretary Zinke!

Did his powerful facial structure crush you at a mere glance?