Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Sensei]

This pictures maybe fake, but Ghost/Sprits aren't. I personally have seen some.

I rest my case.

Yea, I was 99% sure ghosts existed, that has now dropped to about 40%

DTWL, why do you hate me? Why do you always cut me down? Is it because you were picked on in school, and know you try to make your self feel bigger by picking on someone over the computer? You are a sorry excuse for a man.

In this particular instance its because someone who believes the Earth is 6,008 years old obviously will believe anything.  Usually its because I've had more intelligent conversations with the paper weight on my desk

I believe the earth is around 6,008 years old because that is what the Bible says. And you can't believe some part of the bible, you have to believe all the bible, you can't cherry pick what you like and don't like. Anyways, I done with you, because the fact is, if you and I were face to face you wouldn't be talk sh**t to me, because you hind behind your computer. So why don't you go talk to your paper weight again, I'm sure it likes you.

[Sensei]

I watch the show because there are so many McCain supporters on it.

You mean "there are so many people that couldn't even tell you who the Vice President is but have RINO parents that give thousands in political contributions on it."

Yes. I find nothing wrong with that. Sounds like the girls I went to High School with.

God bless you for surviving that horror.

What else is horrific is that I find that I act a lot like Spencer does.

You mean you have a Brillo Pad for hair?

No, like being an asshole to people. Unfortunately the barber cut off my luscious flowing Greek hair.

[Sensei]

I wonder where beconstine gets his musical tastes:

#9 Dream - R.E.M. via John Lennon

Hollow Man - REM

Should I Stay or Should I Go? - The Clash

London Calling - The Clash

interesting observation. Maybe he only has "Woke up in the Morning" and he's making everything else up.

[Sensei]

Isn't that the point of the listening thread? To remind people of songs and listen to them?

Also, Lennon's #9 Dream > REM.

Beg to differ

[Sensei]

By a long shot, could it be Caroline Kennedy for vice president. This wouild bring camelot back into the political world.

My Dad said the same thing when he came home today. Me and my Mom proceeded to laugh at him for about 5 minutes straight.

Maybe GPorter is your dad?

[Sensei]

Huge FF. Now if only Christians actually followed what he preached, America would be a better place.

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Guess this confirms Gandhi was a moron

[Sensei]

LOL!

I'm not laughing at the idea of States being attacked. I just find James to be so ridiculous.

I'm LOL too!

I'm not laughing at the idea of States being attacked, but at James calling him a cow!  Fat he may be, but the man is all Bull.

[Sensei]

more gold from Vander Blubb

I love this, dude.  My uncle was a cop, he was always bragging about how he would go around and beat black people with his night stick.

I'm not 100% sure he was a cop though.  In fact, I think he worked at a gas station.

[Sensei]

Track could be Trig's father.  which may explain the Down Syndrome.

[Sensei]

I don't really care anyway.  I'm not going to ask, and if someone tells me, then I'm going to beat their ass, plain and simple.

And is it just me, or does anyone else here not want a bunch of fairies defending their country?  "Oh, I broke a nail.  Let me borrow your mascara."  The limp-wristed bastards.

I'm not trying to question the motives of gay soldiers, but what better way to get some wang than to take advantage of someone with post-traumatic stress disorder?

Please, everyone.  Let's get serious.  All soldiers have enough on their hands.  They don't need to have a bunch of queers running around, giggling and playing grab-ass with each other when they're under enemy fire.  Until gay soldiers can prove they're up to the task, they're not allowed in the Army.  Plain and simple.

[Sensei]

Now Sensei, that guy's a moderate hero.

Bask in his presence.

[Sensei]

Yes, this did happen. I texted Tweed about the score of the Phillies game (during the brief period of time in transition from the waiting room to the actual ER) and jokingly told him to inform you guys of my condition. I said that my last wish was to see a Santorum Presidency and, as my life flashed before my eyes, I saw McCain winning PA to put him over the top for the Presidency. 

I was eating Chinese food ("THEY HAVE GREAT FOOD!" - Mike Naso) and I notice my throat starting to feel soar. It came on all of the sudden. I didn't think much of it. Then I feel bumps on my face. Again, didn't care. I started to wonder what the hell was going on when I noticed that my eyelid started to swell and my throat felt like it was closing. It became pretty obvious that it was an allergic reaction. I ended up going to the ER. Thankfully, there is a hospital literally up the street (about a thirty second drive). Unfortunately, this place doesn't have the best reputation especially when it comes to being quick.

As I'm walking in with my Mom, a bunch of people were hysterical. There were cops around, too, so I'm guessing someone died in an accident or something. I go in, don't wait very long (shocking) and get called back. Basically, they gave me some medicine and checked my vital signs. I got to watch the Phils lose from my hospital "room."    I waited forever to get a prescription. In the period of time, someone else must have died since they put up the curtain across the area where I was sitting as they wheeled someone by. Sad stuff.

