Bathroom politics

[dazzleman]

it's called a bodet.  ancient technology.  I don't care much for 'em myself.  A true conservative would probably calculate the destruction to mother earth by using tissue regularly, and that caused by using water regularly, and choose the option which conserves resources better.  Note, they make portable buckskin bodet as well for campers.  For the exceedingly environmentally conscious camper who doesn't want to use tissue, you can fill it up with water from a stream, then evacuate (far from the stream of course), and squeeze firmly on the buckskin (or, nowadays, GoreTex) pouch for that mountain-fresh springwater clean sensation.  I generally take a roll of Charmin when I'm hiking, though.  I'm conservative, but not that conservative.  We're big recyclers of plastic, glass, and metal, but as I said, I use liberal amounts of electricity when it comes to fart fan usage.  Better a big electric bill than a foul-smelling toilet.

we had a long discussion of wiping, and the advantages of tissue over other media, as I recall in Mrs. Adams' 2nd-grade class.  That was back in '75.  I remember tissue being the weapon of choice for my schoolmates.

angus, isn't it called a "bidet?"

[Bono]

I also find it funny that you would recommend banishment. I was never banned. Philip was never banned. Miss Catholic hasn't been banned. Populist/bandit hasn't been banned.

I don't get it. Does saying stupid things make you feel better?

Actually, Philip was banned.

[Bono]

it's called a bodet.  ancient technology.  I don't care much for 'em myself.  A true conservative would probably calculate the destruction to mother earth by using tissue regularly, and that caused by using water regularly, and choose the option which conserves resources better.  Note, they make portable buckskin bodet as well for campers.  For the exceedingly environmentally conscious camper who doesn't want to use tissue, you can fill it up with water from a stream, then evacuate (far from the stream of course), and squeeze firmly on the buckskin (or, nowadays, GoreTex) pouch for that mountain-fresh springwater clean sensation.  I generally take a roll of Charmin when I'm hiking, though.  I'm conservative, but not that conservative.  We're big recyclers of plastic, glass, and metal, but as I said, I use liberal amounts of electricity when it comes to fart fan usage.  Better a big electric bill than a foul-smelling toilet.

we had a long discussion of wiping, and the advantages of tissue over other media, as I recall in Mrs. Adams' 2nd-grade class.  That was back in '75.  I remember tissue being the weapon of choice for my schoolmates.

angus, isn't it called a "bidet?"

YEs, it is.

[opebo]

it's called a bodet.  ancient technology.  I don't care much for 'em myself.  A true conservative would probably calculate the destruction to mother earth by using tissue regularly, and that caused by using water regularly, and choose the option which conserves resources better.

I couldn't care less about using resources, I just find I feel much cleaner with the sprayer. 

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Lighting a match works better than anything.

[King]

Thomas Jefferson was elected President in a bathroom.

[angus]

If I had a nikel for every word I misspelled...

okay, bidet.  ancient technology.  Like I said, we buy Charmin, and that's what I carry around with me in a plastic Ziploc baggie when I'm hiking through central american jungles, for example.  Most of the backpacker crowd I've hiked with in the past tend to use tissue as well, though I didn't watch them wipe so I'm not sure which way they did it.  I knew one granola type girl who preferred using nothing, and one really well-prepared psychiatrist who I hiked with once who had all sorts of gadgets, including a hand-operated GoreTex bidet.  Well, anyway I voted for option one, because I do wipe toward the back and try to use no more tissue than necessary. 

Opebo, strike a match?!  Actually, you're not the first person who's done that.  I lived with a woman for four years who used to do that.  Oh, here's an idea:  Since I don't like the smell of feces, I'll combine it with the even more unpleasant stench of phosphorus sesquisulfide!  No thanks.  I never was able to break her of that nasty habit.  Man, burning P4S3 (often with a side of potassium chlorate since she fancied those white-tipped "strike anywhere" matches) just isn't my idea of a pleasant smell.  And in combination with shït, it's even worse.  I'll take the shït smell sans oxidizing sulfur, thank you.  The old english word for sulfur was brimstone, and when combusted in the presence of oxygen, sulfur yields sulfur dioxide, which is the same substance that is released when you cut into an onion causing your eyes to become irritated.  Most folks prefer neither sh**t nor burning brimstone, and certainly I don't like 'em in combination, which is why I'm a proponent of liberal usage of the fartfan.

Mrs. Adams class was weird that day.  It's a tad fuzzy in my memory, but as I recall we were into some story which mentioned corncobs.  Some students chuckled.  And so we had this long discussion about how, in the future, folks would have some as-yet unknown technology for taking away the dingleberries.  "Sponges perhaps?" I remember asking.  "maybe, who knows..." or something like that was the reply.  Some high tech bidet that works on hypersonic compression waves, perhaps.  whatever.  And then we had a poll to see who uses tissue, wood, the naked hand, a bidet, a sponge, a corncob with the corn removed, or something higher-tech.  The result was 100% tissue, as I recall.  Hadn't given ass-wiping a second thought since.  Till this poll, that is.  Seems 2nd graders and Rev Matthew think about the same sorts of things.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Jake]

Libertarians just pick at it BTW and Populists don't wipe at all.

