FerrisBueller86
jhsu
Jr. Member
Posts: 507
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« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2005, 11:41:43 AM » |
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I'd vote for the Blair Witch, but the Wicked Witch would win.
The Blair Witch would be so MUCH more effective. The Wicked Witch could be destroyed with just a little water, and she spent too much time fooling around. She could have easily killed Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, the Emerald City, and the Munchkins before they knew what hit them. But no, she was more interested in just scaring everyone and fooling around.
The Blair Witch doesn't feel the need to brag and fool around - she gets the job done. She trapped Heather, Josh, and Mike in the woods before they knew they were lost. She sent them around in circles. Then she killed them before they knew what hit them.
If the Wicked Witch were the commander in chief, she'd make a big show of dropping bombs on Osama Bin Laden while allowing him to escape. She'd talk tough but not actually do anything of substance. (Sound familiar?)
If the Blair Witch were the commander in chief, she'd just stop the terrorists in their tracks. She wouldn't waste time with tough talk and frantic arm-waving - she'd get the job done promptly.
But the Wicked Witch would have more appeal to the American people. The Blair Witch would never actually show her face, so she appears distant. She's a no-show at the debates and thus appears weak. The Wicked Witch's strongest state is Kansas due partly to her favorite daughter status and partly because of her pledge to "get those evolution-loving pretties". The Wicked Witch does well in all of the Rocky Mountain States, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine with the campaign ad proclaiming, "The Blair Witch will suck you into her woods and take your guns away!" The Wicked Witch wins the South by proclaiming, "The Blair Witch is for gay marriage!" The Blair Witch loses Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Illinois by not presenting an economic plan. The Blair Witch is also damaged by the Wicked Witch's ad campaign proclaiming, "The Blair Witch is a flip-flopper! She said, 'I actually voted FOR the 87 rock piles BEFORE I voted AGAINST it!'" The Governator delivers California for the Wicked Witch by proclaiming "The Blair Witch is a girly-man!" Joe Biden delivers Delaware for the Wicked Witch by bad-mouthing the Blair Witch on political talkshows. Joe Lieberman performs likewise for Connecticut. The Wicked Witch wins Washington by proclaiming, "The Blair Witch will make you sleepless and bombard you with the sound of rough, harsh grunge music all night!"
The states that the Blair Witch wins are:
1. Oregon: The Blair Witch campaign runs an ad saying "The Wicked Witch will start forest fires with her smoky broom!"
2. Massachusetts: Mitt Romney praises the Wicked Witch.
3. Rhode Island: It's heavily Democratic anyway, so it's out of play for the Wicked Witch.
4. New York: See above.
5. Maryland: The Blair Witch has favorite daughter status.
6. West Virginia: See above, as Burkittsville is near West Virginia and in the Appalachia part of Maryland.
7. Virginia: See above. The Blair Witch does better than usual for a Democrat in the western part of the state, which is similar to the Appalachia part of Maryland.
8. Washington DC: Some of you claim that Zell Miller would beat Lincoln Chaffee in Washington DC.
9. Ohio: Polls show the Blair Witch losing big, but she somehow manages to eke out a victory in this state. 200 volunteers for the Wicked Witch campaign mysteriously disappear. Conspiracy theorists claim that the Blair Witch sucked them into the woods and trapped them in an unreachable place. Kenneth Blackwell denies this, but the conspiracy theorists say that the Blair Witch threatened to do the same to him if he didn't cooperate with her.
10. Florida: See above, except Jeb Bush is the one who denies the rumors that he delivered the state for the Blair Witch.
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