I guess I had a reaction to what I ate tonight. The sad thing is that I get the same meal from the same place all the time. Ironically, I refuse to go anywhere else because I'm so used to my place and I get sick when I eat other stuff from other places. I have to go to some specialist to see if I'm allergic to the food. I think it just happened this one time because my meal tasted a little like shrimp. I'm not allergic to seafood but I guess however they cooked the meal tonight made my sick.


Anyway, thanks for the concern, guys. 

Thank the lord you're alright.

To think that the night I was out dancing with dozens of women, Keystone Phil was in the hospital...it's just not cricket.

[Sensei]

Where's yon monocle?

[Sensei]

Is my ex-girlfriend a skank?

pics pls

[Sensei]

Mike Naso is my hero...

Gov. Sarah Palin was re-elected Governor of Alaska in 2010 (a year in which Republicans made some small but sizeable gains).

this is in the vein of the time you said Naso said he believes in "Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints"

[Sensei]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJk8ViyFWbE&feature=PlayList&p=92B8EE5AF9C26F83&index=10

[Sensei]

What's the difference between a hockey mom and a deluge?

the deluge has teeth

[Sensei]

Seeing I have no idea what he believes on anything...no.

Aren't you 13? Isn't "Eureka's Castle" on?

I seriously did not get that.

damn. "Eureka's Castle" is before his time!

How about "Bob the Builder"?

[Sensei]

50/50

This is based on the fact that this election is really unprecedented and I really see people going into that booth, especially in states like OH, VA, and CO and just not being able to pull the lever for Obama feeling it is too damn risky.  If Obama pulls ahead consistently by 12-15% in the polls right before the election, I'll raise his chances, but until then I'm not just willing to count out the comeback kid against the guy who can't finish off anyone.

I thought this was funny for some reason.

We know, you think everything that doesn't fit into your little emo ideas is ridiculous

I chuckled at "The guy who can't finish off anyone". Name two people he couldn't finish off...

[Sensei]

50/50

This is based on the fact that this election is really unprecedented and I really see people going into that booth, especially in states like OH, VA, and CO and just not being able to pull the lever for Obama feeling it is too damn risky.  If Obama pulls ahead consistently by 12-15% in the polls right before the election, I'll raise his chances, but until then I'm not just willing to count out the comeback kid against the guy who can't finish off anyone.

I thought this was funny for some reason.

We know, you think everything that doesn't fit into your little emo ideas is ridiculous

I chuckled at "The guy who can't finish off anyone". Name two people he couldn't finish off...

Hillary Clinton and John McCain.  Sure, technically he did eventually finish off Hillary, but that was only because his lead was insurmountable in people that had already voted.  He should have wrapped up the nod much faster.  Besides that, he has never run a competitive election in his life.

one can argue that nobody's "finished" in an presidential race until 270 electoral votes have been secured by one candidate.

[Sensei]

50/50

This is based on the fact that this election is really unprecedented and I really see people going into that booth, especially in states like OH, VA, and CO and just not being able to pull the lever for Obama feeling it is too damn risky.  If Obama pulls ahead consistently by 12-15% in the polls right before the election, I'll raise his chances, but until then I'm not just willing to count out the comeback kid against the guy who can't finish off anyone.

I thought this was funny for some reason.

We know, you think everything that doesn't fit into your little emo ideas is ridiculous

I chuckled at "The guy who can't finish off anyone". Name two people he couldn't finish off...

Hillary Clinton and John McCain.  Sure, technically he did eventually finish off Hillary, but that was only because his lead was insurmountable in people that had already voted.  He should have wrapped up the nod much faster.  Besides that, he has never run a competitive election in his life.

one can argue that nobody's "finished" in an presidential race until 270 electoral votes have been secured by one candidate.

Again, the technicality aspect.  Technically, yes, he did finish off Hillary but it took him much longer than it should have.  As far as McCain, Obama should be leading by 30-40% right now

Puppies wouldn't be beating John Wayne Gacy by 30-40. In national politics, it just doesn't happen.
Reagan only beat Mondale by 18, for crying out loud.

[Sensei]

Misleading.  Single digits usually means no more than 4-5.

Nice math

well, this is accurate if you're operating in base 5.

[Sensei]

They were probably pissed off cause you just kept changing the signs all the damn time.

[Sensei]

Barack is a very intelligent man, and thus no he doesn't believe in this mystical cosmic Jew character Americans always seem to be babbling about. However, he pretends to because most American's are too stupid and intolerant to vote for an atheist.

[Sensei]

Where is the "none of the above" option?  Any use of the five categories, in my opinion, shows one's immaturity.

Having said that, I'm not exactly innocent myself, though.  Most of the time if I swear, I will use Cathartic Swearing.  However, I always do it in private.  I NEVER swear around others.  Even after I do it in private, I feel so remorseful and have to ask my God for forgiveness.

Believe me, I hate cussing, because it comes out of the same mouth I use to sing praises to God.

I'm not trying to preach here, I'm just explaining my thoughts and own experiences on the matter.

LOL @ religious/people that are different!

I'm a religious.

Right

As someone who is religious, you wouldn't find that comment worth mocking.

as an agnostic liberal bitch, i don't know whether it's a mockable comment or i should agree with Phil.