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Forum Community => Forum Community => Topic started by: Platypus on September 18, 2012, 06:47:15 pm



Title: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Platypus on September 18, 2012, 06:47:15 pm
Go. Be funny. Post funny things.

Inaugurated in Loving Memory of Michael Assad.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on September 18, 2012, 06:56:26 pm
Context:

This is my contribution to this debate.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Solidarity Forever on September 18, 2012, 06:57:53 pm
I think the Institute is still up.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Napoleon on September 18, 2012, 07:19:20 pm
 this thread.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Platypus on September 18, 2012, 09:45:21 pm
Endorsed replacement:

Dear students, faculty and staff,

Hope you enjoyed break. Class is back in session!



New thread time.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Mr. Morden on September 19, 2012, 03:32:28 am
The other thread is awful now.  This is the real comedy goldmine, as far as I'm concerned.

My first entry:

Enjoy your final hours as a moderator.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: SPC on September 19, 2012, 07:01:08 pm
Context:

This is like the time when Emperor Hirohitho adressed Japan via radio for the first time.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Averroës on September 19, 2012, 07:30:09 pm
Re. Dave Leip's CSPAN "appearance":

Too bad we didn't know about this in advance, or one of us could have called into the show, to ask about adding Torie as a mod to Individual Politics.


Title: Michael Assad's Comedy Goldmine Institute
Post by: Mr. Morden on September 21, 2012, 10:17:23 pm
"Stuff they do on hard wood" is presumably what BSB is talking about. :P

I know that's a basketball reference, but cheerleaders do perform on the hard wood.  So, it's still not a gaffe, IMO.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Averroës on September 22, 2012, 07:57:20 pm
J. J.'s Third Rule of Elections


Title: Michael Assad's Comedy Goldmine Institute
Post by: Mr. Morden on September 23, 2012, 07:18:15 pm


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Senator R2D2 on September 23, 2012, 08:41:18 pm
Plus there really is no better middle ground than taking both extremes.

(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/semicontrolled_demolition.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Јas on September 24, 2012, 04:47:11 am
People! Invest now in popcorn shares!


Title: Michael Assad's Comedy Goldmine Institute
Post by: Mr. Morden on September 24, 2012, 10:41:48 pm
Naso has a man with whom he travels in Florida? This thread just became more interesting than the Update.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Smid on September 25, 2012, 02:44:27 am
For ban: 47%
Against ban: 49%

My numbers:

For ban 100%
Against ban 0%

Ban carries


Title: Michael Assad's Comedy Goldmine Institute
Post by: Mr. Morden on October 01, 2012, 06:09:04 am
Context:

In case anybody has missed it, Politico is currently suggesting that people who are made to feel unwelcome in a particular community are better off leaving than sticking around and putting up with the abuse.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: opebo on October 01, 2012, 06:44:21 am
The other thread is awful now.  This is the real comedy goldmine, as far as I'm concerned.

My first entry:

Enjoy your final hours as a moderator.

Gloating isn't funny, Mordan.


Title: The Michael Assad Comedy Goldmine Institute
Post by: Mr. Morden on October 07, 2012, 01:05:16 am
Mitt Romney is not a governor. He is an ex-governor. The governor of Massachusetts is Deval Patrick.

In America, ex-politicians are generally called by their most recent office held as a matter of courtesy, which is why (for instance) Bill Clinton is still introduced as President Clinton and Mitt Romney is still Governor Romney.

I've always thought it's a pretty ridiculous custom. You don't see the BBC calling Tony Blair the Prime Minister, for example.

Thankfully the UK doesn't have ridiculous titles given for life.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Crooked Grumps on October 07, 2012, 11:04:59 am
This thread should be locked permanently.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Torie on October 07, 2012, 01:16:45 pm
This thread should be locked permanently.

Re your sig Grumps of which I just took cognizance, I would note that many priests and I do have something in common. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Crooked Grumps on October 07, 2012, 01:20:52 pm
This thread should be locked permanently.

Re your sig Grumps of which I just took cognizance, I would note that many priests and I do have something in common. :P

I'm not even going there.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on October 07, 2012, 01:21:49 pm
Reminds me of that one city entrance sign in Frankfurt that's been amusing me for years despite the crass lowbrowness of the statement.

[official print]Frankfurt am Main[/official print]
[vandalism]Wir Ficken Jeden[/vandalism]


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 07, 2012, 01:32:05 pm
[official print]Frankfurt am Main[/official print]
[vandalism]Wir Ficken Jeden[/vandalism]

HAH


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Crooked Grumps on October 07, 2012, 04:23:53 pm
[official print]Frankfurt am Main[/official print]
[vandalism]Wir Ficken Jeden[/vandalism]

HAH

Lulz


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on October 07, 2012, 09:34:05 pm
a tweet from Breitbart has as much credibility as a check from Drew Pritt.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Queen Mum Inks.LWC on October 09, 2012, 11:30:58 am
This thread should be locked permanently.

Well that's something the original poster is going to have to do. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 09, 2012, 04:27:41 pm
I was within 1500 feet of children yesterday.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Averroës on October 09, 2012, 07:43:47 pm
Obama was born in dugout and thinks he's Babe Ruth.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: King on October 09, 2012, 08:18:36 pm
That was probably the first J. J. intentional joke that made me laugh


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Oakvale on October 10, 2012, 06:58:07 pm


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Queen Mum Inks.LWC on October 11, 2012, 02:11:54 am
I'm sorry, but any process that might allow Paulites to become unfaithful electors is not "democracy."

The electoral college isn't democracy anyways.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 11, 2012, 07:03:58 am
He's not wrong, you know.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Queen Mum Inks.LWC on October 11, 2012, 07:05:15 am
He's not wrong, you know.

I know.  It was between posting it in the comedy thread or the "oh snap" thread, but I found it more funny than "oh snap"-y


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Justice Jbrase on October 11, 2012, 02:15:57 pm
i don't care as long as you drop this romney gimmick.

I'm sure he will the moment your leftist phase ends :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: tmthforu94 on October 11, 2012, 03:41:54 pm
I'm sorry, Idaho, but I got to:

I just got a private message, unsolicited, from clarence of a very very large woman in a bikini. Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? I don't particularly care, but it is weird.
i have and i want it to stop cause my moms overweight and i have a Girlfriend...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 11, 2012, 03:43:18 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161419.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Phony Moderate on October 11, 2012, 03:54:30 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?board=68.0


Title: The Michael Assad Comedy Goldmine Institute
Post by: Mr. Morden on October 15, 2012, 08:26:50 pm
On Bushie's untruthfullness about how much weight he's lost:

Don't you guys ever visit the polling boards? Never trust numbers with decimal points.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Mr. Morden on October 17, 2012, 08:55:15 pm
*Bump*, since the other thread was locked.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 17, 2012, 09:29:00 pm
She interrupted Romney 28 times, and gave Obama 4 minutes more speaking time, and slanted all the questions to help Obama.

She fulfilled her mission perfectly.

A+

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7r2in5bRM1qkg3v4o1_400.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Scott on October 17, 2012, 11:11:12 pm
We really should have Dick Morris on ignore by this point.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine (Inaugurated in loving memory of Michael Assad)
Post by: Joe Republic on October 18, 2012, 12:47:46 am
No black president has ever been re-elected. Obama is done for.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on October 18, 2012, 12:52:09 pm
After all of that drama surrounding the locking of The Institute, it just ended up being locked anyway. :(  I'm glad we could at least enjoy a few more weeks there. This will never be the same.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Insula Dei on October 18, 2012, 08:53:44 pm
Why would you start this? You didn't close the old one did you??  Where is Keyston Phil?

Weirdly fitting.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on October 18, 2012, 11:46:43 pm
What I've learned from this board: major players in the 2012 Presidential race include Arlen Specter and Fidel Castro.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on October 19, 2012, 12:16:01 am
First University of Colorado statisticians and now a squirrel!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on October 19, 2012, 11:05:53 am
This is a rogue thread.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on October 19, 2012, 04:32:40 pm
I had some pm's from the end of 2007!!! I hadn't deleted my messages in nearly 5 years.  I still only had 168 PM's in 5 years.  Now, I'm down to 7.

When you post your entire life on the forum, who needs a PM?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 19, 2012, 05:33:54 pm
Caffeine and alcohol.

And I drunk alcohol while underage (20) in the United States in August. Rebel.

Thug life.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 19, 2012, 09:33:11 pm
Herman's favorite pizza is the meat combo. Because a) he "looooves meat"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on October 19, 2012, 10:55:56 pm
Dear 2012 board,
Keep this clean because I want saboteurs and wreckers to be kind and considerate to those who disagree with the moderators of this disaster. Paul Ryan is from Janesville, where they apologize for producing Paul Ryan. A man of three words only – Packers and cheese-heads, with his enormous ears and suits. Joe Biden’s left arm is muscular and old, but he uses it well. It’s over. I don’t understand Mitt Romney’s positions. They are wondrously erotic and strange on any issue. He said he is severely conservative, but practices polygamy. “I enjoy curves,” he told supporters, and supporters vomited. Romney flip-flopped immediately, and flip-flopped again. Whips and chains are really fun to use on practicing Mormons who believe that the six wives of Barack Hussein Obama are really Romney’s. Hillary Clinton’s beauty does not exist. Who knew that Xahar was dropped from American Idol as a kid because he sucked certain things that kids should not have knowledge of, unless they have very bad parents? Qaddafi’s Nescafe drugs were consumed by Mustafa Abdul Jalil. Mitt Romney condemned the public display of apartheid memorabilia due to his father’s decision to brainwash his son. Sometimes I wonder about the virtue, or lack thereof, associated with doing many drugs. Cthulhu is rumored to endorse safe sex. Vote Cthulhu ’16! Because big black boxes of balloons will otherwise be considered morally objectionable. The three moderators are on my black list, so get Dave Leip to agree to fire them all. I hereby declare, “YOU ARE FIRED!!!!” A magic potion made me feel high as a balloon. Jill Stein really loves attention, but she is Kalwejt’s secret lover. A grilled bratwurst tastes so good. For heaven’s sake, please refrain from yanking on your yang-yang in public, because Simfan34 is not amused by that or similar activities that dismay Mike Naso, who used to be a homosexual, but won’t admit it, just like Grumps, who doesn’t realize that the election actually depends on increased racism among the white working-class, by the power of Jesus Almighty. Mitt Romney is rumored to be surprisingly talented at playing bass guitar and raping large companies of profit. Contrary to popular belief, Mormonism is a life of crime and murder, which only recently has been proscribed because of its government-like secrecy concerning unusual sexual practices, such as dragon sex, which is frightening, yet delicious with some cream. The cream is known to cause liberals to feel itchy in some very sensitive areas. Very many thanks; this board sucks just like Grumps. Tell Sarah Palin that her daughters are the most homophobic little Alaskans and trampy bitches to have ever gotten such large amounts of attention. Eight gallons of man juice ran through Politico, because Mitt Romney was in jail once. Tell the Moderators to ban Grumps right f[Inks]g now! Postscript: Done. Nym. By the way, Grumps is wonderful; nah, just kidding. Sometimes Grumps uses a nasty bunch of trampy young blondes to pleasure his randomly enlarged attitude regarding the entire rear of Hillary. My big black statue of David is beautiful as Hillary quick-stepping with a certain Chicagoan Mayor known as ‘Hillary Rodham’s behind the curtain’. Finally, Hillary is nude planning a copper, but Clarence decided to put his lengthy, aged opinion inside a hole of ignorance. Nevertheless, this whole thread is a pathetic disgusting piece of Skylarks, fighting a pointless war that Sirnick has won. The f[Inks]g END!

Sincerely,
Forum Community


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 20, 2012, 09:24:04 am
So give us an example, Mr. Critic.

The cesarian scene in Prometheus does not count.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 20, 2012, 10:48:37 am
Benefit Romney? Hardly. Muslims and Arabs will vote for one of their own.

Nader's not running this time.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on October 21, 2012, 12:58:11 pm
Context needed.

One of these is said to be a surprisingly readable book that would probably be considered comedy if its author had not managed to put the ideas in it into practice. So yeah, that one.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 21, 2012, 03:45:26 pm
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390443675404578059311445951162.html

Shame on him.

He should face up to it like a man instead of hiding behind a woman.

As President Harry Truman said, THE BUCK STOPS HERE.

With Obie, it's like a frat house - bros before hoes, duuude! And Obie's going to help his bankster bros out during the lame duck Congress by with a fire sale on Social Security.  Maybe Hillary would have an identical policy agenda, but her wing of the Democratic Party would actually hold her accountable for gutting the last of the New Deal; with BroBots, they actually prefer right-wing economic policy (planned joblessness, retroactive legalization of accounting control fraud, stealth bankster bailouts, health-insurance company bailouts, taxing work more than accumulated wealth, privatizing K-12, continued parasitism by the financial/higher-"education" complex, etc.), but derive their liberal credentials by bashing Christians and letting bros get married.  On foreign policy, Obie's has normalized and expanded Shrub's imperialism; liberals are wont to justify it now, just because the emperor isn't a pretend cowboy (bad press, bro!).

I'm slightly confused here.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on October 21, 2012, 07:33:04 pm
(http://www.glaaforum.org/.a/6a0111686ab237970c0147e30fd867970b-800wi)

To clarify: This is Mitt Romney's America.

I wouldn't mind being able to have 15¢ hamburgers again.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 21, 2012, 08:28:28 pm

This is what makes me cry for this place. So very, very sad.

In fairness the poster in question would have been about... er... ten? seven? five? at the time...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on October 22, 2012, 05:14:49 am
I was referring to Mein Kampf.

I thought you were refering to all three of them.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on October 22, 2012, 08:49:51 am
You could always find a new hopeless ideology to follow.

Like libertarianism! :)

Probably better suited to the Sulfur mine, but this was easier to find.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on October 22, 2012, 02:22:11 pm
Um no, the entire brony subculture disproves you.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 22, 2012, 03:49:11 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162380.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: HokeyDood on October 22, 2012, 03:53:50 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162380.0

hahahaha

I'm actually growing to like the guy, because there's no way he's serious.  He's the Colbert of the Atlas board. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Phony Moderate on October 22, 2012, 03:53:52 pm
The actual post needs to be put here.

"Good news"

Romney and Obama tied in Ohio (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162283.msg3476515#msg3476515)
Romney leads by 1 in New Hampshire (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162091.msg3472945#msg3472945)
Romney leads by 3 in Virginia (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162079.msg3472787#msg3472787)
Republicans overperforming in Ohio early voting (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162016.msg3471724#msg3471724)
Allen West and Romney leading in FL-18 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162015.msg3471710#msg3471710)
Tied race in FL-22 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161995.msg3471272#msg3471272)
Dean Heller leads by 6 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161979.msg3471031#msg3471031)
Dean Heller leads by 7 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161976.msg3471018#msg3471018)
Richard Mourdock ahead by 5 in Indiana (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161721.msg3466605#msg3466605)
Romney ahead by 1 in Virginia and tied in Iowa (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161703.msg3466414#msg3466414)
Romney ahead by 3 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161697.msg3466356#msg3466356)
Romney up by 2 in Virginia (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161501.msg3462634#msg3462634)
Romney ahead in New Hampshire and Florida (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161492.msg3462530#msg3462530)
Dean Heller leads by 8 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161339.msg3460307#msg3460307)
Richard Tisei ahead by 7 in internal poll in MA-6 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=160301.msg3441494#msg3441494)
Christie leads Booker by 7 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158678.msg3411723#msg3411723)
Romney ahead by 10 in Missouri (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158016.msg3396509#msg3396509)
Romney leads by 1 nationally (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=156152.msg3357621#msg3357621)


"Great news"

Brian Bilbray leads in CA-52 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162212.msg3474986#msg3474986)
Romney leads by 1 in Iowa (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162101.msg3473014#msg3473014)
Republican ahead in IL-10 internal poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161917.msg3470029#msg3470029)
PPP about to release negative numbers for Obama (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=149559.msg3466634#msg3466634)
Romney has significant lead in rural counties (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161808.msg3468123#msg3468123)
Romney up 4 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161783.msg3467867#msg3467867)
Romney ahead by 3.8 in Missouri (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161701.msg3466383#msg3466383)
Todd Akin ahead by 4.2 in Missouri (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161699.msg3466379#msg3466379)
Romney up by 3 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161515.msg3462941#msg3462941)
Romney ahead by 7 in Florida (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161445.msg3461157#msg3461157)
Rehberg ahead by 3 in Montana (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161405.msg3460903#msg3460903)
Allen ahead by 4.75 in Virginia (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161354.msg3460406#msg3460406)
Romney ahead by 9 in North Carolina (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161125.msg3457164#msg3457164)
Romney up 1 in Ohio (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161124.msg3457162#msg3457162)
Duffy leads by 11 in internal poll in WI-7 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161042.msg3455648#msg3455648)
Republicans ahead in NV-3 and NV-4 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=160999.msg3454605#msg3454605)
Rothfus ahead by 2 in PA-12 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=160935.msg3453004#msg3453004)
Republicans ahead in IL-12, IL-13 and IL-17 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=160895.msg3452311#msg3452311)
Dean Heller leads by 6 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=160222.msg3440131#msg3440131)
Romney leads in Colorado by 2 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=159443.msg3427196#msg3427196)
Romney leads by 1 in Florida (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=159431.msg3427152#msg3427152)
Romney leads by 5 in Virginia (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=159035.msg3419394#msg3419394)
Obama ahead by only 2 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158962.msg3418264#msg3418264)
Romney ahead by 10 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158955.msg3418035#msg3418035)
Pat McCrory ahead by 16 in North Carolina (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUMindex.php?topic=158815.msg3415198#msg3415198)
Schilling ahead by 13 in IL-17 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=157804.msg3392527#msg3392527)
Zogby says it's a tied race nationally (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=157411.msg3384146#msg3384146)
Romney ahead by 2 in Iowa (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=157226.msg3379915#msg3379915)
Obama ahead by only 3 in Pennsylvania (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=156622.msg3367052#msg3367052)
Romney tied in 12 swing states (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=156172.msg3358147#msg3358147)
Obama leads by 6 in Wisconsin, but in a PPP poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=155882.msg3351767#msg3351767)
Republican down by only 2 in OH-16 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=155595.msg3397120#msg3397120)
Romney ahead by 8 in swing states (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=155543.msg3344368#msg3344368)
Romney ahead by 5 in Virginia (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=155267.msg3337291#msg3337291)
Obama leads by 4 in Florida, but in a PPP poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=154527.msg3319248#msg3319248)


"Absolutely great news"

Tommy Thompson leads by 1 in Wisconsin (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161903.msg3469818#msg3469818)


"Excellent news"

Romney leads by 4 in Pennsylvania (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=162017.msg3471733#msg3471733)
Linda McMahon leads by 3 in Connecticut (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158298.msg3402147#msg3402147)
Gerlach ahead by 24 in PA-6 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158261.msg3401447#msg3401447)
Dean Heller up by 5 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=157992.msg3396351#msg3396351)
Tied race in IL-10 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=157585.msg3387912#msg3387912)
Massachusetts Senate race tied (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=155277.msg3338619#msg3338619)


"Splendid news"

Romney leads by 4 in North Carolina (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158554.msg3408745#msg3408745)
Dean Heller leads by 2 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158326.msg3402647#msg3402647)
Romney pulls ahead in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158231.msg3401116#msg3401116)
Tied race in Ohio (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158194.msg3399911#msg3399911)


"Fabulous news"

Romney up 4 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161732.msg3466763#msg3466763)


"Absolutely fabulous news"

Romney ahead by 3 in Ohio (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=158680.msg3411736#msg3411736)


"Glorious news"

Romney ahead in RCP tracker (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161139.msg3457440#msg3457440)
Romney leads by 6 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=140899.msg3469773#msg3469773)


"Solid news"

Romney ahead by 1 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161704.msg3466479#msg3466479)
Romney ahead by 3 in national poll (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161388.msg3460740#msg3460740)


"Interesting news"

Jonathan Paton ahead by 5 in AZ-1 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161051.msg3455828#msg3455828)


"Not too shabby"

Tom Smith only down by 2 in Pennsylvania (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161709.msg3466514#msg3466514)
Obama leads by only 1 in Nevada (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161224.msg3458742#msg3458742)
Obama leads by only 6 in Connecticut (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=161144.msg3457443#msg3457443)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Platypus on October 22, 2012, 07:38:26 pm
1/74 is Interesting news. About right.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 22, 2012, 07:54:25 pm
Recent polls showing Obama losing in Maine CD-2, Pennsylvania, Minnesota and in serious trouble in Oregon, Georgia and Michigan

If Obama wins tonight, he can turn the tide

If he makes a draw, he can stop the bleeding but still lose badly in two weeks

If he wins, suddenly Arizona is in play


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: RI on October 22, 2012, 08:57:27 pm
"All the world's worst actors?"

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f3/Nicolas_Cage_-_66%C3%A8me_Festival_de_Venise_(Mostra).jpg/220px-Nicolas_Cage_-_66%C3%A8me_Festival_de_Venise_(Mostra).jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on October 23, 2012, 12:08:05 am
This seems strangely arcane, like USSR-watching.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on October 23, 2012, 12:09:49 am
Your pretty much me :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on October 23, 2012, 12:59:53 pm
This thread is horrible compared to the M.A.N. Institute.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 23, 2012, 09:22:34 pm
This guy is rapidly becoming my new favorite poster:

Intrade's not looking great tonight, probably because of today's polls.

Obama is currently below 55%. 

This was explained already in another thread.

You don't understand.  Someone is selling Obama.  His numbers are dropping faster than Romney's are gaining.

You seem like a man who knows what he's talking about. So come straight with me - is there ANY chance Obama wins this election? Or should I just give up?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 23, 2012, 09:49:19 pm
He'd still be President for three and a half months.  I know you would need that much time to plan a move, but not everybody does.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on October 23, 2012, 09:49:51 pm
I know the election is a very, very tight race and could go either way very easily.  Do you think, though, that Barack and Michelle have a few things in boxes just in case they have to move out, or are they so confident they don't have anything packed, yet?  If they lose re-election on November 6, they will have 74 days until they have to be out.  Of course, if they win, they can unpack and put all the boxes back in the closet for 4 years.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on October 23, 2012, 09:53:43 pm
He'd still be President for three and a half months.  I know you would need that much time to plan a move, but not everybody does.

these two from that thread are better.

Do you really spend time thinking about stuff like this?

Hilarious that this thread was literally asking the title question.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on October 23, 2012, 10:17:33 pm
This thread is horrible compared to the M.A.N. Institute.

Those that wandered those hallowed halls are still weeping...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on October 23, 2012, 10:18:53 pm
This is sick and unnecessary. Is there anyone in Missouri who hasn't heard this already?
Can't people go through their mail in peace without some disturbing auditory assault? 

From what I understand from doctors, if the message is something which people legitimately don't want to hear, the human body has ways of shutting that whole thing down.




I'll get my coat


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on October 23, 2012, 10:49:36 pm
I wish he would tell us what bad news is.

The actual result.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 24, 2012, 12:15:48 am
Bushie discovers presidential polls.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on October 24, 2012, 05:35:56 pm
Context:

Who is Mike Naso?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on October 24, 2012, 06:22:58 pm
I think the Liberals losing the Northeast Senate seat to TPP is also worth mentioning. :P

And by "losing" do you mean handing the seat to them a silver platter? :P

(http://static.politifact.com.s3.amazonaws.com/rulings%2Ftom-halftrue.gif)

While the Liberal Party did hand Nix the Northeast Senate seat on a platter, it was merely gilded with silver.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on October 25, 2012, 12:41:57 am
In response to Naso's take on the presidential campaign:

Can we get a list of every member of your family tree and their takes on the state of the race?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on October 25, 2012, 02:35:25 pm
I don't know about rape-induced pregnancies, but these types of comments from Republican politicians are most certainly a gift from God.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Queen Mum Inks.LWC on October 25, 2012, 02:39:25 pm
I support Clause 1 of Section 1 because I think it's important to have in writing that Enlgish is not the offical language of the Mideast.
(emphasis added)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: HokeyDood on October 25, 2012, 02:49:50 pm
Bro, we can't let Sarah Palin win! Forward(TM) with BrObama! Forward(TM) with Simpson-Bowles!  Most pwogwessive pwesident ever!!! Wants bros to marry each other!

Good Lord you're insufferable.

