Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I like how BRTD hasn't posted in this thread, yet somebody still agrees with him on the subject.  Hmm.

Actually he did post:

I give it a D.  There really wasn't anything good in that ad and the tactics were really really frickin annoying.

"Obama's TAXES.  TAXES.  ECONOMIC DISASTER.  HIGHER GAS PRICES OBAMA OBAMA TAXERS HIGH GAS PRICES DISASTER ECONOMIC!!!"

And then the birds tweet and the harp begins to play "I'm John McCain and I approve this message."

I think their target audience are voters with an IQ under 80.


I guess he deleted it

Click and read the thread.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Any replacements on the court will be of liberal justices. For the most part the conservative justices are quite young and will dominate the court no matter what Obama does.

He could always slip something into their bedtime drinks...

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

a good man who loves the lord.

Why don't you get a bot to post that for you?  If you don't already.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

the correct answer is nebraska, kansas and NORTH DAKOTA

obama yall!

LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ WALTER IS SO INSANELY HILARIOUS! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

You have problems.

Because I don't find Walter's anti-Obama sarcasm to be witty or funny?

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I really don't see why that's humorous at all.

Then again, you also didn't understand what we were all laughing at months back when you suggested Kansas as a swing state...

The only person to EVER do so on this forum.

Hence the statement "Democrats think Kansas is a swing state" is inaccurate, as it begins with a plural noun.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I really don't see why that's humorous at all.

Then again, you also didn't understand what we were all laughing at months back when you suggested Kansas as a swing state...

Good Lord... we should not be allowed to bring this up any longer. Period. Or mypalfish either. These things need to die eventually.

At least no one claims that mypalfish's comments were made by anyone other than mypalfish.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

He didn't spam on the internets. That's something.

Click for context.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

FLASH!  Breaking News!!!!  CNN goes to commercial! Big Annoncement from GEICO Caveman!!

1. Aug. 20, 3:48am....CNN breaks away from regularly scheduled programing, and broadcasts an advertisement for Geico car insurance featuring a caveman.

2. It was implied in the commercial that Geico is "so easy even a caveman could do it".

3. CNN broadcast footage of a caveman stating that the the slogan "so easy even a caveman could do it" is offensive to him and his family.

4. CNN quickly returned to regular programming, but periodically broke away to repeat an identical message from the caveman in subsequent hours.

5. It was unclear whether there was any relationship between the Geico caveman and Geico's popular talking gecko.

This suggests that Obama is in serious trouble, because his campaign message is as elitist and condescending to working class voters as Geico's attitude towards cavemen is.

I said months ago that Obama's elitism would come back to bite him, and I've now been proven correct.

This also indicates that McCain might be able to exploit Obama's weaknesses among ordinary Americans by picking Romney as his running mate, because Romney grew up in Michigan, which makes cars, and Geico is a car insurance company.

I now have to go make a thread about the implications of the Mac/PC commercial for the candidates' websites, as well as a thread about whether Wolf Blitzer's sneeze suggests that he's allergic to reporting on prospective vice presidential nominees not named Mitt Romney.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

We need a separate Goldmine for Naso.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I can think of a few other things that just shot up in the air...

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I'm not exactly a "Republican Mouthpiece,"

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

The word "owned" doesn't even begin to describe this:

my economic positions are similar to bill clinton.  although im a bit more of a free marketeer than he is.  for example, i do support privatizing social security.

We think alike there.

I'm with Jake. Don't rule out third parties or a write in vote. Aren't you a pretty big hawk though? I seem to recall you saying we should have attacked Syria. McCain sounds like your man, at least foreign policy wise.

i dont like the term 'hawk', but i believe in an aggressive war on terror.

as for syria, that regime should have been ousted long, long ago.

Al Qaeda agrees with you.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

The word "owned" doesn't even begin to describe this:

my economic positions are similar to bill clinton.  although im a bit more of a free marketeer than he is.  for example, i do support privatizing social security.

