Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Keystone Phil]

Crazy clips of me being funny when I was 15! HAHA...delete.

I don't have any clips from last week Naso.

[Keystone Phil]

Click for context...

id certainly prepare my own drink.

[Keystone Phil]

The Goldmine always caves in when we decide to debate while inside.

[Keystone Phil]

And we're still discussing/debating in the Goldmine because...?

[Keystone Phil]

View bolded text...

Ohio can be quite beautiful...

[Keystone Phil]

I nominate BRTD for the saddest assclown currently working in the Goldmine.

[Keystone Phil]

You have problems.

Because I don't find Walter's anti-Obama sarcasm to be witty or funny?

No, because you are the saddest case of extreme obsession that most of us have ever witnessed.

[Keystone Phil]

Please sober up Walter.

believe me zach...illl love to sober up the day after the election when your hero returns to being the junior senator from illinois and the post-dinner speaker at he peoria city arbor day festivities.

[Keystone Phil]

I really don't see why that's humorous at all.

Then again, you also didn't understand what we were all laughing at months back when you suggested Kansas as a swing state...

[Keystone Phil]

Phil, weren't you clamoring about how debate doesn't belong in the Goldmine a few pages ago?

So what? I'm allowed to be a hypocrite! Jeeze.

[Keystone Phil]

Of course eight years makes a difference. Look at me...

Summer 2000


Summer 2008

[Keystone Phil]

Here's a recent post by a new member...

Hola!

I am drunk now, and I saw that McCain picked this One term ALASKA (a state with three EV votes who would vote for Charles Manson if he was the Republican nominee) female governor. This is really an earthshaker. The Republicans however have needed to break this barrier.

Would I have sex with this woman? Maybe if I wasnt married. I have seen a picture of her with her hair down and she looks pretty cute. If you want to nominate a V.P. candidate old enough for the job that most men would f**k,   maybe McCain could of went with Marishka Hargitay or Terry Hatcher.

I dont know if this was pure genius or insanity by the Repugs. I am a Libertarian and an anarchist and would never vote for either the two party candidate, but it is damn good that McCain nominated a woman, even though the woman runs a small state.

This is a shock. I thought he'd go with Pawlenty. I would of went with Pawlenty or Romney personally.

All humans with vaginas need to overthrow the social order and make penis owners slaves. Only fair.

Senor

PS The signing in on this message board needs to be fixed.

I like starting off one of your first posts with, "I'm drunk now..."

[Keystone Phil]

I think in 1992 foreign policy wasn't as important as it is in 2008.  Of course, I wasn't around, but that's my thought.

[Keystone Phil]

This women are stupid

[Keystone Phil]

I think in 1992 foreign policy wasn't as important as it is in 2008.  Of course, I wasn't around, but that's my thought.

Um. It wasn't. We weren't at war in 1992.

I'm hoping it's here because of the "I wasn't around" part... certainly '92 was "we're at peace, now let's spend money here" election.

I have no idea why people still insist on debating here. 

But I'll go against my own rule and say that it is here because the idea that foreign policy wasn't important during the end of the Cold War/post Persian Gulf War/around the time of Somalia is completely assinine.

[Keystone Phil]

I don't know where you were or how old you were in 1992, but perhaps you've heard, "It's the economy, stupid"?

So...wait...that means foreign policy didn't matter? Because Paul Begala and James Carville told us only the economy matters?

You're a walking self parody, dude.

[Keystone Phil]

Just a little bit...I would never be a "puking party beer keg"-type. I hate that stuff.

I played squirt gun with the kid...clearly he beat me down too easy....

[Keystone Phil]

Why is that funny?

The picture is funny. I can't tell what's better - the blurred out face or the fact that a four year old is on top of you with a "wooder" gun.

[Keystone Phil]

That's not true.

You know, I can say alot of things about you, Phil. I can say that you look Vietnamese:


Not funny, is it?

[Keystone Phil]

I've thought all this time Meeker was a woman.

[Keystone Phil]

Thankfully the Forum is mostly guys so I figured I can ask this...

Women are free to answer as well...  How would one on here delicately ask a woman to shave down there or at least be neat in that special area near the clam itself?  Last woman I dated was shaved on top, but I swear it was like  kissing a razorblade when I went therel.  One thing with strippers (as BRTD can attest) is they almost HAVE to be completely clean or with a landing strip at the most.  Problem with dating is some keep the hair down there. 

[Keystone Phil]

You fail in almost every criticism because you distort the truth. The best part is when you're owned on it and you go grasping at straws (like right now).

So, ummm, when did she criticize the chief, wise guy?

Get back to me when you can craft a sentence in proper English.

Nice edit job! Typical dishonest Jfern. Your original post didn't have the word "she" in it.

It originally said, "So, ummm, when did criticize the chief, wise guy?"

[Keystone Phil]

During my afternoon nap....I just had a dream regarding the election. What is strange is that...I woke up the day after the election...and had no recollection of election night. Keystone Phil was in my dream...I guess I was with him at rallies and events for the campaign.

Anyways....I remember two things.

States Obama had won:

Ohio
Florida (to which Phil responded "YEAH...can you believe THAT?"
Pennsylvania
Nevada
New Mexico
Iowa

and the electoral vote total was:
Obama: 349
McCain: 189

The map on TV looked something like this:

although I'm not sure about VA and MO...but the electoral count is correct in my dream with that map.

Keystone Phil tells me: "The polls were closed for like...one hour...and they began calling Bush/Cheney states for Obama."

Here's where the dream gets wacky. Keystone Phil and I walk into a room at an Obama/Biden event where the staffers are about to film a "WE WON" rubbing it-in ad and are all lined up in a circle. I laugh and a guy in an Obama/Biden shirt holding some type of blackberry or I-Phone or something gives me a light punch on my upper chest. I was angry and left the room yelling "that guy punched me!"

Finally, while outside the door, I saw Cindy McCain walk by, and I patted her on the back and said, "I'm sorry." Then I turned around and there was an older-Debbie Stabenow looking woman working at the table who it was implied in my dream was the Democratic VP candidate, and all I remember about her was that she was from Wisconsin and her husband's name was Todd.

Then I woke up and said, "THANK GOD IT WAS A DREAM!"

[Keystone Phil]

Concerning his favorite year in the the 90s...

Personal best - 1994 or 1995.  I can't say why cause I'm not sure about the statute of limitations.

[Keystone Phil]

EXACTLY Why I hated the 90s...humilation...October 31, 1996: