Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Are you telling there was an election on yesterday?

And there was a black running or something... Why didn't anybody tell me?

Well... I am OUTRAGED!!!!

.. And shocked and appaled at this lack of information.

I think I'm going to complain to that guy on the TV.. you know, with the speeches and the absurd grin and then see how he likes it.

(P.s: Anyone know who won?)

(P.s.s: God, I'm need some sleep.)

[The Mikado]

OK... What just happened there?

This is going to a special election, I guess...

ALASKA (99% of precincts reporting)

Parnell (R) 106,351  49%
Begich (D) 102,998  48%

 

It's so true...oh, Alaska.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

"After you, the deluge."


Oh wait, that wasn't you.

[??????????]

1) Homer, Sarah Palin wasn't in diapers when NAFTA was drafted, unlike yourself.

1) I don't see how your first point has any bearing on the factuality of my statement. And I was in pull-ups, for the record.

[Sensei]

Barack is a very intelligent man, and thus no he doesn't believe in this mystical cosmic Jew character Americans always seem to be babbling about. However, he pretends to because most American's are too stupid and intolerant to vote for an atheist.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Lunar's was good, but this topped him:

After you, the deluge.  This is NOT good news for Obama (I am in Mensa).

[YRABNNRM]

The left wing media has set a female presidency back 20 years at least. The way the lying media has treated Palin this year is horrific. I bet they could sandbag Jesus Christ if he was someones running mate.

Wouldn't be hard. He talked with dictators without preconditions, redistributed the wealth and there are significant doubts about whether or not he was a Christian.

[Ebowed]

Please discuss.

Shut the f**k up.

[Associate Justice PiT]

A sh**tty state deserves sh**tty representation.

True, but this thread isn't about Massachusetts.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

If Kerry doesn't get offered the job after this "corrupt bargain" what can he do?  "Aaah I got swift-boated again!"

[Smid]

The number of WV Republicans that could break 45 in a Senate race against a second-tier opponent can be counted off on the fingers of one hand. And that's if you're an elderly carpenter with two fingers missing.

Sorry.

If it wasn't for the stellar imagery you used, I'd be tempted to say "it's only funny because it's true..." but it's funny because of that and because you have such a way with words.

[Platypus]

The left wing media has set a female presidency back 20 years at least. The way the lying media has treated Palin this year is horrific. I bet they could sandbag Jesus Christ if he was someones running mate.

Wouldn't be hard. He talked with dictators without preconditions, redistributed the wealth and there are significant doubts about whether or not he was a Christian.

Glad someone got it

[Lief 🗽]

ABIDING BY THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT AND OBSERVING THE RIGHT OF WAY OF THE BLIND


PUSSIES

epic post

[Associate Justice PiT]

ABIDING BY THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT AND OBSERVING THE RIGHT OF WAY OF THE BLIND


PUSSIES

epic post

     Sarcasm at its finest.

[Daniel Adams]

Secretary of State - Joe Biden
Secretary of Defense - G. I. Joe Biden
Secretary of Treasury - Joseph R. Biden the Second
Attorney General - Say It Ain't So Joe Biden
Secretary of Agriculture - Joe "Sixpack" Biden
Secretary of Commerce - "Gird your loins" Joe Biden
Secretary of Education - Jill Biden
Secretary of Energy - Sarah Palin Joe Biden's mouth...enough energy there to power the whole grid
Secretary of Health & Human Services - Dr. Joe Biden
Secretary of Homeland Security - Joe Biden, streetfighter from Scranton who put 100,000 cops on the streets
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development - Joe Biden, of Scranton and Wilmington
Secretary of the Interior - Joe "You've got to be kidding me" Biden
Secretary of Labor - Joe "Lunchbucket" Biden
Secretary of Transportation - Joe Biden, with a pickup truck
Secretary of Veterans Affairs - Beau Biden
Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency - Joe "rainbows and sunshine" Biden
Director of the Office of Management and Budget - Joe Biden, pennypincher
Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy - Joe Biden, who has probably never done meth.
United States Trade Representative - Robert Rubin...ha, ha, just kidding.  Joe Biden.

[© tweed]

Been done before, but here's mine:

Secretary of State - Reverend Wright
Secretary of Defense - Malia Obama
Secretary of Treasury - Sascha Obama
Attorney General - Al Sharpton
Secretary of Agriculture - Wavy Gravy
Secretary of Commerce - Joe the Plumber
Secretary of Education -   Bill Ayers
Secretary of Energy - That Black Panther guy with the nightstick in Phillie
Secretary of Health & Human Services -
Secretary of Homeland Security - Noam Chomsky
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development - John McCain
Secretary of the Interior - Tony Rezko
Secretary of Labor - Ken Kesey
Secretary of Transportation - Chris Rock
Secretary of Veterans Affairs - Barbara Streisand

the Dropkick Murphy's of Floggy molly?

[minionofmidas]

Been done before, but here's mine:

Secretary of Veterans Affairs - Barbara Streisand

Let me recommend Jane Fonda for the position.

[Keystone Phil]

Lay off the sex scenes a little.

Uh...we're dealing with Mike Naso here.

Oh...I'm sorry, Phil. Let me add in this paragraph:

Newspaper headline reads "PA SENATOR IN HOT WATER OVER BEASTIALITY".

[© tweed]

Ever since I was a little boy, everyone told me that I could never become Vice-President.  But now Joe Biden showed me that I can.

[Platypus]

Ever since I was a little boy, everyone told me that I could never become Vice-President.  But now Joe Biden showed me that I can.

That's beautiful.

[Lunar]

Alcon trying to defend the possible non-existence of the all-powerful Bradley Effect and that a 3 day tracker is the same as a 3 day poll over the same period:

Ben, surely there must be some, ah, more interesting and amusing way of fulfilling your S and M fantasies than this.......

[Хahar 🤔]

I don't like the test because it keeps calling me a Authoritarian, which i think is unfair with the questions they give you.

[YRABNNRM]

I blame it on blacks.  If they would just care about something, they could make the state solid blue.  Also, Wicker's lies helped him a lot.

[opebo]

Unless you have New Balance you can go straight to hell.

[??????????]