Need advice in my life, i feel very depressed and stressed

[LAKISYLVANIA]

Honestly, i don't feel all that well at all.

I really have first of all a horrible relationship with my parents. I'm over my mom. I haven't seen her in more than a decade, and it honestly feels okay, since it gives me peace. I've never had much contact since i was in kindergarten, but the real problem is my dad and his girlfriend. I haven't seen them face to face in a year now.

It feels like they continuously betray me even. They even still owe me over 3000 euros, that used to be 6000 euros, but at the least they have been paying some back to me. But they're absolutely disrespectful in any way possible. When I had psychiatric issues, it was due to their efforts that i was being taken inpatient, and use that situation to their advantage, in order to financially enrichen them. When I noticed that, i threatened with a court case, and i've a document on paper that they must pay me 100 euros back each month. At the time, i trusted them to be in charge of my finances when i was inpatient, which was admittely a horrible mistake, but I didn't even expect my own parents to be this disgusting. Eventually they admitted the mistake, and told me they were going to pay me back, but at this rate, they still will owe me money up to 3 years from now, while I actually prefer to close the chapter, and actually erase them from my life.

I didn't call them in longer than 6 months, when I called them today, they were angry, but all the times I call it always ends in a fight or an argument. I can't have a normal conversation with these people. In fact, it is so bad, that I never feel that kind of anger or conversations with anyone else IRL. I'm never angry towards other people IRL. I sometimes vent online obviously, so some of my posts can have some "hidden anger", but I have trouble releasing that IRL. I'm basically almost always calm, and when I talk to my parents, i'm not.

I broke with them for a bit. I wanted peace, it was necessary for my own mental wellbeing, and it would take a while, but i still feel like time hasn't healed the wounds. In fact, i'm more & more convinced that this cannot be healed, especially as long as they still owe me money, the healing process would never start, since I need closure.

I feel guilty to my brother & sisters, but I cannot call them, even for their birthday and risk another argue over the phone, which would make me feel bad. And I feel like i'm abandoning my brother & sisters, for my own wellbeing. I think they rather have a brother that never looked out for them when they were kids, than a dead one. But I don't think they'll ever realize that this is something they had to do. Their parents will tell bad stuff against them about me, probably devilizing me for some reason. And i don't think it will ever be possible to have a normal relationship with them. I even know that i'm being spied on (at least my internet activities). At the very least, they luckily cannot speak or understand english, which is why i feel more open to post on non-dutch language sites. I never talk about personal life in dutch on the internet because it feels like i'm being spied on.

____

That being said, i also make no progress at all. I'm a failure in many aspects of life, knowing little people, especially since I don't meet many new people. I'm a failure in job employment and work employment and cannot deal with the stress of daily life. Outgoing activities are also a no-gone zone. I basically live a hikikomori, because - again - it is the most I can get out of my life. It's the most peaceful one, and while still depressing, it is the most rewarding one.

Need to pay attention to a lot of my physical characteristiscs, i have horrible sleep rhythm and eating rhythm, simply because i don't have to wake up for something, because i can talk with Americans or Canadians at night and not during daytime where most of my internet friends are located, and also because the night is the most calm period for me. During daytime there is simply more stress, and more stuff to do, which is why the night as an escapist works, having this rhythm for more than five years, maybe ten years, also means my body has adjusted to the night.

My eating rhythm suffers from it too, since there is hardly any pattern anymore, and it is hard to consistently eat. I feel my senses for taste & smell have changed, making me more picky than ever, and it is very hard for me to maintain weight, while i'm already quite a bit underweight. I have the same height as Christian Bale, and i'm not really that far off from starting to look like him as he was in The Machinist. Looking up his weight during The Machinist, i'm only a little bit heavier, but not much. I have a BMI between 16 & 17, and it is very hard to gain weight back, in fact even maintaining has been hard since i slowly still lose. It is possible this is due to having a covid infection since it got much worse after that, and i've never recovered my weight, but otherwise i have no symptoms of "long covid".

