The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Ebowed]

I'm sure the vampires will appreciate the increase in available blood; it might even have a better taste. Fruity and all.

Something tells me your blood tastes like athlete's foot.

[Ebowed]

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he logged back on the forum. A crowd soon gathered in IRC and he started posting with them. As he was typing, the moderators of the forum and the ban brigade brought a woman who had been caught in the act of trolling. They put her in front of the forum.

"Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of trolling. The site's Terms of Service says to ban her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and started playing Candy Crush on his phone. They kept demanding an answer, so he posted again and said, “All right, but let the one who is without infraction cast the first death point!" Then he stooped down again and played some more Candy Crush.

When the accusers read this, they started logging off one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was on the forum with the woman. Then Jesus started posting again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and troll no more.”

[Ebowed]

When I was young, I had a string of legitimate jobs.  I delivered newspapers, worked at bowling alleys, loaded trucks, taught computer programming camps for grade-school and high school students and taught people German.  But, almost twenty years ago, I began teaching philosophy classes at university, and it's been a big, enduring scam ever since.  Governor Walker told me so.

[Ebowed]

Do gays even have a right to form a domestic partnership/civil union anymore? Or are we forced to get a SSM if we oppose it? I can't find any information on it, at least in California

That is extreme comedy gold.  Hats off to the author

[Ebowed]

On the contrary, I really get all the ladies when I want (turns out fros are a real magnet),

[Ebowed]

wow

crabcake wins atlas