What's insufferable is the usual women-bashing and/or vapid memes being trotted out, the opportunity cost of which is discussing the austerity BrObama will inflict during his second imperial term. Had them figured out five years ago: Just as right-wing on punishing the poorest 99+% supposedly to balance a meaningless accounting identity (which isn't the intention anyway, just to redistribute wealth upward) but deriving their libewal/pwogwessive cred by assuming "culturally" transgressive affectations. Romney would be an all-too-obvious villain for handing Social Security to the banksters, droning civilians into red mist, normalizing/expanding/usurping executive power, retroactively legalizing foreclosure fraud, normalizing (8% nominal / 20% real DISemployment), and approving reckless resource extractions for his bankster bros to speculate on. Better to pick someone who can hide behind identity "politics." And they really hate ambitious women ...

If anyone has any doubt about Obie's second term policy objectives and/or cares about the implementation of austerity, all they need to do is google his Hamilton Project speech from 2006. The guy was handpicked to privatize* SS/Medicare under the pretext of "fiscal prudence" - and his bros [paper towel, Jon Stewart?] are completely in favor of all the imperialism and austerity.

* Privatize, not cut, because like Shrub's/Pinochet's/Ray-gun's approach, it's about "shock-and-awe" responses in the face of ["]crisis["] - "fiscal cliff" included.

Just the bolded, green part.  I didn't read the rest of it, just that he called Obama's 2nd term "imperial" had me cracking up. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on October 25, 2012, 02:52:53 pm
Bro, we can't let Sarah Palin win! Forward(TM) with BrObama! Forward(TM) with Simpson-Bowles!  Most pwogwessive pwesident ever!!! Wants bros to marry each other!

Good Lord you're insufferable.

What's insufferable is the usual women-bashing and/or vapid memes being trotted out, the opportunity cost of which is discussing the austerity BrObama will inflict during his second imperial term. Had them figured out five years ago: Just as right-wing on punishing the poorest 99+% supposedly to balance a meaningless accounting identity (which isn't the intention anyway, just to redistribute wealth upward) but deriving their libewal/pwogwessive cred by assuming "culturally" transgressive affectations. Romney would be an all-too-obvious villain for handing Social Security to the banksters, droning civilians into red mist, normalizing/expanding/usurping executive power, retroactively legalizing foreclosure fraud, normalizing (8% nominal / 20% real DISemployment), and approving reckless resource extractions for his bankster bros to speculate on. Better to pick someone who can hide behind identity "politics." And they really hate ambitious women ...

If anyone has any doubt about Obie's second term policy objectives and/or cares about the implementation of austerity, all they need to do is google his Hamilton Project speech from 2006. The guy was handpicked to privatize* SS/Medicare under the pretext of "fiscal prudence" - and his bros [paper towel, Jon Stewart?] are completely in favor of all the imperialism and austerity.

* Privatize, not cut, because like Shrub's/Pinochet's/Ray-gun's approach, it's about "shock-and-awe" responses in the face of ["]crisis["] - "fiscal cliff" included.

Just the bolded, green part.  I didn't read the rest of it, just that he called Obama's 2nd term "imperial" had me cracking up. 

Guy is like a Bandit3 on steroids... I didn't think it was possible.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on October 25, 2012, 03:20:15 pm
Comment on a Deluge post; click for context:

I don't think this guy actually knows what a bro is. Clearly he doesn't attend UMass.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 25, 2012, 04:00:33 pm
In the wee hours of the night, I sometimes wonder if it would be better to re-restrict the vote to white males....

I am both amused and a little disturbed. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 25, 2012, 07:51:21 pm
Context:

For some reason, I seem to agree with him almost all the time. FF.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 25, 2012, 07:52:52 pm
Scott, I've got a challenge for ye
When Omegle, everytime you see a weiner or someone asking to see your tits, take a shot. Tell us how long it is before you're absolutely wasted.

:D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on October 25, 2012, 08:51:28 pm
(http://www.newcastlepets.co.uk/images/SilentDogWhistleSmallImage.jpg)

No

(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/06/09/article-1285044-09F3302D000005DC-918_634x373.jpg)

Somewhat inappropriately the user of this dog-vuvuzela is black, perhaps he is the two or three Black republicans left.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on October 25, 2012, 09:31:53 pm
Nice come back.  Next time I'll type slower for you.

Yes please!  Ideally it should take at least a week or two for you to produce each of your posts.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Marokai Backbeat on October 26, 2012, 12:24:29 am
(http://i.imgur.com/hbikk.gif)

NO IT'S NOT

IT'S NOT POSSIBLE FOR THE TOTAL DEMOCRATIC MARGIN TO HAVE GONE UP YESTERDAY IF MORE REPUBLICANS THAN DEMOCRATS VOTED YESTERDAY

THAT IS NOT HOW MATH WORKS

I really encourage everyone to read the Lief-J.J. back and forth. It was utterly hilarious to watch Lief's desperate pleas for J.J. to understand what he was talking about slowly deteriorate and really brightened my day. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on October 26, 2012, 01:32:57 am
(http://i.imgur.com/hbikk.gif)

NO IT'S NOT

IT'S NOT POSSIBLE FOR THE TOTAL DEMOCRATIC MARGIN TO HAVE GONE UP YESTERDAY IF MORE REPUBLICANS THAN DEMOCRATS VOTED YESTERDAY

THAT IS NOT HOW MATH WORKS

I really encourage everyone to read the Lief-J.J. back and forth. It was utterly hilarious to watch Lief's desperate pleas for J.J. to understand what he was talking about slowly deteriorate and really brightened my day. :P

So basically this is Mr. MENSA's argument: That day the total percentage of all voters who were Democrats who had already voted decreased. Therefore more Republicans must've voted on that day. The percentage is the only thing that matters.

So if you start out with 90 Democrats voting and 10 Republicans, and then the next day the numbers become 200 Democrats and 50 Republicans, that means more Republicans voted on that day. I can't figure that out, but I guess that just means my puny non-MENSA mind is just too stupid to comprehend it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 26, 2012, 03:52:21 pm
Option 2 if I could vote.

Still on parole?  Hang in there.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 26, 2012, 03:57:58 pm
If your relying on g**gle news, 'your a day late and dollar short'.

A day late
a buck short
I'm writing
the report
On losing
and failing
when I move
I'm flailing now


My apologies


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northeast Rep Snowball on October 26, 2012, 03:59:59 pm
Nice


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on October 26, 2012, 06:04:41 pm
Not unlike the state-by-state battles in the Civil War, Ohio is very torn right now whether or not they believe the slaves should be free, or if Dixie must rise again. But they're slowly starting to come around to those of us living in 2012.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 26, 2012, 08:40:57 pm
This post is art:

This is a new phenomenon that is being floated around by experts.

We all know what coatails are. For example, Obama coattails in Connecticut might propel Murphy to victory. Or Romney coattails in North Dakota might propel Berg to victory.

But how about mega coattails? The theory is that there is a such a huge margin in a state that it actually leaks over into neighboring states

For example, Romney is going to win Utah by so much that it harms Obama in Nevada and Colorado.

They say mega coattails from Illinois is what gave Obama Indiana in 2008.

Should Obama campaign in Salt Lake City? Obviously he won't win the state but if he can get the margin down in Utah, there will just be coattails in Utah and not mega coattails


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 26, 2012, 09:24:38 pm
LOL

LOL

LOL

I can see it now:

"Although Obama won a majority of voters within Colorado, Mitt Romney recieved so many votes in neighboring Utah that state officials were forced to stack these Republican returns into a literal mountain of ballots towering three miles high. This spire of election forms toppled due to an unexpectedly strong wind from the west, causing an estimated 80,000 ballots cross the state line into Colorado where they were recovered by that state's election officials; due to a little-known technicality in Federal law these votes are required to be counted as votes in the recieving state, so the AP hereby calls Colorado for Republican candidate Mitt Romney. In related news, the AP also calls Orrin Hatch as the unanimous victor in the race for Colorado's new Class I Senate seat.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on October 26, 2012, 09:38:44 pm
I was just going to post this...

The last sentence is absolutely hilarious.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 26, 2012, 09:51:48 pm
Darn, I need to fix the sign again...



0

Days since racist post
on Atlast 2012 forum



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 27, 2012, 01:33:47 am
a) I doubt you meant that for me...

b) this was before the GOP lurched into a psychiatric ward and had a brilliant record on Civil Rights.

Okay, what their recent terrible record?

(http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/GALLERY/3776_27_10_12_12_36_31.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 27, 2012, 08:27:37 am
LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on October 27, 2012, 04:43:24 pm
What is a Torie-like voter? Someone who thinks dehumanization is a fair trade for tax cut?

Well that definition might need some work. Thanks.

Seems accurate :(

Is that what voters sort of like me who voted for Obama last time, but not this time, think?  Interesting! I didn't "know" that about myself before.

Romney is much more handsome than McCain. And his running mate is a well-aged twink, not some dumb woman.

I know you like to think you're mysterious, but you're pretty easy to figure out.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on October 27, 2012, 09:19:40 pm
Jesus! Leave! Leave now! It's too late for us but you can still save yourself!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on October 28, 2012, 12:23:19 am
The one who doesn't need Atlasia because he's actually a state assemblyman.

I've heard of this poster before. Who is he?

thost (http://www.arkansashouse.org/member/236/uvalde-lindsey)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Phony Moderate on October 28, 2012, 08:03:30 am
I hope to report turnout around 3:00 PM. 

Oh dear, I can already guess what that turnout report is going to be like...

I'm hoping for something like his hourly turnout reports from last time:

Light orderly lines at my polling station at 7:05 AM.

8:00 AM no line.  Maybe one voter going in.

9:10 AM, no line, one voter walked in.  PA 11th Ward, two polling stations.

I had to have missed something.  No line at 10:10 AM.  I cannot believe turnout is really that much down.

This is not necessarily indicative.  I drove past four precincts to get lunch.  The only line I saw was that KFC.  In three of the four precincts, there were no voters coming or going; the fourth has a couple leaving.  This was at about 11:30 AM to noon.

There could have been a lot of early voters.

The Chinatown precinct, previously mentioned, is the largest in the city.  Temple University is the only other one with moderately high numbers.

At 12:15 PM we had rain.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on October 28, 2012, 08:07:07 am
Come on buddy, put it in the Goldmine..... please?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on October 28, 2012, 04:21:02 pm
Context

Aw, darn. Not graduating must've SUCKED. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 28, 2012, 04:29:10 pm
That remark about Richard Nixon, well that's appropriate considering they endorsed Barack Obama in '08, or I forgot it was cool for them to endorse Obama, but since you opened up that can of worms, yeah Nixon got nailed over Watergate, well then how do you explain Obama's behavior over Benghazi, the stone-walling that is occurring is truly epic on a Nixonesque scale; shouldn't have brought up Nixon, now it's time to draw comparisons between the lies that Obama is spinning over Benghazi, where his behavior needlessly cost the lives of 4 American; I don't recall Watergate "cost" any lives, and please don't bother making comparisons to Vietnam or Iraq, they were wars and there is going to be the sad but inevitable loss of lives; Benghazi was not a war zone, but became one, because of Obama's criminal inaction and the subsequent lying, reached truly Watergate proportions. 

That is one sentence.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 28, 2012, 04:36:50 pm
LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on October 28, 2012, 05:11:05 pm
That remark about Richard Nixon, well that's appropriate considering they endorsed Barack Obama in '08, or I forgot it was cool for them to endorse Obama, but since you opened up that can of worms, yeah Nixon got nailed over Watergate, well then how do you explain Obama's behavior over Benghazi, the stone-walling that is occurring is truly epic on a Nixonesque scale; shouldn't have brought up Nixon, now it's time to draw comparisons between the lies that Obama is spinning over Benghazi, where his behavior needlessly cost the lives of 4 American; I don't recall Watergate "cost" any lives, and please don't bother making comparisons to Vietnam or Iraq, they were wars and there is going to be the sad but inevitable loss of lives; Benghazi was not a war zone, but became one, because of Obama's criminal inaction and the subsequent lying, reached truly Watergate proportions. 

That is one sentence.

(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc7zxuK1bm1qfybz2.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on October 29, 2012, 02:14:42 am


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on October 29, 2012, 09:10:38 am
Well, it was reported that little Annie and little Mitt were playing doctor a few days before the wedding.  They got into his dorm room and Annie said, “Oh, Doctor Mitt Romney, I have a strange feeling between my legs. You better take a look!”  Romney immediately replied, “Sure, not a problem. I will, however, need you to put up a $5,000 cash deposit before any course of treatment commences. Since you came to my office already complaining of this malady, that’s a pre-existing condition, which, as you know, is not covered by insurance. So, I think by having a little ‘skin in the game,’ so to speak, you’ll be more motivated to participate in the limited treatment options available, such as prayer. Now, Annie, if you’ll first just sign this waiver…”

Needless to say, Annie and Mittens stayed virgins a while longer.  


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Speed of Sound on October 29, 2012, 04:03:04 pm
Click for context.

Oversampled Democrats.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: k-onmmunist on October 29, 2012, 04:55:50 pm
Who cares...

I bet many folks do.  People who live in mobile homes with plastic pink flamingo statues on the bookshelves that are otherwise populated by the Oprah Book Club selections.  When they're not watching America's Funniest Home Videos or watching documentaries on Sasquatch or playing with the Ouija Board, they might like to discuss whether Mitt Romney was a virgin on his wedding night.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on October 30, 2012, 09:05:06 am
7 wins, 3 losses

So how are you counting controversial ones like 2000 and 1876? :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on October 30, 2012, 05:21:57 pm
7 wins, 3 losses

So how are you counting controversial ones like 2000 and 1876? :)

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 30, 2012, 06:47:28 pm
Kaine pulling ahead is largely in part thanks to Manchin and the mega coattails he is producing next door in West Virginia


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on October 30, 2012, 09:48:25 pm
Kaine pulling ahead is largely in part thanks to Manchin and the mega coattails he is producing next door in West Virginia

This guy is awesome.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on October 31, 2012, 12:25:29 am
Sage advice for some of our younger forumers who may be new to the internet:

One of the basic rules of the internet is to judge a person based on their sig. Since your sig is stupid and wrong, that means you as a person are stupid and wrong.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on October 31, 2012, 05:44:50 am
that's like assuming everytime there's a shooting it's a tea partier and then reality sets in and they are really just a nut job and resemble more of an OWS type like Aurora CO or Gifford's shooter or in Ft campbell's case an actual TERRORIST.

WTF are you even talking about? Why are you so stupid and fat?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: afleitch on October 31, 2012, 08:47:27 am
In Western Pa, Tom Smith is running ads touting his history as a minor.  Casey is countering with ads saying his grandfather was a minor, but more interestingly he goes out of his way to say he opposed Obama on trade issues.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on October 31, 2012, 07:09:44 pm
doesn't say which campaign. I bet it is a house race
Maybe its a senate race :)

Maybe Baldwin slept with a man.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on October 31, 2012, 08:34:20 pm
In Western Pa, Tom Smith is running ads touting his history as a minor.  Casey is countering with ads saying his grandfather was a minor, but more interestingly he goes out of his way to say he opposed Obama on trade issues.

Please, this doesn't belong here. We all know that winning the minor vote is crucial in Pennsylvania.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on November 01, 2012, 12:18:13 pm
Lmao, nothing Romney does seize to amaze me now. He is truly the phoniest politician I have ever seen.

* cease.

Go back to english class.

Tough talk from a West Virginian.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 01, 2012, 07:30:25 pm
Mister Twister is still on a roll.

Add it to the pile of good news!
23% election day vote according to the internals. The rest are claiming they either have voted already (43% vs. 37% actual through 10/30) or that they will before Election Day (33%).

Don't doubt Obama wins NV or even that a 4% margin is unreasonable.

I do know that the Obama Early Vote edge is roughly between 25,000 and 35,000 right now if you look at the SoS numbers and rake them based on polling data. A 7% Romney undecided edge would likely have it inside 30K. That's with a three days left in Early voting, IIRC.

I am not quite sure what the magic early vote banked number is for the Obama camp. But I don't think 30K or even 40K is a comfortable margin.

Bottom line is that Nevada won't be a cakewalk for either candidate. And who wins will come down to Election Day turnout.

Dude, seriously? Nevada is gone for the GOP
I don't know how you can say a state that's within 4% is "gone" at this point. If it were "gone," Paul Ryan wouldn't be making a campaign stop in Reno today and Barack Obama would not be campaigning in Nevada as well.

It's leaning Obama, yes. I am not convinced that given the ACTUAL early vote data that it's a slam dunk and nailed down yet. Huge difference.

Dude, seriously?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on November 01, 2012, 09:37:34 pm
In which noted climatologist J.J. argues that Hurricane Sandy was just a run of the mill nor'easter:

What you are missing is that Bloomberg will help in South Florida, and likely with the suburban moderates in NOVA and Denver as well.

If he had made it about Israel, possibly, it would help in FL.  It was about global warming. 

Moderates in NOVA and Denver, only big environmentalists, and Obama has their vote already.

Educated suburban moderates almost universally accept climate change.  I'm surprised Obama hasn't campaigned on it at all in VA and CO.  It is an opportunity to make Romney look anti-science to people who might otherwise be R on fiscal issues.

And, if they are educated, they would realize that a nor'easter is not uncommon.

Being without power for 3 days from that common Noreaster caused me to miss the rest of Professor J.J.'s lecture on Advanced infantry tactics to retake a consulate compound. Do you think they have a recording of the lecture at the lab? I hear it was co-lectured with the modern day Hannibal, Professor Cliffy...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on November 02, 2012, 12:37:41 am
Free market- and allow more Americans access to hazardous substances? I'm as much of a economic liberal as the next guy, but there's a point where the common good and moral imperatives kick in.

Marijuana is less harmful than alcohol, cigarettes, McDonald's and Coca-Cola.

Well that's not true at all.  (http://www.acde.org/common/Marijana.htm)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 02, 2012, 01:38:21 am
"Oh my God, I love your strategy! Where'd you get it?"
"It was McCain's, in '08."
"Vintage, so adorable"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 02, 2012, 01:39:55 am
If there's any truth to it, I guess the unions won't back him, since he's underpaying contracted labour...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bro-mentum on November 02, 2012, 09:05:43 am
I do not like Mormons they masscure innocent people & they scare me.

What everybody opinion on Eugene Debs?.

He was a stupid Socialist & I hate him.

I think we'll be getting some funny material (most of it is something else..) from this guy before he gets banned..


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: afleitch on November 02, 2012, 09:35:22 am
Saying Obama's presidency has not been a disaster has marked you as one of the dumbest posters on her

OBama leads only because he, (with the supprt of the MSM) has convinced the sheep of the country that rich and successful is a bad thing.

The new typo king


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on November 02, 2012, 10:13:02 am
In all seriousness I'm not sure where I would put that comma.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Torie on November 02, 2012, 11:16:17 am
In all seriousness I'm not sure where I would put that comma.

because he, with the support of the MSM, ...

Hope that helps. The parens are just not appropriate here. And one does not put a comma before parens! :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on November 02, 2012, 03:25:59 pm
I was polled several times during the primary, but not once for the general election for some reason.  Ever since Gingrich won our primary, no one has cared what us Sandlappers think.
Yeah, that's really odd, especially as SC is objectively speaking a complete toss up .


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on November 02, 2012, 03:29:32 pm
In all seriousness I'm not sure where I would put that comma.

because he, with the support of the MSM, ...

Hope that helps. The parens are just not appropriate here. And one does not put a comma before parens! :)

Yes, that makes sense!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 02, 2012, 10:18:37 pm
In Western Pa, Tom Smith is running ads touting his history as a minor.  Casey is countering with ads saying his grandfather was a minor, but more interestingly he goes out of his way to say he opposed Obama on trade issues.

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on November 03, 2012, 02:00:05 am
YEAH LET'S GET ON THE ATLAS FORUM LIKE A TOTAL REACTIONARY FUCKTARD AND TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A HERO A RACIST CUNTBASTARD LIKE STROM THURMOND WAS AND THEN ACT ALL TOUGHGUY ASSHOLE ABOUT IT AND SEE WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE WE GET!  YEAH HOO!!!!

LET'S ALSO CALL SOME GUY A FAGGOT COS OBVIOUSLY ONLY FAGGOTS DISLIKE DIXIECRATS!

[/PLAYS BANJO]


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 03, 2012, 10:17:24 am
Mecha is and always will be a legend. The legend.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on November 03, 2012, 01:51:58 pm
I'm not counting Dave Leip.  He used to be the only moderator when I first started posting here.  There were no "infraction points" or anything like that back then.  I'd just get an email message once in a while that said something like, "Please avoid drunken, emotional diatribes.  Thank you, Dave Leip" or "Please refrain from linking to pornographic websites.  Thank you, Dave Leip." 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 03, 2012, 07:45:40 pm
Context:

I personally believe Gov. Engle won all 117% of the vote.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on November 03, 2012, 08:32:05 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=163699.msg3496252;boardseen#new


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 04, 2012, 06:10:04 pm
I believe in compromise and reconciliation.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on November 04, 2012, 06:10:47 pm
This Is silly
Mathematically don't vote, the People vote


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on November 04, 2012, 09:23:28 pm
Abortion is a barbaric act and our descendants will feel the same way about us as we feel about slaveowners now.
you have a rather macabre sense of humor. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on November 05, 2012, 05:54:23 am
Retruns from Florida:

Romney: 44%
Obama: 42%
Kucingh: 12%
Reagan: 5%
John: 4%

Returns From Ohio:

Obama: 45%
Romny: 41%
Regan: 12%
John: 10%

Returns from iowa:

John: 78%
Other person: the rest of it


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on November 05, 2012, 06:31:53 am
Abortion is a barbaric act and our descendants will feel the same way about us as we feel about slaveowners now.
you have a rather macabre sense of humor. 

He's thirteen, so there you are.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northeast Rep Snowball on November 05, 2012, 07:36:38 am
Retruns from Florida:

Romney: 44%
Obama: 42%
Kucingh: 12%
Reagan: 5%
John: 4%

Returns From Ohio:

Obama: 45%
Romny: 41%
Regan: 12%
John: 10%

Returns from iowa:

John: 78%
Other person: the rest of it

Interesting, 107% turnout in Florida, 108% in Ohio


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on November 05, 2012, 01:43:42 pm
I'm recently noticing a lot of Thais - in fact almost every Thai - stroking glossy 'phones'.  What are these?  Should I get one? 

I have been informed that the monthly fee for a 'something gigabyte' (the Best) is only around $20 here.  Many people also recommend a Samhung.. what do you fellows think?

Do any of you have a Smartiephone?

opebo's deliberate mispellings never get old. My favorite is still when he was talking about "Facialbook" though.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on November 05, 2012, 01:50:44 pm
I was polled several times during the primary, but not once for the general election for some reason.  Ever since Gingrich won our primary, no one has cared what us Sandlappers think.
Yeah, that's really odd, especially as SC is objectively speaking a complete toss up .

I was trying for some subtle humor in my own post there.  Not that bore's reference to the polling average is without merit either.  Anyway, here's what I came to the Goldmine to post:

12:00 pm EST - 17 hours until Vermont opens.  24 until all the polls are open.  30 until polls close in Indiana and Kentucky.  36 until all the polls are closed.

Interesting that the margin between Vermont opening, all opening, all closing, etc. always remains the same. What's the party ID?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on November 05, 2012, 05:23:39 pm
Virgin Good is a good man & American but I still voting Romney


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Velasco on November 06, 2012, 08:34:29 am
Virgin Good is goode, American and... chaste. God bless him.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 07, 2012, 01:46:23 am
I will happily proclaim it each day until election day.  We aren't losing.  You think we are losing because you happen to be wrong and will be amazed at the size of Romney's victory on Tuesday.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Great Again: The War on Football on November 07, 2012, 04:56:44 am
But I do have some consolation. Firstly my Massachusetts prediction wasn't complete bunk- Obama's margin of victory shrank there.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: GMantis on November 07, 2012, 05:28:06 am
I will happily proclaim it each day until election day.  We aren't losing.  You think we are losing because you happen to be wrong and will be amazed at the size of Romney's victory on Tuesday.
If he had only added "in West Virginia" he would have made a pretty good prediction...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on November 07, 2012, 05:36:14 am
Todd Akin got legitimately raped by the voters


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 07, 2012, 06:27:33 am
Todd Akin got legitimately raped by the voters

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on November 08, 2012, 06:57:30 am
Virgin Good is goode, American and... chaste. God bless him.

He wasn't chaste by many voters.  Worst Constitution Party performance since 2000.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on November 08, 2012, 10:53:30 am
Yes, it does speak volumes. Conservatives like me either stayed home or voted for third party.

Really... and, well... apparent.
When will that action be considered self mutilation, a disease in most medical circles?

Wait a minute…, would such a disease be covered under ObamaCare?



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 08, 2012, 09:48:27 pm
Sean Hannity is absolutely correct.

