The Kalwejt Foundation for the Promotion of Atlas Hilarity

[Landslide Lyndon]

Holmes: Sherlock of Polls

It's elementary for him.

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Everyone thinks there are the hot stuff with their royal ancestry. I am proud of my blue collar immigrant roots and hard working farmers, laborers, and low ranking soldiers.

im proud of my ancestors who were single cell organisms

Yes, I agree, we must defend the unborn.

no i mean like billion years ago

I'm not sure what's funnier, HillGoose being HillGoose or Bagel thinking that he was making some statement about abortion

[Doimper]

Perfect timing as I was reading Sanchez's new username:

[DINGO Joe]

BRTD?

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I mainly stay on this board to keep abreast of liberal discourse. The more I do though, the more I realize that it doesn't exist. The entire leftist worldview is summed by sassy gifs and calling people "literal human garbage".

Gather around everyone, I have a story to tell y'all.

There once was a young bright kid named Morty. Morty was a nice young kid who was just a little shorty. One day, he found a fair-skinned maiden with bright blonde hair and blue eyes just like the Ocean. So he hatched up a plan and went on about his motion.

So he asked this Sally out for a delicious brunch. And his face got bright and red and blushed. But to his dismay Sally said, "lets just be friends". So little young Morty nodded and thought "this won't be the end".

Weeks went by and Morty and the girl got close. He thought to himself "oh she isn't like those hoes!".

Until one late night.

The girl had texted Morty to pick her up. So Morty pulled up in quite a nice tux. To his dismay, an individual dark as night slapped slapped on the ass and gave her a big kiss. Now Morty was seething in rage and really really pissed! So Morty dumped Sally on the sidewalk. Then Morty drove home and bawled his eyes off.

Now to this day, the little Morty takes care of his little cute piggers. But he gets scared and angry whenever he sees a n-----.

[YE]

Dark horse candidate. Feisty. Tough. Would do well among WWC voters in Staten Island and alpha males and suburban women in crucial swing states like Montana and New Jersey, so sure.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

They can't because being honest about what they truly believe would hamper their 2018 efforts.

I think the percentage of Democrats who would actually support a complete civilian gun ban would be incredibly low.

Do you really think they wouldn't take the opportunity to do so if it actually presented itself? When you give them an inch, they always take it a mile.

You've got it wrong. When we take it an inch, we convert it to centimeters.

[Atlas Has Shrugged]

Imagine being from a super rich school district and getting rejected by the University of Central Florida both before and after being in the national spotlight for a month and then becoming President of the United States in the 21st century. I'm sure it's just super popular this year because of their "National Championship" banner. This would require more than mere Marco Rubio-tier levels of whoring oneself out.

Twitter is a cancerous medium.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

ruining your health to own the kids

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

There are many underlying factors why this wholesome family values state will become a devilcratic bastion of evil. First is the growth of black people, also to local Klansmen as "economic anxiety causing persons". This will create a solid base for the demonrats to build off of to advance their anti-values agenda. Although these economic anxiety causing persons will create a base, the creation of anti-Christmas Mississippi will actually happen before they become a majority. Why? It is because poor white people, which there are a lot of on Mississippi because of the policies of our friend Supply Side Jesus, will betray their culture by accepting Sorosbucks for food. This will be caused by the sabotage of our wholesome policies for job growth by the coastal elites, which will cause a massive economic crisis. A demonrat, the name of whom is unknown at this time, will promise "higher wages", "affordable healthcare" "lifting the burden of consumer debt", and other SOCIALIST ideas, to a receptive population. In this campaign, where obviously satanists ritually sacrificed a goat to make the dumbocrats win, poor whites who voted republican to support Christmas will be unable to afford their life needs, and thus be willing to accept the satanic agenda. This election will create a satanic majority in the United States of America for 1000 years. Poor whites, grateful for the food they got for betraying their culture in hard times, will stick with the DemocRATS. Their votes will shift a wide block of the south away from the Grand Old Party, and Mississippi will be the biggest beacon of satanism in the country.

But there will be hope. Although devilrats will be a majority in this country, some coastal elites will regret their actions and decide to support Christmas for unselfish reasons. This trend will cause the states of Washington, New Hampshire, New Jersey, and Connecticut into bigly republican stronkholds, as well as turning the states of Illinois, New York, and Oregon into bellwethers evenly divided between good and evil.

