Comedy Goldmine XI: The Atlas Forum Demilitarized Zone

[minionofmidas]

by Caroline Glick

I grew up in Chicago's ultra-liberal, anti-American and anti-Israel stronghold of Hyde Park. Hyde Park's newest famous resident is Barack Obama. He fits right into a neighborhood I couldn't wait to leave.

now, that is an interesting tidbit!  Looks like this Glick chick has Obama pegged.

I'll say! That was the bit where I decided the rest of the article wasn't worth reading..

I stopped one sentence earlier.

[minionofmidas]

F*** you all.  Mississippi has made a far greater impact on American culture than any other state when you consider population.

That isn't funny, that's true.

[minionofmidas]

Einzige, I won't bother to continue to respond after this.

It's funny because it's probably not true.

Yeah, you're right. His comments are too precious to ignore. Like this charming description...

I'm blatantly pointing out the holes in your un-logic, you bleeding twat.

And I'm going to keep throwing them in until you stop deserving them and your balls drop.

Wait, Phil is a menstruating vagina with testes?

[minionofmidas]

Dwtl could hardly have flaunted his ignorance more clearly.

[minionofmidas]

Question: What do you call it when Sam Spade is stabbed to death by a homeless African American during a mugging gone awry?





Answer: Justice

Humor exists in the above quote due to its veracity.

[minionofmidas]

I was just pointing out that he was black. I didn't say anything else.

Thanks. Judging by the picture, I thought he was just southern Italian.

[minionofmidas]

My ex sternly warned me tonight that if things do work out in that direction, we'd better wait for anything until after the wedding or she will kick my derrier.

Hey, watch your language, mister.

She actually used the actual three-letter donkey, @$$, I just modified it.

I couldn't possibly manage being like BushOklahoma.  No offense to him.  He's a very nice guy.

But being so clean and virginal all the time takes so much effort.

He should have taken some of that effort to learn how to spell derrière, though.

[minionofmidas]

This topic has almost never been addressed before, and it wasn't a mistake.  Grant County is very small and it's not surprising that you'd see odd results there.

Thanks Vander.
If I may ask, did Barr spend time campaigning there, hoping he could win at least one count?

Lol pwned. Good job, Van.

[minionofmidas]

Uh. My parents got engaged after ten days, and they've been together now for thirty years.

My parents got married after five days, and they've been together now for fifteen years.

Do I win?

Your parents had met each other before the wedding? Youth these days...

[minionofmidas]

One time, this kid (we'll call him Person A) I knew told this other kid I knew (Person B), "Why don't you just fuck me in the ass?"...as if it was supposed to be an insult to Person B. Almost like "Why don't you just kiss my ass?"

I would've said "yes" to his modest proposal and start ass attacking him with my phallic sword until it my white love laser cannon was fully charged and then I would eviscerare his asshole with the magic lasers from my love laser cannon. Afterwards I would get called a "f****t" for destroying another dude's ass, but I could always use the defense "I was given orders".

     Re-posting this for goldmine purposes.

Lemmee echo that sentiment.

[minionofmidas]

The headline on BRTD's post-dudefest thread. I haven't even the read the thread yet, but the title is great.

[minionofmidas]

OFF, the two of you!

[minionofmidas]

Last night I had a dream that I was trying to get to my polling place in dark-fictional-unfamiliar-dream-Tacoma.  I missed a bus and had to run there and got there like 2 minutes too late.  I was a little distraught until the pollworker told me that there was nothing on the ballot.  Literally.  It was a completely blank piece of paper.

I agree with my subconscious.

Why in the hell are there 25 pages about it?

Imagine what it would be like if there was meaning to the primary.

The primaries for King County Executive and Seattle Mayor should actually be relatively interesting (especially the former if people are smart enough to vote in a way that makes the maps cool).

Will Alcon vote for über union hack Beckie Summers Kirby WHO IS IN THE POCKETS OF THE UNIONS? Readers want to know.

District 5?  You think I live in District 5?  You are dead to me.

(Not dead enough that I probably won't ask you for help on several votes.  But a lot deader than you were before.)

