The Storm That Ate The GOP

[freedomburns]

The Storm That Ate The GOP
Who will pity the soulless Republican Party now that Katrina is mauling their regime?

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


Can you hear that? That low scraping moan, that painful scream, that compressed hissing wail like the sound of an angry alligator caught in a vise?

Why, it's the GOP, and they're screaming, "No, no it can't be, oh my God, please no, this damnable Katrina thing is just an unstoppable PR disaster for us!"

After all (they wail), who woulda thought dissing all those poor black people and letting so many of them die in filth and misery in the Superdome while our pampered CEO president enjoyed yet another vacation would cause such an ugly backlash, such harsh criticism of the glorious, rich-über-alles GOP creed?

Who knew it would lay bare our deeply inbred agenda of social injustice and civil neglect, and our systematic abuse of the country? This storm thing is so not the thing we need right now because, oh my God look, just look! We've been so golden! We've had the run of the candy store! We have been gods among swine!

Can you hear them? Hastert to DeLay to Frist to Santorum to Rove to Cheney to Bush himself, across the board and all down the snickering party line they keen, "It's not fair! We've been planning this regime, this overthrow for 40 years! We've worked so damn hard to drive a wedge into the culture and an ice pick into the heart of the nation, working like demons on meth to mangle this country's economy and sense of pride so as to boost corporate profits and lock down our wealth and empire!"

And now Katrina. And now a furious backlash we never predicted that could very well spell the death of our wanton free-for-all gluttony. Damn you, Mother Nature! Damn you, uppity female!

Just listen. Isn't that Dick Cheney, lying awake at night as the leeches drain his soul, muttering his woes to a well-narcotized Lynne? "Dammit, Lynney, what went wrong? We've got the House locked up and the Senate locked up and we can cram through any law or any referendum or toxic Patriot Act we like with next-to-zero outcry and no discussion on the floor ..."

We're successfully stuffing the lower courts with hundreds of homophobic neoconservative misogynist appointees and now we even own the Supreme Court -- the Supreme Court, pudding-thighs! -- and even the increasingly impotent California governor is more in our back pocket than we imagined. We've had the whole goddamn country under our thumb for five years, squirming like a stuck rat as we make out like robber barons.

What a run we've had! We've threatened major media into numb compliance and we run the FCC the way a pimp runs a cheap hooker and we've got a loudmouth right-wing pundit manning nearly every ideological outpost in every corner of the media globe while millions of stupefied 'Murkins still believe Fox News is a genuine source of integrity and honesty. Look at us go!

And don't forget, to back it all up and shore up the base, we've got so many hate-spitting pseudo-religious bonk jobs broadcasting their bile across roughly 1,600 militant Christian Midwestern talk-radio shows it would make Jesus himself cringe in pain, and even that soulless cretin Pat Robertson is comfy enough to start suggesting we assassinate foreign leaders who dare to dis BushCo.

Look what we've accomplished! We launched two brutal, devastating, unwinnable wars. We've let Osama bin Laden run happy and free for over four years, and counting. We just passed an obscene $12.3 billion energy bill that ensures our heroin-like dependency on foreign oil for the next two decades while misinformed 'Murkin GIs die in Iraq protecting us from $5 gallons of gas. Damn, we're good!

We torture innocent detainees in Iraq and abuse inmates at Guantánamo and chip away at women's rights and demonize homosexuals, and we strip the forests and gut the Clean Air Act and pollute the water and devastate the economy and cut welfare spending (whew!), and still the lemming people think we're gods because we keep them wrapped in fear and a whole pile of carefully orchestrated Rove-ian lies. We are, in short, f--ing geniuses.

But now, this. Now BushCo's spineless Katrina response and our party's obvious contempt for lazy poor people who don't own SUVs and Lockheed-Martin portfolios means Dubya's ratings have plummeted below 40, as many of his precious pet agenda items head for the Dumpster, including the gutting of Social Security and the gutting of Medicare and even more tax cuts for his wealthy cronies. Damn you, Mother Nature!

Even the media has stepped it up, taken off the kid gloves and begun hurling angry, pointed questions at BushCo for the first time in four years, ever since we muzzled them with one part threat and one part Rove and all parts corporate stranglehold. Hell, the damn media was on the ground in New Orleans within 24 hours of Katrina, beating our untrained monkeys from FEMA by three days. Who the hell do they think they are?

Ain't it a bitch? And now there are those who say the impermeable fortress o' pain known as the GOP might just lose the South next election due to its obvious lack of care for the lower classes, unless we can somehow scare them poor people into not voting again, or tell them if they vote Democrat they won't get any health care or food stamps or relief money or any of Barbara Bush's patronizing rich-grandma cookies. Hey, it worked last time.

So goes the GOP lament. Of course, it's not all bad (they say). Hell, the oil companies are as giddy as schoolgirls at being able to falsely jack up prices to over whopping 70 bucks a barrel, despite a recent (temporary) glut of supply. Halliburton is squealing like Jenna Bush at a kegger at scoring the contract to help rebuild New Orleans' infrastructure thanks to the fact that the former head of FEMA is now a Halliburton lobbyist, and the GOP plan to decimate FEMA and militarize emergency efforts is going -- pardon the pun -- swimmingly.

But something has shifted. Something is ugly and toxic in the water. This is what, I imagine, the GOP overlords are asking each other over cocktails and baby seal kabobs and whale-blood transfusions: Do you think the people are finally beginning to sense it? Are they finally waking up? You think they know that the fact that Bush is finally taking a modicum of responsibility for his administration's failure -- something he never, never does -- is a sign of true GOP desperation? Do you think they recognize that BushCo isn't really spending a dime on Katrina relief, that the $52 billion they just crammed through Congress without any discussion isn't actually going toward repairs and rebuilding at all?

You think people sense that all of it, every single dime, is going toward -- you guessed it -- PR? Spin control? You know it's true. Every government truck and every National Guardsman and every aid package and every miserable FEMA agent you see is merely in place to try and shore up Bush's miserable poll numbers, his dwindling support. Hell, it's the only reason Bush -- or his party -- does anything for the "good" of the nation.

But holy crap, it sure is expensive. It sure is annoying. It sure takes the GOP off its game of warmongering and finger-pointing and padding the pockets of the rich and pulverizing the economy like a ... like a ... yes, OK, like a hurricane. Damn you, Mother Nature.


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Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday on SF Gate and in the Datebook section of the SF Chronicle. To get on the e-mail list for this column, please click here and remove one article of clothing. Mark's column also has an RSS feed and an archive of past columns, which includes a tiny photo of Mark probably insufficient for you to recognize him in the street and give him gifts.


As if that weren't enough, Mark also contributes to the hot, spankin' SF Gate Culture Blog.

[AuH2O]

Where's a good communist rag when you need one? Oh wait, it's right here.

[freedomburns]

So, how is that whole capitalist thing working out for you?  Are you enjoying paying four dollars a gallon for gas?  It's not four dollars a gallon yet you say?  Um, don't blink.

I am enjoying riding my bike every day - more and more these days, actually.  I feel so superior for having had the foresight to set my life up the way I have.

[AuH2O]

Sorry, I'm not poor. Capitalism is actually working out quite nicely... I live it up in college, drive an Audi, can afford to go out as often as I want, etc. And I pay under $3 for premium gas.

Not everyone is smart enough to make a lot of money, but anyone who works hard can do plenty well.

[freedomburns]

I'm sorry you are not poor, too.  If you were, then you might see the effects your actions have on those who are less fortunate.  Every time you start that car you are giving someone cancer, polluting the world, forcing poor American boys to die in foreign lands and passing by an opportunity to work off some of that big beer gut by getting some fresh air and excercise. 