But that's not all; a few people living the American Dream to the max will venture forth into the final frontier, and we all know frontiers support individualism, so space colonists will become literally Ron Paul. The vast wealth in asteroids will create a rush into space following their mining, so the number of Ron Pauls in existence will increase by hundreds of thousands a year. Eventually, states will have to be created to manage these wholesome individualists, and these states will be fast growing pro-business christian republican strongholds. Eventually, a coalition of Ron Paul and coastal elites regretting supporting Satan will propel a new pro-business majority some time in the 2060s-2080s.

[100% pro-life no matter what]

My vote goes to Alabama. Its younger voters are more supportive of Democrats than those in Oklahoma (e.g. Exit polls from 2008 indicated that Obama won voters under 30 in Alabama but lost among this group in Oklahoma).

Oklahoma whites are more Democratic than Alabama whites. Where did Obama do better with white voters under 30?

From 2012 (according to the NYT):
Alabama Whites under 30: 20% Obama
Oklahoma Whites under 30: 30% Obama

So, he didn't do that well with young whites from either state, but Alabama is significantly more black than Oklahoma, so his overall percentages with under 30s in both states were:
Alabama: 48%
Oklahoma: 42%

That likely means Obama did better with whites under 30 in Oklahoma.

This is a clear contender for "Captain Obvious Remark of the Year"

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

King Lear, I will say it is very impressive that you can write these scenarios while only using one hand.

Oh please, I type 90% of my comments one-handed.

Christ,,,,,

[RussFeingoldWasRobbed]

If the Dems hold their convention in San Francisco or Atlanta, that would be the equivalent of the GOP holding it in Moscow.

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

and John Lenin beat on women and kids.

John Lenin? is that Vladimir's great grandson?

[Unconditional Surrender Truman]

I am now the opposite of how I actually am lol XD

Ha ha I am actually still the same you have been bamboozled!!! Bazinga!!!

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

I doubt this is serious, but among potentially deceased posters, does anyone remember Clarence?

I've seen some of his posts, but I never encountered him on this forum. I joined in 2015.
Windjammer might be someone who fits the fill. Or Lumine.

I have it on good authority that windjammer is dead, and his last word was "butt stuff".

The name of his beloved childhood sled?

[President Punxsutawney Phil]

I doubt this is serious, but among potentially deceased posters, does anyone remember Clarence?

I've seen some of his posts, but I never encountered him on this forum. I joined in 2015.
Windjammer might be someone who fits the fill. Or Lumine.

I have it on good authority that windjammer is dead, and his last word was "butt stuff".

The name of his beloved childhood sled?

I am afraid Jambles' dad doesn't own a sled company. Sorry.

[America Needs R'hllor]

63% TRUMP
63% Phony Mitt
57% 1-for-47 Kasich
57% "Pray with me" Pence
54% Knock-out Biden
53% Shapiro
52% Lavenous Rubio
52% Beautiful Oprah
51% Crazy Bernie
51% Lyin' Ted
49% High Gary
48% Ugly Rand
47% Rand's kooky dad
47% Pocahontas
44% the Highly Respected Michelle Obama

[DINGO Joe]

ChinaSoc has been banned for being a sock of maga2020.

that's too bad.  Nothing brings people together like making fun of those that believe in the PRC.

[Atlas Force]

Scott Walker of all people is now afraid of a "blue wave".

Holy sh**t. My wife came into my room to bring me a ham and cheese sandwich and I literally screamed at her and slapped it out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my wife but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the f-cking f-ck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a f-cking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a state without unions. I want Screnock to be on the Wisconsin Supreme Court and let me remove Democrats from the voter rolls. I cannot f-cking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in Wisconsin?? This is so f-cked.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

My chess teacher always taught me that if someone offered a piece and you suspect it's brilliant offer which will get you mated but you genuinely can't calculate it (or you can't recognize a clear mating pattern without calculating), you should just take the offer and see where it leads. Either you get mated and you learnt something or your calculations were right, it was a blunder and you win. Long story short: I'll say yes.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Earning the right to say the N word was one of the greatest milestones in white history.

[Landslide Lyndon]

Ipsos/Reuters, April 1-5, 1761 adults

Approve 37 (-3)
Disapprove 57 (+1)

Oops

Oopsos

[Landslide Lyndon]

GOP candidate for Senate compares opposing Trump agenda to cheating on wife

You must be logged in to read this quote.

Oy.

Does Trump even have a 55% success rate at being faithful to his wives?

[Landslide Lyndon]

Harry I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm being serious.