When people say that they're "praying for you..."

[tik 🪀✨]

I used to feel grateful and a little touched.. now I almost feel insulted. It strikes me as a completely worthless notion. Like they couldn't be bothered trying to actively console you or be helpful at all, they'll just be praying for you. I suppose maybe I'm bitter.

[John Dibble]

Grateful I suppose, just because they express concern. I don't expect it to work of course, but oh well.

[Smid]

I used to feel grateful and a little touched.. now I almost feel insulted. It strikes me as a completely worthless notion. Like they couldn't be bothered trying to actively console you or be helpful at all, they'll just be praying for you. I suppose maybe I'm bitter.

Sometimes that's really all I can do for someone. If you had a problem that you mentioned to us on here, I'd pray for you and I'd let you know I was doing so, but I doubt you'd want to call me up or email me to talk it out. There'd be a limit on what I could do for you in a practical sense, and sometimes praying for you is all I can actually do.

That said, last night I had a mate who was having a rough time (interstate), and I sent him a message saying that if he wanted to call, he should do so and that it didn't matter what time and he shouldn't think twice about waking me if he needs to talk. Then I slept with the phone by my bed. It's not that I can't be bothered consoling someone if they need it and if it's something I can actually do, it's just that sometimes praying for someone is all I can do for them.

[J. J.]

I'm greatful, but I keep on thinking, God has better things to do.

[Sensei]

it's a cross between opt 1 and opt 2

lean 2

[JSojourner]

Depends on how it is said and what is really meant.  Permit me to offer a couple of scenarios...


Me:  We still miss Dad so much.  Even though we're glad he's not suffering anymore, it still hurts to see his chair empty.

Other:  I'm so sorry.  That IS hard.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

++++++

Me:   Thanks for inviting me to you church.  I really appreciate it.  But we're quite happy at our own.  But seriously -- we appreciate your invite.

Other:  Well.  We'll be praying for you, then....



Now, I realize the second scenario COULD mean --  "Oh, I am so glad you are happy.  We'll pray that continues!"  But a lot of times, it means --  "Oh.  But...but...you go to one of those churches.  Eewww.  We'll be praying you see the light and join the right kind."

You can be a person of faith or a secularist/agnostic and experience that.  Either way, it's rude and it's an insult. The subtle implication is, "I'm better than you.  But it doesn't have to be that way!! You can be as good as me, too."

That kind of thing stinks.

[afleitch]

I agree with J when he says it's contextual. When somone hears that I'm sitting an exam, they will say 'I'll say a wee prayer for you' (as my nana always did) and I find that very touching. If they hear that I'm gay and say 'I'll pray for you' then that really sucks, because they are 'elevating' themselves above me. And it's not meant with good intent

[Kaine for Senate '18]

It's always option 1, unless it's after I tell people I'm Jewish

[© tweed]

somebody just told me they prayed for me at church today.  I really want to kill her.

[Keystone Phil]

somebody just told me they prayed for me at church today.  I really want to kill her.

That really is just so rude, dude. Seriously. I remember a few people being offended/wanted to laugh at me when I mention that I pray for them. If I pray for you, I really care about you; it's not meant to seem like, "Well, you need a lot of help that the rest of us don't need, pal."

[© tweed]

somebody just told me they prayed for me at church today.  I really want to kill her.

That really is just so rude, dude. Seriously. I remember a few people being offended/wanted to laugh at me when I mention that I pray for them. If I pray for you, I really care about you; it's not meant to seem like, "Well, you need a lot of help that the rest of us don't need, pal."

the text conversation

her: I think we're going to be good friends for a long long time.
me: Church today?
her: yeah. i prayed for you..
me: sh**t what did you say
her: nothing bad.. sorry
me: I'm not mad.  but you should try to reconcile with me first (maybe you already have) before you take it to God.  He gave up on me a long, long time ago and I can't say I blame him.
her: i dont think He gave up. i just think you did
me: It was a mutual decision.  we are both better off.  eternal separation from God (the original definition of Hell) just doesn't bother me.  I think I basically know what you prayed for, and, look... if I find inner contentness, meaning, and happiness, it's going to come from myself, not from God.  and certainly not from anything I read in His f***ing book of things not to do.
her: i didn't tell him to give you anything, just to help you
me: I'd prefer it if you helped me.  you have done much more for me already that He has, and you're MUCH better looking.
her: ha  well how do you know God isnt female?
me: Your bible says so.  I don't believe God exists but I am speaking of Him as a concept for the purposes of this conversation.
her: youre annoying
me: But am I still interesting?
her: yeah you are ugh



we're basically in love with each other but circumstances prevent us from being together

[Keystone Phil]

That text conversation was supposed to convince me that you were right? 

[tik 🪀✨]

somebody just told me they prayed for me at church today.  I really want to kill her.

That really is just so rude, dude. Seriously. I remember a few people being offended/wanted to laugh at me when I mention that I pray for them. If I pray for you, I really care about you; it's not meant to seem like, "Well, you need a lot of help that the rest of us don't need, pal."

As was said, context is important. And so is your relationship with the person before you say it. There are some people I have known almost my entire life that seem utterly disaffected when a friend needs consolation, instead telling them that they will be prayed for as a means to make the problem go away. And, after being told that the problem got worse, shrug it off that it was God's will. I am sure these people mean well and are often genuine and do care, but when a friend is in need, is it more morally correct to listen, console, and offer tangible aid, or to stand back and pray and say that whatever happens was simply a part of God's plan? You're (and I'm not specifically addressing you, Phil, so don't take it personally at all) probably thinking "both," which seems quite correct to me, but way too often people are obliged to avoid inconveniencing themselves to help a friend.

[Keystone Phil]

but when a friend is in need, is it more morally correct to listen, console, and offer tangible aid, or to stand back and pray and say that whatever happens was simply a part of God's plan?