Although there are many in this country who are not poor economically, there are plenty who are poor in spirit, in conscience and in acknowledging the consequences of their actions.  I have greater respect for those who do not seek to affirm their personal worth by trumpeting the make of the car they drive, but rather I look to the actions and the lifestyles of people to determine their true worth.

fb

[MODU]

I'm sorry you are not poor, too.  If you were, then you might see the effects your actions have on those who are less fortunate.  Every time you start that car you are giving someone cancer, polluting the world, forcing poor American boys to die in foreign lands and passing by an opportunity to work off some of that big beer gut by getting some fresh air and excercise. 

Same thing happens when you turn on your computer.  The only way to avoid oil is by becoming Amish, and even then, they still use it for their lamps (though they can process their own domestic oil for that).  Even the American Indian tribes these days depend on oil.

[KEmperor]

Great, Jfern on acid is back.

[J. J.]

And of course the guy that actually sent the people to the convention center, and didn't bother to tell anyone (Including Governor Blanco), Ray Nagin, was alternately commuting between the NOLA Hyatt Regency and Baton Rouge while the crisis was going on.

[Ebowed]

Sorry, I'm not poor. Capitalism is actually working out quite nicely... I live it up in college, drive an Audi, can afford to go out as often as I want, etc. And I pay under $3 for premium gas.

Not everyone is smart enough to make a lot of money, but anyone who works hard can do plenty well.

You're such an elitist snob.

[Jake]

Sucks to have to ride a bike everywhere. Good luck being poor and pissed for the rest of your life.

[MODU]

Sucks to have to ride a bike everywhere. Good luck being poor and pissed for the rest of your life.

Well, now that wasn't called for.  If I could, I wouldn't mind riding my bike into work.  But since I prefer to live outside of the city where the streets are quiet and there are plenty of trees all around my home, bike riding to work is not an option for me.  But, on the flip side, my Mercury gets good gas mileage and I carpool into work (using someone elses car at that), so it balances things out.

[TheresNoMoney]

You're such an elitist snob.

I was thinking the same thing.

[AuH2O]

I came across that way but it's not how I am in person. The point was that he asked how capitalism was working for me, and the answer is "very good."

What am I supposed to say? I have money but I wish I was poor? Some lefties say dumb things like that but they're liars. I just tell it like it is.

[Giant Saguaro]

Now that article is pretty far out on the fringes. But what do I expect, considering the source - Frisco. Rah rah rah Katrina - K-A-T-R-I-N-A! You go, girl! Girl power. Woops. Uh, terrible tragedy. Yes indeed. Terr- ...'ing GOP and #!*^% government. Maybe THIS one will finally do the mothereffers in. Uh - I mean, I mean terrible tragedy.

[afleitch]

This is the Storm that ate the rat
That ran the FEMA
Appointed by the President
Who stole the election
Funded by Big Oil
That had links with Cheney
That funded the White House that Rove built!

[Blue Rectangle]

E.J. Dionne declared victory in the War on Bush today in his column:

You must be logged in to read this quote.

Fortunately for Bush, this joker is never right.

[David S]

The Storm That Ate The GOP
Who will pity the soulless Republican Party ....?

Not biased at all there are you?

This is an idiotic article. The author wants to blame
republicans for everything. Are we to believe that there was no poverty under Clinton?
Are we to believe that Clinton didn't end welfare?
Are we to believe that natural disasters don't happen when Democrats are in office?
Is the Republican president to blame for slow response in New Orleans while
the Democratic governor and mayor are totally blameless?
Get real!

[opebo]

Sorry, I'm not poor. Capitalism is actually working out quite nicely... I live it up in college, drive an Audi, can afford to go out as often as I want, etc. And I pay under $3 for premium gas.

Audis are crap, you dumb.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

No, neither intelligence nor 'hard work' have anything to do with one's position in the economic heirarhcy.

[opebo]

The Storm That Ate The GOP
Who will pity the soulless Republican Party ....?

Not biased at all there are you?

This is an idiotic article. The author wants to blame
republicans for everything. Are we to believe that there was no poverty under Clinton?
Are we to believe that Clinton didn't end welfare?
Are we to believe that natural disasters don't happen when Democrats are in office?
Is the Republican president to blame for slow response in New Orleans while
the Democratic governor and mayor are totally blameless?
Get real!

As usual, the libertarian misses the point.  You are such a closed-minded group you seem unable to read and understand simple essays.

The point is that capitalism caused the poverty that Katrina revealed, and that the GOP's laissez-faire pro-capitalist ideology is revealed as bad for nearly everyone.

Certainly the Democrats are awful too, just less so.

[J. J.]

As usual, the libertarian misses the point.  You are such a closed-minded group you seem unable to read and understand simple essays.

The point is that capitalism caused the poverty that Katrina revealed, and that the GOP's laissez-faire pro-capitalist ideology is revealed as bad for nearly everyone.

Certainly the Democrats are awful too, just less so.

Let's see, capitalism caused Nagin not to use the buses he had.  Capitalism caused 80,000+ not to attempt to get out and 10,000 to still stay there.  Are they waiting for the power to come back on so they can get the latest market quotes?

[opebo]

As usual, the libertarian misses the point.  You are such a closed-minded group you seem unable to read and understand simple essays.

The point is that capitalism caused the poverty that Katrina revealed, and that the GOP's laissez-faire pro-capitalist ideology is revealed as bad for nearly everyone.

Certainly the Democrats are awful too, just less so.

Let's see, capitalism caused Nagin not to use the buses he had.  Capitalism caused 80,000+ not to attempt to get out and 10,000 to still stay there.  Are they waiting for the power to come back on so they can get the latest market quotes?

No, I said capitalism caused the poverty that Katrina revealed.  I said absolutely nothing about the 'disaster response'.  Please try to actually read posts before responding, J.J.

Of course it was poverty which prevented persons from leaving.

[J. J.]

As usual, the libertarian misses the point.  You are such a closed-minded group you seem unable to read and understand simple essays.

The point is that capitalism caused the poverty that Katrina revealed, and that the GOP's laissez-faire pro-capitalist ideology is revealed as bad for nearly everyone.

Certainly the Democrats are awful too, just less so.

Let's see, capitalism caused Nagin not to use the buses he had.  Capitalism caused 80,000+ not to attempt to get out and 10,000 to still stay there.  Are they waiting for the power to come back on so they can get the latest market quotes?

No, I said capitalism caused the poverty that Katrina revealed.  I said absolutely nothing about the 'disaster response'.  Please try to actually read posts before responding, J.J.

Of course it was poverty which prevented persons from leaving.

What, that people in cities don't own cars, or that they don't have flood proof houses?  The classic case case is Fats Domino, who lost his late model Cadillac and his mansion in the flood.  He wasn't to poor to leave; he didn't want to leave.

You had 9,000 people before the storm hit who went to a public shelter (they should have been on buses).  After they got flooded out, you have 21,000 people who decided, "Hey, we should get to a shelter."  They didn't stay because they too poor to leave, they stayed because either they couldn't physically get out (disabled) or they didn't want to leave.  You still have about 10,000 that are saying, "Hell no, we won't go!"  That's not poverty.

[AuH2O]

Sorry, I'm not poor. Capitalism is actually working out quite nicely... I live it up in college, drive an Audi, can afford to go out as often as I want, etc. And I pay under $3 for premium gas.

Audis are crap, you dumb.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

No, neither intelligence nor 'hard work' have anything to do with one's position in the economic heirarhcy.

Your taste in cars apparently mirrors your grammar.

[opebo]

Sorry, I'm not poor. Capitalism is actually working out quite nicely... I live it up in college, drive an Audi, can afford to go out as often as I want, etc. And I pay under $3 for premium gas.

Audis are crap, you dumb.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

No, neither intelligence nor 'hard work' have anything to do with one's position in the economic heirarhcy.

Your taste in cars apparently mirrors your grammar.

I was referring to reliability, not taste.  Though it is true I find that sort of car repulsive.

[MODU]

Your taste in cars apparently mirrors your grammar.

I was referring to reliability, not taste.  Though it is true I find that sort of car repulsive.

That's why you kids need to buy Mercury's.    Haven't had a major issue with it for 8 years now.  hahaha