I think it would be much more better for me personal, if the misery would just end, and if i just would be dead, but I don't know how to basically die. I also don't know how to improve my living life. I usually have the attitude of waiting for my death till it arrives naturally, and accepting the period of life, since accepting death wouldn't be hard for me. It is accepting life that is the hardest thing, and just spending my time till it ends is what I do now. But in some ways, it would give me a lot of peace if it would end now. I already feel like I died, since there is no sparkle of life inside of me, and that has been the case of years. I'm basically already a zombie who has adapted to 100% of its existence basically being on the internet or computer, while ignoring all parts of actual life, and it is simply because it makes me feel better than when i'm doing not, since i have tried to change that in the past, and it only made things worse. So i feel like being a cyborg is the only thing i can do now.

[dead0man]

you need a purpose in life, everyone needs a purpose in life.  Is there a local shelter (human or animal) you can volunteer at?

[LAKISYLVANIA]

you need a purpose in life, everyone needs a purpose in life.  Is there a local shelter (human or animal) you can volunteer at?

I honestly don't even have the mental energy for that anymore, and my social anxiety is too high.

[LAKISYLVANIA]

I also absolutely hate both my dad & mom and have no feelings towards those families. They've done nothing for me. I've no emotions for them. I would also not attend a funeral. I'm so done, i wouldn't waste my time with a funeral, and i don't want anything to do with them. I just want them gone from my life (which in a lot of ways they already are).

Those families also have done nothing to me, except for abandoning me, and not accepting me, same for my cousins. Nobody ever really cared. I am not in touch with them. I have little in common with them. You wouldn't even say i'm related to them, since they do absolutely 100% completely different things with different interests. I have nothing in common with them.

I would not attend funerals, i mean, it isn't my family. It theoretically may be, but it doesn't feel like it, and i won't really pretend they're family, they wouldn't attend my funeral either.

I wouldn't be emotional, except maybe if it were my brother or sisters. But otherwise not. For every other family member, i basically would even feel more sad if a random member of this forum dies, instead of a family member of mine.

[PSOL]

Laki, you should really stick to a proper sleeping schedule first and foremost and only post when you got the time. That is partially the reason why you don’t have energy. Forget about contacting people on the other side of the globe, you need sleep and to focus on yourself first and foremost.

Have you tried going back to school and finishing up. You should, as that is vital to you advancing in life. I know things are in the rut man, but you have to at least try and prioritize that as education opens so many doors. Trust me, I’ve had these difficulties before and I knew for one thing finishing up education was the right thing to do. Also get into a routine of real hobbies; sports, music, reading, art, or woodworking—whatever is within your budget—and start exercising as that’s why you feel foggy all the time. Take this from a guy who was in a 2 year rut.

And believe me, you aren’t angry much here.

[TheReckoning]

Go to church.

[Hammy]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

[TheReckoning]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

Have you ever been to church before? If so, I’m so sorry you got the feeling that it was a “ hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell.” Check out another church if that was the case.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Unless you have a physical reason for not doing so, I'd try some exercise.  Nice long walks to start.  The results will amaze you.

[Torie]

Laki you did not mention whether or not you are seeing a therapist. What you describe is quite serious, and some of it may be psychotropic or whatever the word is rather than situational. Your fear of interactions with people suggests that group sessions might be good.

We all have challenges in dealing with life situations, but yours are such that while seeking advice and emotional support and just having people listen to you here is good, it is not adequate in my view as to the help that you do need, and is no substitute for that.

That said, Grumps' idea of exercise is good. It is hard to be depressed while jogging around the town or swimming laps or pumping iron, which generates its own set of chemicals in your body, in this case salubrious ones.

Good luck.

[Hammy]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

Have you ever been to church before? If so, I’m so sorry you got the feeling that it was a “ hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell.” Check out another church if that was the case.

I'm Catholic and that's a big reason I stopped going to church is that's mostly what the sermons were. Tried a few Baptist churches and they made the Catholic sermons seem tame in comparison.

And where I'm at, those are about the only options.

[Kahane's Grave Is A Gender-Neutral Bathroom]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

Remember, mental health was a scam invented by the libtards /s

[vitoNova]

Move to the Nederlands.

Or even Germany.  

The skies and roads are brighter across the border.  

Yes. I absolutely know the psychological and subtle, socio-economic differences between all 3 regions.  

[LAKISYLVANIA]

Go to church.