When did I say that simply praying for that friend was enough?

I just have a feeling that all of that can be done and some hostile anti-religious individual would still bitch about being "prayed for."

[tik 🪀✨]

but when a friend is in need, is it more morally correct to listen, console, and offer tangible aid, or to stand back and pray and say that whatever happens was simply a part of God's plan?

When did I say that simply praying for that friend was enough?

You didn't.. and I tried to point out that I wasn't talking to/about you specifically. I used what you said to transition into something else.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

Probably. They are, after all, hostile and anti-religious. You could of course not offer that tidbit of information to such a person.

[JSojourner]

somebody just told me they prayed for me at church today.  I really want to kill her.

That really is just so rude, dude. Seriously. I remember a few people being offended/wanted to laugh at me when I mention that I pray for them. If I pray for you, I really care about you; it's not meant to seem like, "Well, you need a lot of help that the rest of us don't need, pal."

I agree with Phil.  Knowing that people who care about me are praying for me means so much.  Especially when I know they are coming from a condescending, arrogant state of mine.

Andrew -- I know what you mean.  My family has been "praying for me" since I became an Episcopalian.  A couple of them actually believe I am under the influence of demonic spirits.  Otherwise, I would be Baptist or Pentecostal or something along those lines.

[dead0man]

the text conversation

her: I think we're going to be good friends for a long long time.
me: Church today?
her: yeah. i prayed for you..
me: sh**t what did you say
her: nothing bad.. sorry
me: I'm not mad.  but you should try to reconcile with me first (maybe you already have) before you take it to God.  He gave up on me a long, long time ago and I can't say I blame him.
her: i dont think He gave up. i just think you did
me: It was a mutual decision.  we are both better off.  eternal separation from God (the original definition of Hell) just doesn't bother me.  I think I basically know what you prayed for, and, look... if I find inner contentness, meaning, and happiness, it's going to come from myself, not from God.  and certainly not from anything I read in His f***ing book of things not to do.
her: i didn't tell him to give you anything, just to help you
me: I'd prefer it if you helped me.  you have done much more for me already that He has, and you're MUCH better looking.
her: ha  well how do you know God isnt female?
me: Your bible says so.  I don't believe God exists but I am speaking of Him as a concept for the purposes of this conversation.
her: youre annoying
me: But am I still interesting?
her: yeah you are ugh



we're basically in love with each other but circumstances prevent us from being together

If you were trying to convince us you're an asshole, operation successful!

[Citizen James]

I think JSojourner hit it right on the head.   It's all about context.

In a positive context it's no worse than being told that someone cares, or hopes things turn out alright, or sends 'good vibes'.  Hey - may the force be with you.  Can't hurt, so no problem.

In a negative, it's about the same as an explicative.  (I suppose people who use it that way could be considered to be using the Lord's name in vain).   I get that some from a local cultlike group which solicits funds right by the exit of various grocery store.  The phrase "no thanks" often gets responded to with a really sarcastic "God bless you".

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Always assumed that it was a Catholic thing

[Keystone Phil]

Always assumed that it was a Catholic thing

Come on now. There are some good people of other religions/no religion at all.

[Smid]

I think JSojourner hit it right on the head.   It's all about context.

In a positive context it's no worse than being told that someone cares, or hopes things turn out alright, or sends 'good vibes'.  Hey - may the force be with you.  Can't hurt, so no problem.

In a negative, it's about the same as an explicative.  (I suppose people who use it that way could be considered to be using the Lord's name in vain).   I get that some from a local cultlike group which solicits funds right by the exit of various grocery store.  The phrase "no thanks" often gets responded to with a really sarcastic "God bless you".

I think the question is - is it edifying to the person for you to tell them? A sincere prayer may be a way of caring for someone, but sometimes it's more caring to pray quietly for them without telling them that's what you're doing. Of course, there are times when someone's going through a rough patch, that it might help them to know that you're thinking of them and praying for them. It's a matter of context, not just the reason you prayed for them, but also how they will feel about that.

[JSojourner]

Another thing to throw into the mix.

We pray for people expecting God to change them.  Often, God changes us instead.

[Eraserhead]

Amused

[Associate Justice PiT]

     Grateful. Even though I don't believe in God, it's a nice gesture.

[Gustaf]

the text conversation

her: I think we're going to be good friends for a long long time.
me: Church today?
her: yeah. i prayed for you..
me: sh**t what did you say
her: nothing bad.. sorry
me: I'm not mad.  but you should try to reconcile with me first (maybe you already have) before you take it to God.  He gave up on me a long, long time ago and I can't say I blame him.
her: i dont think He gave up. i just think you did
me: It was a mutual decision.  we are both better off.  eternal separation from God (the original definition of Hell) just doesn't bother me.  I think I basically know what you prayed for, and, look... if I find inner contentness, meaning, and happiness, it's going to come from myself, not from God.  and certainly not from anything I read in His f***ing book of things not to do.
her: i didn't tell him to give you anything, just to help you
me: I'd prefer it if you helped me.  you have done much more for me already that He has, and you're MUCH better looking.
her: ha  well how do you know God isnt female?
me: Your bible says so.  I don't believe God exists but I am speaking of Him as a concept for the purposes of this conversation.
her: youre annoying
me: But am I still interesting?
her: yeah you are ugh



we're basically in love with each other but circumstances prevent us from being together

If you were trying to convince us you're an asshole, operation successful!

I was gonna post something like that. If someone cares for you and says so the very least you can do as a decent human being is refraining from wanting to kill that person.

But, anyway, touched. Of course, I'm not gay or anything so I've never experienced the whole "I'm praying for you, since I'm pretty sure you're going to hell on your current course" business. I imagine that would be a bit insulting.