(((LLR)))/Wells 2017: A More Perfect Union!

[LLR]

(((LLR)))/Wells: A More Perfect Union

Hello all, my name is Long Live Rock, and i am here to announce my candidacy for President of Atlasia on the Pot-Smoking Hippie Communist Party with the lovely Mike Wells as my VP. We believe we know how to end the suffering of the Atlasian worker, and we have a very, very simple plan to do so:

• Atlasia will be declared a single and indivisible republic.
• Abolish all private property or land. The estates will be cultivated big league and with the most up-to-date technology in the interests of the whole of society.
• Institute a heavily progressive income tax, and abolish all other taxes.
• Abolish all rights of inheritance.
• Acquire the property of emigrants and rebels.
• Centralise credit in the hands of the Atlasian government, by means of a national bank with state capital and an exclusive monopoly. This will make it possible to regulate the economy in the interests of the entirety of the Atlasian population, undermining the big corporations, special interests, and conglomerates that control our nation.
• Collectivise all means of communication and transport in the hands of the Atlasian people. They shall become the property of Atlasia and shall be placed free at the disposal of any Atlasian citizen.
• Extend the factories and means of production owned by Atlasia; cultivate wastelands, and improve the soil.
• Equal responsibility of all to work. Establish industrial armies, especially for agriculture.
• Combine agriculture with manufacturing industries; gradually remove all the distinction between urban and rural areas by a more equal distribution of the populace over the country.
• Free education for all people in schools, colleges, and universities. Combine education with industrial production.
• Universally arm the people. In the future armies will also be labor armies simultaneously, so that troops will be able to support and feed themselves with a surplus. This will also be beneficial to the organization of labor.
• All legal services will be free of charge.
• All obligations, dues, debts, rents, etc., which have until this point weighed upon the working class, shall be abolished without compensation.
• All civil servants will receive the same salary, with the exception of civil servants who have a family to support, who will receive a higher salary.
• Atlasia will guarantee a livelihood to all workers and provide for those who are unable to work.
• Universal legal weed.
• Mandatory weed.
• Arrests for sobriety.
• Down with cis.
• Kill all men.
• Did we mention legal weed?

It is in the best interests of the Atlasian working class that we have written this platform. It is in the interests of all Atlasians, from those in deepest poverty to the affluent suburbians, that they support this platform for a better future. It is only when each and every one of these has been met that we as a nation, all the millions of us, will no longer be subjugated by the billionaires, bourgeoisie, and big businesses who have kept us from social mobility for so long. The elite would like to stall our revolution dead in its tracks. We must not let them. Atlasians must finally have the rights to wealth, power, and substances that they have been denied.

You may ask, why is someone who never stays in office and is inactive qualified to be president? Well, it doesn't make sense for the Atlasian worker to be represented by a career politician. Instead, their spokesman shall be a lazy career politician! We hold the keys to a bright future, and voting for us will make your life better. Ask us anything on your mind!

Workers of Atlasia, Unite!


(Also, we will continue Mike's campaign promise of a free brownie for every voter)

[Wells]

I am proud to be a part of this ticket. It stands for so many things I stand for (like the 23rd bullet point) and so much more!

When I started my Atlasia career a little less than a year ago, if you had told me I had started running a tabloid and for president on a fully fledged communist ticket, I would have wondered if you had eaten one of my brownies. But now I'm more happy with where I am in Atlasia than ever before! Nothing can top this. Except maybe a brownie.

With a platform that either paraphrases or completely lifts itself from traditional communist orthodoxy (plus some pot), our campaign is sure to be, quite literally, revolutionary. The people finally have a voice in us. The proletariat will no longer quietly work their butts off every day for a pittance. They will be seen. And they will make their voices heard. They want freedom from their oppression by the top 1%. And they have this ticket to accomplish all of it.

Just imagine a new Atlasia, where everyone is truly equal. That's what we all really need.

Vote for us next month and Atlasia will never be higher!

[Lincoln Republican]

Uh, excuse me, but the last time I checked, there is something called biological reproduction.

If you kill all men, as in your platform, how do you propose to perpetuate the human species in Atlasia?

[LLR]

Uh, excuse me, but the last time I checked, there is something called biological reproduction.

If you kill all men, as in your platform, how do you propose to perpetuate the human species in Atlasia?

Sperm banks, love.

[Kamala]

Uh, excuse me, but the last time I checked, there is something called biological reproduction.

If you kill all men, as in your platform, how do you propose to perpetuate the human species in Atlasia?

Sperm banks, love.

Also immaculate conceptions, right?

[Terry the Fat Shark]

Would you grant the angry NH women their own autonomous republic?

[LLR]

Uh, excuse me, but the last time I checked, there is something called biological reproduction.

If you kill all men, as in your platform, how do you propose to perpetuate the human species in Atlasia?

Sperm banks, love.

Also immaculate conceptions, right?

I mean, when you're that high anything is possible

Would you grant the angry NH women their own autonomous republic?

We'd start a commission with honorable angry women Jeanne Shaheen and Maggie Hassan to discuss the future of their wonderful culture

[Mr. Reactionary]

Endorsed for 2nd preference. (1st if Oakville is nominated).

