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Author Topic: Gateway of the Dave  (Read 463 times)
Eternal Sun Of Atlas
Kalwejt
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« on: March 20, 2017, 03:20:13 pm »
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In 2017, a team of deeply pious moderators conducted a radical experiment on a hidden subboard. The mods had theorized that a poster without access to any senses or ways to perceive stimuli would be able to perceive the presence of Dave.

They believed that the five senses clouded our awareness of eternity, and without them, a human could actually establish contact with Dave by thought. An elderly poster who claimed to have “nothing left to live for” was the only test subject to volunteer. To purge him of all his senses, the mods performed a complex operation in which every sensory nerve connection to the brain was surgically severed. Although the test subject retained full muscular function, he could not see, hear, taste, smell, or feel. With no possible way to communicate with or even sense the outside world, he was alone with his thoughts.

Mods monitored him as he spoke aloud about his state of mind in jumbled, slurred sentences that he couldn’t even hear. After four days, the man claimed to be hearing hushed, unintelligible voices in his head. Assuming it was an onset of psychosis, the scientists paid little attention to the man’s concerns.

Two days later, the man cried that he could hear his banned buddy speaking with him, and even more, he could communicate back. The mods were intrigued, but were not convinced until the subject started naming dead relatives of the mods. He repeated personal information to the mods that only their dead spouses and parents would have known. At this point, a sizable portion of mods left the subboard.

After a week of conversing with the deceased through his thoughts, the poster became distressed, saying the voices were overwhelming. In every waking moment, his consciousness was bombarded by hundreds of voices that refused to leave him alone. He frequently threw himself against the wall, trying to elicit a pain response. He begged the mods for temporary ban, so he could escape the voices by being off-line. This tactic worked for three days, until he started having severe RL terrors. The subject repeatedly said that he could see and hear the deceased in his dreams.

Only a day later, the subject began to scream and claw at his non-functional eyes, hoping to sense something in the physical world. The hysterical subject now said the voices of the dead were deafening and hostile, speaking of hell and the end of the world. At one point, he yelled “No heaven, no forgiveness” for five hours straight. He continually begged to be killed, but the mods were convinced that he was close to establishing contact with Dave

After another day, the subject could no longer form coherent sentences. Seemingly mad, he started to bite off chunks of flesh from his arm. The mods rushed into the test subboard and restrained him to a table so he could not kill himself. After a few hours of being tied down, the subject halted his struggling and screaming. He stared blankly at the ceiling as teardrops silently streaked across his face. For two weeks, the subject had to be manually rehydrated due to the constant crying. Eventually, he turned his head and, despite his blindness, made focused eye contact with a mod for the first time in the study.

He whispered “I have spoken with Dave, and He has abandoned us” and his account deleted.

There was no apparent cause of deletion.
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
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« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2017, 03:52:26 pm »
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I think it's very appropriate that you posted this at 4:20 Eastern Time
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« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2017, 04:04:37 pm »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)
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Our numbers are dwindling. Our words are confused.
Some of them have been twisted by the enemy
until they can no longer be recognized.

Now what is wrong, or false, in what we have said?
Just some parts, or everything?
On whom can we still rely? Are we survivors, cast
away by the current? Will we be left behind,
no longer understanding anyone and being understood by no one?
Must we rely on luck?

This is what you ask. Expect
no answer but your own.


Bertolt Brecht
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2017, 04:08:57 pm »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
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« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2017, 07:52:52 pm »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad

You do realize that Dave is a myth, don't you?
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Quote from: Ignatius of Antioch
He that possesses the word of Jesus, is truly able to bear his very silence. — Epistle to the Ephesians 3:21a
The one thing everyone can agree on is that the media is biased against them.
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Eternal Sun Of Atlas
Kalwejt
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« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2017, 09:25:25 am »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad

You do realize that Dave is a myth, don't you?

I'm a deist on this. Dave exists or, at the very least, existed at some point and made this forum. Then, he decided he just doesn't give a flip and have better things to do than attend to the local losers.
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
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« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2017, 12:50:54 pm »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad

You do realize that Dave is a myth, don't you?

