Comedy Goldmine XI: The Atlas Forum Demilitarized Zone

[Sensei]

there is a map of Oklahoma next to the word "Benighted" in the dictionary

I like Sensei and all but his post only belongs here because it is hilariously similar to jabs thrown by a third grader. 

as was the intent

[Sensei]

MIKE NASO IS AMERICA

please redirect my funnies to the Atlas Bureau of Humor.

Thanks in advance.

[Sensei]

Sensei, you are massive failing.

No. I'm a comedic Bodhisattva on the way to hilarious Nirvana.

[Sensei]

That, and she doesn't like English names because they have no real meaning.

How stupid/ignorant is your mother?

[Sensei]

What is your opinion of the Middle East Peace Act?

I know i am not GPORTER but i think that act is a good start. I think that the act favors one side over the other. But that is me and i am sure GPORTER wants everyone to be treated fairly.

What do you mean by that? How do you think the MEPA favors one side, and which side does it favor?

Also, are you saying that your foreign policy is going to be based on fairness, not on the circumstances?

Though I believe that these questions are directed towards my running mate because she was the one who responded to the questions, I will answer the one on fairness vs. circumstances.

All of my foreign policy actions will be made based on circumstances. And if they will be fair, then they will be fair. But, if they are not fair, then they will not be fair. I will make the best decision that I possibly can as President. And it will not come to my mind if it is fair or not.

I' afraid that doesn' make much sense.

Are you saying that fairness isn' worth anything?

Lets see if this is a little more clear...

fairness will be a factor, but it will not be my first factor in making foreign policy decisions.

What will be your first factor?

the situation.

[Sensei]

I define "white" as caucasian.  I do not consider Arabs, Jews, Persians, or my Lebanese wife to be "white", otherwise I wouldn't have married her.

hehe...

Your wife is Lebanese?!  Why would you have married her in the first place if she isn't even into guys in the first place?

dude, after our wedding night, she forgot all about her Lebanese past.

[Sensei]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=95011.0

[Sensei]

File this one under WTF

He wants you pretty bad.

We all want somebody on this forum pretty bad, Maro.

Are you coming onto me, Max?

Perhaps...

[Sensei]

I had a Spanish teacher in HS who was from pre-Communist Cuba outright tell us in class that on his 18th birthday his father took him to the "puta" house.

[Sensei]

Fats are some of the most sick disgusting scum on the planet.  They deserve whatever they get but I feel back for the kid I guess

[Sensei]

Sometimes I wonder if Winfield learned English from watching TV commercials for local attorneys.

[Sensei]

Brady was a wonderful cat. He meowed all the time, which got annoying. He "vanished" this winter. I tried to tell myself that he was visiting relatives in heaven, and will return soon, but that is ridiculous. So I've accepted the fact a coyote probably ripped him into a million pieces and then ate him.

Post of the Year

[Sensei]

Not fair since he's just a joke poster that has fooled 90% of the forum.

Who is he?  I can't for the life of me figure it out.

Robert Stark. Duh.

[Sensei]

have a look at that cheese, snowguy, and tell me your stomach will thank you for it.

Most people outside of Pennsylvania don't eat it with 'processed cheese food' on it.  You can put any kind of cheese you like on it.

I don't even know that most people here eat it with processed cheese on it. I think American cheese is the most popular choice.

[Sensei]

P.S: As this is a FOOTball thread and it being the day it is, I will merely add one more thing, a sort of necessary evil to ward off even eviler spirits:

Haha, good call. I was going to put this in the European Football thread but it's fine here.

I, too, support Barcelona today mainly because of my strong, strong distaste for this "man"...

[Sensei]

It would really suck having a misspelling on your epitaph, like "sheperd".

[Sensei]

It is hard for me to talk about her personally (I've never met her), but the decisions of hers that I have read strike me as unimpressive.

Barring something weird that we don't know, she is certainly qualified for the position of SC justice.  I just wouldn't expect anything magnificent out of her (in terms of USSC) and the "liberals" better hope that the Rosen piece about her being a bullier is not true, as that is undoubtedly something that would not work well with Kennedy.

If there was a prize for ''Most Condescending Post of the Year'', that would be the early frontrunner.

If there was an award for "Biggest f****t" on this board, you might win too and I'd even consider that quite impressive.

[Sensei]

You need to stop putting Christ first in your life. He should be fifth or sixth at best.

[Sensei]

Is this a place where they indoctrinate people?

[Sensei]

I don't see what is funny in what I said.

I wasn't making fun of you or anything, it's just that imagining BushOK's response made me laugh.

[Sensei]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=97023.45

It's all downhill from page 3

[Sensei]

On what caused Hitler's rise to power:

International Bankers mainly the Rothschilds, Warburgs, and Shiffs looted Weimar's economy through inflation and caused Germany to loose WWI by bringing in the Americans on behalf of the British in exchange for signing the Balfour Declaration

You mean that isn't what happened?

[Sensei]

I hear this a lot from some men.  Liberals are especially guilty of this - they say they prefer "strong women" who can think for themselves.  I can't help but wonder if some of these men are either lying, gay, or wimps with sinister motives who want to be beaten up and dominated in the bedroom.  As for myself, I prefer weak, submissive women that I can throw around.  I think some men are just confused about the difference between "strong women" (who are usually butch and unattractive) and mature, responsible women (which is attractive).  Though I wouldn't be surprised if some of these men want a dominatrix.

[Sensei]

Well, that trend is falling away.. at least here.  A name like Emma is very old fashioned... like.. there are old ladies in the nursing home named Emma and then there are newborns.. but nobody in between.

At least we're trying something off the cuff. 

Least favorites:

Brody
Damien

Here are my least favorites:

Olaf
Marybelle
Birtha (not a mistake)
Susan (male)

[Sensei]

No quieren saberlo.