Make a confession

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

I am a girl.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

I don't think I'll ever be happy. I've already ranted about why specifically it seems so unlikely elsewhere, but the fact that I'm probably going to be miserable for the rest of my life because I constantly focus on the minor problems in my life instead of accepting that my life is great like a normal person would is an incredibly tough pill to swallow.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

I've already said this before, but as much as I keep telling myself I want to be better, I don't know if that's actually true. Yes, I'm miserable the way I am now, but my research seems to show that the only way I'm not going to be miserable is by either lying to myself or becoming a total asshole, and I don't want either of those to happen. The third option is trying to do things that are far out of my reach, which sounds nice but is completely impractical, even if I had the willpower to do them. My life is amazing, and I shouldn't have to pretend I have redeeming qualities that I don't know exist to be able to feel it. If I have any redeeming qualities, I want to come to them genuinely, and not only do I not know if that's possible, I also fear that it isn't. I should probably shut up before I milk this thread for attention even more than I already have.

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Here's one for what could very well be my last post of the decade: Yesterday, I was walking out of class and my water bottle almost fell out of my pocket. My brain couldn't decide if I was gonna say "oh jeez" or "oh shoot" and somehow it managed to come out as "oh Jews". Fortunately, I think I said it quietly enough that I was the only one who heard it.