[Lincoln Republican]

Uh, excuse me, but the last time I checked, there is something called biological reproduction.

If you kill all men, as in your platform, how do you propose to perpetuate the human species in Atlasia?

Sperm banks, love.

But you are not looking ahead.  Eventually, your supply will run out, as there will be no more men.

The human species as we know it will disappear in Atlasia in a generation, unless you plan to import men from other countries and other parts of the world.    

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

Uh, excuse me, but the last time I checked, there is something called biological reproduction.

If you kill all men, as in your platform, how do you propose to perpetuate the human species in Atlasia?

Sperm banks, love.

Also immaculate conceptions, right?

Wouldn't that go against the theology of the presidential candidate, though?

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

But you are not looking ahead.  Eventually, your supply will run out, as there will be no more men.

Easy. Raise any boys that come into fruition and have them transition after making some donations. That way, we can still have no men while being able to maintain sperm banks.

Wouldn't that go against the theology of the presidential candidate, though?

Shh...

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

OMG Its the Proletarian Abyss!


Its going to kill us all!


REAGAN!!! THATCHER!!! WHERE ARE YOU?

[LLR]

Really sick and tired of the lying mainstream media not treating us like a serious ticket!

[Enduro]

Judging by the slogan's use of language taken from the American declaration of Independence, this ticket means to bring about an end to Atlasia and a return of old American government!

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

[LLR]

Judging by the slogan's use of language taken from the American declaration of Independence, this ticket means to bring about an end to Atlasia and a return of old American government!

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

I will not tolerate such anti-Semitic slurs in my thread

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

That is old news, Leinad.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

That is old news, Leinad.

OMG, Enduro is a Leinad Sock?!!!!!!!!!

[Enduro]

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

That is old news, Leinad.

Check the name, honey.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

That is old news, Leinad.

Check the name, honey.

All LIAR-Georgia avatars are LIEnad. Duh!

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

That is old news, Leinad.

Check the name, honey.

Sorry — Governor Leinad.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

LLR and Mike are members of the American Illuminati confirmed.

That is old news, Leinad.

Check the name, honey.

All LIAR-Georgia avatars are LIEnad. Duh!

All Georgia avatars are Adam and Adam is Bacon King.

[IceAgeComing]

I believe that it is incredibly unsporting of everyone else to post so much as to hide the campaign thread of the best campaign on the second page!

Needless to say, I shall be giving the best ticket my number 1 in the next election.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

I believe that it is incredibly unsporting of everyone else to post so much as to hide the campaign thread of the best campaign on the second page!

Needless to say, I shall be giving the best ticket my number 1, in the next election.

Then you all must post in it, more.

[Wells]

Rally in Nevada (The part where we discussed our plan for the environment.)

It's fukin hot out. And that brings me to another very important plank in our platform: global warming. Listen guys, all the world's scientists except for a few crazy people think that global warming is a very serious topic. And the reason it is happening is because of our greenhouse gas emissions stemming from big business.

I mean, of course the corporations and bourgeois and capitalists would be polluting the world so badly the very climate of the planet is changing. And it is clear that we need real, radical change before it is too late. Now I give the mic to LLR so he can elaborate on what exactly our plan is.

[LLR]

Thanks, Mike.

To me, it's obvious where the problem is: the bourgeoisie! I hate how this world of ours is being ruined by the greed of big corporations! We need to use clean energy, not the dirty ugly oil and gas. They kill fish! And polar bears! Nobody wants dead fish and polar bears. They're cute! And so we need to do our part to make sure that our planet is still habitable a hundred years from now. Do it for the children! And the cute polar bears! We're gonna deal with this sh**t, we're gonna crack down on the bourgeoisie.

I'll do my part as president to make sure the climate stops acting like a greenhouse on steroids. Let's nationalize the energy sector! After all, it's obvious that letting the bourgeois do what they want, paving paradise and putting up a parking lot, has turned out to be a huge failure for the Earth and its environment. We're getting worse storms, worse droughts, less ecological diversity. And the big corporations, using logic that I hate, say "We're making money, so it's all good." They need to start ignoring profits entirely and just switch over to green energies completely. And sure you can impose a carbon tax or do some other "market-based" i. e. capitalist solution, but at this point it's going to be too little and way too late.

What we need is a complete overhaul of the system overnight, and the only way that can be accomplished is by the government taking over the entire energy sector, switching all production to green energy instead of fossil fuels, and then having workers' councils run the companies forever more.You may say it won't work, but then I'll point out how the worker's councils in Catalonia worked out very well. Production increased by up to 50%!

Some people might ask "What about the coal miners?" Well, the coal miners will have lots of new jobs making solar power. After all, we need 40 people working solar to produce the same amount of power that one oil worker makes (we don't have the stats for coal but it can't be that different). Can you say JOB CREATION? Those coal miners who got laid off by their evil bourgeois bosses will have the last laugh when they have a job again and the boss is stuck as the factory janitor. And still making the same amount of money, unless the workers' council decides otherwise.

Peace and love, y'all!