Alcon (Associated Justice nomination) Confirmation Hearing

[afleitch]

You know the drill. You have 72 hours.

[Јas]

I have complete confidence in this nominee and wish him the best of luck.

[Inmate Trump]

Although I would've rather had Adam remain the nominee for this position, I still will vote...

Aye.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Aye

[Ebowed]

Do you believe a federal minimum wage to be constitutional?

[© tweed]

As 'Associated Justice', what do you plan to be associated with?

[Alcon]

Do you believe a federal minimum wage to be constitutional?

I have no idea.  I have no Constitutional knowledge whatsoever, but was nominated despite this.  Neither does the rest of the Court.  I plan to abuse the position to the point where it receives credible nominees.  I may even flip coins.

As 'Associated Justice', what do you plan to be associated with?

Corruption.  I will be happy to solicit votes in return for money.  I will also consider physically harming other Justices, especially Opebo, to get my way.  I plan to rule for whatever party comes earlier in the alphabet name-wise if I feel the desire to do so.  I will declare all laws that do not contain rhymes unconstitutional if I am not feeling lazy.  I plan to usurp the Chief Justice's authority and declare myself "King of the Supreme Court."  I will then assume a fortress position on the top of the court and throw rotten fruit at anyone who attempts to contradict me.  Fecal matter may also be involved, although it will be handled only by interns.

I also plan to adorn myself with corporate sponsorships in return for judicial favours.

As for my judicial views:  I will be throwing darts at the aforementioned interns, who will have t-shirts designating court cases, to decide how to rule on controversial issues.  To encourage lower unemployment rates, unskilled and half-illiterate workers will write my opinions.  Despite this, I think you will find my opinions approximately 20 to 30 times more reasoned than that of the previous nominee, who I have heard is an alcoholic transvestite.

I thank the Senate for its time.

[Joe Republic]

As a former President of this great country, I have listened with keen interest to Mr. Alcon's responses to the Senate's questions.  I'm pleased to say that he has my full and unwavering support for his confirmation.

[Brandon H]

To encourage lower unemployment rates, unskilled and half-illiterate workers will write my opinions.

Wouldn't it be easier if we just put an unskilled and half-illiterate worker on the court?

[Colin]

To encourage lower unemployment rates, unskilled and half-illiterate workers will write my opinions.

Wouldn't it be easier if we just put an unskilled and half-illiterate worker on the court?

We already have opebo how many more do you need?

[Alcon]

To encourage lower unemployment rates, unskilled and half-illiterate workers will write my opinions.

Wouldn't it be easier if we just put an unskilled and half-illiterate worker on the court?

Esteemed Senator, I assure you that I am also not particularly skilled, nor literate.

I thank the former President for his support, and his hot, steamy eye-lovin'.

[ilikeverin]

To encourage lower unemployment rates, unskilled and half-illiterate workers will write my opinions.

Wouldn't it be easier if we just put an unskilled and half-illiterate worker on the court?

Hmm, maybe I should've accepted True Democrat's offer after all

[Sam Spade]

As Associate Justice, would you be open to ruling the Third Constitution unconstitutional?

[Alcon]

As Associate Justice, would you be open to ruling the Third Constitution unconstitutional?

I personally lean toward the view that all Constitutions are simultaneously in place, because it amuses me.

[Ebowed]

The vote on whether to confirm Alcon as Associate Justice is now open.

[Ebowed]

Aye

[Colin]

Nay

[Everett]

We really don't need incompetent jokes on the Supreme Court. That includes you, Mr. San Croix. People who constantly insist on destroying their lives with illegal psychoactive substances need rehabilitation, not positions on the esteemed Supreme Court. I sincerely hope that this post offends you because the Internet is serious, serious business.

Nay.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Nay

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Abstain.

While I believe that the nominee is qualified and was responding only in jest, the dignity of the office which he was nominated for requires a higher level of decorum than that which he presented before the Senate in this thread.

[Јas]

Aye

[minionofmidas]

We really don't need incompetent jokes on the Supreme Court. That includes you, Mr. San Croix. People who constantly insist on destroying their lives with illegal psychoactive substances need rehabilitation, not positions on the esteemed Supreme Court.

Such a position is not considered rehabilitating anymore? Things change...

Abstain.

While I believe that the nominee is qualified and was responding only in jest, the dignity of the office which he was nominated for requires a higher level of decorum than that which he presented before the Senate in this thread.

What! Even higher? How high can you get!?

[Brandon H]

Aye.
While there is nothing wrong with a little humor, I think the nominee may have gone a little too far, but I do believe he is qualified and will vote in favor of confirmation.

[Ebowed]

Current tally is 3 ayes, 3 nays, and 1 abstain.

[Gabu]

Whatever the end result may be, this is clearly the best hearing ever.