District 2 is full of sodomizers and arsenic. But that's probably how you like it, you sick freak.

Ahem.  Arsenic is totally more a District 1 thing.  District 2 is exploding grain towers and sodomizers.  And Northeast Tacoma, whatever the hell happens there. [snippety]

[minionofmidas]

This is what SurveyUSA defines as "Portland Region":



http://www.surveyusa.com/SUSA_Regional_Definitions_As_Of_081029_files/sheet042.htm

Funny cause it's true. I laughed.

[minionofmidas]

Well two left, one right, one just batsh!t insane (not that the other three were entirely sane, of course) is "most". Sort of.

[minionofmidas]

A fetus is a parasite, which cannot survive independently from the mother and provides nothing in turn for the mother. It is the biological version of a welfare queen. It therefore is not human life.

This would be funnier without the "not".

[minionofmidas]

I didn't accuse you of taking anything out of context; I merely implied that you are insane.

Yeah, I grinned too.

[minionofmidas]

In relation to straw0man's asking "Cite?" for everything:

Einzige.

And I really do mean that.

Is it the insanity, the ignorance or the unwarranted anger that impresses you so?

I was thinking his raving anti-statism.

There are a lot of anti-statists here that aren't insane, ignorant and angry.

Cite?

You're actually reading too much into my statement. I just couldn't think of a single one (that I would consider an actual anti-statist). SPC might not be particularly angry and only borderline insane, but if he's not ignorant, no one is. Etc.

[minionofmidas]

Democrats:
Evan Bayh
Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
John F. Kennedy
Franklin Roosevelt
Brad Ellsworth
Jim Shellinger
Rod Blagojevich
Albert Gore

More of a personal thing, since I've met him before, and he seemed really down to earth.

In the "down and dirty" sense?

[minionofmidas]

click here to know more

Quite possibly the greatest post ever.

Greatest first post, anyways. Welcome!

[minionofmidas]

Also from the same post:

You're acting like you have your penis stuck in your vagina.  Pull the penis out of the vagina.  Relieve the pressure on the penis and vagina so that there is less pressure in all and you can talk to us like a civilized adult.

That. is. hilarious.

I change my opinion - I don't want the troll banned after all!

[minionofmidas]

You can tell because the dog is staying with you, is not growling at you, is not showing any signs of aggression. Is not clawing or chewing you to pieces. Ever see how well padded a person has to be to train police dogs?  A zoo does not have much if anything on when they have sex. Does that tell you something?

zoosexual sex or casual sex between two different species, which is known as bestiality, zoophile net, an extremely kind, and loving thing to do, zoo’s have a deep love that many do not have. This is extremely pleasurable, positives for both species, and  helps to control population. No surgery is needed for ether species. No condoms needed. No STDs. The non humans love sex. Both species loves sex.

By all means legalize this kind of sex.  Whole planet is about sex.  Let us relax, and enjoy it. Doing unto others what you would want others to do unto you. Being wise, and harmless, Being a peacemaker, and things will be just fine.

Holy sh*t, this person almost makes me sound like a sane.

I've no intention to test his assumptions, but most of his argument makes sense, actually. Farmers have been shagging sheep and calves, and big dogs have been shagging housewives, since time immemorial. Nothing new about it.

[minionofmidas]

He should not have made the ruling he did.  I dont support inter race marriage for my kids but in american people can do that if they wish and he was very wrong about that. 

Sorry to dissapoint you but you can't have kids with your hand.

I'm pretty sure his hand is the same race as the rest of his body, so I don't know what you're talking about

[minionofmidas]

I mean, he's gay, so it's probably only a matter of time.

No, he's lean gay. Big difference.

Indeed.  Gay tends to indicate Democratic preference, where lean gay indicates a long, prosperous career as a closeted Republican mid-level office holder.

You mean Larry Craig?

And Jim Kolbe, Steve Gunderson, Michael Huffington, Lindsay Graham and Charlie Crist.  No doubt I'm forgetting several, of which I'm sure Xahar will oblige to remind us.

David Dreier?