Alternate Careers

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Newton Leroy Gingrich

1943: Born June 17 as Newton Leroy McPherson in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
1946: Has his last name changed to Gingrich after his stepfather adopts him.
1961: Shortly after graduating from Baker High School in Columbus, Georgia., he committs his first sexual assault.
1963: While studying, Gingrich has already seven successfull rapes on his account, having skilfully escaped capture. The press dubs an illusive rapist as the "Atlanta Predator", while informally he becomes better known as the "Fingerin' Fella".
1964: After being stopped for bad driving with his last intended victim showed in the trunk of his car, Gingrich is subsequently prosecuted, found guilty of three counts of rape and sentenced to death in the electrich chair.
1965: Executed.
1967: After reading about "Fingerin' Fella's" exploits, a young Chicago woman named Hillary Rodham decided to become a true crime writer, eventually becoming top at her field. "I thought of a political career before, can you imagine?" she said in one interview with a hearty laughter.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Dolph Lang

1889 Born in New York City as Adolf Hitler to a couple of Austrian immigrants. Achieved the natural born U.S. citizenship by jus soil.
1891: Adolf's father, a former minor Austrian civil servant who, after losing his post decided to seek a new life in America, dies. Adolf's mother remarries to a German American (with partial Jewish roots) named Carl Lang. An honest and hard-working man with no children on his own, he who would have a strong, positive influence on his stepson.
1894: Adolf is formally adopted by his stepfather and given his surname, Lang. Later the same year, with some money he managed to acquire through his hard work, the family moves west, all the way to North Dakota (dominated by German Americans). They establish a moderately prosperous farm, growing mostly barley.
1906: After graduating (as salutatorian) from the high school, Dolph (as he went to be called now) decided to spent a full year working in hope of amassing enough money to attend college. Instead of just one year, he spends full two working various menial jobs in the West and South. Upon witnessing Jim Crow laws on his own eyes, Dolph becomes an ardent opponent of racism.
1909: With enough money saved, and some scholarship, Dolph Lang enrolls in the Stanford University with an aim to become an architect. Although he dreamed of becoming a famous painter as a kid, he eventually took upon advice of his teacher to purse the architecture instead.
1915: Dolph goes back home with his architectural degree. After experiencing hard start, he eventually starts working in an architectural firm in Fargo, slowly climbing the ladder due to his hard work qualities.
1916: Dolph's mother Clara, a cancer survivor, and stepfather perishes in a train crash. Depressed, Dolph drowns himself in work.
1917: Dolph Lang enlists in the Army following declaration of war against Germany. Due to his roots and knowledge of German affairs, he is given staff work at General Pershing headquarters. Until his death, Dolph would feel ashamed he didn't sniff a gunpowder. However, he is commended for his diligent service and is discharged as Captain.
1919: Dolph Lang returns to North Dakota, facing a civilian life.

TBC.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Dolph Lang

1889 Born in New York City as Adolf Hitler to a couple of Austrian immigrants. Achieved the natural born U.S. citizenship by jus soil.
1891: Adolf's father, a former minor Austrian civil servant who, after losing his post decided to seek a new life in America, dies. Adolf's mother remarries to a German American (with partial Jewish roots) named Carl Lang. An honest and hard-working man with no children on his own, he who would have a strong, positive influence on his stepson.
1894: Adolf is formally adopted by his stepfather and given his surname, Lang. Later the same year, with some money he managed to acquire through his hard work, the family moves west, all the way to North Dakota (dominated by German Americans). They establish a moderately prosperous farm, growing mostly barley.
1906: After graduating (as salutatorian) from the high school, Dolph (as he went to be called now) decided to spent a full year working in hope of amassing enough money to attend college. Instead of just one year, he spends full two working various menial jobs in the West and South. Upon witnessing Jim Crow laws on his own eyes, Dolph becomes an ardent opponent of racism.
1909: With enough money saved, and some scholarship, Dolph Lang enrolls in the Stanford University with an aim to become an architect. Although he dreamed of becoming a famous painter as a kid, he eventually took upon advice of his teacher to purse the architecture instead.
1915: Dolph goes back home with his architectural degree. After experiencing hard start, he eventually starts working in an architectural firm in Fargo, slowly climbing the ladder due to his hard work qualities.
1916: Dolph's mother Clara, a cancer survivor, and stepfather perishes in a train crash. Depressed, Dolph drowns himself in work.
1917: Dolph Lang enlists in the Army following declaration of war against Germany. Due to his roots and knowledge of German affairs, he is given staff work at General Pershing headquarters. Until his death, Dolph would feel ashamed he didn't sniff a gunpowder. However, he is commended for his diligent service and is discharged as Captain.
1919: Dolph Lang returns to North Dakota, facing a civilian life.

TBC.

Is he going to become Ambassador to Germany?

Also, is his name change similar to Gerald Ford's?

Actually, I thought of Fritz Lang and decided it'd be a nice irony.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

George Mitchell
Governor of Maine - 1975-1981
President of the United States - 1981-1989
Secretary-General of the United Nations - 1992-2001

You guys do realize someone from the "Big Five" (countries with permanent seats in the Security Council) can't be a Secretary General?

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Bernie "Feel the Bern" Sanders

1941: Born in Brooklyn, New York City.
1956: First contacts with the borough organized crime
1960: Becomes a hitman and interrogator for the NYC Jewish mob.
1961: Earns a fearful reputation. "Feel the Bern" becomes a byword after his infamous torture techniques.
1962: Arrested, tried and sentenced to death.
1963: Executed in the electric chair at Sing Sing, second-to-last person to suffer death penalty in New York.
2018: Jfern, Landslide Lyndon and James Monroe s**tpost about some other candidate.