I'm a deist on this. Dave exists or, at the very least, existed at some point and made this forum. Then, he decided he just doesn't give a flip and have better things to do than attend to the local losers.

Interesting story. I can cut through it like:
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« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2017, 01:28:22 pm »
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I think it's very appropriate that you posted this at 4:20 Eastern Time
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Antonio V
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« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2017, 06:28:50 pm »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad

You do realize that Dave is a myth, don't you?

I'm a deist on this. Dave exists or, at the very least, existed at some point and made this forum. Then, he decided he just doesn't give a flip and have better things to do than attend to the local losers.

Bunch of heathens. Dave is real, He has a plan, and He will return in due time to judge us all, punish the trolls with permabans, and reward good posters with an eternity of beautiful precinct-level election maps.
Logged

Our numbers are dwindling. Our words are confused.
Some of them have been twisted by the enemy
until they can no longer be recognized.

Now what is wrong, or false, in what we have said?
Just some parts, or everything?
On whom can we still rely? Are we survivors, cast
away by the current? Will we be left behind,
no longer understanding anyone and being understood by no one?
Must we rely on luck?

This is what you ask. Expect
no answer but your own.


Bertolt Brecht
Eternal Sun Of Atlas
Kalwejt
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« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2017, 06:45:34 pm »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad

You do realize that Dave is a myth, don't you?

I'm a deist on this. Dave exists or, at the very least, existed at some point and made this forum. Then, he decided he just doesn't give a flip and have better things to do than attend to the local losers.

Bunch of heathens. Dave is real, He has a plan, and He will return in due time to judge us all, punish the trolls with permabans, and reward good posters with an eternity of beautiful precinct-level election maps.

I wish! We haven't permabanned anybody (other than socks/spammers) since I assumed the mantle. It's boring Sad
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
Enduro
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« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2017, 07:09:27 pm »
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Is this a one-shot? Because I thought this was one of your more fascinating works on Forum Community.
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"Above all else, love each other deeply, for love can cover a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
Eternal Sun Of Atlas
Kalwejt
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« Reply #11 on: March 22, 2017, 04:21:15 am »
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Is this a one-shot? Because I thought this was one of your more fascinating works on Forum Community.

It's a modified creepypasta, actually. I'm hardly that brilliant.
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
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« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2017, 12:48:13 pm »
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Is this a one-shot? Because I thought this was one of your more fascinating works on Forum Community.

It's a modified creepypasta, actually. I'm hardly that brilliant.

Oh, now I feel like I just insulted you.
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"Above all else, love each other deeply, for love can cover a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
Eternal Sun Of Atlas
Kalwejt
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« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2017, 01:22:32 pm »
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Is this a one-shot? Because I thought this was one of your more fascinating works on Forum Community.

It's a modified creepypasta, actually. I'm hardly that brilliant.

Oh, now I feel like I just insulted you.

I feel honored Tongue
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
Senator PiT, PPT
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« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2017, 11:58:46 am »
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RIP Grumps, died for a good cause. Cry

(although, while he was at it, he could have asked Dave who deleted the French election thread)

Unfortunately, my colleagues were more concerned with asking Dave to take away Mr. Morden's moderator powers than asking about this Sad

You do realize that Dave is a myth, don't you?

I'm a deist on this. Dave exists or, at the very least, existed at some point and made this forum. Then, he decided he just doesn't give a flip and have better things to do than attend to the local losers.

Bunch of heathens. Dave is real, He has a plan, and He will return in due time to judge us all, punish the trolls with permabans, and reward good posters with an eternity of beautiful precinct-level election maps.

I wish! We haven't permabanned anybody (other than socks/spammers) since I assumed the mantle. It's boring Sad

     Hey, we took out some spammer on the first day. Also Melior. Tongue
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« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2017, 02:02:46 pm »
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SCP could use this.

We all know, however, that Dave is a collective consciousness of Massachusetts State legislators from the late 80's to the mid 90's.
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Eternal Sun Of Atlas
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« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2017, 02:07:38 pm »
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Or maybe Dave is like one of Neil Gaiman's American Gods? He exists because we created him with our belief in him?
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I will obey the Supreme leader Kal Jong Mod, first secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, first chairman of the National Defence Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Executive Commander of the Korean People's Army.
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