[ian]

option 3

[angus]

Libertarians just pick at it BTW and Populists don't wipe at all.

I experimented today.  I wiped in the direction toward the scrotum.  I found that I used copious amounts of tissue in this exercise, perhaps because it was a new sensation and I couldn't be sure of getting clean enough with the usual amount.  So today I'm at option four.  Maybe when I wipe in my usual manner I'm more conservative with the tissue, and when I wipe in an unusual manner I use liberal amounts of tissue.  Of course, it's monday.  And I had my movement on campus where the stalls are stocked with John Wayne toilet paper rather than the nice Charmin TP that we use at home.  Those factors may have influenced my usage.  Either way, today it's option four.  I'll continue to give daily reports (twice daily sometimes) from here on if anyone's interested, though I shall continue to try to conserve resources.  Oh, and on friday evenings I often have very spicey food, so expect me to be very liberal in my TP usage on saturday mornings generally.

[MissCatholic]

how rude

[opebo]

Opebo, strike a match?!  Actually, you're not the first person who's done that.  I lived with a woman for four years who used to do that.  Oh, here's an idea:  Since I don't like the smell of feces, I'll combine it with the even more unpleasant stench of phosphorus sesquisulfide!  No thanks.  I never was able to break her of that nasty habit.  Man, burning P4S3 (often with a side of potassium chlorate since she fancied those white-tipped "strike anywhere" matches) just isn't my idea of a pleasant smell.  And in combination with shït, it's even worse.  I'll take the shït smell sans oxidizing sulfur, thank you.  The old english word for sulfur was brimstone, and when combusted in the presence of oxygen, sulfur yields sulfur dioxide, which is the same substance that is released when you cut into an onion causing your eyes to become irritated.  Most folks prefer neither sh**t nor burning brimstone, and certainly I don't like 'em in combination, which is why I'm a proponent of liberal usage of the fartfan.

The idea is that the flame burns up the methane gas which is the source of most of the odour.  You could use you lighter instead, or keep a candle burning.  Or use that little fan if you like. 

I guess smells don't bother me much.  What is the worst smell you've ever smelled angus?  I know which one it is for me, but it doesn't keep me away.

[angus]

That is not the idea at all.  First:  Methane is an odorless, colorless gas.  In fact, that's why cities put just a bit of methyl mercaptan (CH3SH) in the natural gas supply.  So you can detect leaks.  Without the dopant, you wouldn't smell it, as short chain hydrocarbons such as methane have no odor.  When you walk past the Mirage on Las Vegas Boulevard you'll notice the scent of tropical fruits.  That's because they chose to go another route with leak detection.  The fires at the Mirage are burning natural gas, and for the leak detection, they didn't want to use something like a reduced sulfur compound (after all, the gases produced by most mammals contained reduced sulfur compounds in trace amounts, especially if those mammals consumed lots of yellow sulfur-containing foods such as cheese and eggyolks), since the doping agent will be oxidized along with the hydrocarbons in the fancy flameshow they do.  So the Mirage chose the scents of tropical fruits and tropical flowers to use to dope their natural gas supply.  I catch a faint whiff of it every time I walk past the Mirage.  It's a lovely smell.  Second, you do not want to strike a match in a room full of methane.  Every one else here wants you to, of course, but I'd advise against it if you like your eyebrows.

[opebo]

Interesting, angus.  I know nothing about such practical matters.  So what makes farts smell?

[angus]

Interesting, angus.  I know nothing about such practical matters.  So what makes farts smell?

some farts are mostly carbon dioxide, like burps are.  those produced by cows who eat too much grass and by people who have had too much hard-to-digest foods such as 3-pound steaks are mostly methane.  Carbon dioxide and methane, along with water vapor, are known as "greenhouse" gases because, like glass panes in a greenhouse, they absorb infrared radiation, storing heat.  These greenhouse gases are odorless (to humans) and colorless (since they don't absorb visible radiation).  The smells are tag-along molecules, trace amounts of stuff that does have odors.  Typically reduced sulfur compounds.  Dimethyl thioether (CH3OCH3) and methyl mercaptan (CH3SH) are common.  Reduced sulfur compounds are those scents we associate with mammalian gases.  (Not oxidized sulfur compounds, such as SO2 and SO3, which is what you get when you put brimstone, or sulfur, on fire, or when you cut into an onion.  Of course, microbes in your body also turns the sulfur dioxide from onions into reduced sulfur compounds.)  If you consume boiled eggs and beer, for example, you have the perfect recipe for noxious blasts.  Lots of CO2 from the beer to make you gassy, and lots of sulfur from the eggs which is turned into smelly stuff.  Never sit behind the guy on the bus who's having a lunch of boiled eggs and beer!  Anyway, natural gas leaks smell like farts because they're meant to.  It's intentional, and it may save your life.