Name Tradition in Marriage

[MasterJedi]

I'd say it's positive and I have absolutly no problem with it.

[nclib]

But your name came from your father presumably, itself an indication of inequality.  Ditto for your presumtive wife.  Therefore, you hyphenated name is already a symbol of male dominance over females, by your thinking.

It's not ideal but it's a step in the right direction.

And in order to eradicate this male dominance, the length of everybody's last name will double each generation.  Yet you offer no solution to this problem.  Maybe you need to rethink your theory.

There are other ways to solve this problem without hypenating everybody's name. Each couple could choose whether to name the kids the mother's name or the father's name using criteria such as:

- combining or contracting names
- using the more ethnic name
- using the name of the parent who has fewer relatives with that name
- with two children naming one the mother's and one the father's

[dazzleman]

But your name came from your father presumably, itself an indication of inequality.  Ditto for your presumtive wife.  Therefore, you hyphenated name is already a symbol of male dominance over females, by your thinking.

It's not ideal but it's a step in the right direction.

And in order to eradicate this male dominance, the length of everybody's last name will double each generation.  Yet you offer no solution to this problem.  Maybe you need to rethink your theory.

There are other ways to solve this problem without hypenating everybody's name. Each couple could choose whether to name the kids the mother's name or the father's name using criteria such as:

- combining or contracting names
- using the more ethnic name
- using the name of the parent who has fewer relatives with that name
- with two children naming one the mother's and one the father's

Those are all ridiculous ideas.

[Gabu]

I'm going to keep the name my parents have given me for now. If my mom's last name is the same as my dad's, there's no point of adopting my mother's maiden name. It was he choice, and now I have to accept that. Now, it will be my choice when I get married to change my name. A name is who you are. It defines you, that's why I think it is important for women to keep their names- at least part.

I hate to sound like opebo, but it seems to me like that's an entirely subjective thing to say in such absolute terms.  I personally think that, given one's last name is not used very often, it is not completely changing who you are to simply take on your husband's last name.  It creates a sense of connection for a spouse to take on the other's name, although this doesn't necessarily mean it has to be the wife taking on the husband's name.

At the heart of it all, it's the couple's choice regarding who is the one to change his or her name, if anyone at all.  I mean no offense by this statement, but who are you to tell them what they should and shouldn't do?

[John Dibble]

A name is who you are. It defines you, that's why I think it is important for women to keep their names- at least part.

I have to say that I disagree wholeheartedly with this sentiment - I believe that it is your character and your actions that define you, not your name. If your name was Joe instead of Earl, you wouldn't really be regarded any differently than you are now.

[dazzleman]

I wonder if anybody has ever done a formal study on the rates of divorce of couples who use the same last name versus couples who use different last names.

I once spoke to a divorce lawyer who said that about half the people who came to him for a divorce were using different last names.  While this is highly anecdotal, it suggests that there is a much higher rate of divorce among couples who use different last names, since they only represent about 10-15% of married couples.  It makes a lot of sense to me.

[12th Doctor]

There are certainly arguments to be made from both sides.  Any husband and wife can do what they want, it truely doesn't bother me in the least.

Some would argue that the taking of a common name (perhaps even the wife's name) is a sign of the unity of the family.

Others feel that it is important to maintain a seperate identiy, esspecially if the wife is a serious professonal.

While I certainly hope that my wife would choose to take my name, I personally have no real stance on the issue.

[Hatman 🍁]

I'm going to keep the name my parents have given me for now. If my mom's last name is the same as my dad's, there's no point of adopting my mother's maiden name. It was he choice, and now I have to accept that. Now, it will be my choice when I get married to change my name. A name is who you are. It defines you, that's why I think it is important for women to keep their names- at least part.

I hate to sound like opebo, but it seems to me like that's an entirely subjective thing to say in such absolute terms.  I personally think that, given one's last name is not used very often, it is not completely changing who you are to simply take on your husband's last name.  It creates a sense of connection for a spouse to take on the other's name, although this doesn't necessarily mean it has to be the wife taking on the husband's name.

At the heart of it all, it's the couple's choice regarding who is the one to change his or her name, if anyone at all.  I mean no offense by this statement, but who are you to tell them what they should and shouldn't do?

People have the choice, of course Gabu. I'm not saying people should be forced to have hyphenated names, or to keep their maiden names. The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name. I'm not sure if this is how it is now, or not, but if it isn't, then I can see it being blatantly unconstitutional. Anyways, it is the couples choice, but I have the right to disapprove of it It is however, changing a part of you. You may not feel this way yourself, but to many people, their last name is part of their being. I do agree with the sense of connection, though, but why should it only be the woman getting connected? This is what tradition has dictated, and it is not a tradition that should still exist this day and age.

[John Dibble]

I'm not saying people should be forced to have hyphenated names, or to keep their maiden names. The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name.

No such law exists as far as I know, at least not in the US.

[Gabu]

The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name.