...That left a bad taste in my mouth.

Why? Did you type it with your mouth?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on November 09, 2012, 05:29:42 am
If Politico had written this it would have gone in the Deluge as he would have been serious, but I'm fairly certain Winfield was just making a joke here:

Obama doesn't want Romney in his cabinet.

He is waiting for Ginsburg to resign so he can appoint Romney to the Supreme Court.  Romney does have a law degree as well as an MBA from Harvard after all.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on November 09, 2012, 11:26:22 pm
Bushie makes The Onion a reality: http://www.theonion.com/articles/dad-suggests-arriving-at-airport-14-hours-early,29662/


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 10, 2012, 04:37:33 am
Yes, it does speak volumes. Conservatives like me either stayed home or voted for third party.

Really... and, well... apparent.
When will that action be considered self mutilation, a disease in most medical circles?

Wait a minute…, would such a disease be covered under ObamaCare?


I LMAO with this one. The mix of t_host random nonsense and genuine wit produces a result which is simply amazing.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Badger on November 10, 2012, 01:32:48 pm
Politico, Ben Kenobi, please stop arguing. You are both right. BOTH of your candidates (Romney, Santorum) are losers that will never be anywhere close to a position of power.




Best after reviewing the thread of BK and Politico sniping at each other as to who was blame for Romney's loss and hwo to approach the next election. In that context, I nearly choked laughing.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on November 11, 2012, 06:47:18 pm
Clearly Black Hipster Mormons were swept by Romney's mega coattails in Utah.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 11, 2012, 06:53:24 pm
Please don't give me death points for posting this

Is there any areas I could hope to run for public office in?. I have alot of good messages and things(which I believe are right) to spread and say!.

How about dying in a fire instead?

Yo n-r.

Shut up.

(http://i.imgur.com/7TDmL.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 11, 2012, 07:54:15 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/3LygR.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Malcolm X on November 11, 2012, 08:09:22 pm

I came here to post that :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 11, 2012, 09:32:41 pm
Just. Wow.

Are you done trolling? 

You're the true troll. You spend 3 ungodly long movies taking the ring to Mt. Doom and at the end you suddenly decide you want to keep the ring and screw everyone over? Thank God Gollum was there to bite your hand off.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 11, 2012, 09:52:45 pm
Just. Wow.

Are you done trolling? 

You're the true troll. You spend 3 ungodly long movies taking the ring to Mt. Doom and at the end you suddenly decide you want to keep the ring and screw everyone over? Thank God Gollum was there to bite your hand off.

F--KING LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nhoj on November 11, 2012, 10:44:27 pm
Something like this, I would think.

(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=0&ev_p=0&AL=2;9;6&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=2;6;6&CA=2;55;5&CO=2;9;5&CT=2;7;5&DE=2;3;5&DC=2;3;9&FL=2;29;5&GA=2;16;5&HI=2;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=2;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=2;6;5&KS=2;6;6&KY=2;8;6&LA=2;8;5&MD=2;10;6&MA=2;11;6&MI=2;16;5&MN=2;10;5&MS=2;6;5&MO=2;10;5&MT=2;3;5&NV=2;6;5&NH=2;4;5&NJ=2;14;5&NM=2;5;5&NY=2;29;6&NC=2;15;5&ND=2;3;5&OH=2;18;5&OK=2;7;6&OR=2;7;5&PA=2;20;5&RI=2;4;6&SC=2;9;5&SD=2;3;5&TN=2;11;5&TX=2;38;5&UT=2;6;7&VT=2;3;6&VA=2;13;5&WA=2;12;5&WV=1;5;6&WI=2;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=2;2;5&ME1=2;1;5&ME2=2;1;5&NE=2;2;6&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;7)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 12, 2012, 12:06:49 am
Times like this I'm glad to have Twister on ignore. :)

That's fine because I have your state on ignore


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 12, 2012, 01:04:36 am
That's nice but I think it would be less close than that.  NV/CO aren't going to some uncle Tomás Cuban.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on November 12, 2012, 04:05:11 pm
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 12, 2012, 05:27:29 pm
Context:
Proving Scott wrong?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on November 13, 2012, 01:40:13 am
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)

Welcome to 2004.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on November 13, 2012, 02:43:00 am
Wow, that pic is a blast from the past!  I think it might have been one of the first things I put in my signature after joining the forum.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on November 13, 2012, 03:08:06 pm
Where's the fun in that though?  Couldn't you just enjoy his posts like everybody else?

Well for me, that is the fun.

And you wonder why nobody likes you.

1. People like me.
2. I don't wonder why the people who don't like me don't like me.

I'll admit they like you a little bit, in a sense - you're sort of like Colonel Klink.

(http://mishalov.com/images/klemperer.jpg)

(Please, don't tell me any of you children don't know who Colonel Klink is - I might cry)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 13, 2012, 08:38:48 pm
Christie would be a fine sacrificial lamb against Clinton. He'll probably call her "toots" or "sweetie" in the debates.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 14, 2012, 06:30:50 am
CONTEXT IS GOLDEN:

I want you to sit there and think about what you've done... I will be watching you

(http://i.imgur.com/6mnpo.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on November 14, 2012, 03:31:25 pm
See I just can't see someone from the Minnesota for Marriage people saying "We have called f**king *number* of people"

And I can't see someone from the Minnesota DFL not screaming "Tapioca! We need more tapioca don't cha know!"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 14, 2012, 05:40:05 pm
Jindal could never be the nominee:

Because Jindal is Non-Caucasian? That's the obebo that we all know and love...

No, because Jindal is not the appropriate kind of non-caucasian.  The diabolical party will dredge up an Uncle Tomás, not an Uncle Taj.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Speed of Sound on November 14, 2012, 05:41:06 pm
Jindal could never be the nominee:

Because Jindal is Non-Caucasian? That's the obebo that we all know and love...

No, because Jindal is not the appropriate kind of non-caucasian.  The diabolical party will dredge up an Uncle Tomás, not an Uncle Taj.
Darn it, Lief! I was literally on my way to post this one. Opebo's been on a particular roll lately.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on November 14, 2012, 10:09:55 pm
See that's another reason why opebo is the best poster.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on November 15, 2012, 03:02:49 pm
See I just can't see someone from the Minnesota for Marriage people saying "We have called f**king *number* of people"

And I can't see someone from the Minnesota DFL not screaming "Tapioca! We need more tapioca don't cha know!"

The exchange between Sanchez and 20RP12 in that thread is also sublime.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 15, 2012, 05:37:33 pm
I sometimes wonder if this moderator team is even trying to get girls.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on November 15, 2012, 05:54:54 pm
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)

That's an old meme, based on the 2004 election. you must be slow on the uptake.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: k-onmmunist on November 15, 2012, 05:59:35 pm
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)

That's an old meme, based on the 2004 election. you must be slow on the uptake.

yeah, ohio, new mexico and virginia are in the USC now ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on November 15, 2012, 08:12:10 pm
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)

That's an old meme, based on the 2004 election. you must be slow on the uptake.

yeah, ohio, new mexico and virginia are in the USC now ;)

And Colorado, Iowa, and Nevada. The North American Civil War of 2008-2012 was really a disaster for Jesusland.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Malcolm X on November 15, 2012, 08:13:52 pm
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)

That's an old meme, based on the 2004 election. you must be slow on the uptake.

yeah, ohio, new mexico and virginia are in the USC now ;)

And Colorado, Iowa, and Nevada. The North American Civil War of 2008-2012 was really a disaster for Jesusland.

You forgot Poland...and Florida.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on November 15, 2012, 08:16:15 pm
(http://www.timkeel.com/timkeel/jesusland_orig.jpg)

That's an old meme, based on the 2004 election. you must be slow on the uptake.

yeah, ohio, new mexico and virginia are in the USC now ;)

And Colorado, Iowa, and Nevada. The North American Civil War of 2008-2012 was really a disaster for Jesusland.

You forgot Poland...and Florida.

Nah, Florida is part of the People's Republic of Cuba now.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on November 16, 2012, 05:43:32 am
Townsend, writing off huge swathes of human culture won't help you get girls.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on November 16, 2012, 11:30:53 am
if Al was chiming in on the Assange saga being a postmodern hack thriller novel... what is this?

This is a Shakespearean sex comedy, of course.

So it will shortly be revealed in the final act that everyone was actually just having sex with their spouses after all, in an elaborate scheme of mistaken identity and disguise?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Edu on November 17, 2012, 02:10:13 pm
So... why isn't this guy Jason Chaffez a Democrat? Sounds like all the policies he considers 'cool' are Democratic, and all the uncool is Republican.

Chaffetz was a Democrat (Utah co-chair for Dukakis '88), but changed after meeting Reagan in 1990.

Bizarre - I wasn't even aware Reagan was still alive in 1990 - in any case he can't have been cognizant.  So it is true - Reagan was like the pod people, and took over this guy Chaffez by osmosis.

(http://www.natpryce.com/articles/images/podpeople.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on November 17, 2012, 08:02:52 pm
(http://ussc.edu.au/ussc/assets/media/images/blog/poochie.jpg)

The GOP died on its way back to its home planet.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 18, 2012, 03:43:05 pm
At the DNC, they had an illegal alien give a speech on national TV, urging Americans to pardon 11 million criminals.

I do not like illegal aliens.

Yeah, I don't like Eva Longoria either.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 18, 2012, 03:46:43 pm
I'm not really outside the mainstream on anything.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Ebowed on November 19, 2012, 04:23:55 am
Careful, man, he might start a coalition against you and whine about your behavior to AH...
What's 'AH'?


althernatehistory.com.  Apparently when a Person didn't get his way in having me removed as a mod, it was too much for him to handle, so he took from the site and apparently started venting there about me.

Congratulations.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 19, 2012, 05:31:00 am
I had no idea there's HS education in North Dakota.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on November 19, 2012, 06:40:48 am
Careful, man, he might start a coalition against you and whine about your behavior to AH...
What's 'AH'?


althernatehistory.com.  Apparently when a Person didn't get his way in having me removed as a mod, it was too much for him to handle, so he took from the site and apparently started venting there about me.

Congratulations.

I'm so gratified that one was noticed.  I think humor based on our own community - and our special and intimate knowledge of our own bad eggs is particularly rich and heartwarming.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on November 19, 2012, 11:25:39 am
Perhaps Ian will ban us all. It was a crisis when jmfcst was banned. If this was AH.com we'd be without opebo, Lief, BRTD, Torie, Al, and a slew of old-timers... though we do need a Thande figure.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on November 19, 2012, 11:54:04 am
Perhaps Ian will ban us all. It was a crisis when jmfcst was banned. If this was AH.com we'd be without opebo, Lief, BRTD, Torie, Al, and a slew of old-timers... though we do need a Thande figure.

How could Torie be banned?  He's total affirmation of the system.  Never heard of AH or Thande.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on November 19, 2012, 01:10:08 pm
Perhaps Ian will ban us all. It was a crisis when jmfcst was banned. If this was AH.com we'd be without opebo, Lief, BRTD, Torie, Al, and a slew of old-timers... though we do need a Thande figure.

How could Torie be banned?  He's total affirmation of the system.
I assume this would be a maverick-type scenario where he goes crazy and deletes half the board.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on November 19, 2012, 04:52:12 pm
Israel.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on November 19, 2012, 09:54:30 pm
:)  I'll be taking his class next semester.

Mr. Sabato! Do you recognize me? I'm Ben from the Atlas Forum!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on November 20, 2012, 03:57:40 pm
Both the defense of McCarthy and citing that as the "main reason" to never vote for the Democrats are mind-boggingly stupid.

Lay off him; I wouldn't vote for the Republicans because of the Spanish-American War.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on November 20, 2012, 04:05:19 pm
The civil rights activists senator Strom Thurmond, disturbed by the racism of people like Hubert Humphrey and Robert F. Kennedy, joined the Republican Party of racial equality.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on November 20, 2012, 07:11:37 pm
1. Who is the current Prime Minister? - Barry O'Callaghan
2. What is the formal title of the Queen's representative in Australia? - Sheila
3. What is Australia's oldest continually inhabited city? - Wallabarramarataballgoolahoolama
4. What two animals are on the Australian Coat of Arms? - A koala and a pterodactyl
5. Sir Robert Menzies was Australia's longest serving Prime Minister, who is next on that list? - Menzies Campbell
6. What is the name of Australia's capital city? - Under Construction
7. Who is the current Federal Opposition Leader? - Bob Wrench
8. Australia is made of how many states and how many territories? - 612
9. In what year did European settlement begin in Australia? - 1962
10. If I said GABBA, WACCA and Subiaco - what would I be talking about? 'Go away you bitch' while drunk
11. What is Australia's longest river? - The water slide at Big Sid's WaterLand Park.
12. Approximately what proportion of Australia's population reside in an area that is defined as 'urban' (I'll give points for 8% either side of the correct answer)? - 0.00000001% - Geoffrey Took, of Melbourne currently describes his residence as 'urban' due to brick effect walls in his lounge.
13. In what year was the Commonwealth of Australia formed? 1963
14. Who was the first sitting Australian/British Monarch to visit Australia? - King Arthur of Pendragon
15. What year did this occur? - 1964, while on a promotional tour
16. Who is the coach of the Queensland State of Origin rugby league team? - Sharon Strzelecki
17. What was the name of the event that is believed to have created the Labor movement in Australia? - Petty criminality in London
18. In Question 4, I asked what two animals are on the Coat of Arms... there is a very specific reason for these animals being chosen, what is it? - To create a bridge between the future and the past stopping a temporal flux in the fabric of space and time
19. Name the Prime Minister who disappeared off Cheviot Beach in December 1967? - Julia Gillard
20. What other country could join the Commonwealth of Australia if they passed a national referendum to do so... with very little Australia could do to stop it? - Mirror-World Australia
21. There has only been one serious attempt on the life of a Federal politician, who? - the stabbing of Kevin Rudd
22. Who was leader of the Federal Labor Party from December 1977 to February 1983? - Harold Bishop
23. Name the large irrigation program that was built in North-West Western Australia? - Big Sid's WaterLand Park.
24. Name the seminal Australian novel, written in the early 1870s about life in a penal colony in Tasmania? - Tootsie.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on November 20, 2012, 10:24:09 pm
Exceptional work.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on November 20, 2012, 11:00:57 pm
Click for context:

A true man of the people.

This proves it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Sound + Vision on November 20, 2012, 11:32:38 pm
Thanks!  I feel pretty good about it, despite initially thinking my birthday was in February and that I'm only 28, but that's probably just the senility.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 21, 2012, 12:23:42 am
Cut him some slack; the guy's been unemployed for nearly six years.  A true victim of the recession.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 21, 2012, 06:14:54 am
Context:

For his sake, I hope he's not the one who came up with the idea for "Tickle Me Elmo".


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on November 21, 2012, 09:56:38 am


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on November 21, 2012, 12:58:32 pm
Well, one thing's for sure, America sure does hate flip-flopping rich guys from Massachusetts with nice hair.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on November 21, 2012, 02:10:21 pm
We'll make sure to wake you up in about 4 years.

Let's not, and say we did.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on November 21, 2012, 03:49:04 pm
He's living the SoCal life, pumping gas, watching Twilight, going to Disneyland, maybe a little surfing, tickets to Leno, hiking Yosemite, or growing some medicinal marijuana next.

Really subtle, not a thigh-slapper, but I liked it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: tmthforu94 on November 22, 2012, 01:44:14 am
I'd post real pictures but no one would believe me anymore

I'll just say I'm somehow even more beautiful than Senator Shelley Berkley ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Phony Moderate on November 22, 2012, 08:01:14 pm
Context needed:

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on November 23, 2012, 10:51:02 pm
If Iran can emit solar flares, I believe that means Iran has been absorbed into the Sun, which could prove to be a problem.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on November 24, 2012, 01:44:02 pm
It is believed he is attempting to win favor amongst hispanics.

This is absolutely fantastic news.  

I am following this breaking news story closely, and will bring you updates as they become available.

Stay tuned for any further dramatic developments in this ground breaking story which is truly of historical significance.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 24, 2012, 03:05:35 pm
The ten most terrifying words in the English language: "I'm from the Republican Party and I'm here to help."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on November 24, 2012, 05:03:58 pm
Mitt Romney is a regular person. Everyone else just happens to be poor.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 26, 2012, 01:39:53 am
Context:

I would have been too young to vote.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on November 27, 2012, 08:44:07 am
Ah, Hannah Ahrendt.

She crops up everywhere. Unwritten rule of the universe.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on November 27, 2012, 06:43:27 pm
The denouement in this (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=102867.75) thread is hilarious:

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

I told my family about this thread


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Landslide Lyndon on November 28, 2012, 05:46:02 am
I'm the only one (I think) on this forum that has actually met Kalwejt.

Did it go like this?

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/87/Second_World_War_Europe.png/300px-Second_World_War_Europe.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: sjoyce on November 28, 2012, 08:23:50 pm
Speaker of the House Mewt Hingrich.

(http://i.imgur.com/YYElo.png)

Full name: Mewton Leroy "Mewt" Hingrich.
Born:  June 17, 1943, in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
Resides: McLean, Virginia.
Religion: Roman Catholic.
Ancestry: German, English, Irish, Scottish.
Education: Baker High School, Georgia, Emory University (BA), Tulane University (MA, PhD).
Languages: English, smugness.
Occupation: Author, professor, political consultant.
Political party: Republican
Current office: Speaker of the House of Representatives (1995- present), Representative for Georgia's 6th Congressional District (1979- present).
Caucus: Speaker Hingrich considers himself a member of all caucuses yet also none.
Previous offices: None.
Military Service: None, but Speaker Hingrich firmly believes that we must have a strong and large military, capable of, when necessary, expanding our civilization beyond the farthest stars through the might of our laser weapons.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on November 29, 2012, 07:33:56 am
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zlxCXeBF_ww/TvAGEG7lHiI/AAAAAAAABc4/Gy_nX2Xoea8/s1600/Warren+G+Harding.jpg)(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zlxCXeBF_ww/TvAGEG7lHiI/AAAAAAAABc4/Gy_nX2Xoea8/s1600/Warren+G+Harding.jpg)(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zlxCXeBF_ww/TvAGEG7lHiI/AAAAAAAABc4/Gy_nX2Xoea8/s1600/Warren+G+Harding.jpg)(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Mhd4FU-ipZ4/Ss3gSSogLDI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/LAyn5WZbNLc/s400/Empty+sqaure.jpg)(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Mhd4FU-ipZ4/Ss3gSSogLDI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/LAyn5WZbNLc/s400/Empty+sqaure.jpg)

3/5 Warren G. Hardings.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on November 29, 2012, 04:19:33 pm
Romney has any supporters left?

maybe in west virgina

You misspelled 'Rhode Island'.

You are a good person thanks for catching that.

Romney has any supporters left?

maybe in west virginia

-_-


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on November 29, 2012, 05:00:44 pm
I honestly don't know what to do with this post so I'll just put it here...

It'd be hilarious if Mitt Romney became Secretary of something.

Better yet. With Patrick retiring in 2014, Romney will run as a liberal Democrat.

Well, Mitt has been, by all accounts, a liberal Republican, a moderate Republican, somewhat of an independent, a conservative Republican, a severe conservative, so why not a liberal Democrat as his newest embodiment?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on November 29, 2012, 08:45:05 pm
Dee Dee.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on November 30, 2012, 07:58:41 am
Wait, did I miss something here?  Does Bushie actually eat 3 meals a day at McDonald's?


No, I think he goes to Golden Corral and Pizza Hut alternatively. Or to be very healthy, I think frozen burritos at home have been mentioned.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on November 30, 2012, 07:54:43 pm
Still.. $83?  Jesus.

In San Francisco that's only about twice the cost of a cup of coffee...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on November 30, 2012, 08:49:02 pm
He could also pick Victoria II.  He'd be honoring his great-great-great-grandmother, and it would shake things up a bit.  Brits like surprises, I'm told.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on November 30, 2012, 10:14:11 pm
For the record I am nonwhite and gay.  So I am a twofer here and will criticize their lack of diversity.

How many Forum Moderators are women?

What do our forum moderators have to do with the House committee chairs?  That makes little sense.


They don't think the poor should have food and words.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on December 01, 2012, 03:33:08 am
I finally understand the appeal of the update thread. I was literally on the verge of tears when I logged onto the forum, but this anecdote made me laugh for a solid minute:

On a work day, I generally don't eat breakfast and only an extremely light lunch like a couple ham sandwiches.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on December 01, 2012, 04:39:14 am
The only response we're likely to see from Winfield here is something along the lines of:

"Well isn't it masterful to see you all discussing me at such lengths. 

No, no, I'm truly unworthy.

You're all simply too kind.

It's simply wonderful to know that I am so beloved by you all.

Harrumph harrumph gosh monocle."

We won't get a straight answer.  Nor should we expect one, and much less should we care.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on December 01, 2012, 01:31:08 pm
Actually the size of sandwich that BushOK described sounded very small - the kind of little wimpy sandwich one normally makes at home.  One of those by itself would be nothing.  I used to eat one like that for lunch in the US, but would always have a few chips or potato salad with it, and/or a bowl of soup.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on December 01, 2012, 07:18:46 pm
Wildcard bet: Elena Kagan came out of the closet to her colleagues at that meeting on Thursday and made a strong case that people in her position shouldn't be denied the right to marry someone they love. The court is swayed by her personal appeal, and decides to use the Prop 8 case (and specifically, upholding the facts and decision of the district court trial) to unanimously legalize same-sex marriage nationwide as a basic human right. It'll be like Brown v. Board, with the unanimity of the court playing a huge role in the decision's acceptance throughout most of the nation. Kagan publicly comes out of the closet in the decision of the court itself, which all eight of the other justices join in a show of support.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on December 01, 2012, 07:51:18 pm
You can't win the text war, twelve pounds-gainer!

[size=125pt]Oh yeah?[/size]

Crap.  Fail....


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott Inman (D) OK Gov 2018 on December 01, 2012, 07:57:25 pm

I knew this was goldmined immediately when I posted it....


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 01, 2012, 08:37:38 pm
Not sure if these great shots ever made it in here...

(http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/65400_10152226353710061_1635373351_n.jpg)

(http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/546909_10152287047630061_952467558_n.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on December 01, 2012, 09:10:15 pm
Your picture reminds me that until the scandal, I thought DSK was a woman.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 02, 2012, 12:53:25 am
I hate to quote Mint but...

in all seriousness, yes. in our house we have something that makes foot steps around 3-4 in the hallway outside of my room. nobody is ever up at that time and nobody has a history of sleep walking or anything like that. sometimes i can hear those sounds in my room. it also has a tendency to open my closet door and turn on my light late at night while i'm away at school. or at least that's what my parents and my sister's boyfriend have told me.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 02, 2012, 01:11:38 am
I hate to quote Mint but...

in all seriousness, yes. in our house we have something that makes foot steps around 3-4 in the hallway outside of my room. nobody is ever up at that time and nobody has a history of sleep walking or anything like that. sometimes i can hear those sounds in my room. it also has a tendency to open my closet door and turn on my light late at night while i'm away at school. or at least that's what my parents and my sister's boyfriend have told me.

Am I missing something?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on December 02, 2012, 05:50:38 am
Wildcard bet: Elena Kagan came out of the closet to her colleagues at that meeting on Thursday and made a strong case that people in her position shouldn't be denied the right to marry someone they love. The court is swayed by her personal appeal, and decides to use the Prop 8 case (and specifically, upholding the facts and decision of the district court trial) to unanimously legalize same-sex marriage nationwide as a basic human right. It'll be like Brown v. Board, with the unanimity of the court playing a huge role in the decision's acceptance throughout most of the nation. Kagan publicly comes out of the closet in the decision of the court itself, which all eight of the other justices join in a show of support.
Basically correct, but BK fingered the wrong Justice.

It will of course be Scalia doing that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on December 02, 2012, 06:55:19 am
Basically correct, but BK fingered the wrong Justice.

It will of course be Scalia doing that.

(http://planetsean.blogspot.com/ScaliaDelay.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on December 02, 2012, 11:05:00 pm
Electing J.C. Watts the new RNC chairman should easily win the GOP at least 30-40% of the black vote. The black community is taking this very seriously, and if the Republicans decide to elect a token black ultra-conservative from Oklahoma to be their head fundraiser, it's fair to say that blacks will almost instantly become one of the foremost "swing" demographics.

Source: I live only a fifteen minute walk from the Apollo Theater.