I'm not christian.

Laki you did not mention whether or not you are seeing a therapist. What you describe is quite serious, and some of it may be psychotropic or whatever the word is rather than situational. Your fear of interactions with people suggests that group sessions might be good.

I don't have the money for therapy. Too expensive in Belgium to be able to afford it. Secondly, the waiting list to get therapy also is months. Mental healthcare is horrendously bad in Belgium. At the end, you're on your own here.

[Meclazine for Israel]

Go work on a farm and turn off the internet.

Life changing.

[Woody]

Initiative and being bold is the most important factor imo.

If what you're saying is anywhere remotely accurate, cut off the toxic people, they are not somebody you want to impress, nor are they there for your well-being, family or not. It'll just be an endless cycle with small periods of good times, but mostly bad times, and bad for your long time mental state.

And yes, I get that when it comes to "having purpose" it's either mentally exhausting to get into, or just seems like a waste of time when it comes to social life. But really, you just have to push yourself sometimes.

If you don't go to school, continue seeking whatever job you can get your hands on, grocery store, cinemas, gas station, schools, whatever, etc.. (there is no penalty doing this) meet people your age, ask if they want to hang out, and if not, oh well.. there is no offense in asking, they are going to take it as a compliment. There is bound to be someone who accepts who you are, that's a 100% guarantee.

And when you develop relationships, ask out if they are willing to be close & willing to hear out what's on your mind. Don't stay home all the time, go out on tours, alone is also fine, go anywhere you can just don't make your life about the internet and your bed.

When you feel well, socially and economically, try out for whatever studies it is you want to become later.. or just vibe with what you have for a while until you feel ready.

Want to know the best thing about being alone from the toxic people..? No pressure or expectations from anybody, you go wherever you feel like.

[Santander]

See a psychologist. If you need a referral, ask your GP.

Stay away from church.

[Santander]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

Have you ever been to church before? If so, I’m so sorry you got the feeling that it was a “ hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell.” Check out another church if that was the case.

Religion is not a treatment for mental health issues. Religion can help some people find purpose in their lives and persevere through tough times, but it is not a form of healthcare. No sane person would tell someone with cancer to "go to church" before seeking medical treatment, and the same applies to mental health.

[TheReckoning]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

Have you ever been to church before? If so, I’m so sorry you got the feeling that it was a “ hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell.” Check out another church if that was the case.

Religion is not a treatment for mental health issues. Religion can help some people find purpose in their lives and persevere through tough times, but it is not a form of healthcare. No sane person would tell someone with cancer to "go to church" before seeking medical treatment, and the same applies to mental health.

My response was not supposed to be an an end-all cure. I’m not not a mental health doctor and don’t have sufficient expertise. I just suggested something that has worked for me and many other people.

[LAKISYLVANIA]

Go to church.

Worst advice in this kind of thread. Weekly hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell are not helpful for people with anxiety and depression

Have you ever been to church before? If so, I’m so sorry you got the feeling that it was a “ hour-long lectures about why you're going to hell.” Check out another church if that was the case.

Religion is not a treatment for mental health issues. Religion can help some people find purpose in their lives and persevere through tough times, but it is not a form of healthcare. No sane person would tell someone with cancer to "go to church" before seeking medical treatment, and the same applies to mental health.

My response was not supposed to be an an end-all cure. I’m not not a mental health doctor and don’t have sufficient expertise. I just suggested something that has worked for me and many other people.

To be clear, i didn't think your suggestion was offensive. It was a good suggestion and for some people, that would definitely work, so I certainly don't blame you anything, just wanted to let you know.

[LAKISYLVANIA]

Also i'm not seeking mental health treatment. I don't see what they can do to help me. In the past this has led to nothing. Medication/drugs have never had any effect on me, and i don't believe in them. Secondly, i cannot afford it, and the benefits simply does not outweigh the costs for me personally. I think i'm relatively doing fine and that this is the best i can get out of my life.

[Mr. Smith]

Learn that Spanish or Portuguese already, Latinas are some of the most cheerful people on the planet.

[Santander]

Learn that Spanish or Portuguese already, Latinas are some of the most cheerful people on the planet.

🤔