The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Context:

Yes. For everyone but myself, of course.

Can we please have a higher standard for "hilarity"?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Amazing.

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I am a Leninist.

I love Santander

I recall "The Turner Diaries" being described as a "Leninist fantasy", so let's be a bit wary.

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All I know is that Ollie Stone's movie was fascinatingly unpersuasive at proving that gay Republicans were the ones who actually masterminded the assassination and that they framed Oswald.

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those ungrateful Europeans who want to live of American money deserve that blasting . They all should pay their fare share or either agree to be cut off completely from America or they should agree to Do what ever America tells them too without opposition.

Do I even want to click On the thread two See what he is talking about.

Talk to text?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

The Bushes are the most successful Anglo crime family in American history. They've become so successful that many of their younger generation could almost pass as Sicilians.

Bill and Hillary Clinton are two loosely-affiliated, politically-ambitious individuals who had sexual relations at least once about 38 years ago. They share a Chappaqua mailing address, where they also store minutes of Bilderberg Group meetings, the real financial statements of the Clinton Foundation, and the phone numbers of George Soros and the owner of Comet Ping Pong.

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Answering a question about taxes: Goes from, "I'm tired" to "I have personal issues" to "be bipartisan" to "Jesus". Yup. Logical answer.

Isn't this what happens every time you ask me about tax policy?

WAH, I just did this for eleventy hours today! Why won't they pay me enough to buy a gorgeous mansion filled with beautiful furniture! It's not fair! I am a good moderate person! I love everyone as He commanded! Especially the Son who I worship every day!

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Both are terrible but at least May wants to curb civil liberties.

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On a related note, I'm curious if there are glory holes for women

on the streetz i hear they're called vaginas

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Ugh, I wasn't going to betray his trust yesterday, but this is pretty funny, and I'd really like to piece this timeline together for maximum hilarity. So if a good moderator is going to do it...

Wait... why would Sparky, a presumably straight male, want to date another straight male?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

So far as I figure, there's only one way to tell if Spark is for real, and that is for Virginia or Skunk/hynza to take one for the team and go on a date with him.

Do I at least get a security detail?

I have extensive experience in this area, but will need cover for travel and expenses.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I had gotten a tip about a week ago, but was out of town. Moreover, big deal. Who cares?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Wallace was 1968. Thurmond was 1948.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

A bigamist protestant icon smasher, church burner and priest buggerer was teaching a class on Henry VIII, known heretic.

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Martin Luther and accept that he was the most inspired prophet the world has ever known, even greater than the Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a wise, devoted, loving, Opus Dei member who had led 1500 sinners to Christ and understood the necessity of papal infallibility and fully supported all theological decisions made by the Bishop of Rome stood up and held up a rock.

”Is this rock solid?”

The arrogant hun smirked quite blasphemously and replied “Clearly it is solid. What is your point?”

"This rock is as solid as the rock Jesus founded his church upon - the rock of St. Peter, for even in your heathen manuscripts Lord Jesus says 'On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.'”

The protestant was visibly shaken, and dropped his condom and copy of the The Ninety-Five Theses. He stormed out of the room crying those protestant crocodile tears. The same tears protestants cry for the “inquisition” (while today witches and pagans are rarely even maimed and immolated) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the Vatican. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Martin van Oranje, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a protestant hate-spewer and blasphemer. He wished so much that he had a priest right now to baptise him.

The students applauded and were all baptised Catholic that day and liberated themselves from guilt and punishment due to Original Sin. An archangel named “Mary, Queen of Heaven” flew into the room and perched atop the keys to Heaven given to St. Peter by Jesus and shed a tear on the condom. The Nicene Creed was read several times, and God himself showed up and told Orthodox believers that they were wrong.

The protestant was forgiven for his sins and accepted, gratefully and joyously, into the Church . He died fighting as a martyr for the faith and was collected into the bosom of Jesus after his death.

Amen

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Simple he is the governor of LA , and as long as he is popular there he will win the state.

This gentleman wants to have a word with you:

Long was never the Democratic nominee

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Judging by her hair in that picture, this all went down in 1988, so it probably won't make a big impact.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Regards
DL

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

As someone with some Irish blood going through my veins, I find this as a disgusting proposal that is blatantly disrespectful to Irish culture.

it's not a real holiday, you can't abolish something that's not real.  And even if BRTD and his fellow authoritarians passed some (clearly unconstitutional) law banning green beer in March or whatever, it wouldn't stop you from celebrating your Irishness.

It's like the "Put God Back In School" people....when the hell did God leave school?  Do you not listen to the crap you teach your children?  God is everywhere bro!  You need to pray?  So, pray!  Nobody needs to see you doing it, didn't Jesus even say as much?  Pray to yourself you big babies!