It's perhaps funnier for me because I can attest to that last bit.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on December 03, 2012, 02:19:54 am
Oh, so she's finally come to terms with her lesbianism?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on December 03, 2012, 03:02:24 pm
Context:
Don't worry Miles, I don't think she's a staunch liberal. I heard she loves Bush.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 03, 2012, 03:05:35 pm
Oh, so she's finally come to terms with her lesbianism?

I think you put that in the wrong thread; this isn't the "Unfunny Cliched Jokes from the 90s Resurrection Goldmine."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on December 03, 2012, 03:12:58 pm
Context:

Don't worry Miles, I don't think she's a staunch liberal. I heard she loves Bush.

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on December 03, 2012, 04:32:34 pm
Basically correct, but BK fingered the wrong Justice.

kinky


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on December 03, 2012, 04:33:13 pm
Basically correct, but BK fingered the wrong Justice.

kinky
He is a kinky one, is our Bacon King.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on December 03, 2012, 04:54:07 pm
Oh, so she's finally come to terms with her lesbianism?

Go away (I'd love to use a stronger expression, but this is Inks' board so I'm trying to be polite).


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on December 03, 2012, 04:55:37 pm
I think we could do without the 'haha, homosexuality' jokes. If the word 'joke' is accurate, which I doubt.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on December 03, 2012, 04:59:11 pm
I think we could do without the 'haha, homosexuality' jokes. If the word 'joke' is accurate, which I doubt.

I think understanding jokes of an actual quality is way beyond The Obamanation's intellectual capability.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on December 03, 2012, 05:04:41 pm
The anti-royal family comments in this thread are disgusting and have all been reported.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 03, 2012, 06:06:43 pm
Beards can work.

(http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y66/Floydbuster/b82917dcc37921210.jpg)



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on December 03, 2012, 09:53:56 pm
Because Britain has spent almost 125 of the past 200 years (and counting) under the rule of women.

1979-1990 = rather less than 125 years.
Those years were so horrid that they count elevenfold.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Malcolm X on December 04, 2012, 06:10:48 pm
Of course we do, that's half the fun. We also talk about how to make someones life miserable via internet forum since most of us are dead inside.

We also have measured to see whos junk is the biggest, but this giant length or width debate started between Badger and Inks. There are areas in there that are still burning and in shambles because of this. We've started to move on for the sake the forum and Dave.. but we know it's not over.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on December 05, 2012, 01:09:14 am
SECRETARY OF STATE BREWER?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on December 05, 2012, 03:22:54 pm
Who else gets irritated when someone (presumably accidentally) substitutes 'succession' for 'secession'?  :P
A little.  What annoys me more is when Republicans in states like Texas talk about secession because of Obama when it was Democrats who supported secession because of Lincoln.

So what you're saying is that you support democratic succession but not Democratic secession?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on December 05, 2012, 09:49:32 pm
Two words popped into my head when I first saw this: Appalachian Trail.

Same here. Though I really don't want to know about the details if Brewer has that kind of scandal.

What scandal are you talking about? I assumed Keystone Phil meant she was walking the Appalachian Trail, but to be honest I think it takes like 2 months to walk that, not a week.

It might take you two months, others less than five minutes.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Malcolm X on December 06, 2012, 05:39:10 pm
Context

Thanks, Seatown. Did you know that the Austin citizens like to play funny fantasy politics games? They seem to be very enthusiastic with a certain Obama, from a mythic land called USA. Who's that guy? Probably such hobbies are part of our venerable southern customs. In spite of the fact that I got a little time living here, I find them very interesting.

(http://img545.imageshack.us/img545/7052/flickrobamaaustin01.jpg) (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/545/flickrobamaaustin01.jpg/)

I'll give more details on my platform in following speeches, but feel free to ask anything ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: 🍁 Hatman on December 06, 2012, 11:51:34 pm
ACORN


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: sjoyce on December 07, 2012, 11:04:09 am
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?action=profile;u=9236;sa=showPosts (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?action=profile;u=9236;sa=showPosts)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 07, 2012, 01:00:08 pm
http://blogs.wsj.com/metropolis/2012/08/23/whos-the-boss-star-tony-danza-weighs-run-for-mayor/

Not sure if this has any legitimacy to it, but if Tony Danza runs I'll probably support him. Or Kelsey Grammar, if he runs.



crossposted.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on December 07, 2012, 06:51:59 pm
Who would be some possibilities for those 16 votes?

Amash, Huelskamp, Schweikert, Jones and Gohmert are the five most likely suspects... I guess the next tier after that would be people like Jim Jordan, Mick Mulvaney, Tom McClintock and other rebellious members of the RSC: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republican_Study_Committee


Good God! That's like the cast of a cheap horror movie that takes place inside a Deep South insane asylum.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on December 08, 2012, 02:24:44 am
You mean when all of us are chicks? I wonder if Grumpy Gramms is just as much of a pervert.

more I wonder who the Clarence-equivalent would be

....and if she'd be posting pictures of Chris Christie in every thread.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on December 08, 2012, 02:26:01 am
How are they sure?

They are Marxists and thus believe in the eternity of matter.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Queen Mum Inks.LWC on December 08, 2012, 03:38:58 am
You mean when all of us are chicks? I wonder if Grumpy Gramms is just as much of a pervert.

more I wonder who the Clarence-equivalent would be

....and if she'd be posting pictures of Chris Christie in every thread.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on December 08, 2012, 09:54:39 pm
Hey Roker.  Go out and get some exercise.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 09, 2012, 01:13:58 am
Who did you say?

Since it was an automated poll, I said BEEP!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 09, 2012, 01:37:28 am
And of course the worst part about Cuomo is that he hasn't made a really good album since Pinkerton.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on December 09, 2012, 12:21:37 pm
And of course the worst part about Cuomo is that he hasn't made a really good album since Pinkerton.

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on December 09, 2012, 04:22:10 pm
I wonder who Pacquiao would have voted for. Romney or Obama

Manny got knocked so far into the past his choices are Kennedy or Nixon.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: k-onmmunist on December 09, 2012, 04:26:50 pm
And of course the worst part about Cuomo is that he hasn't made a really good album since Pinkerton.

LOL

gotta admit, this is one of the few posts that made me laugh out loud.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on December 09, 2012, 06:41:23 pm
Michael Anthony Naso Mountbatten-Windsor.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on December 09, 2012, 09:20:59 pm
We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on December 09, 2012, 09:22:26 pm
We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.

That's not a funny quote - it's a case of him mixing up which team I support.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on December 09, 2012, 09:25:55 pm
We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.

That's not a funny quote - it's a case of him mixing up which team I support.

it's a joke you're not in on.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on December 09, 2012, 09:31:44 pm
We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.

That's not a funny quote - it's a case of him mixing up which team I support.

it's a joke you're not in on.
You shouldnt post it here if its an internal joke.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on December 09, 2012, 09:32:34 pm
We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.

That's not a funny quote - it's a case of him mixing up which team I support.

it's a joke you're not in on.
You shouldnt post it here if its an internal joke.

it's not, if someone wants to pore through the public messages available on this board, they could puzzle it together.  also, false premise -- what's wrong with posting inside jokes here?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 09, 2012, 10:02:46 pm
Ah, someone else following the ancient and noble tradition of 'posting directly into the Deluge.'


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 09, 2012, 10:07:43 pm
9-7 NYJ @ 12-4 New England wild card would bore you?

It would have me wondering what the highest playoff point spread has ever been.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on December 09, 2012, 10:09:57 pm
We're definitely a 100 win team next season.

Napoli is a good signing, but I'm not sure about Victorino, and they're marginal moves at best. I can't see more than 85 wins, let alone 100.

That's not a funny quote - it's a case of him mixing up which team I support.

it's a joke you're not in on.
You shouldnt post it here if its an internal joke.

it's not, if someone wants to pore through the public messages available on this board, they could puzzle it together.  also, false premise -- what's wrong with posting inside jokes here?
Its just annoying and not really comedy. Comedians dont tell jokes only they and their friends can understand.
This should be a thread for all to enjoy where you can get a good laugh, not some school boy club.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on December 09, 2012, 10:30:44 pm
It's even worse for the fact it was a sports joke.  Few people here would get those, even if it wasn't an in-joke.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on December 10, 2012, 12:46:02 pm
You forgot to include a category for opebo: "Buy-sexual".


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Fmr. Pres. Griffin on December 10, 2012, 06:17:23 pm
Women don't tend to obsess over specific fields of minutaie the way men do.

Sure they do - themselves.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on December 10, 2012, 06:26:35 pm
I don't agree with everything on that page, but it makes great points about cannabis in the Bible, and that Jesus healed using it. Jesus was a medical marijuana practioner.

I heard he fronted a pretty sick screamo band and made it rain at da club too.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on December 10, 2012, 06:28:04 pm
I don't find opebo's usual schtick particularly funny, but...

Two questions - why is the little boy in pastel blue wai-ing, and why is there a kind of lanky hipster character molesting the little gay boys?

Context


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on December 10, 2012, 07:12:44 pm
Welcome to The Atlas Forum, one of the few places in the world where it's harder to come out as a woman than to come out as a gay.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 11, 2012, 12:13:01 am
Significantly lower than Angus King's opinion of Angus King.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Smid on December 11, 2012, 12:55:27 am
That would be a LOT more than could ever be said about The Two Towers.

I maintain that Faramir should consider consulting his lawyers with the aim of suing Jackson for libel. The case is overwhelming.

I'm representing the Ents in a similar case, actually. However, the case moves very slowly, since it's in an Entish court. I presumably won't live to see its resolution, but it should result in the violent dismemberment of all the earthly remains of Jackson's oeuvre.

Al's comment, and Lewis's response are both worthwhile entries, I would suggest, although Lewis's is undoubtably the more humourous.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on December 11, 2012, 11:55:49 am
I don't care

you always contribute so much to discussion.
It's why we made him a moderator.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on December 11, 2012, 12:25:41 pm
That would be a LOT more than could ever be said about The Two Towers.

I maintain that Faramir should consider consulting his lawyers with the aim of suing Jackson for libel. The case is overwhelming.

I'm representing the Ents in a similar case, actually. However, the case moves very slowly, since it's in an Entish court. I presumably won't live to see its resolution, but it should result in the violent dismemberment of all the earthly remains of Jackson's oeuvre.

Al's comment, and Lewis's response are both worthwhile entries, I would suggest, although Lewis's is undoubtably the more humourous.

Absolutely. I laughed for... slightly too long... after reading it...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on December 11, 2012, 12:29:23 pm
Jack E. Robinson is almost certainly one of the worst candidates to ever seek election to the U.S. Senate. He'd have struggled to get 30% in any state, but since he was running in Massachusetts, he was lucky to just break the 10% mark.

What made him a terrible candidate? Well, his electoral strategy included releasing and making public every possible piece of negative information about himself. His self-made website detailed his arrest for failing to pay a ticket, the restraining order his ex took out on him, and a drunk driving charge. As a bonus, he also got into a car accident while doing a live radio interview. Robinson was bad enough to get disowned publicly by the state GOP in a year where the party had little to gain by doing so (2000).

Even the Republicans I know in Massachusetts (who worked on the Romney campaign) say they voted Libertarian as a protest against the worst candidate to ever seek the office of U.S. Senate in the history of the Commonwealth.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on December 11, 2012, 03:28:20 pm
While it's not intentional comedy, it did make me laugh.

I saw the truncated title of this thread "So there's a rash..." and the poster who'd made it and I thought Bushie was going to regale us with a tale of some new rash he had found on his body!

Imagine the disappointment when you open up the present and its clothes.

By the way, I would have put that in the Update thread.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on December 11, 2012, 03:42:29 pm
That would be a LOT more than could ever be said about The Two Towers.

I maintain that Faramir should consider consulting his lawyers with the aim of suing Jackson for libel. The case is overwhelming.

I'm representing the Ents in a similar case, actually. However, the case moves very slowly, since it's in an Entish court. I presumably won't live to see its resolution, but it should result in the violent dismemberment of all the earthly remains of Jackson's oeuvre.

Al's comment, and Lewis's response are both worthwhile entries, I would suggest, although Lewis's is undoubtably the more humourous.

Absolutely. I laughed for... slightly too long... after reading it...

Aside from the admittedly very funny nerd-humor about Ents, the juxtaposition of the word oeuvre and 'violent dismemberment' is beautifully done.  There's nothing like finding the base next to the pretentious to bring out a titter.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Alcon on December 11, 2012, 03:58:58 pm
Hetero

Why are there about 3-5x the amount of gays/bi's on this Forum than in the population ?

Fluoridation.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 11, 2012, 05:31:59 pm
Jack E. Robinson is almost certainly one of the worst candidates to ever seek election to the U.S. Senate. He'd have struggled to get 30% in any state, but since he was running in Massachusetts, he was lucky to just break the 10% mark.

What made him a terrible candidate? Well, his electoral strategy included releasing and making public every possible piece of negative information about himself. His self-made website detailed his arrest for failing to pay a ticket, the restraining order his ex took out on him, and a drunk driving charge. As a bonus, he also got into a car accident while doing a live radio interview. Robinson was bad enough to get disowned publicly by the state GOP in a year where the party had little to gain by doing so (2000).

Even the Republicans I know in Massachusetts (who worked on the Romney campaign) say they voted Libertarian as a protest against the worst candidate to ever seek the office of U.S. Senate in the history of the Commonwealth.

ROFL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 11, 2012, 10:40:45 pm
Well, we all say stuff we regret man.  I mean, I really really don't like Jews, but I don't say that kind of stuff on the forum now!  I mean, who knows how ignorant that might make me come off, even if the perception is that Jews are greedy money grabbing big nosed motherf***ers who hate Christmas?

Don't worry man, you're going through a phase.  Eventually you'll come to realize that black isn't always black and white isn't always white and that there's a "grey" dimension to everything.  For instance, I have no idea what the hell to call your views.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on December 12, 2012, 01:16:04 am
Context:

Yeah, Native Americans do tend to lean Democratic.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on December 12, 2012, 04:49:02 pm
i feel like my eyes are on fire.

This made me laugh for some reason.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 12, 2012, 06:09:25 pm
Just checking the posting averages, looks like he'll stay no. 2 until eventually overtaken by Kalwejt ages from now (a fate that awaits us all, even BRTD).


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on December 12, 2012, 07:27:10 pm
Maine's CDs only go up to green.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on December 12, 2012, 11:15:10 pm
on John Major:

It was revealed, courtesy of Edwina Currie, that he wasn't even particularly good at being straitlaced and boring.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on December 13, 2012, 01:01:09 am
I have an android phone. Was the Apple Maps app that bad?

You're asking this question of posters on this website? Seriously, unless it shows presidential election results and swings by county for all elections since 1100BC, it's a sub-par mapping tool...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 13, 2012, 07:05:49 pm
FYI, It's not gay if you don't make eye contact


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 13, 2012, 07:39:37 pm
FF.  He's trying to save public employees from losing their jobs due to layoffs, not "bust unions".


I have some beachfront property in Iowa. Would you be interested?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on December 15, 2012, 03:52:42 am
Pacific Islanders in New Zealand vote pretty heavily for the Labour Party, so unless they're vastly different demographically I'd guess they voted Democratic.

That's not even comparing apples and oranges; more like apples and ostriches.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on December 15, 2012, 04:25:51 pm
The other tabs you have open provide a truly terrifying insight.

Couldn't decide if this should be in the Gallery or the Goldmine, but I love this post!

hahahahaha excellent!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on December 16, 2012, 03:07:11 am
An anti-war evangelical who now supports marijuana legalization. Will he be listening to emoviolence soon? :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on December 16, 2012, 05:43:36 am
Is that Rick Perry's daughter?

No, it's him.

Context


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Malcolm X on December 16, 2012, 10:22:04 pm
Works both with and without context

Next at 10, "Paris Hilton is a woman".

Correction at 11: "Paris Hilton is actually transgender, will begin taking testosterone and living as a man"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 17, 2012, 05:23:57 am
Sounds impressive, but I think Lindsey Graham still has a slight advantage.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on December 17, 2012, 03:56:49 pm
The youth are like that - stupidly don't realize that they too will soon get old and need all the same things their elders need, such as prostitutes, bedpans, toupees etc.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on December 17, 2012, 05:20:02 pm
See my sig.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on December 19, 2012, 09:46:42 am
Context:

In the sense that he likes penis, yes.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on December 19, 2012, 01:35:44 pm
What part of "partial" do you not understand?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on December 19, 2012, 04:10:32 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/j5UnL.png)

Awesome :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on December 19, 2012, 04:26:28 pm
All that's wrong with both images is the dough.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on December 20, 2012, 11:25:11 pm
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you'll listen to me

What do you get when a Speaker can't count?
A huge train wreck and loss of clout
All your enemies chortle with glee
While down goes the economy

I don't like the sound of it

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-da
If you were a leader, you could go far
You would live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on December 22, 2012, 03:54:02 pm
Antonio V's playlist 2012 religion census:

Christian 6.4%
  • Catholic 5.2%
  • Protestant 1.2%
    • Baptist 0.1%
    • Methodist 0.2%
    • Lutheran 0.2%
    • Presbyterian 0.1%
    • Episcopalian/Anglican 0.3%
    • United Church of Christ 0%
    • Pentecostal/Charismatic 0%
    • Evangelical/Born Again 0.3%
    • Other Protestant 0%
  • Jehovah's Witness 0%
  • Churches of Christ 0%
  • Mormon/Latter-Day Saints 0%
  • Other Christian 0%

Jewish 2.7%

Muslim 1.4%

Buddhist 1.5%

Hindu 0.3%

Other religions 2.8%

Agnostic+Atheist 84.9%


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on December 22, 2012, 04:45:56 pm
Krazen: The Early Years:

"Mom, check that there aren't any teachers hiding in the closet" Little Krazen did shout/
Just before the lights went out.  
There were no teachers hiding in the closet that night/
Or even any other night
But little Krazen still couldn't sleep/
He was too scared to make even a peep.  
Tomorrow was his first day of school and if there was school there were sure to be teachers/
Truly the most vile of all God's creatures.  
Little Krazen was a clever lad/
He knew the truth about the evil that all teachers do and society's ignorance of it made him quite sad.  They don't hit kids nor do they scream and shout/
But they didn't fool little Krazen, no, he knew what they were all about.  
Teachers live the high life in apartments with $50,000 per-year pay instead of in a box by a gutter/
Thought Little Krazen with a shudder.  
Little Krazen was smart as a tack/
Much too smart for any union thugs that the teachers might send to attack.
Day after day in the classroom he would sit silently and despair/
While the teachers got paid, isn't life most unfair?
Years later Pre-Teen Krazen would find/
An internet forum on which to vent and unwind.
"The union thug wouldn't think of checking my posts, cause he's just a dumb jerk"/
Thought Pre-Teen Krazen with a smirk.
And that is how Krazen1211 came to be/
Attempts to reason with him about teachers are futile, don't you see?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on December 22, 2012, 10:41:07 pm
I just came here to post that Mr. X post.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on December 23, 2012, 09:01:10 am
Tender was just asking for this bitch slap...

Thinking about Tender Branson...

do you mostly have the guy pictured below in your mind ?

Since they are from Austria...

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/10/Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-S33882,_Adolf_Hitler_retouched.jpg/230px-Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-S33882,_Adolf_Hitler_retouched.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on December 23, 2012, 04:37:15 pm
Context:

(http://www.sterlingtimes.co.uk/sambo_face.jpg)

Simfan=Simban=Simba=Sambo


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on December 23, 2012, 04:45:19 pm
Context:

(http://www.sterlingtimes.co.uk/sambo_face.jpg)

Simfan=Simban=Simba=Sambo
See?  I told you Democrats are racist (sarcasm). ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on December 23, 2012, 09:06:03 pm
Tender was just asking for this bitch slap...

Thinking about Tender Branson...

do you mostly have the guy pictured below in your mind ?

Since they are from Austria...

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/10/Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-S33882,_Adolf_Hitler_retouched.jpg/230px-Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-S33882,_Adolf_Hitler_retouched.jpg)


His troling lately has been over the top.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Marokai Backbeat on December 24, 2012, 06:54:23 am
(http://talkingpointsmemo.com/images/michael-crapo-mugshot-12-23-12.jpg)

He looks like his name.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: sjoyce on December 24, 2012, 08:42:14 am
Obama

I'm confused; are you having sex with this person? Or just taking her to ridiculously expensive dinners?
You are confused in that you think those are separate things in Simfan's mind.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on December 26, 2012, 04:53:55 am
Mr & Mrs Republic?

I thought you are gay ?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Foucaulf on December 26, 2012, 05:04:53 am

Deserves to be posted in the Sulfur Mine.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on December 26, 2012, 06:09:55 am
Deserves to be posted in the Sulfur Mine.

Sure, if you think being considered gay is insulting.  Perhaps you're still in middle school, I don't know.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Tender Branson on December 26, 2012, 06:18:55 am
Deserves to be posted in the Sulfur Mine.

Sure, if you think being considered gay is insulting.  Perhaps you're still in middle school, I don't know.

It was of course not meant as an insult.

It was just that I thought Joe was gay, because I think I once clicked on the picture thread and saw him on a picture with his dad who was holding a sign on which it said: "I'm proud of my GAY son". Or something like that. Or it was a dream ... And now he has a hot wife ? That's really strange ...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on December 26, 2012, 05:53:16 pm
I think I once clicked on the picture thread and saw him on a picture with his dad who was holding a sign on which it said: "I'm proud of my GAY son". Or something like that.

WTF

Anyway it's all okay bro.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on December 26, 2012, 06:00:41 pm
Deserves to be posted in the Sulfur Mine.

Sure, if you think being considered gay is insulting.  Perhaps you're still in middle school, I don't know.

Considering average age of this forum...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Holmes on December 26, 2012, 11:03:19 pm
Oh yes, that was me. A long time ago, actually. I had found a picture of a man who looked like Joe being picked up at the airport by his dad who was holding a "proud of my gay son!" sign or something. And so I posted it. Mystery solved.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on December 28, 2012, 01:57:32 am
Yes, even though I don't for any of the British posters (which is just as well, since I doubt any of them talk that way anyway.)
pretty much. i read all of al's posts as someone doing a bad alan moore impression.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on December 28, 2012, 03:45:11 pm
National Enquirer?

For your own sake, Tender, please go back to posting polls.
They get stuff (at least this kind of stuff) right often enough to not be totally ignored, but obviously should be taken with quite a bit of salt.


mmmm salt

A bit of salt? More like the entire Danakil Depression.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on December 28, 2012, 10:36:29 pm
"Heinrich-Schweitzer? We're selling a Presidency, for Christ's sake, not an imported lager."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on December 29, 2012, 01:16:22 am
I found the first three most funny:

1. Bushie will lose his job.
2. Bushie will get another call center job.
3. Bushie will not lose weight.
4. There will be myriad threads about the trends of random counties.
5. The majority of "women" on here will continue to have penises.
6. People will be dissatisfied with the results of the Oscars.
7. Old people will be confused by simple technology.
8. North and South Korea won't care much for each other.
9. Jews and Arabs won't care much for each other.
10. Northern states and Southern states won't care much for each other.
11. The rich will get richer.
12. The poor will procreate.
Same as it ever was....


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on December 30, 2012, 12:40:51 pm
I don't know if Germany has a political satire show like Private Eye or SNL
It's called the SPD.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: tmthforu94 on December 30, 2012, 09:44:49 pm
Hello... this isclarence. I am on my fiancees Iphone...I am traveling for christnas and Nye. ..my laptop comp is busted. Sorry for unannounced absence...vice chairman please hold votes in ny absence Happy new years everyone. Clarence


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on December 31, 2012, 12:36:32 pm
Context needed:

My uncle jerks his own beef in his basement. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on December 31, 2012, 03:43:18 pm
AMERICA VOTES FOR FREEDOM
Rev. Cain carries 45 states, 58% of the popular vote


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on January 01, 2013, 12:51:27 pm
Is there a Catholic Unionist Party?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 01, 2013, 01:14:23 pm
How is that funny? Because it's called CUP? That's lame.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on January 01, 2013, 07:44:48 pm
Uh no, because its naïveté was unintentionally comical.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Tetro Kornbluth on January 01, 2013, 09:08:04 pm
How is that funny? Because it's called CUP? That's lame.

No, because... well that's not how NI works. Actually the funniest bit was not what Lewis quoted, it was asking whether the UUP was a Catholic unionist party which to say the least, is a bit odd (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulster_Unionist_Party#History).


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 01, 2013, 09:50:23 pm
No, I was asking if Unionist Catholics, today, voted UUP.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on January 01, 2013, 10:13:13 pm
No, I was asking if Unionist Catholics, today, voted UUP.

