Baghdad Bob game

[Cashew]

In this game the person above you will ask that you a difficult question about ___, and it is your job as the spokesperson to come up with the most outlandish explanation possible. Try to avoid something vague like 4d chess.

Example of a question:
What is your response to the collapse of the Iraqi army, the advance on Baghdad, and the disapearance of your leader?

Response: You fools, do you really think an army as mighty as ours would crumble so easily, soon the Americans will be overextended and the leader will personally command an uprising againat the invaders, after which the true military will show up and cut off their escape!

Why does Trump want to build a wall of solar panels after previously insisting on a normal wall?

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Because then the wall will be like any Trump property-hot! Too hot for any illegals to dare touch it!

Keystone Pipeline

[Crumpets]

Few people realize the Keystone Pipeline will help thousands of fish spawn upstream by pumping them along as well. In three years, I believe we will even have a hyperloop train running inside the pipeline itself, generating massive revenue for the states involved. Thus, I suspect we will have Al Gore and Elon Musk supporting and paying for the pipeline in no more than six months.

Why haven't reporters been allowed to film White House press briefings?

[dead0man]

Reporters can film the press briefings!  Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame Al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role.


Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

Roger Rabbit was framed by crooked special interests because he knew too much! Roger Rabiit threatened their stronghold on national politics!

Why hasn't the Fairly Odd Parents TV show been cancelled?

[Since I'm the mad scientist proclaimed by myself]

The Fairly Oddparents isn't a bad show. In fact, it isn't even a show at all. It is an alternate reality experiment that will revolutionize our understanding of the world. Hover jeeps, flying tables, and so much more will become the reality because of us airing this great show!

What do you have to say about the spy drones in peoples bedrooms you made to collect data for facebook, Mr. Zuckerburg?

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

None of the "people" my drones spy on are actual people, so it doesn't matter.  No one but me actually exists, you're just a bunch of artificially intelligent pieces of digital code programed to mimic human consciousnesses filtered through various thought patterns which are determined by complex algorithms.  For $10.00, I get to experience a simulation of the entire life of a wealthy technology executive in just five real world minutes.  It's like a cheap vacation that lets you live the life of your dreams, but the cheap simulation has some bugs so sometimes someone will make a movie portraying me as an asshole or I'll make a bad business decision without recouping my losses (and you can't rewrite the historical background settings aside from the basics like year, dominant economic system, etc).  You get what you pay for, I suppose.  The technology was developed about 50 real world years ago after some computer genius watched the Black Mirror Christmas special while he was high as a kite.

Why do birds exist?

[Kingpoleon]

They don't. So-called birds are just basically like ants that can fly, but kind of woolly mammoths with a bit of crocodilian ancestry, when you think about it. I know, they look like birds so fast they make your multi-head spin, but really they're just ants but fly but wooly mammoths but a bit of crocodilian heritage. So-called birds should embrace their crocodilian ancestry. It would greatly contribute to the false gharial's aerodynamics, as, after all, that is what science boils down to. No one thinks that is, but it is.

Why should the sky not be blue?