We think alike there.

I'm with Jake. Don't rule out third parties or a write in vote. Aren't you a pretty big hawk though? I seem to recall you saying we should have attacked Syria. McCain sounds like your man, at least foreign policy wise.

i dont like the term 'hawk', but i believe in an aggressive war on terror.

as for syria, that regime should have been ousted long, long ago.

Al Qaeda agrees with you.

Only partially.

Because that regime should have been ousted long, long ago. Just not by us or you.

Well yes. One thing I don't understand though is Walter's particular fixation on that regime when there's dozens of others in the region that should've been ousted long ago as well.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Any woman who would vote for McCain/Palin just because she's being attacked is a fool. I'd just like to throw that out there. This election should be decided on real issues.

Any woman who would vote for McCain/Palin just because she's being attacked is in the sisterhood.  Please Eraserhead, call them "fools."  Make them angry.  It will give GOP a shot at winning in DC.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

BURN

opebo will never put down the "crack pipe", J.J.
And I'm starting to think you'll never put down the hack hat either.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

J. J.'s Second Rule of Elections:  "When a politician or activist talks about a large group of voters that, a. aren't being polled, or b. really going to turn out and swing the election, there is no such group."

Don't be so mean to Phil.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

One of the many reasons I want John McCain is the fact that even though I am 19 years old...I am very set in my ways for my age...my mother told me a few years ago that I "went from being a 13 year old boy to a 40 year old man".

I dislike immature youthful "trendiness" and I just feel more comfortable thinking that a guy who was my age in the 1950s is President of the United States in the 2010s. At a time when our nation is so young, trendy and hip...I think having the oldest conservative President in history would be a great idea.

I'd love to be 28 years old and have a current President who ran when I was 12 years old...and who was my age 50 years before.

Thinking of an Obama America to me just gives off this trendy, "green", future-like new decade that comes off so "Utopian" to me.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

This is so true, but I still laughed:

Gallup doesn't release till 1 PM EST. You are looking at yesterday's numbers.

I really expect Obama to up by one today or tomorrow.

nobody cares

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

You need to read this in context:

Also, this is not good for McCain. McCain should be up by more.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Generally, when waltermitty says something, believe the exact opposite is occurring.

That's not funny, that's simply the exact 100% truth.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

So the phrase "Watch as I am paid to cut myself" doesn't refer to cutting yourself???

The time has come for colds and overcoats
We're quiet on the ride,
we're all just waiting to get home
Another week away, my greatest fear
I need the smell of summer,
I need its noises in my ears

If looks could really kill,
then my profession would staring
Please know we do this cause we care,
not for the thrill
Collect calls to home
to tell them that I realize
that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone

And we won't let you in
though we're down and out
No we won't let you in, in
You win, you win, you win

I wrote more postcards than hooks
I read more maps than books
Feel like every chance to leave
is another chance I should've took
Every minute is a mile
I've never felt so hollow
I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles
My secrets for a buck
Watch me as I cut myself wide open
on this stage. Yes, I am paid to spill my guts
I won't see home till spring
Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic,
but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing

And we won't let you in
though we're down and out
No we won't let you in
and we won't let you in
We don't want what isn't ours
We won't let you in, in
You win, you win, you win

Oh...

And the coastline is quiet
While we're quietly losing control
And we're silent but sure
we invented the cure
that will wash out my memories of her
The harpoon is loaded, the cage is lowered,
the water is red-
like you

Yes, my name is a slight alteration.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Much less.

With all the problems that the Wal-Mart franchise has, it is still a great place to get lower-priced merchandise, and mostly same quality, as you would find at, say, Target.  I would rather shop at Wal-Mart anyday than shop at Target.  The reason is the Target corporation a couple years ago at Christmas time banned the Salvation Army and started taking on too many liberal stances for my taste.  I haven't fully boycotted them, but I don't shop there unless I absolutely cannot find what I want from Wal-Mart.  Plus, Target is generally more expensive.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

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