Don't Catholics who aren't explicitly Nationalist tend to vote Alliance?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: TJ in Wisco on January 01, 2013, 10:17:34 pm
Maybe some, but I think Alliance tends to do best in Protestant areas while very few Catholics vote for them (at least first preferences). Yet a decent portion of the Catholic population isn't explicitly nationalist (though Catholic unionists virtually don't exist). Are they just moderate SDLP voters for the most part?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 01, 2013, 10:52:31 pm
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/0e16ac5c50c926262281b303c01e06d7/tumblr_mfxlhocUCE1qfpgooo1_500.jpg)

I used some fancy photo editing app

To do what, add the hat?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on January 02, 2013, 06:56:09 am
How is that funny? Because it's called CUP? That's lame.

No, because... well that's not how NI works. Actually the funniest bit was not what Lewis quoted, it was asking whether the UUP was a Catholic unionist party which to say the least, is a bit odd (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulster_Unionist_Party#History).
He edited that in afterwards.

I put it here because we don't have a douse-yourself-in-sulphur-and-light-it mine yet.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Tetro Kornbluth on January 02, 2013, 10:25:51 am
No, I was asking if Unionist Catholics, today, voted UUP.

Don't Catholics who aren't explicitly Nationalist tend to vote Alliance?

No. Nowadays they vote SDLP.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 02, 2013, 11:35:10 am
That guy who did that stupid Hoover in 1932 was probably born in the 2000s. Polo-Iriqui Federation!
What do you mean?  I probably would've voted for Hoover in 193 and I only have a  little over two weeks left as a teenager :(.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on January 02, 2013, 01:00:09 pm
Context is not exactly required, but helps:

I read a Social Democratic editorial that said this makes the party look like a bunch of drunken villiage idiots, and I'm not even sure I disagree.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 03, 2013, 06:47:23 pm
You've got about twice as much as I have.

It's probably because you're a brown.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 05, 2013, 12:07:50 am
It's not a presidential election forum almost 4 years in advance without some really stupid proposals.

LOL.

Too bad WalterMitty doesn't post much anymore.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 06, 2013, 09:51:11 am
Quayle does have experience on his side.

As much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency.

And as much intelligence as Jack Kennedy after he "left" Presidency.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on January 06, 2013, 09:59:29 am
Dammit it Kal, I was just coming here to post that...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 06, 2013, 12:52:50 pm
This man is a hero and a patriot, and I applaud his selfless crusade against the libertarian menace.

It's a woman.

Not if the libertarians get their way.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on January 06, 2013, 02:27:09 pm
Quayle does have experience on his side.

As much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency.

And as much intelligence as Jack Kennedy after he "left" Presidency.

Mr. Kennedy's intelligence after he "left" the Presidency was at least very wide, being spreaded across Dallas.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on January 07, 2013, 06:21:37 pm
Opebo has never allowed the dictionary to box him in. Quite the opposite, prude :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Tender Branson on January 08, 2013, 01:04:31 am
Man shoots depraved naked intruder who was found choking the family dog.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 08, 2013, 05:51:05 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167509.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on January 08, 2013, 06:41:09 pm
Man shoots depraved naked intruder who was found choking the family dog.

Nix's response to this was also glorious.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on January 08, 2013, 07:12:07 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167509.0

Just came here to post this :|


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 09, 2013, 08:30:07 am
Just... what...

Plus, I quit playing those games for religious reasons.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on January 09, 2013, 08:43:40 am
Just... what...

Plus, I quit playing those games for religious reasons.

Now he's just trolling for the sake of trolling.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 09, 2013, 12:25:00 pm
Man shoots depraved naked intruder who was found choking the family dog.

How many nude dog-chokers aren't depraved?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 09, 2013, 11:11:06 pm
The disadvantage, however, is that you are wearing a bow tie.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on January 10, 2013, 01:11:21 pm


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on January 10, 2013, 01:40:32 pm
I see.

Trotskyism is a deranged and perverse corruption and perversion of the true doctrine of Marxism-Leninism-Sibbolethism and actually counts as a medical condition. The only known cure is trepanning via an ice axe.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Badger on January 10, 2013, 09:51:36 pm
An old meme, but it made me laugh.

I am not even going to jump into this juicy Santorum-Paul fight.

Pun intended?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on January 11, 2013, 12:57:34 am
It would be sad if our first female President was one who got their on the coattails of her husband.

But maybe she will reform education so that your children will learn the difference between "their" and "there."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on January 11, 2013, 02:50:34 am
I have a few questions to ask about the history of the forum.

1. How long has it been around?

The Forum was established in 1975 by Dave Leip in his mom's basement, where Mr. Leip was spending time discussing elections with his imaginary friends and family's cat, Peter. He was also pretty busy sticking his colorful election maps to the wall. The Forum went down after a fire accidentally started by Daniel, a bipolar family's dog. Deeply traumatized by this experience, Mr. Leip decided to put his map in safe place, which is the internet.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 11, 2013, 03:06:50 pm
I miss him. I want him back for good. (And it's utterly unmistakable that that's him. Hardly took an IP check.)

It was his choice, Lewis.
Should that matter? He isn't pro choice.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Marokai Backbeat on January 11, 2013, 06:39:26 pm
Is it just me, or does this thread reek of semen?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on January 12, 2013, 10:28:53 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=0&ev_p=1&AL=1;9;6&AK=3;3;5&AZ=3;11;5&AR=1;6;6&CA=3;55;6&CO=3;9;5&CT=2;7;5&DE=1;3;5&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;4&GA=1;16;5&HI=3;4;7&ID=3;4;6&IL=3;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=2;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=1;8;6&LA=1;8;5&MD=1;10;6&MA=3;11;6&MI=2;16;5&MN=2;10;5&MS=1;6;5&MO=1;10;5&MT=3;3;5&NV=3;6;5&NH=2;4;5&NJ=2;14;5&NM=3;5;5&NY=3;29;6&NC=1;15;5&ND=2;3;5&OH=2;18;5&OK=1;7;6&OR=3;7;5&PA=2;20;5&RI=3;4;6&SC=1;9;5&SD=2;3;5&TN=1;11;5&TX=1;38;5&UT=3;6;7&VT=3;3;6&VA=1;13;5&WA=3;12;5&WV=1;5;6&WI=2;10;5&WY=3;3;6&ME=3;2;5&ME1=3;1;5&ME2=2;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

2016

The year is 2016. Nine armed terrorists affiliated with white supremacist groups have taken control of the DNC, threatening to hold the entire convention hostage until their demands are met. Their demands, including a return to the Southern Democratic platform of 1860 and the appointment of State Sen. Hillbilly32 and State Rep. David Duke as the party's ticket in November, are met. They are to keep the party officials hostage to ensure that the ticket receives serious funding. Democratic Senator Brian Schweitzer manages to escape from the convention when Bill Clinton creates a diversion and Mayor Rahm Emanuel cusses em out while Sen. Cory Booker overpowers one of them to escape out a back exit.

At the RNC, meanwhile, similar shenanigans are occurring. Rep. Peter King has stood up to nominate Sen. Marco Rubio as the party's nominee, with House Majority Leader Darrell Issa as his running mate. However, former Vermont Governor Jim Douglas enters another name into nomination: Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 of Michigan, noted historical revisionist. Rep. Oldiesfreak had previously run an unsuccessful presidential campaign, carrying only his home state of Michigan and Northern New England. Despite being crushed in the popular vote, it appears that (through rather undemocratic means) Oldiesfreak's followers (known as 'the freaks') have succeeded in controlling a majority of state delegations. Oldiesfreak is duly nominated, and chooses his fellow historical revisionist President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, attempting to draw a sharp contrast with the current administration due to Gallup polling suggesting that President Ahmadinejad was overwhelmingly preferred by rural voters over incumbent President Obama.

Gov. Brian Sandoval, alongside Gov. Susana Martinez and Gov. Mitch Daniels for the Republicans and Sen. Brian Schweitzer, Sen. Cory Booker, and other minor Democrats who did not attend the convention, announce the formation of the National Union Party, which has as its main two planks non-racism and acceptance of history (the party would later add several more policy planks that allow it to remain cohesive, tending towards centrist/center-right fiscal views and centrist-to-left social views). National Union, while it has great popular support, is lacking in fundraising due to a takeover of the RNC apparatus by the freaks and the aforementioned situation with the Democrats.

On election day, early results are not favorable for the National Union. Oldiesfreak had unexpectedly pulled out victories in New Jersey (despite the vigorous campaigning of Gov. Chris Christie for the National Union ticket), Connecticut, and ME-02, while results from the South suggested that Hillbilly32 had an unprecedented 80% of the Southern vote, because he was popular amongst all southerners, including an inconceivable 98% of the black vote because black like him. Going through the night, the only state in the Midwest the National Union ticket wins is Illinois (due to splitting between downstate and the black vote in Chicago). However, NU dominates in the West.

FINAL ELECTORAL TOTALS

State Sen. Hillbilly32 (D-FL)/State Rep. David Duke (R-LA): 206 EVs, 31% of the PV
Sen. Brian Schweitzer (NU-MT)/Gov. Brian Sandoval (NU-NV): 198 EVs, 54% of the PV
Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 (R-MI)/former Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad(A-IR): 134 EVs, 15% of the PV


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 13, 2013, 08:14:10 am
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=1;9;8&AK=3;3;7&AZ=3;11;5&AR=1;6;8&CA=3;55;6&CO=3;9;6&CT=2;7;4&DE=1;3;6&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;7&GA=1;16;8&HI=3;4;6&ID=3;4;5&IL=3;20;3&IN=2;11;6&IA=2;6;4&KS=2;6;4&KY=1;8;7&LA=1;8;9&MD=1;10;9&MA=3;11;4&MI=2;16;6&MN=2;10;3&MS=1;6;9&MO=1;10;8&MT=3;3;7&NV=3;6;7&NH=2;4;4&NJ=2;14;3&NM=3;5;4&NY=3;29;3&NC=1;15;8&ND=2;3;5&OH=2;18;3&OK=1;7;6&OR=3;7;5&PA=2;20;4&RI=3;4;4&SC=1;9;8&SD=2;3;4&TN=1;11;7&TX=1;38;6&UT=3;6;5&VT=3;3;3&VA=1;13;5&WA=3;12;5&WV=1;5;4&WI=2;10;3&WY=3;3;5&ME=3;2;3&ME1=3;1;4&ME2=2;1;4&NE=2;2;4&NE1=2;1;4&NE2=2;1;4&NE3=2;1;7)

2016

The year is 2016. Nine armed terrorists affiliated with white supremacist groups have taken control of the DNC, threatening to hold the entire convention hostage until their demands are met. Their demands, including a return to the Southern Democratic platform of 1860 and the appointment of State Sen. Hillbilly32 and State Rep. David Duke as the party's ticket in November, are met. They are to keep the party officials hostage to ensure that the ticket receives serious funding. Democratic Senator Brian Schweitzer manages to escape from the convention when Bill Clinton creates a diversion and Mayor Rahm Emanuel cusses em out while Sen. Cory Booker overpowers one of them to escape out a back exit.

At the RNC, meanwhile, similar shenanigans are occurring. Rep. Peter King has stood up to nominate Sen. Marco Rubio as the party's nominee, with House Majority Leader Darrell Issa as his running mate. However, former Vermont Governor Jim Douglas enters another name into nomination: Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 of Michigan, noted historical revisionist. Rep. Oldiesfreak had previously run an unsuccessful presidential campaign, carrying only his home state of Michigan and Northern New England. Despite being crushed in the popular vote, it appears that (through rather undemocratic means) Oldiesfreak's followers (known as 'the freaks') have succeeded in controlling a majority of state delegations. Oldiesfreak is duly nominated, and as his running mate he selects the only other man on the world stage with such a blatant disregard for historical fact, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, attempting to draw a sharp contrast with the current administration due to Gallup polling suggesting that President Ahmadinejad was overwhelmingly preferred by rural voters over incumbent President Obama.

Gov. Brian Sandoval, alongside Gov. Susana Martinez and Gov. Mitch Daniels for the Republicans and Sen. Brian Schweitzer, Sen. Cory Booker, and other minor Democrats who did not attend the convention, announce the formation of the National Union Party, which has as its main two planks non-racism and acceptance of history (the party would later add several more policy planks that allow it to remain cohesive, tending towards centrist/center-right fiscal views and centrist-to-left social views). National Union, while it has great popular support, is lacking in fundraising due to a takeover of the RNC apparatus by the freaks and the aforementioned situation with the Democrats.

On election day, early results are not favorable for the National Union. Oldiesfreak had unexpectedly pulled out victories in New Jersey (despite the vigorous campaigning of Gov. Chris Christie for the National Union ticket), Connecticut, and ME-02, while results from the South suggested that Hillbilly32 had an unprecedented 80% of the Southern vote, because he was popular amongst all southerners, including an inconceivable 98% of the black vote because black like him. Going through the night, the only state in the Midwest the National Union ticket wins is Illinois (due to splitting between downstate and the black vote in Chicago). However, NU dominates in the West and ends up with a majority of the popular vote.

FINAL ELECTORAL TOTALS

State Sen. Hillbilly32 (D-FL)/State Rep. David Duke (R-LA): 206 EVs, 31% of the PV
Sen. Brian Schweitzer (NU-MT)/Gov. Brian Sandoval (NU-NV): 198 EVs, 54% of the PV
Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 (R-MI)/former Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Abadgaran-IR): 134 EVs, 15% of the PV


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on January 13, 2013, 01:09:21 pm
SJoyce is on a role here:

He could talk about the Native Americans could self-deport.

(context)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on January 13, 2013, 04:29:14 pm
Julio Jones with that interception made me cuss in front of my grandparents.

If your grandparents are anything like mine, I would be a former member of Planet Earth!!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 14, 2013, 06:48:38 am
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167720.msg3589337#msg3589337


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on January 14, 2013, 12:16:19 pm
Julio Jones with that interception made me cuss in front of my grandparents.

If your grandparents are anything like mine, I would be a former member of Planet Earth!!

That's more absurd than funny.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Clinton1996 on January 15, 2013, 09:39:28 pm
So... do we ban blacks?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on January 15, 2013, 11:08:09 pm
BushOK cites Kenyan Law. First time this has been done since Specter's vote during the Clinton Impeachment trial.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 15, 2013, 11:21:53 pm
Maybe you could try earning a bit of money by selling sweets to children: you certainly look the part.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on January 16, 2013, 02:33:49 am
Maybe you could try earning a bit of money by selling sweets to children: you certainly look the part.
Depending on how you translate that, it is either quaint or disgusting.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 16, 2013, 07:23:05 am
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167877.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 16, 2013, 11:04:21 am
Context:

I was hoping for 7 years of silence, like Clarence Thomas.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 16, 2013, 12:05:34 pm
Two hits in the Update:

I believe all the "girls" here have penises, no?

We need to really strike at the root of this "porn addiction" thing? How often do you watch it, Bushie?

It's possible that Bushie thinks Sports Illustrated's suimsuit edition qualifies as porn.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 16, 2013, 09:02:48 pm
King's signature is ironic; he's not even a Republican.

Not ironic in the least.  I hold a very moderate hero position.  I believe that Obama is a closet Muslim socialist who wishes to destroy traditional America and make us follow Sharia, but I support this cause completely.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on January 17, 2013, 01:35:41 am
"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 17, 2013, 08:44:14 am
"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 17, 2013, 08:09:09 pm
Last time I checked my name is not Monte Te'o.

MONTE!!!!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Justice Jbrase on January 17, 2013, 10:43:39 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=167938.0

The entire thread.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on January 18, 2013, 12:06:14 am
"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on January 18, 2013, 12:11:10 am
Ban Lief for trolling. Now.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on January 18, 2013, 12:17:45 am
I once invested a lot of time reading this online life blog of some guy from Oklahoma who had about 20 jobs in the span of 2 years, as well as 5 broken engagements.  I felt emotionally cheated when I realized how many holes there were in the narrative, and how it couldn't possibly be true.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 18, 2013, 07:21:55 am
"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

It's that old?!? :o


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on January 18, 2013, 09:50:51 am
"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

It's that old?!? :o

It plays on JetBlue TV, so...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on January 18, 2013, 10:27:36 am
Antonio is my boy but the young bull is really showing his age here, not knowing The Flintstone's are several decades old.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 18, 2013, 11:45:18 am
Actually I've gotten the vibe most people in the age range here think the Flintstones is from the 80s rather than 60s. Though the theme song is indeed a tip off.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 18, 2013, 12:45:32 pm
Happy 11th birthday!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Beet on January 18, 2013, 05:31:43 pm
15 rounds for the elites but 7 for the people. Interesting.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on January 18, 2013, 06:37:30 pm
Bugger their baby sisters, just like they always have done. It gets dark and lonesome in those mountain valleys.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on January 19, 2013, 02:37:26 am
It's that old?!? :o

It premiered in 1960.  It's old enough that before they were being used to sell vitamins, they were selling Winston cigarettes.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on January 19, 2013, 07:22:38 am
(http://a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/97/0fb2bd8bfd1e4e1ab5817216e0124a91/l.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 19, 2013, 11:44:47 am
Of course, in the united states, that money isn't used on capital expense but rather to provide lavish welfare schemes to the chosen unproductives.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on January 19, 2013, 12:41:57 pm
Of course, in the united states, that money isn't used on capital expense but rather to provide lavish welfare schemes to the chosen unproductives.
it's only funny because (ironically), he's correct. just in a very different way than he probably intended.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 19, 2013, 12:45:39 pm
FTR, I am not black.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on January 19, 2013, 12:47:26 pm


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on January 19, 2013, 09:15:29 pm
I'm a postmoderate.  We pomos are different from traditional moderates.  We place everything on a political matrix in the shape of a sphere.  We place any sentence that can be identified as a "political stance" on the surface of said sphere as an extremist position.  We then fill the rest of the sphere with empty space and place our position at the center.

The centered position is formed by collecting all the statements of the sphere surface, breaking them down as words, and finding the ten most common words spoken.   These ten words the form the ten word sentence of our belief on any said issue.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 19, 2013, 10:04:36 pm
(http://filer.case.edu/tjs51/RDR/NotAWitch.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 20, 2013, 03:37:24 pm
It's that old?!? :o

It premiered in 1960.  It's old enough that before they were being used to sell vitamins, they were selling Winston cigarettes.

I guess that makes them even more prehistoric. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 20, 2013, 03:39:45 pm
Anyhow...

Gubernatorial Election:
[ 2 ] Tmthforu94
[ 1 ] drj101

Assembly Election:

[ 1 ] drj10
[ 2 ] Gass3268
[ 3 ] TexasDemocrat
[ 4 ] Clinton1996
[ 5 ] Write-In: someone who isn't a goddamn pony fycking creeper
[ 6 ] Write-In: a nosepeg, a pair of disposable rubber gloves and a shower
[ 7 ] Write-In: Dear God, what did I ever do to deserve this?
[ 8 ] Write-In: I mean, other than that, obviously...
[ 9 ] Write-In: Very well. Point taken...
[ 10 ] a Person
[ 11 ] Write-In: I feel dirty now
[ 12 ] Write-In: so, so, so dirty...




Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 20, 2013, 03:41:14 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 20, 2013, 03:52:45 pm
This is why I almost always go to Saturday evening mass: I never know when a crazy game of computer Monopoly can go until 3 AM Sunday morning!

Bushie isn't playing computer Monopoly, Phil.

(http://c3240dd96f54819fb6f2-90846526673b19d9a04c27097b58cb86.r6.cf2.rackcdn.com/2012/09/mcdonalds-monopoly.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on January 20, 2013, 03:55:05 pm
Depends. Are you still confused about your sexuality? Having lady troubles? Things we could actual comment on? Just don't make it like Memphis's :P

Well, I just got dumped a couple weeks ago and now have a girlfriend who lives in Texas if that counts for anything

Uh oh, you're Manti Te'O, Jr. now?

Are you calling me a brown?

If you have a girlfriend in TX and you have never met her, I'm calling  you a dumb.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 20, 2013, 04:02:21 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

It's not a gender issue. A 29-year old woman liking a pony cartoon would be just as ridiculous as you are.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 20, 2013, 04:05:23 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

It's not a gender issue. A 29-year old woman liking a pony cartoon would be just as ridiculous as you are.

I'm sure my 32-year old female co-worker who I frequently chat about with the show and share pony .gifs/photoshops through IM at work all day would disagree with that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on January 20, 2013, 04:20:20 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

It's not a gender issue. A 29-year old woman liking a pony cartoon would be just as ridiculous as you are.

I'm sure my 32-year old female co-worker who I frequently chat about with the show and share pony .gifs/photoshops through IM at work all day would disagree with that.

There's only one possible answer to such kind of post:

Shut up.

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lHr5nVUEYQY/T9edWUyoLQI/AAAAAAAAQog/wlKKdAsMpNA/s320/haters+gonna+hate.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 20, 2013, 04:22:15 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

It's not a gender issue. A 29-year old woman liking a pony cartoon would be just as ridiculous as you are.

I'm sure my 32-year old female co-worker who I frequently chat about with the show and share pony .gifs/photoshops through IM at work all day would disagree with that.

There's only one possible answer to such kind of post:

Shut up.

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lHr5nVUEYQY/T9edWUyoLQI/AAAAAAAAQog/wlKKdAsMpNA/s320/haters+gonna+hate.gif)

Incredibly witty response exactly on Zack's level. Good show, sir.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on January 20, 2013, 04:23:31 pm
Context

because Californian Tony is on his period


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 20, 2013, 06:37:39 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

And age roles, as well.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on January 20, 2013, 07:16:03 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

Agreed, what kind of man wouldn't like a show about six hot lesbians learning to love each other more?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on January 20, 2013, 07:33:58 pm
cc: Deluge

Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on January 20, 2013, 07:50:24 pm
Adults who like the for boys Adventure Time are just as lame as the bronies.  There's nothingIn these shows that an adult with no children can find useful.  Read a book. Expand your knowledge.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: AndrewTX on January 20, 2013, 08:05:17 pm
I was with my niece yesterday, and My Little Pony was on, and I really can't see how any adults are watching this. At no point, did this look like it was meant for anyone over the age of 10. No adult humor, no nothing.. it was just creepy


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on January 20, 2013, 08:48:42 pm
Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

Agreed, what kind of man wouldn't like a show about six hot lesbians learning to love each other more?

Gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on January 20, 2013, 10:18:44 pm
Here's something that I think might result in some extreme Values Dissonance: in my whole subculture and scene, things like your native culture and traditions are not supposed to matter. Because one you get involved with the subculture, THAT becomes your culture. Where you came from is washed away. Even if you were born into some specialized ethnic community, that is not what you "belong" to anymore. Race, ethnicity and background no longer matter. You know my whole neutral hoodie/band shirt/jeans outfit? People wear that EVERYWHERE. You can go to a show in Europe or even South Africa and people will be dressed the exact same way. And it helps that it's neutral and not tied to any type of region or culture and also doesn't carry any racial or class connotations, etc. You know my dislike of cliques and fraternities? It's pretty much based on the same type of thinking. Now that's not to say all sorts of categories within that culture develop (as this (http://www.dobi.nu/yourscenesucks/scenesters.htm) makes clear), but it does mean that one doesn't attach themselves to an ethnic identity anymore, and that makes any type of purely nominal denominational affiliation meaningless. It's part of a greater stream of acceptability and equality, similar to Galatians 3:28, just change "Christ Jesus" to "punk/hardcore/indie/emo".

What this does mean is that if someone is a Christian (and mind you, atheism/agnosticism is closer to the norm), they'll probably identify as just "Christian" (or something like "Christ follower") and if they have a church it'll be something neutral in terms of race and ethnic connotations. So essentially that means no Catholics, at least for that reason mentioned above. And to actually be a Catholic, this means basically accepting things like patriarchism and this:

It also means there is zero tradition of accepted schism where you go off and do your own thing, while that right is central to the Protestant tradition.

which run COMPLETELY afoul to the acceptable cultural mores. The result? If you're involved you won't be Catholic, and if you're really in deep in the scene it's not likely you'll know someone in it whose Catholic, and thus will not be familiar with someone clinging to denominational affiliation based on culture and tradition alone. Such a premise becomes very alien and difficult to comprehend because the fact is, you just don't think that way. And people who are Christian are going to want a similar style and attitude, race, gender and ethnicity are meaningless, Christ is open to EVERYONE, and that means no type of "ethnic" practices. There are some other factors involved, including the basic fact that your typical Catholic church is going to be full of mostly just olds on any given Sunday, but that's the jist of the whole thing.

Now before someone points out that this is rather hypocritical for something that appeals pretty much only to middle to upper class white people, well yes, that's true. But it should at least give some insight into the mindset involved. So when PR is saying I have no respect for history, tradition and culture, well perhaps, but one must realize that's because I'm from somewhere where the rule is to NOT do that.