It came without lager!
It came without stout!
It came without cabbage, or corned beef, or trout!

Then the Orangeman puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
And the Orangeman thought something he hadn't before-
What if Paddy's, he thought, doesn't come from a store?
What if Paddy's, perhaps, means a little bit more?

All good Christians should celebrate the contribution of Patrick to the faith.  God bless us everyone!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

My chess teacher always taught me that if someone offered a piece and you suspect it's brilliant offer which will get you mated but you genuinely can't calculate it (or you can't recognize a clear mating pattern without calculating), you should just take the offer and see where it leads. Either you get mated and you learnt something or your calculations were right, it was a blunder and you win. Long story short: I'll say yes.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Lean Right.

If this is a smear aimed at my alcohol intake, I refuse to accept it.

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Cultures don't exist.

Someone get this guy a #Wokeness award.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Trump, Paul and AOC as the misfit team forced to akwardly work together. I smell a Netflix Original Series.

I dunno, it sounds more like a lame sitcom to me:

"This April, ABC Family is bringing you a kooky Washington adventure the whole family can enjoy!  Don't worry, mom; there aren't any scary swamp creatures here, just a quirky cast of characters who couldn't be more different.  One's a socialist community organizer from The Bronx; the other is a conservative ophthalmologist from Kentucky.  And as if that weren't enough, they're teaming up with America's zaniest President: Donald J. Trump.  You've heard of a boy and his dog, but how about a President and his smartphone?  That's right, The Donald has just discovered Twitter and it's driving his advisors bonkers.  This whacky team may not always see eye to eye, but they'll have to work together if they want to community organize enough congressional support to bring America's best and brightest home before our troops have a little too much fun with their silly Syrian shenanigans.  Along the way, this unlikely trio will share a lot of laughs, a few tears, and – if they don't kill each other first – just might discover that politics really does make...Strange Bedfellows."

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

via Imgflip Meme Generator

I'm sure you can guess the target of this.

... I really need to reappropriate O-MI.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

The Republican Party is the party of the casual meth user with a record of Simple Battery, Aggravated Possession, and DUI. They dropped out of the 11th grade because they didn’t believe in birth control but somehow believed underaged sex was OK. Two years later they went to make $27 bucks an hour on the oil rig outside of Williston,ND on a 7 by 12 basis, 2 weeks on and two weeks off. That’s about 70k a year for manual labor two years later. They were good at and now 25, they hasLove 5 guys under them and they make what a typical small law partner or senior software engineer makes. About 10 or 11 a month. By 45, they will either have  an equal chance of having 10 million dollars, be homeless, or in prison.

The Democratic Party is the party of the speech and debate nerd or Soccer scholar who got into a place like Middlebury or Oberlin. They went into an ambitious major and yet still expected to manage it while ending up stoned on the quad or in a stranger’s bed every Sunday Morning. When they got their first “C” or “D” in their life in Calculus II their Freshman year, they became burnt out and thought the disappointing grade alone was enough to eliminate them from the graduate or professional school of their choice. They then decided to triple major in business, psychology, and political science and eventually they graduated in six years. After looking for a job for a year and only being able to get a job at a call center making 350 a week, they Ldecided to take the GRE and go for their MPA. The same thing happened after their MPA and now they are in their second year of law school at Arizona State (a school with a solid, but not stellar reputation) with an average rank. They are 30 years old and the most money they ever made was last summer at their 1L summer clerkship at a 40 lawyer firm in Phoenix making 20 bucks an hour. This person has an equal chance that by 45, they will be making what the person above them was making when they were 25, being a substitute teacher living on some kind of welfare, or doing something lucrative and sexy that they could have done all along.

The difference between the Bush Obama years and the Trump Biden years is the former is now more likely to be a bisexual Puerto Rican girl from a place like Osceola County and the later a ScotsIrish Baptist boy from a place like Cobb County.

Context: "Are the Democrats Now the Party of the Rich" thread.

https://talkelections.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=413103.msg7769530#msg7769530

This could arguably go into the Virginia Museum for good posts thread. Someone satirical or not, there's more than a few grains of Truth in there to Warrant some serious mad respect.

I'm honestly incredibly confused as to how to think of it. It's great comedy and even better literature, and captures an important essential truth of our evolving system, while at the same time demeaning all involved.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Was going to post Yellowhammer's farewell thread but he yanked it already.

Nah, I deleted it, I didn't appreciate him calling everyone an idiot on his way out.

While it wasn't exactly the "Lovesong of J. Alfred Yellowhammer" blaming Atlas for stealing his youth and vigor was pretty hilarious.

Wtf.

Anyone save the OP so they can PM it to me?

Same.