I don't know of any law that says that you have to change your name to your husband's name when you get married.

[Everett]

Like I said earlier, stupid bullsh**t like this can easily snowball into more serious issues. If you insist on arguing over whose name should be changed and are willing to continue arguing about it and pushing your "spouse" around about name changes, then you're asking for a lousy marriage. I don't see why the hell something as simple as marriage, which should be about love and unity, needs to be thrown into the pile of political correctness. If you don't like it that there are women who change their names, keep it to yourself instead of acting as though you are superior to people who either don't care or don't think that there's anything wrong with women who change their names. Marriage is no place to worry about PC rubbish.

The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name.

I don't know of any law that says that you have to change your name to your husband's name when you get married.

There is none, AFAIK.

[Hatman 🍁]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

[John Dibble]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

No, you really can't.

[dazzleman]

Like I said earlier, stupid bullsh**t like this can easily snowball into more serious issues. If you insist on arguing over whose name should be changed and are willing to continue arguing about it and pushing your "spouse" around about name changes, then you're asking for a lousy marriage. I don't see why the hell something as simple as marriage, which should be about love and unity, needs to be thrown into the pile of political correctness. If you don't like it that there are women who change their names, keep it to yourself instead of acting as though you are superior to people who either don't care or don't think that there's anything wrong with women who change their names. Marriage is no place to worry about PC rubbish.

You are so right, Everett.  This whole discussion and the mentality behind arguments like the ones nclib is making are a perfect example of why feminists almost never have good marriages.

[Gabu]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

What?  Explain.

[Jake]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

Maybe you've been indulging a bit too much on the Canadian leaf, but that makes absolutely no sense.

[dazzleman]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

That makes not the slightest amount of sense.  There is no relationship between power in a marriage and the names used. 

I have seen women who kept their own name, supported their non-working husbands, and were still abused by them.  On the other hand, I have seen housewives who took their husbands name and had almost total control over the household.

There is truly no relationship.  You've been reading far too much feminist propaganda if you believe that there is.

[nclib]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

That makes not the slightest amount of sense.  There is no relationship between power in a marriage and the names used. 

I have seen women who kept their own name, supported their non-working husbands, and were still abused by them.  On the other hand, I have seen housewives who took their husbands name and had almost total control over the household.

There is truly no relationship.  You've been reading far too much feminist propaganda if you believe that there is.

Of course, there are exceptions, but it is ridiculous to say there is no relationship. Studies have even shown that working women tend to have (on average) more control over household decisions than housewives.

feminists almost never have good marriages.

This is clearly the fault of anti-feminist men. Feminists treat their spouses with equality.

[Gabu]

Marriage is about equality, simply put. You can tell how equal a marriage is a lot by the last names of the married.

That makes not the slightest amount of sense.  There is no relationship between power in a marriage and the names used. 

I have seen women who kept their own name, supported their non-working husbands, and were still abused by them.  On the other hand, I have seen housewives who took their husbands name and had almost total control over the household.

There is truly no relationship.  You've been reading far too much feminist propaganda if you believe that there is.

Of course, there are exceptions, but it is ridiculous to say there is no relationship. Studies have even shown that working women tend to have (on average) more control over household decisions than housewives.

That would be relevant if all working women kept their name and if all housewives took on their husband's name, but as far as I know, this is not the case.

feminists almost never have good marriages.

This is clearly the fault of anti-feminist men. Feminists treat their spouses with equality.

In theory.  In reality, those who call themselves feminists are just as capable of being sexist towards men as men are capable of being sexist towards women, although obviously not all of them are as such.

[dazzleman]

This is clearly the fault of anti-feminist men. Feminists treat their spouses with equality.

Dude, if you believe that, I want some of what you are smoking.

Feminists are like communists who adhere to the Brezhnev Doctrine -- what's mine is mine, and what's yours is negotiable.  If you think feminists are committed to equality, you really need a reality check.

Why do you hate your own gender so much?

[Tory]

I don't think it should be encouraged or discouraged, the female should decide for herself. Personally, my wife chose to take my name because she didn't like her own. It was pretty straight forward.

[ATFFL]

I just want to say that Everett has the coolest last name.  Should should marry my friend with the last name Sobolewski and hyphenate.

[Everett]

In theory.  In reality, those who call themselves feminists are just as capable of being sexist towards men as men are capable of being sexist towards women, although obviously not all of them are as such.

Exactly. Feminists can be very sexist too. Society tends not to view them as negatively as masculinists (sp?) either, which is dangerous.

[nclib]

The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name.

I don't know of any law that says that you have to change your name to your husband's name when you get married.

I think the woman has to do something to indicate she is keeping her name while the man has to do nothing.

[Everett]

The only law I would like changed is that, you should have to legally change your name when you get married, if you choose to, instead of de facto being the husband's name.

I don't know of any law that says that you have to change your name to your husband's name when you get married.

I think the woman has to do something to indicate she is keeping her name while the man has to do nothing.

Big f**king deal.