Hahahaha, are you quite sure you want to use this as an argument against the Catholic Church? 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Swedish Austerity Cheese on January 21, 2013, 10:06:57 am
Also, I'm straight, if any of you were wondering.

I don't think we ever would've figured that out had you not stated it.

Never would have taken 20RP12 for a good snarker before.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on January 21, 2013, 01:50:59 pm
Adults who like the for boys Adventure Time are just as lame as the bronies.  There's nothingIn these shows that an adult with no children can find useful.  Read a book. Expand your knowledge.

I'm not really interested in the ponies and I still don't know what Adventure Time actually is, but I find the idea that 'proper adults' should be able to divine some kind of utility-value (however defined) out of things they read or watch, and that the extent to which they admit of doing so has a direct correlation to the ostensible target audience age, a little questionable.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on January 21, 2013, 03:55:56 pm
The United Methodist Church uses liturgical colors, BRTD.

And the one I linked to has their own app available for iPhones and Androids.

Which is, of course, a more important indicator.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on January 21, 2013, 04:55:28 pm
I have a picture of Fluttershy on my cubicle wall.

Stop giving North Dakota a bad name. Rick Berg was enough.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Small Business Owner of Any Repute on January 21, 2013, 07:26:47 pm
Adults who like the for boys Adventure Time are just as lame as the bronies.  There's nothingIn these shows that an adult with no children can find useful.  Read a book. Expand your knowledge.

Adventure Time is actually quite good if you've blocked off an afternoon of quality time with your water pipe. Kids shows are typically made with the intent of entertaining grownups, since its grownups that often make the viewing decisions for kids, especially young kids.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 22, 2013, 08:21:45 am
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=1;9;9&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=1;6;9&CA=1;55;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;9&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;9&GA=1;16;9&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=1;8;9&LA=1;8;9&MD=1;10;9&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=1;6;9&MO=1;10;9&MT=2;3;5&NV=1;6;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=1;15;9&ND=2;3;5&OH=1;18;5&OK=1;7;9&OR=1;7;5&PA=1;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=1;9;9&SD=2;3;5&TN=1;11;9&TX=1;38;9&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;9&WA=1;12;5&WV=1;5;9&WI=1;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

Franken: 480
Oldies: 58

Franken pulls out victories in much of the Midwest due to illegal felons voting, and wins the racist vote in the South due to being a white Democrat (the racist party!) running against a black Republican.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 22, 2013, 09:31:32 am
Why do Europeans have such difficulty with guns?

Yup, everybody deals with anger as they can. Europeans with sarcasm, Americans by shooting someone. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 22, 2013, 11:34:47 am
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=1;9;9&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=1;6;9&CA=1;55;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;9&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;9&GA=1;16;9&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=1;8;9&LA=1;8;9&MD=1;10;9&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=1;6;9&MO=1;10;9&MT=2;3;5&NV=1;6;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=1;15;9&ND=2;3;5&OH=1;18;5&OK=1;7;9&OR=1;7;5&PA=1;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=1;9;9&SD=2;3;5&TN=1;11;9&TX=1;38;9&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;9&WA=1;12;5&WV=1;5;9&WI=1;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

Franken: 480
Oldies: 58

Franken pulls out victories in much of the Midwest due to illegal felons voting, and wins the racist vote in the South due to being a white Democrat (the racist party!) running against a black Republican.

Oldies is a black?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on January 22, 2013, 12:36:53 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=1;9;9&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=1;6;9&CA=1;55;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;9&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;9&GA=1;16;9&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=1;8;9&LA=1;8;9&MD=1;10;9&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=1;6;9&MO=1;10;9&MT=2;3;5&NV=1;6;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=1;15;9&ND=2;3;5&OH=1;18;5&OK=1;7;9&OR=1;7;5&PA=1;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=1;9;9&SD=2;3;5&TN=1;11;9&TX=1;38;9&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;9&WA=1;12;5&WV=1;5;9&WI=1;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

Franken: 480
Oldies: 58

Franken pulls out victories in much of the Midwest due to illegal felons voting, and wins the racist vote in the South due to being a white Democrat (the racist party!) running against a black Republican.

Oldies is a black?

No, but he incorrectly believed we think so.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Хahar 🤔 on January 22, 2013, 12:47:32 pm
Adults who like the for boys Adventure Time are just as lame as the bronies.  There's nothingIn these shows that an adult with no children can find useful.  Read a book. Expand your knowledge.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/i-remember-you,86397/


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: sjoyce on January 22, 2013, 03:39:19 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=1;9;9&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=1;6;9&CA=1;55;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;9&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;9&GA=1;16;9&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=1;8;9&LA=1;8;9&MD=1;10;9&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=1;6;9&MO=1;10;9&MT=2;3;5&NV=1;6;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=1;15;9&ND=2;3;5&OH=1;18;5&OK=1;7;9&OR=1;7;5&PA=1;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=1;9;9&SD=2;3;5&TN=1;11;9&TX=1;38;9&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;9&WA=1;12;5&WV=1;5;9&WI=1;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

Franken: 480
Oldies: 58

Franken pulls out victories in much of the Midwest due to illegal felons voting, and wins the racist vote in the South due to being a white Democrat (the racist party!) running against a black Republican.

Oldies is a black?

But contrary to popular misconception, I am indeed white, not black.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on January 22, 2013, 03:40:02 pm
The thing is, I'm the one who started the 'Oldies is a black' meme


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on January 23, 2013, 02:48:54 am
This is kind of a weird correlation.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on January 23, 2013, 05:29:21 pm
Ramsey has some strange ideas, like advising people to pay off their smallest debt first, regardless of interest rate. WTF? You have to take every mathematical advantage possible to get ahead today.

I've heard him say that he recommends it because it makes it psychologically easier to stay on track paying off debt. Personally I say just suck it up and keep the debt repayments automatic.
Whether or not your payments are automatic isn't the issue. If you have more than one revolving debt with interest, like a credit card, car payment, mortgage, etc, you have to decide, how much additional money to send each one after the minimum payment. Mathematically, you only want to pay the minimum to all creditors except the one with the highest rate, and you want to send them every penny you've marked for debt reduction. It's just basic math. He wants people to pay the smallest debt first because they will feel good and stick to the plan once it's paid off. It's not mathematically sound. Unless you just enjoy paying extra money in interest.
People are not a math formula.
Congrats. In one sentence, you've debunked the entire dismal science of economics. :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 24, 2013, 02:10:06 am
Context needed:

February 27, 2005, 02:02:35 pm


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 24, 2013, 07:32:41 am
from great atlas forum i learn that there are no gays in the countryside


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on January 25, 2013, 02:01:11 am
out of all of them, which would you say is your best?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 25, 2013, 04:26:03 pm
EDIT: I just realized that this might have been what you meant, i.e. worth it for her even if she gets burnt up afterwards. :P But, yeah, that wouldn't happen either.

Yes, I was formulating a pick-up line before I travel to the sub-continent - 'hey sweet stuff, my manly allurements are so prodigious and overwhelming you won't mind the inevitable subsequent immolation'.  (don't worry, I would keep it lighthearted by working my eyebrows up and down or winking broadly - perhaps both if she looks like a 'go-er')


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on January 25, 2013, 04:51:22 pm
and people seriously argue that opebo isn't our best poster.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Small Business Owner of Any Repute on January 25, 2013, 11:30:45 pm
A new SUSA poll shows these awful numbers for Christie:

Do you approve or disapprove of the job Chris Christie is doing as Governor?
Approve 38%
Disapprove 56%

Should Governor Chris Christie run for President of the United States in 2012? Not run for President? Or do you not know enough to say?
Should Run 15%
Should Not 73%

Compared to Barack Obama, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 29%
Worse 53%
About The Same 14%

Compared to George W. Bush, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 25%
Worse 30%
About The Same 32%

http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5 (http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5)

I have a map in progress showing the ability of state governors to get good results for themselves. This looks like an outlier, and it is hard to see how Christie could suddenly become as unpopular as Scott, Kasich, Walker, or Snyder.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 26, 2013, 12:30:16 am
I enjoyed this exchange . . .


And is this Utah "Bushie" poster serious?



Why wouldn't I be serious?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 26, 2013, 01:07:46 am
Context

Roosevelt.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on January 26, 2013, 05:59:58 am
What I love about this story is every single player lived up to their stereo type.  Gun nut conservative dad.  Disrespectful liberal daughter.  Busy body neighborhood gossip.  Intrusive liberal social worker.  I was rolling laughing.

That's because stereotypes are real


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 26, 2013, 09:16:01 am
What I love about this story is every single player lived up to their stereo type.  Gun nut conservative dad.  Disrespectful liberal daughter.  Busy body neighborhood gossip.  Intrusive liberal social worker.  I was rolling laughing.

That's because stereotypes are real

You should know. You worked your ass off to become one.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on January 26, 2013, 11:55:37 am
He doesn't take well to criticism does he?

Bqhatevwr


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 26, 2013, 12:30:17 pm

Very well played by the gentleman from the Keystone state.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 26, 2013, 05:47:48 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=1;9;9&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=1;6;9&CA=1;55;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;9&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;9&GA=1;16;9&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=1;8;9&LA=1;8;9&MD=1;10;9&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=1;6;9&MO=1;10;9&MT=2;3;5&NV=1;6;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=1;15;9&ND=2;3;5&OH=1;18;5&OK=1;7;9&OR=1;7;5&PA=1;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=1;9;9&SD=2;3;5&TN=1;11;9&TX=1;38;9&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;9&WA=1;12;5&WV=1;5;9&WI=1;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

Franken: 480
Oldies: 58

Franken pulls out victories in much of the Midwest due to illegal felons voting, and wins the racist vote in the South due to being a white Democrat (the racist party!) running against a black Republican.
How many times do I have to say that I am NOT black!?!?!?!?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 26, 2013, 08:35:55 pm
Mr. President, I believe you legally changed your residency to the Pacific, if I'm not mistaken, so I can't count your vote.

I had a blonde moment... Considering how dark my hair is, that means a big cock up


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on January 26, 2013, 09:12:45 pm
I'm sure he would have voted Republican in the 1991 Louisiana gubernatorial election so he could vote against the racist Democrats.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on January 27, 2013, 11:07:17 am
Clarence probably just came.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on January 27, 2013, 06:07:42 pm
If evolution is real, then how was The Flintstones made?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on January 27, 2013, 06:37:11 pm
"Somebody is going to eat my p*ssy or I’m going to cut your ing throat."

Really more apropos than E pluribus Unum or In God We Trust, n'est-ce pas?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on January 27, 2013, 06:43:26 pm
BBW and BDSM together...I don't know if my heart or my Cialis can keep up!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 27, 2013, 08:16:30 pm
Oh, definitely, freedom is horrible. Have you ever been to Subway? Christ, just give me the best sandwich you got, don't ask me to pick literally thousands of combinations of sandwich ingredients. Freedom is a blight on society, we'd all be a lot better off with significantly less of it.

Its been a pretty good day.  I went grocery shopping this morning and got some fresh food, such as fruits and vegetables and lean meats, etc.  I'm looking forward to fixing those this week.

Thanks for the grocery shopping update. I do that a lot myself!  What was in the etcetera pile?  Potato chips? Cheetos (damn those are good, and I get a pang when I walk by them, and I have not grab one of my hands that is reaching out for them with the other to stop myself). But I have been Cheetos free for about 6 months. Oh, the willpower!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on January 28, 2013, 02:11:41 pm
The Hipster church has been hyped way too much on this forum to be hipster anymore. It's just a mainstream church that has a liberal worship practices.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on January 28, 2013, 02:27:39 pm
A new SUSA poll shows these awful numbers for Christie:

Do you approve or disapprove of the job Chris Christie is doing as Governor?
Approve 38%
Disapprove 56%

Should Governor Chris Christie run for President of the United States in 2012? Not run for President? Or do you not know enough to say?
Should Run 15%
Should Not 73%

Compared to Barack Obama, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 29%
Worse 53%
About The Same 14%

Compared to George W. Bush, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 25%
Worse 30%
About The Same 32%

http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5 (http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5)

I have a map in progress showing the ability of state governors to get good results for themselves. This looks like an outlier, and it is hard to see how Christie could suddenly become as unpopular as Scott, Kasich, Walker, or Snyder.
Exactly.  This is why I don't trust SurveyUSA polls in the first place.  Their first poll of Christie's approval had him underwater by  33-63% margin, if I remember correctly.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Swedish Austerity Cheese on January 28, 2013, 04:29:57 pm
Silvio's moral lapses are allowed because they represent the core of our italian values. But I can see some of you jealous by his love and CONSENSUAL affairs with young laydies, being the majority of you nerds whose idea of sex is talking about the gerrymandering in Maryland.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on January 28, 2013, 05:39:08 pm
Was conveniently posted directly into the goldmine, but I will make it official.
A new SUSA poll shows these awful numbers for Christie:

Do you approve or disapprove of the job Chris Christie is doing as Governor?
Approve 38%
Disapprove 56%

Should Governor Chris Christie run for President of the United States in 2012? Not run for President? Or do you not know enough to say?
Should Run 15%
Should Not 73%

Compared to Barack Obama, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 29%
Worse 53%
About The Same 14%

Compared to George W. Bush, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 25%
Worse 30%
About The Same 32%

http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5 (http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5)

I have a map in progress showing the ability of state governors to get good results for themselves. This looks like an outlier, and it is hard to see how Christie could suddenly become as unpopular as Scott, Kasich, Walker, or Snyder.
Exactly.  This is why I don't trust SurveyUSA polls in the first place.  Their first poll of Christie's approval had him underwater by  33-63% margin, if I remember correctly.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 28, 2013, 05:59:04 pm
Silvio's moral lapses are allowed because they represent the core of our italian values. But I can see some of you jealous by his love and CONSENSUAL affairs with young laydies, being the majority of you nerds whose idea of sex is talking about the gerrymandering in Maryland.

Was it deleted? ??? Shame, it was a pretty great post honestly. ;D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 29, 2013, 12:17:28 am
I still very much consider myself an "American-African" and a "Kenyan".


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 29, 2013, 01:56:04 am
This or the Deluge, I'm not sure.

Quote from: Simfan
A damn shame.

I don't I do not understand the accusations leveled against me. It seems that certain people believe they can tell me what what and what not to believe, never mind the fact these were the very same people who insisted quite strongly that my earlier beliefs were untrue. It should be obvious I am no leftist. This whole charade, indeed, was an attempt to prove the ludicrousness of such thought, and indeed, the fact that I believed in what I have said. Not a single thing I have said past 5:30 on the 21st is sincere, as it should be clear. Conversely, everything I have said prior to that point, I truly believe. I had hoped to continue with this experiment. But that is clearly impossible now.

What is also clear, however, is that there is a large number of people here who cannot, for some reason, accept any opinion issued by myself. Another person might make accusations of racism. But I of course make no such claim. But I continue to be perplexed by these people, who, after exhibiting views similar to their own, proved no more receptive. Under no circumstances shall they ever accept my views as being authentic, much less of merit.

I am insulted, furthermore, at the implication of putting on some sort of show, or contriving some kind of persona. I am sorry if my personality does not neatly fit into your beliefs of what certain people should and should be like, and what they should and should not believe. If you want to believe it is impossible of a person of my background, or my age, or whatever, to take an interest in the traditional ways of the world, in its art, in its music, in its culture, or to be pessimistic about the capacity of the average person to be a responsible stakeholder in a democracy, or to have a fondness for bow ties and tweed jackets, feel free to do so. But know that I do.

I had first hoped to stem of what I discerned was a rising wave of antipathy by the whole "Simfan 2.0" idea, where I would keep my mouth shut on the beliefs I thought were particularly out of the mainstream. This of course was an abject failure, mostly because of my own distaste for self-censorship. This whole volte-face was meant to provide a counter point, to see of those critics would change their tune, and I see  they have not.

Thus there is no point in tailoring my message of curtailing perceived excesses, for those who are opposed will remain opposed. I apologise to those who shall accept it, for my bad faith and my two-facedness. I sincerely hope I can regain your trust. In turn, I hope, you shall be able to accept me for who I am and what I believe.

Javid Shah, support the family, fund the arts, etc, etc.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on January 29, 2013, 03:49:24 am
Actually for the record I kind of did observe Lent last year, I went through an activity packet my church gave out. They just called it "Leap of Faith 2012" instead of "Lent", because Lent is too mainstream.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on January 29, 2013, 12:31:44 pm
Context

Whale meat.

Well, we know what clarence won't be giving up.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Insula Dei on January 29, 2013, 01:55:21 pm
Actually for the record I kind of did observe Lent last year, I went through an activity packet my church gave out. They just called it "Leap of Faith 2012" instead of "Lent", because Lent is too mainstream.

Okay, I just couldn't control my laughing spasms reading that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on January 29, 2013, 03:49:32 pm
Was conveniently posted directly into the goldmine, but I will make it official.
A new SUSA poll shows these awful numbers for Christie:

Do you approve or disapprove of the job Chris Christie is doing as Governor?
Approve 38%
Disapprove 56%

Should Governor Chris Christie run for President of the United States in 2012? Not run for President? Or do you not know enough to say?
Should Run 15%
Should Not 73%

Compared to Barack Obama, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 29%
Worse 53%
About The Same 14%

Compared to George W. Bush, would Christie be a better President? A worse President? Or would he be about the same?
Better 25%
Worse 30%
About The Same 32%

http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5 (http://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=5ef5275c-3166-493d-aecb-3d856c8705a5)

I have a map in progress showing the ability of state governors to get good results for themselves. This looks like an outlier, and it is hard to see how Christie could suddenly become as unpopular as Scott, Kasich, Walker, or Snyder.
Exactly.  This is why I don't trust SurveyUSA polls in the first place.  Their first poll of Christie's approval had him underwater by  33-63% margin, if I remember correctly.
What's so funny about that?  The overwhelming majority of polls aside from SurveyUSA show Christie's job approval at an all-time high after Sandy.  Just because you may not like Christie doesn't mean that you can just ignore that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on January 29, 2013, 06:16:11 pm
The poll is from early 2011, and people are talking about it like it's new.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Small Business Owner of Any Repute on January 29, 2013, 06:26:21 pm
The poll is from early 2011, and people are talking about it like it's new.

The joke is much better if you don't explain it. :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on January 29, 2013, 08:16:43 pm
Bunning did not vote.

Only mildly surprising considering the fact that he hasn't been a senator for more than two years now.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 30, 2013, 01:03:10 am
All you moderators and those of you who complain about the moderators ought to copulate as soon as possible- pay for it if need be...

This is an internet forum... the Constitution doesn't apply here, and if getting a post reported is the worst thing to happen to you all day-consider yourself lucky by God!

To the moderators and those who report all the posts- no picture of a dead horse or of a big beautiful woman is more vile then the 30 year old "men" who watch a cartoon about ponies...

Peace out
clarence

Clarence channeling opebo? (http://www.skyscrapercity.com/images/smilies/eek2.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 30, 2013, 01:16:42 am
Also, capitalising the first o in "opebo" ruins the rather charming reflective symmetry in the name. opebo opəbo. just realised this.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on January 30, 2013, 01:30:32 am
Also, capitalising the first o in "opebo" ruins the rather charming reflective symmetry in the name. opebo opəbo. just realised this.

Except that would actually read oqedo. Try reviewing your geometry classes.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 30, 2013, 01:33:07 am
Also, capitalising the first o in "opebo" ruins the rather charming reflective symmetry in the name. opebo opəbo. just realised this.

Except that would actually read oqedo. Try reviewing your geometry classes.

(http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/600/its-something.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 30, 2013, 01:44:51 am
Well at least Simfan agrees with me that "opebo" should never be capitalized.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Franzl on January 30, 2013, 01:49:21 am
Well at least Simfan agrees with me that "opebo" should never be capitalized.

I doubt most people give the matter much thought.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on January 30, 2013, 01:49:53 am
Well at least Simfan agrees with me that "opebo" should never be capitalized.

I think... I need to take a shower.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on January 30, 2013, 02:17:10 am
BTW I don't see what's so funny about that quote Lief put in and Belgian said he started laughing at (it's just a statement of fact really), but I'm honored regardless.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on January 30, 2013, 07:30:47 am
Also, capitalising the first o in "opebo" ruins the rather charming reflective symmetry in the name. opebo opəbo. just realised this.

Except that would actually read oqedo. Try reviewing your geometry classes.

(http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/600/its-something.jpg)

That's right!  Its just - 'something'.  Some approximation of a thing.  That's all. Its the best, I think, that we can do - but good enough.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on January 30, 2013, 04:07:16 pm
If you want symmetry, try oȹɵȸo.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on January 31, 2013, 03:25:51 pm
I take offense to being excluded from this.

Different type of highest poster.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on January 31, 2013, 03:35:51 pm

Dammit I was just gonna post this :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Velasco on January 31, 2013, 11:37:01 pm
Silvio's moral lapses are allowed because they represent the core of our italian values. But I can see some of you jealous by his love and CONSENSUAL affairs with young laydies, being the majority of you nerds whose idea of sex is talking about the gerrymandering in Maryland.

I'd say this belongs to deluge. However, I can appreciate the peculiar sense of humour (oh Silvio, Genio y Figura) but I feel a bit ashamed about the Italians. For sure the core values of the Italian people are not necessarily 'consensual' paid relationships of quasi-paedophilic nature. Oh, the Horror!... Conrad said.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 01, 2013, 12:05:20 am
Silvio's moral lapses are allowed because they represent the core of our italian values. But I can see some of you jealous by his love and CONSENSUAL affairs with young laydies, being the majority of you nerds whose idea of sex is talking about the gerrymandering in Maryland.

I'd say this belongs to deluge. However, I can appreciate the peculiar sense of humour (oh Silvio, Genio y Figura) but I feel a bit ashamed about the Italians. For sure the core values of the Italian people are not necessarily 'consensual' paid relationships of quasi-paedophilic nature. Oh, the Horror!... Conrad said.

As an Italian, I can tell you I don't exactly think Berlusconi represents the core of my values.

...I can still take a joke, though.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on February 01, 2013, 02:12:18 pm
I hoped this was 'Opinion of Oliver St John Gogarty'.

I should have known better.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 01, 2013, 03:31:12 pm
Keyes (normal)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 01, 2013, 04:08:40 pm
He's black y'all!
For the hundred millionth time, I AM NOT BLACK!!!!!!!

Are you sure?


He's black y'all!
For the hundred millionth time, I AM NOT BLACK!!!!!!!

Why denial? You must be a self-hating black & white racist Southern Democrat who wants to lynch himself.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 01, 2013, 06:20:19 pm
He's black y'all!
For the hundred millionth time, I AM NOT BLACK!!!!!!!

We know, we know. It's "African American."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 01, 2013, 07:27:12 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=168803.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on February 02, 2013, 01:52:06 pm
Oldies but goodies
(http://)

(http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/Marco4/July%20Blog/morans.jpg)

That gentleman is so silly. He forgot the coma after "brain."

Why would he slip into a coma after writing "brain"?

:D  I guess I am the "moran" here! I meant "comma."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on February 02, 2013, 10:44:43 pm
Jeff, you forgot your disclaimer in the first post...

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on February 03, 2013, 02:23:50 pm
I'd be angry if I kept getting mixed up with Ben too. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on February 04, 2013, 12:39:08 pm
Sorry, Inks

Why did Kal create this thread?

Because "Opinion of Julius Streicher" would give me 10 points.

Inks isn't in the habit of changing his screen name. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on February 04, 2013, 07:56:06 pm
What do you know, SPC actually got a good one:

Can you imagine the havoc that would be wrought with Bushie at the helm?

Given his employment record, he probably would have been impeached after two months.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 04, 2013, 11:01:16 pm
Am I the only one who was looking for another option other than Hillary in 2008, but am now supporting her for 2012.

You are certainly not alone.

So there are others who are now supporting her for an election which took place last year, when she wasn't on the ballot?



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on February 05, 2013, 03:36:14 pm
Will be going to see Warm Bodies this afternoon with a friend.

First it was vampires that women of all ages swooned over. Now it is zombies. Hopefully political nerds is soon to follow.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 05, 2013, 03:53:45 pm
If this really bothered you would (and should) report us all.

This ^

Guys, don't give him that kind of ideas... he's capable of actually doing it.

Post deleted for Calling a white person black with 10 (out of 10) infraction points


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 05, 2013, 03:55:03 pm

One of us was alive to prosper in the 80s, punk.  :P

And I'm alive today to suffer from the consequences of Reagonomics, old man :)

Yes yes, he tanked the German economy.  ::)   :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 05, 2013, 07:09:04 pm
From an alternate history I considered writing




American Conservative Union Party:A party from the pre-war era it was the party of government through the war. It heavily stressed a socially libertarian rightest view of politik. Outlawing abortion under the Ronald Reagan/Rev. Martin Luther King administration. Where it shows it's libertarian flair is in the states handling drug and marriage laws. Other famous figures in the party include Current President Ron Paul(ACU-PA) Congressmen Mike Pence(ACU-IN), Chris Daughtry(ACU-NC), Jack Kemp (ACU-NY) the Party of Jefferson, Madison, Coolidge, JFK, and Reagan Also the party of Evangelical, Pentacostal, and other conservative Christian sects as well as many minorities.

Libertarian Party:Also a pre-war party but has seen massive growth since the war. More socially liberal but very conservative regarding economic and foreign policy. Figures include Senator Gary Johnson (L-NM), Brian Schwicker (L-MT)

Republican Party:Blamed for the cause of the Liberty War it has shrunk considerably but still has considerable clout. Many Northeastern rightists still keep to the party of Lincolin. Most High Church Christians and Mormans tend with their moderate stances.Figures include Willard "Mitt Romney (R-MA), Richard Lugar (R-IN), Hillary Clinton (R-IL)

Progressive Party:The standard bearer of the center-left. After the Democrats dissolved in 1985 the Progressives have been trying to court the Republicans to merge with them and leave the right. They are trying to get abortion and gay marriage legalized throughout the country though with little success. Figures include Nancy Pelosi (P-CA), Rudy Guliani (P-NY), Michael Bloomburg (P-NY). The party of FDR and LBJ

Democratic Socialist Party:Further to the Left of the Progressives you have this party. The youngest of the major parties include many (around 25 percent of minorities) that believe in Socialism and liberal social policies. Bernie Sanders, Barney Frank, and Andre Carson lead this new wave of the radical left. The Occupy Movemnet leans heavily in their direction.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 05, 2013, 07:25:52 pm
Hillary Clinton (R-IL)

There are a multiplicity of things wrong with this fragment


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 05, 2013, 07:26:55 pm
Hillary Clinton (R-IL)

There are a multiplicity of things wrong with this fragment

Actually, Hillary Clinton is a former Republican.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 05, 2013, 07:50:47 pm
Hillary Clinton (R-IL)

There are a multiplicity of things wrong with this fragment

That's the least of the post's problems.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 05, 2013, 07:51:24 pm
Hillary Clinton (R-IL)

There are a multiplicity of things wrong with this fragment

That's the least of the poster's problems.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: sjoyce on February 05, 2013, 08:03:41 pm

I think his followup on a major left-facist party is worse.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 05, 2013, 09:05:48 pm
Gov. Tim McGraw (D-TN)/Rep. Jim Matheson (D-UT)
Gov. Will McKenna (R-WA)/the reanimated corpse of Delegate Norton P. Chipman (R-DC)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 06, 2013, 01:46:47 am
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Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on February 06, 2013, 06:16:49 am
Plus, I helped out an honorable local charity.

Your $2.00 will go a long way in buying toilet paper for their local headquarters.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on February 06, 2013, 01:16:58 pm
Just another ploy by NOBAMA, the most anti-Israel President in history.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 06, 2013, 03:00:10 pm
Magic is capital controlled by the wizarding world. The "pure-blood" Slytherins represent the aristocracy who believe that "magic" (i.e. capital) should be in the hands of a privileged elite. The "clever" Ravenclaws represent the bourgeois intelligentsia. Hufflepuff are the petty-bourgeois, stupid and useless yet still oppressive.

All wizards treat Muggles (proletarians) as inferior beings and allow them to labour and suffer when, if they control of the means of production (magic), they could have much better lives. The Muggles are unaware of magic's existence, just like the proletariat are largely unaware of the existence of capitalism. The house-elves are skilled labourers lacking class-consciousness, believing that the system is kind to them. Dobby is like that guy in The Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists, but he ultimately fails in igniting revolution.

Note that while some believe that it is acceptable for Muggle-borns to learn magic (i.e. become nouveau riche) and others disagree, all agree that magical people are inherently superior. The wizarding peoples do not learn to perform productive labour at Hogwarts, merely how to use the magic they were born with. Similarly, the bourgeoisie need only learn to manipulate money; the workers will produce it.

And so we come to our heroes. The Gryffindors wear red Quidditch robes and represent the Red Army. Dumbledore, with his voluminous white beard, stands for Karl Marx; Hagrid is Engels, his faithful servant; while Harry Potter's glasses and untidy black hair make him identical to Leon Trotsky. Harry's lightning-bolt scar is in reference to the fatal head wound inflicted on Trotsky by Ramón Mercader with an ice pick. The two Orders of the Phoenix represent the First and Second Internationals.

Voldemort represents the modern consumer. His commodity fetishism is symbolised by the Horcruxes, "valuable" objects into which he projects parts of his soul. Possessions give him identity; destroying them shatters it, making him realise that he has not developed as a human being.

Quidditch is a further allegory. The Chasers and Keeper represent the workers, who supply most of the game's work and are forced to compete with each other. The Beaters are the armies who, although they appear to fight each other, in reality oppress the workers. The Seeker is the capitalist: he wins the gold(en snitch) and renders the Chasers' labour virtually worthless.

Snape is Lenin. He kills Dumbledore in order to fulfill Dumbledore's plans, just as Lenin modified Marxist theory to fulfil Marx's broad goals.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on February 06, 2013, 03:13:06 pm
Where in the freaking World Wide Web did Lewis drag that from?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 06, 2013, 04:59:45 pm
Where in the freaking World Wide Web did Lewis drag that from?

I was wondering the exact same thing.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on February 06, 2013, 06:18:31 pm
It would appear that Bushie has resigned himself to the predictable series finale: a fatal heart-attack at 35.

We have to wait 5  years?  Ugh.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 06, 2013, 11:19:40 pm
He thinks they do... basically, if anything Krazen writes actually makes sense, I'm going to walk in front of a truck.


This is your utopia, champ. High taxes and no guns for the people, monstrous unions, and rampant homosexuality.

That's what you people say you want for all of us.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 07, 2013, 09:55:31 am
You mean "CT" isn't your last name?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 07, 2013, 09:57:22 am
My prognostication skills were pretty poor in the years before I was born:

Muskie's got the Democratic nomination in the bag.

Nixon will probably leave office with some of the highest job approval numbers ever recorded.

No idea who this Carter is.  The Democratic nominee will probably be Bayh or Udall.

Carter's finished.  Ford's momentum is unstoppable.  I will now accept my accolades.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Watermelon sin Jamón on February 07, 2013, 05:38:33 pm
Context.
(...)Are we in an alternate universe or something? (...)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 08, 2013, 02:32:09 am
18 year old grandma?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 08, 2013, 09:50:45 am
Never will I use my name, first, middle, or last in my username or display name.

And yet, you share every detail of your life with total strangers on a politcal forum. Sounds about right.


And yes, mine includes my first name.

You mean "CT" isn't your last name?

Maiden name.

Maiden name minus two letters, you mean?  ;)

No wonder he threw two letters away, everybody would.

Yeah, it's why I became a TX

To us you'll alwasy be a huge CT


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 08, 2013, 07:29:32 pm
Funny and also very true.

Trying to win the Republican nomination while still staying electable for the general election has become a task that requires so many contortions that I'm surprised that a "Draft Nadia Comaneci" movement has yet to materialize.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 08, 2013, 08:37:23 pm
I got Wood!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: tmthforu94 on February 09, 2013, 03:35:59 am
The fact that we're even allowing new posters to register here at all is a travesty and a disgrace.

If only we'd stopped on December 9, 2006.  :(




:P



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on February 09, 2013, 12:10:41 pm


This is your utopia, champ. High taxes and no guns for the people, monstrous unions, and rampant homosexuality.

It all makes sense now. Krazen is a closet case! He LOVES c$%k!

I have no doubt when he logs off here he pleasures himself with wicked fantasies about being double teamed by a burly bears. Forced to go down on a public service unionman, while being brutally buggered by a teacher. Tears of shame and joy intermingle as his shameful secret desires materialize in a fantasy world. Cleaning himself off, but felling oh SO dirty, he goes online to rail against those wicked, EVIL, BEGUILING unionized hard bodies!!!

It's really the only logical explanations for his posts.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on February 09, 2013, 01:53:00 pm
Here's a good poll: Which is more emo: The Star Spangled Banner or Battle Hymn of the Republic?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Alcon on February 10, 2013, 12:40:08 am
Unrelated question: Why are there so many gangs in the Senate?

Boredom, peer pressure, poor role models, etc.  Just the other day, Barbara Mikulski was caught carving her gang sign onto her desk.  It's just such a shame.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on February 10, 2013, 07:36:58 am
Unrelated question: Why are there so many gangs in the Senate?

A bunch of old fat men trying to relive the glory days of their youths?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 10, 2013, 03:15:13 pm
Isn't it odd that Atlas Forum and Atlas Shrugged have the same first title?

Oh, wow.  Come to think of it, so do Unibomber and Univision.  We should call the FBI.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on February 10, 2013, 10:27:37 pm
Goodman Dresses as Colonel Sanders- Calls Obama and Lincoln Chickens

(http://www.laughspin.com/wordpress/wp-content/themes/widezine/thumb.php?src=http://www.laughspin.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/John-Goodman-700.png&w=700&h=290&zc=1&q=80&bid=1)

"How about instead of entering a bogus alliance- these two grow a pair (only a metaphor for Senator Lincoln) and put their names forward in every state.... then let the voters decide. I will be competing for every American's vote- not picking and choosing which states I run in... Sounds to me like they're chicken...BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK...."

After making his statement- Mr. Goodman retired to his suite with a beautiful woman, believed to be a prostitute...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Simfan34 on February 11, 2013, 01:08:10 am
I'd post a picture of Lena Dunham in a hoodie now if one was out there.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 11, 2013, 01:30:29 am
Isn't it odd that Atlas Forum and Atlas Shrugged have the same first title?

Oh, wow.  Come to think of it, so do Unibomber and Univision.  We should call the FBI.


Angus' post was good, but I thought there was some(admittedly less thoughtful) good comedy in the original post. What the hell is a "first title"?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on February 11, 2013, 01:49:44 am
What if George W. had not pursued a career in politics and instead chose to go to art school and became famous for his nude self-portraits?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on February 11, 2013, 02:32:00 pm
Write-in: J.J.  After all, a belief in one's own infallibility is a key requirement.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on February 11, 2013, 04:03:13 pm
Unlike the mentioned two, I have admitted to being wrong on multiple occasions. The two here are quite similar to the store clerk in the Monty Python dead parrot sketch.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 11, 2013, 08:42:20 pm
Maybe it's a psyop sock by Inks!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on February 12, 2013, 01:11:06 am
Pope Fluttershy I


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 12, 2013, 02:21:51 pm
Sorry if I made bad some bad posts then. I don't want any problems.
Don't worry about it! :) You're fine.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 12, 2013, 03:22:57 pm
I actually once was involved with an Adventist stripper for a bit, that was a little interesting.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 12, 2013, 03:32:51 pm
Pope John Paul George Ringo


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 12, 2013, 08:28:31 pm
Energy Secretary Chu has been designated to be the 45th President of the United States should the unlikely occur this evening.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 12, 2013, 08:35:53 pm
With a name like Chu, he should be the Transportation Secretary.

Clickety-clack.  Clickety-clack.  Clickety-clack.  Clickety-clack.  CHU!  CHU!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on February 13, 2013, 05:02:25 am
Subtle:

Good for you! :) I wasn't baptized until I was 12.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: tmthforu94 on February 13, 2013, 05:32:38 am
Subtle:

Good for you! :) I wasn't baptized until I was 12.
Thank you.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 13, 2013, 07:54:32 am
FF, I totally ship her with Alvin Greene so they can be the cutest couple in the senate!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 13, 2013, 09:38:26 am
Who is more impervious to logic and reason?  Why the OP's mascot of course.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on February 13, 2013, 10:00:15 am
So which band that I have never heard of and probably never will is doing their best to have an oddball group photo to show in a conformist fashion that they are a bunch of non-conformists?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 13, 2013, 10:37:45 am
Her mistake was only coloring the head hear.  She should have colored the pubes auburn as well, that way she could shown that the color was indeed natural.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 13, 2013, 09:36:16 pm
lol, identifying someone as a terrorist is very different from pulling someone over because they're black or whatever. I mean, I'm somewhat sympathetic to the anti-drone camp, but their arguments are just so mind-numbingly stupid.

Drones: Because violation Pakistani sovereignty is always the best policy.

Often times, yeah it is. Remember when they let Osama bin Laden live in a large compound about 1000 yards away from the Pakistani equivalent of Westpoint?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 13, 2013, 10:57:17 pm
lol, identifying someone as a terrorist is very different from pulling someone over because they're black or whatever. I mean, I'm somewhat sympathetic to the anti-drone camp, but their arguments are just so mind-numbingly stupid.

Drones: Because violation Pakistani sovereignty is always the best policy.

Often times, yeah it is. Remember when they let Osama bin Laden live in a large compound about 1000 yards away from the Pakistani equivalent of Westpoint?

Am I missing a joke here?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 14, 2013, 06:27:01 am
John Hickenlooper: I drank fracking fluid

Sounds like the name of a really lame porno movie.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on February 14, 2013, 09:09:02 am
Context:

I do wish he'd picked a more auspicious day than the 80th anniversary of the Reichstag Fire Decree to retire on.

Christian Wulff would be available.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 14, 2013, 11:30:32 am
Context:

Her mistake was only coloring the head hear.  She should have colored the pubes auburn as well, that way she could shown that the color was indeed natural.


Check about five posts up ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 14, 2013, 03:42:14 pm
I hate reading electronically.
Do you print out forum topics?

Yes, and all my posts are dictated.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on February 14, 2013, 06:22:59 pm
I will stick my tongue into both holes and lick it good


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 14, 2013, 06:26:14 pm
I will stick my tongue into both holes and lick it good

College has really matured Tmth...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 14, 2013, 09:36:37 pm
Context:

Bad timing?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 14, 2013, 09:54:18 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/GALLERY/3451_14_02_13_9_50_07.png)

:D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on February 14, 2013, 11:07:52 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/GALLERY/3451_14_02_13_9_50_07.png)

:D

That just means that he's retiring loudly!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Landslide Lyndon on February 15, 2013, 01:58:41 am
What I ment is why shouldn't I be able to have a thirty bullet clip or a semiautomatic yet people of the same gender
are allowed to solomize something nature and Nature's God have forbidden under rather strict terms.

...

Well, I don't know what this post means, but you are allowed to sodomize yourself with a shotgun barrel, if that's what you were asking about.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 15, 2013, 08:15:20 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=169446

Chapeau bas. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on February 16, 2013, 12:02:42 am
is it ok for non-Leninist left-communists to like Taylor Swift?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on February 16, 2013, 12:21:25 am
If she's so hot, she shouldn't be wearing a hoodie.  Wear short sleeves instead, to cool off.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 16, 2013, 11:38:14 am
is it ok for non-Leninist left-communists to like Taylor Swift?

Don't encourage him.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on February 16, 2013, 06:39:39 pm
Context:

Cardinal Kalwejt, Archbishop of Warsaw

and

Cardinal Keystone Phil, Archbishop of Philadelphia




Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 17, 2013, 04:28:33 pm
This is hilarious:

Phil and Nathan, be careful.  My church teaches that wearing makeup is wrong because Jezebel wore it in the Bible.  I don't agree, mainly because they're playing guilt by association, but that's kind of touchy for me.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 17, 2013, 10:55:27 pm
Not sure what this means, but:

IMPERIAL DOMINION OF THE SOUTH - SENATE


[1] North Carolina Yankee of North Carolina
Federalist Party



[ (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/06/Toilet_with_flush_water_tank.jpg/220px-Toilet_with_flush_water_tank.jpg) ] Seatown of Tennessee
Labor Party



[  ] Write-in:______________________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on February 17, 2013, 11:43:58 pm


PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT


[(http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTJSmDBa_C3jopsWsFch_7Re7fXLd7J3Nqb4Cu58biWkt1tvjA-)] Cathcon of Michigan and Spamage of Oregon
Federalist Party



[ 12,000 person to have sex with Phil's sister ] Keystone Phil of Pennsylvania and tmthforu94 of Indiana
Fratelli d'Atlasia - Federalist Party



[ (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/9c/Princepurplerain.jpg/220px-Princepurplerain.jpg)] Kalwejt of South Dakota and Wolfentoad of California
John Engle Party - Liberal Party



[ (http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/300/627/300627831_640.jpg) ] Marokai Blue of Iowa and AHDuke99 of South Carolina
Labor Party - The People's Party



[Grey Poupon ] Winfield of Rhode Island and Simfan34 of New York
Social Credit Party



[  ] Write-in:___Where's the sex?
-__________________



[  ] None of the above



AT-LARGE SENATE - to fill vacancy


Adam Griffin of Georgia
Labor Party



[Did] fezzyfestoon of Vermont
The People's Party



[It] Goldwater of Delaware
Federalist Party



[For] Napoleon of Connecticut
Liberal Party




[  ] Write-in:_The Trolls_________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above



NORTHEAST SENATE


[ We're fuckin ] Averroes Nix of New York
The People's Party



[some truckers  ] Poirot of New York
Independent



[  ] Write-in:______________________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above



IMPERIAL DOMINION OF THE SOUTH - SENATE


[the Gun to my head says] North Carolina Yankee of North Carolina
Federalist Party



[ (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/06/Toilet_with_flush_water_tank.jpg/220px-Toilet_with_flush_water_tank.jpg) ] Seatown of Tennessee
Labor Party



[  ] Write-in:______________________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above



MIDEAST SENATE


[  ] benconstine of Virginia
The People's Party



[  ] Gass3268 of Wisconsin
Labor Party



[  ] JohanusCalvinusLibertas of Indiana
Federalist Party



[  ] Write-in:______________________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above



MIDWEST SENATE


[  ] Snowstalker of Nebraska
Labor Party



[  ] Write-in:______________________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above



PACIFIC SENATE


[  ] LiberalJunkie of Washington
Liberal Party



[  ] Oakvale of California
The People's Party



[  ] Write-in:______________________________
-__________________



[  ] None of the above


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Gustaf on February 18, 2013, 07:37:45 am
This was a funny juxtaposition to me:

This post

I've had sex with five girls in one evening

Forgive me for being glib, but we're all guys here so we're all wondering the same thing: How in the name of God's Green Earth did you manage to accomplish this?

Was followed by this:

How much can juice possibly cost?



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on February 18, 2013, 08:39:57 am
I recruited Vegataboi to become a Pacific Liberal.

I believe he's included there.

Oh, I know. I just wanted to announce my epicness :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 18, 2013, 12:56:06 pm
This was a funny juxtaposition to me:

This post

I've had sex with five girls in one evening

Forgive me for being glib, but we're all guys here so we're all wondering the same thing: How in the name of God's Green Earth did you manage to accomplish this?

Was followed by this:

How much can juice possibly cost?


haha!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 18, 2013, 12:59:10 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/oP9xo.png)

I have recently passed an executive order to deem the city of Buffalo, New York our official 'Second Capital' of the Northeast Region.  If I am sworn in once again, I will formally begin my second term in that city.  I anticipate that future governors will follow precedent.

This amendment is

DEAD!

Stop living in a dream world.  Face reality.  The peple have spoken!

In a democracy, you really have no choice but to accept
the will of the people. 

"Second Capital"?  I have never heard anything so silly in my life.  The Northeast Assembly is, and will remain, by the will of the people, in New York City.  You're sitting in your little office in Buffalo, pouting, and the business of the Northeast is being carried on at the real capital in New York City.  What are you going to do, keep in touch by telephone and email?  Get real. 

Do your job as Governor, accept the the democratic decision of the voters, and quit acting like some spoiled brat who doesn't get his way.

"Wah, wah, I'm going home and taking my marbles with me. Wah, wah, wah!"

I would certainly hope no future Governors would ever do as you plan to do, i.e. disrespect and thumb your nose at the voters of the Northeast.

Shameful, absolutely shameful and inexcusable behavior on your part.

Because you have made a mockery of democracy, you are not worthy to bear the title of Governor.



abloobloobloo


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 18, 2013, 07:23:58 pm
Any particular reason you're adding an extra night and tank of gas?  Vegas is way out of your way!

He really wants to get a fresh start by getting rid of all his money.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on February 19, 2013, 05:42:45 am
I'm pretty sure the image is okay though, since the nipples are covered, right?

It was a close one, but it passed my standard.  (Then again... the board is currently in a state of anarchy... although I'd probably break my pledge if someone posted nudity.  That was a bit of an oversight on my part... and I think at least 99% of the forum would excuse my intervention for deleting porn.)

I fear you vastly overestimate your popularity, Inks.

I'll put that to the test!:

(http://philip.greenspun.com/images/pcd4554/cow-udder-45.4.jpg)

(and give Frodo a thrill!)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on February 19, 2013, 04:43:51 pm
Christie will eat all the people who are planning to vote against him


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on February 19, 2013, 06:40:39 pm
There are over 1800 rapes a day in the United States.
Krazen makes an average of 6 posts a day.
Therefore, every time krazen makes a post, 300 women are raped.

#stopkrazen


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 19, 2013, 10:42:48 pm
(http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/308060_10152578681245061_1861668597_n.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 20, 2013, 02:06:30 am
Why couldn't this happen to Snowstalker?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on February 20, 2013, 02:42:31 am
Missing banned socks/trolls on an internet message board most definitely will not help you get girls.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on February 20, 2013, 08:58:50 am
All kinds of folks drop by these days

I'll bet!

Not sure a 300 pound traveling christian would fit in that well though...

(http://www.outgreetings.com/images/ecards/full/1000128.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: RIP Robert H Bork on February 20, 2013, 09:58:03 am

Freedom ballot.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on February 20, 2013, 10:00:16 am
I think this is the first time in my life that I literally laughed out loud at a political poll result.

and then read the poll result.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mopolis on February 20, 2013, 10:48:23 am
Probably was kidnapped by an illegal immigrant :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 20, 2013, 07:44:53 pm
This is the liberal state of Massachusetts, we deserve a real liberal senator from there. Lunch wouldn't be that senator.

Would Dinner be that senator then?  How about Breakfast?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 20, 2013, 09:12:17 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=169621.0 (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=169621.0)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on February 21, 2013, 01:42:18 am
Do white people even know how to use Western Union?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on February 21, 2013, 01:49:58 am


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 21, 2013, 03:58:15 pm
Great quote, great gay band in a series of gay bands you've been showing us!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 21, 2013, 10:26:52 pm
Muslims

I mean come on, they base all of their foreign policy decisions on what they're doing


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on February 22, 2013, 01:23:21 am
I do plan on looking really heavy next week.

I think you can avoid that depending on whether you wear horizontal or vertical stripes, but I can never remember which of them makes you look more heavy.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 22, 2013, 10:44:04 pm
Do Seventh-Day Adventists have Ice Cream Saturdaes?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on February 23, 2013, 02:56:10 am
Why is Schwarzenegger so high?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 23, 2013, 05:30:02 pm
Currently "it's complicated". Previously "single" for many years.

Did you finally find a female Neanderthal in the Black Forest?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 23, 2013, 06:20:40 pm
Great to year your position has evolved to this.

His position hasn't evolved.  It was directly created by God in its present form.

It also didn't take a year.  Closer to six days.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 23, 2013, 10:33:58 pm
Hilarious because of what Simfan did.

Long story short: Simfan's ban was unanimously approved by the moderation team not only due to his socks, but also due to the convoluted nature of his "plot" as well as his repeated refusal to come clean, before we knew the details, in exchange for leniency.

TheReporter was a Simfan sock we previously had incorrectly assumed to be a sock of Athiest2006. It turns out that Simfan created this persona to argue with himself and report dozens of his own posts. Fidelio was also a Simfan sock, created so that he could post a "Simfan v. DemRepDan" match-up and give himself an opportunity to vote a second time in a poll on the Individual Politics board. We had originally misidentified Fidelio as a sock of Mondale84, but then became very suspicious when Simfan claimed to have some sort of "phantom ban" that occurred right when the Fidelio account was banned.

As we were figuring this out and asking Simfan about it, he admitted his prior creation of TheReporter account but fervently denied any connection to Fidelio, although in the course of making these statements he was simultaneously handing over proof via IRC PM's and anonymous emails that Fidelio was indeed his sock. Over the course these discrete admissions of guilt he also made several grandiose claims, such as stating that Alexander Hamilton was his sock. He eventually offered enough evidence (in spite of his constant denials) for us to prove Fidelio was indeed his sock and that his other claims were nonsense. Upon Simfan's direct confession he was placed on mute pending Nym's ratification of moderator consensus.

No idea why he was inspired to play these sorts of games, but it was a nuisance to both the forum at large and the moderators in particular (Torie estimated that we spent ~40 man-hours on Simfan in this past week). While past precedent has indicated that extenuating circumstances can sometimes- rarely- keep a user from being banned after creating a sock, nothing of that sort was present here. He's created multiple sock accounts for ridiculous reasons and made no indication he would cease such habits in the future. Ultimately, that's why Simfan is no longer among us.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 23, 2013, 11:26:56 pm
A wise man once said: "the emotional bond between two lovers is a much stronger one than between f**k buddies, and only matched by the bond between parent and child."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on February 24, 2013, 01:36:33 am
I, like Tweed, approve of this transparency.

That said I always approve of Simfan's brave act of civil disobedience and will light a candle in my window each night until he is released from custody.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Maxwell on February 24, 2013, 04:10:54 pm
Also, isn't it ridiculous how that whiny fag lover coon Obama always resorts to name calling instead of logical arguments in policy debate?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 25, 2013, 12:09:23 am
No, and my life depends on the "no" staying "no".  Especially given the Update thread.  My life could very well be endangered if they ever read the Update...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 25, 2013, 12:12:57 am
Option 4. I am actually Dave Leip.
Hear that sound? That's Inks checking your IP address, just to make sure.

Oh, I thought it was the sound of forum members clicking the (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/IMG/english/ignore.gif) button.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on February 25, 2013, 12:52:09 am

...before we knew the details...

...we previously had incorrectly assumed...

We had originally misidentified...

As we were figuring this out...

No idea...

...Torie estimated that we spent ~40 man-hours on Simfan in this past week...


So basically the moderators are fools who cannot figure anything out.  And Torie spent the better part of last week stalking Simfan, and another undisclosed amount of hours estimating the number of hours he spent stalking Simfan.


...that's why Simfan is no longer among us.


Glad we got that sorted out.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on February 25, 2013, 01:48:22 pm
I don't get BRTD's pear clutching here...........

Ok, this is probably just a typo, but the picture of BRTD clutching his pear gave me a surprisingly good chuckle.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on February 25, 2013, 02:07:44 pm
I don't get BRTD's pear clutching here...........

Ok, this is probably just a typo, but the picture of BRTD clutching his pear gave me a surprisingly good chuckle.

Yep, it's funnier than pearl clutching, by far ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on February 25, 2013, 05:05:47 pm
Naso is always classic.  Plus it is nice to remember baby Naso before he became Vanilla Ice or whatever.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on February 25, 2013, 05:47:08 pm
I think they need to abortmanteau.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on February 25, 2013, 08:49:34 pm
What if Ted was an Atlas poster?

He would threaten to stab Joe Republic. 




Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 26, 2013, 06:17:53 am

That's a good post.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Beet on February 26, 2013, 02:54:14 pm
No, just skeptical.  However lust is at least partially a physical response - not entirely a figment.  I would imagine one could rub the nethers of a lobotomized and said nethers would engorge.  A worthy research for you or any other young enthusiasts might be to discover: do the comatose get erections?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Talleyrand on February 26, 2013, 10:36:40 pm
What the hell? Where do these accusations of homosexuality come from?


No one says he's gay. But many people mistake him for an elderly lesbian due to his name and appearance.

In reference to Lindsey Graham...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on February 26, 2013, 10:44:24 pm
Thank you to those I am friends with...I have a question

One of you is trying to contact me- this is the message box

(http://s4.postimage.org/6i677fd99/facebookmessage.jpg)

I've tried to respond but I get no reply-how do I see who this is from? The message disappears when I type my reply but then reappears...sometimes another message pops up asking "what I am up to" or something along those lines-I'm sorry if I am not responding to this person as well


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on February 26, 2013, 11:21:37 pm
Sex when you're in love is the best thing. I couldn't imagine anyone not liking it or holding their same asexual views once they experience such a thing.

Well I doubt Nathan would express love through sex and knowing opebo, the only way for him to express love through sex is to masturbate. But generally I agree.

Bolded the great part.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on February 27, 2013, 04:49:17 pm
The sample of these polls are D+3 and therefore junk.  Swing three points no to yes for anything a hippie would eat.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Clinton1996 on February 27, 2013, 05:09:02 pm
3 people are Bob Dole.
Click for context


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on February 27, 2013, 05:13:08 pm
Context:

No self pics, o.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 27, 2013, 05:49:59 pm

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on February 27, 2013, 08:00:51 pm
Yeah those kittehs are meaning full, Dr. J.

The kitteh on the left represents the proletariat, while the kitteh on the right represents the bourgeois (like the guy in your sig if he were a cat). Bourgeois Kitteh sits idly by, content and secure in his ownership of the means of production, and contributes nothing while profiting from the surplus value of Proletarian Kitteh's labor. Proletarian Kitteh has begun to achieve class consciousness however she has not fully freed herself from capitalist ideology.  As the gif begins, Proletarian Kitteh approaches Bourgeois Kitteh and begins to demand an end to her oppression. This shocks the complacent Bourgeois Kitteh, who awakens to his slumber and threatens Proletarian Kitteh with all the forces of the Capitalist machine, from the state to business to the church. Bourgeois Kitteh promises Proletarian Kitteh that if she dares to question her oppression, she will face unemployment, starvation, and imprisonment in this life and damnation in the next. Proletarian Kitteh is frightened into submission and feebly runs away back to working for her bosses. What Proletarian Kitteh does not realize is that she has nothing to lose but her chains, and a world to win. In this way, the gif is a representation of the plight of the working class in the modern advanced capitalist world.

Working kittehs of the world, unite!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 27, 2013, 11:37:18 pm
Yeah those kittehs are meaning full, Dr. J.

The kitteh on the left represents the proletariat, while the kitteh on the right represents the bourgeois (like the guy in your sig if he were a cat). Bourgeois Kitteh sits idly by, content and secure in his ownership of the means of production, and contributes nothing while profiting from the surplus value of Proletarian Kitteh's labor. Proletarian Kitteh has begun to achieve class consciousness however she has not fully freed herself from capitalist ideology.  As the gif begins, Proletarian Kitteh approaches Bourgeois Kitteh and begins to demand an end to her oppression. This shocks the complacent Bourgeois Kitteh, who awakens to his slumber and threatens Proletarian Kitteh with all the forces of the Capitalist machine, from the state to business to the church. Bourgeois Kitteh promises Proletarian Kitteh that if she dares to question her oppression, she will face unemployment, starvation, and imprisonment in this life and damnation in the next. Proletarian Kitteh is frightened into submission and feebly runs away back to working for her bosses. What Proletarian Kitteh does not realize is that she has nothing to lose but her chains, and a world to win. In this way, the gif is a representation of the plight of the working class in the modern advanced capitalist world.

Working kittehs of the world, unite!

:D :D :D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: 🍁 Hatman on February 28, 2013, 08:09:44 am
well now i know what i'm watching later

We're gonna have to see some ID, son.

I need ID to watch a televised sermon ranting against the evils of pornography?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on February 28, 2013, 02:21:19 pm
Always knew the Republicans were compensating for something when they wanted big guns ;)


Title: Re: Happy Spring!
Post by: True Federalist on March 01, 2013, 02:36:48 am
This thread is hemispherist.  Why do you hate us so much that you refuse to acknowledge our alternative season lifestyle?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Fmr President & Senator Polnut on March 01, 2013, 02:44:18 am
It's autumn and I'm thrilled that the slide towards winter has BEGUN!!!!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on March 01, 2013, 02:14:51 pm

at bottom. Go figure!  :)

Ah, well, that's good to know, I always wondered!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Torie on March 01, 2013, 02:58:24 pm
Thanks for putting that up Grumps. I would not have noticed it otherwise. I rushed right over to that thread after seeing your little contribution here. :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on March 01, 2013, 03:00:22 pm
Thanks for putting that up Grumps. I would not have noticed it otherwise. I rushed right over to that thread after seeing your little contribution here. :)

opebo is on a roll today. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on March 01, 2013, 03:31:38 pm
Context

One voter is a landlord.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on March 01, 2013, 04:44:51 pm
My cousin who died from heroin addiction said that marijuana was a gateway drug (granted, he never used it, but as someone who was a drug addict, he should've known something about it.)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on March 01, 2013, 05:22:27 pm
what do you think this is, the tragedy coalmine?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on March 01, 2013, 06:36:38 pm
what do you think this is, the tragedy coalmine?

It's the funniest thing I've read in years.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on March 02, 2013, 01:42:55 am
I literally LOLed:

I'd love to read an academic journal article on Bushie written by this professor:

http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?action=profile;u=7114


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on March 02, 2013, 09:28:31 pm
Okay this is big, It has appeared that Paul Tsongas, Michael Dukakis, and John Kerry all have conspired to a dreaded scandal that will possibly wreak the Democratic Committee; Apparently Senator Tsongas, Governor Dukakis, and Senator Kerry have accepted bribes for delegate votes! And Senator Tsongas apparently aggreed to bribes to have an extramarital affair with another person while his real wife, who currently has skin, leg, and lung cancer. Governor Dukakis, when notified of this, he had a press confrence and said something so innapropreate, no one ever thought he would say such a thing.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on March 03, 2013, 12:15:26 am
1994

'94 midterms show the slowing trust of moderate Republicans, and moderate Democrats. Congress is split in both houses of Congress. Nasa discovers a lightweight, and strong alternative to lead. Nasa also found a quicker way to get to, and from Mars. The Voyager program is rejuvinated, and also launched Voyager III to Uranus; by making a flyby of the Sun, and other planets, and by having the strongest engines, and the largest fuel tanks to make the possibly 12 to 15 year trip, only 6 to 7 years long. Richard Nixon dies three days after his heart attack in April; People like Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Dan Quayle, Bob, and Elizabeth Dole, President Quayle said that even though he didn't know him, Richard Nixon helped the Republican party
questions? corrections? comments? If not, I'm ready for 1995.

Best part in bold. NASA sends a ship TO THE SUN all because George H.W. Bush didn't run in 1988.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on March 03, 2013, 12:21:59 am
reminds me of Ali G asking Buzz Aldrin "does you think man will ever walk on the Sun?"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on March 03, 2013, 12:52:26 am
1994

'94 midterms show the slowing trust of moderate Republicans, and moderate Democrats. Congress is split in both houses of Congress. Nasa discovers a lightweight, and strong alternative to lead. Nasa also found a quicker way to get to, and from Mars. The Voyager program is rejuvinated, and also launched Voyager III to Uranus; by making a flyby of the Sun, and other planets, and by having the strongest engines, and the largest fuel tanks to make the possibly 12 to 15 year trip, only 6 to 7 years long. Richard Nixon dies three days after his heart attack in April; People like Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Dan Quayle, Bob, and Elizabeth Dole, President Quayle said that even though he didn't know him, Richard Nixon helped the Republican party
questions? corrections? comments? If not, I'm ready for 1995.

Best part in bold. NASA sends a ship TO THE SUN all because George H.W. Bush didn't run in 1988.

Not to the sun, but a flyby, which isn't quite as absurd.  Gravity assist has been used several times already to accelerate spacecraft, including the first two Voyagers. However, gravity assist doesn't work with the sun.  Gravity assist is used to increase the velocity relative to the sun of a spacecraft via a transfer of momentum with the body that used to sling the spacecraft.  It only works if the body you slingshot around is not your frame of reference.

(Note, in theory one could do a powered slingshot around the sun as using thrusters when close to a body is the most efficient way of using them.  However, in order for the effect to be noticable, you'd need to get much closer to the sun than would be advisable.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 03, 2013, 09:52:10 am
Funny you put a $ in front of that because that's more than BOK's net worth.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on March 03, 2013, 12:21:46 pm
Do I smell a new forum catch-phrase developing?:

I would have spanked him hard too

talk about low-hanging fruit...

Anyway love these early humorous references to other humorous posts in unrelated recent threads.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on March 03, 2013, 01:36:24 pm
1994

'94 midterms show the slowing trust of moderate Republicans, and moderate Democrats. Congress is split in both houses of Congress. Nasa discovers a lightweight, and strong alternative to lead. Nasa also found a quicker way to get to, and from Mars. The Voyager program is rejuvinated, and also launched Voyager III to Uranus; by making a flyby of the Sun, and other planets, and by having the strongest engines, and the largest fuel tanks to make the possibly 12 to 15 year trip, only 6 to 7 years long. Richard Nixon dies three days after his heart attack in April; People like Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Dan Quayle, Bob, and Elizabeth Dole, President Quayle said that even though he didn't know him, Richard Nixon helped the Republican party
questions? corrections? comments? If not, I'm ready for 1995.

Best part in bold. NASA sends a ship TO THE SUN all because George H.W. Bush didn't run in 1988.

Not to the sun, but a flyby, which isn't quite as absurd.  Gravity assist has been used several times already to accelerate spacecraft, including the first two Voyagers. However, gravity assist doesn't work with the sun.  Gravity assist is used to increase the velocity relative to the sun of a spacecraft via a transfer of momentum with the body that used to sling the spacecraft.  It only works if the body you slingshot around is not your frame of reference.

(Note, in theory one could do a powered slingshot around the sun as using thrusters when close to a body is the most efficient way of using them.  However, in order for the effect to be noticable, you'd need to get much closer to the sun than would be advisable.

Also, note that such spaceship does a flyby of the sun on the way to Uranus.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on March 03, 2013, 02:33:45 pm
That's almost as bad as the "Poland invades Iraq because Hoover wins in 1932" guy.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on March 04, 2013, 04:36:01 pm
Also, note that such spaceship does a flyby of the sun on the way to Uranus.

What's so nuts about that?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 05, 2013, 12:01:49 am
Who?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on March 05, 2013, 12:41:28 am
Also, note that such spaceship does a flyby of the sun on the way to Uranus.

So?  The Galileo probe did a flyby of Venus and two of Earth to get the speed needed to go to Jupiter.  Cassini did two Venus flybys, one Earth flyby, and a Jupiter flyby on its way to Saturn.  Going to an inner planet to gain speed to reach an outer planet is fairly normal.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 05, 2013, 03:30:45 pm
Also, note that such spaceship does a flyby of the sun on the way to Uranus.

So?  The Galileo probe did a flyby of Venus and two of Earth to get the speed needed to go to Jupiter.  Cassini did two Venus flybys, one Earth flyby, and a Jupiter flyby on its way to Saturn.  Going to an inner planet to gain speed to reach an outer planet is fairly normal.

Someone just got served up...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on March 05, 2013, 04:27:37 pm
Anyways, I propose to spend the money to stop teens from having sex with each other and to get them to have it with me instead.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 05, 2013, 04:51:33 pm
Three, but only two if you count the fact that the government killed McCartney in 1966 and he was replaced by an IMITATOR.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 05, 2013, 07:13:49 pm
So your BMI is 40.5... you're still dangerously obese.
That doesn't take into account his muscle though..


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on March 05, 2013, 09:48:08 pm
Venezuela has some of the freest, best-run elections in the world (certainly better than those in the United States). But if it makes you feel better to put quotations around things, be my guest.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 05, 2013, 09:52:54 pm
"As a matter of fact, of the 92 elections that we've monitored, I would say that the election process in Venezuela is the best in the world." - Jimmy Carter (link (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/oct/03/why-us-dcemonises-venezuelas-democracy))

Don't be an idiot.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on March 05, 2013, 09:55:08 pm
Jimmy Carter?  Come on.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 05, 2013, 09:57:24 pm
... are you kidding me? Have you not heard of the Carter Center and its election monitoring programs?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on March 05, 2013, 09:58:44 pm
... are you kidding me? Have you not heard of the Carter Center and its election monitoring programs?

I've heard of the Jimmy Carter who constantly coddles up to terrorists.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on March 05, 2013, 09:59:25 pm
... are you kidding me? Have you not heard of the Carter Center and its election monitoring programs?

I've heard of the Jimmy Carter who constantly coddles up to terrorists.
::)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 05, 2013, 10:01:29 pm
... are you kidding me? Have you not heard of the Carter Center and its election monitoring programs?

I've heard of the Jimmy Carter who constantly coddles up to terrorists.

Don't be an idiot.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on March 05, 2013, 10:07:27 pm
the kind of thing even I thought Ben would have stopped saying ca. 2008.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 05, 2013, 10:35:01 pm
... are you kidding me? Have you not heard of the Carter Center and its election monitoring programs?

I've heard of the Jimmy Carter who constantly coddles up to terrorists.
::)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Хahar 🤔 on March 05, 2013, 11:04:00 pm
the kind of thing even I thought Ben would have stopped saying ca. 2008.

The fascinating thing about benconstine is that nothing about him has changed in five years.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: © tweed on March 05, 2013, 11:07:16 pm
the kind of thing even I thought Ben would have stopped saying ca. 2008.

The fascinating thing about benconstine is that nothing about him has changed in five years.

except his view on the 2000 Recount -- presuming it exists at all.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on March 05, 2013, 11:40:22 pm
Doesn't ben support actual gay marriage now instead of his inane support of only civil unions? Truthfully though even that not changing wouldn't surprise me.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Vosem on March 05, 2013, 11:50:35 pm
Freedom House and the Democracy Index both agree that Venezuela is 'partly free' (and worse than all her neighbors) which is about right. The Carter Center is a very flawed organization in numerous ways (most notably, they called the UAE "completely free and open", which I hope we can all agree isn't the case, though that has nothing to do with Venezuela), and the corruption in the Venezuelan system is plain for everyone to see.

I like that Xahar has turned up though, his inanities are always fun. Tweed's get stale after a while.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on March 06, 2013, 12:20:34 am
So you really had a teacher who thought Hitler should be considered Lincoln's son?

Pretty much.  He had a picture of Lincoln put under a picture of Hitler's head.  He hated Abe Lincoln and was asked once if he wishes the Confederacy won which he answered in the affirmative.  I wish I could remember his reasoning behind that, because a statement like that needs to be backed up, but I can't place it.  Mind you that was late 90s/early 00's.

Well, that explains it then.  That was back when The War Between the States was still fresh in people's memories, and the emotions were still raw.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 06, 2013, 09:03:07 am
Soy socio Vosem de la biología. Odio a Hugo Chávez. Estoy feliz de que él está muerto.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on March 06, 2013, 01:16:10 pm
Not yet! We need a fascist to chime in for it to be complete! Where's Inks?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Vosem on March 06, 2013, 07:06:01 pm
Soy socio de Vosem de la biología. Odio a Hugo Chávez. Estoy feliz de que él está muerto.

Corregido ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 06, 2013, 08:22:20 pm
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb74jlik7J1rx8howo1_500.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 06, 2013, 11:26:41 pm
Rubio sure is cool and groovy and popping fresh.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on March 06, 2013, 11:29:44 pm
Rubio sure is cool and groovy and popping fresh.

Yours was better.

Ingredients of a Rubio senate speech:

One (1) Whiz Khalifa verse
One (1) Jay-Z verse
Three (3) Godfather quotes

Liberally douse with nonsensical BS, serve immediately.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on March 07, 2013, 01:01:38 am
Let's face it: the sad truth is that a majority of this forum is subtly racist, and cannot accept the idea that an African-American like Oldies can be a proud, unapologetic conservative. Disgusting.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 07, 2013, 01:21:53 am
:)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 07, 2013, 03:26:26 pm
It is quite believable.  I wear a 38 and I only weigh about 185 or so.  I just have wide, womanly hips and a preferance for a very roomy, hanging from the hips fit.  I remember angus metnioning he has about  28 inch waist, and these Oklahomans in general wear their pants tight, cowboy style.  Bushie may have  small hips but overlaid by a  lot fat, while Torie may have been less fat, but with a wider bone structure.

I'm looking at Torie right now and you are completely wrong about his bone structure. So that theory doesn't work. This is Sbane btw. We had a great lunch in La Jolla today.

Well remember, boys - tis better to visit the 'Sauna' on an empty stomach, don'tcha know.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on March 07, 2013, 04:11:47 pm
Strom Thurmond, a true hero of the white supremacist movement, held it in for 24 hours! Rand Paul has cowardly given in to his bladder after just half that time. Disgusting.
  Actually, Thurmond cheated.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on March 07, 2013, 04:23:38 pm
Is there a reason you left out Canada, but have Australia?


Because I couldn't bring myself to write "Brian Mul..."

I have a pic in the gallery about Canada.......but it costs me 5 death points everytime I use it :D

What's your problem, seriously?

Seriously?  I don't like Canada. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 08, 2013, 09:57:23 am
God has sent Bushie a sign. Unfortunately, He is displeased with Bushie's attempts to become healthier. Bushie should repent and drive down to the Golden Corral immediately, lest he anger God further.

How many jobs did you apply for today?

Dude, he cut his finger! Obviously he cannot apply for any jobs today.

Bushie's apple laughed at this joke.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on March 08, 2013, 07:55:35 pm
It's disgusting at how many white males you people are hiring.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on March 09, 2013, 08:49:09 am
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=170381.0

Lol.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 10, 2013, 11:52:45 am
I don't even know how one would manage this.  I require various lubricants and a minimum of a good hour or two for the practice.

That's disgusting.

Really?  Brevity is the soul of good taste in R2D2's Morality of Masturbation?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on March 10, 2013, 12:41:01 pm
I don't even know how one would manage this.  I require various lubricants and a minimum of a good hour or two for the practice.

That's disgusting.

Really?  Brevity is the soul of good taste in R2D2's Morality of Masturbation?

Would've been funnier had I said 'Etiquette of Masturbation'.  Ah, regrets...

:'(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 10, 2013, 02:05:04 pm
No, they HAVE TO run and win NOW.

Capriles CAN win this.

Assuming Maduro throws a few kids into the Orinoco river and Capriles is nearby, jumps in and rescues all of them.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 10, 2013, 04:49:37 pm
I don't even know how one would manage this.  I require various lubricants and a minimum of a good hour or two for the practice.

That's disgusting.

Really?  Brevity is the soul of good taste in R2D2's Morality of Masturbation?

I will admit, I did laugh.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 11, 2013, 12:00:04 am
The constitution gives me the right to sculpt toaster pastries into gun shaped objects with the first amendment and it gives me the right to bear them with the second. Anyone who doesn't agree is a communist.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on March 11, 2013, 04:29:55 pm
My philosophy is a mess. It happens with age.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 11, 2013, 04:31:13 pm

As true as the sky is blue


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on March 11, 2013, 04:35:26 pm

yes, but it's just so hilariously precocious.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Tender Branson on March 12, 2013, 03:27:10 am
Context needed:

The place where the Neo-Nazis still have all their teeth.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: traininthedistance on March 12, 2013, 12:16:43 pm
Context:

solid, liquid, vapor, plasma, and Bose-Einstein condensates.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on March 12, 2013, 12:29:25 pm
Context:

solid, liquid, vapor, plasma, and Bose-Einstein condensates.

Ugh, humor in a white lab coat.  A real knee slapper.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 12, 2013, 01:37:29 pm
Most Argentinians are as much "colonial settlers" as the Falklanders. The Brits should offer to exchange the Islands for Buenos Aires - the colonial (i.e., non-Native American) population of Buenos Aires should then be resetteld on the newly Argentinian Malvinas. The Falklanders would then move to the newly rebaptized Thatcherville, where they would immediately form a majority of the population. Any further claim by Argentinians to the Falkland islands should be interpreted as implying the acceptability of such a territorial exchange. The British government should insist on Thatcherville as the proper designation of the town, that its present colonial masters call Buenos Aires.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 12, 2013, 03:01:28 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=170505


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 12, 2013, 03:49:24 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=170505

LOL


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 12, 2013, 10:44:14 pm
He would be banned as a Socrates sock.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on March 13, 2013, 12:09:59 am
::)

Brian Schweitzer has no chance of being the Democratic nominee in 2016. Why? Two words: Air. Hub.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on March 13, 2013, 07:11:25 am
Plato would be hated on the election boards, as his longwinded posts, featuring dialogues between semi-fictional characters, would constantly dismiss the importance of electoral politics and try to steer the conversation toward justice.  He wouldn't be at all liked on the Religion and Philosophy board either, since he would always be asking who this Jesus was.  He'd constantly by trying to act like the King of the Forum Community board.  The mods would defend him, as he would never insult anyone, but he would be pretty widely vilified.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on March 13, 2013, 02:51:03 pm
What are his positions on women ?

Generally against.




Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 13, 2013, 02:56:14 pm

Came here to post that. ;D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on March 13, 2013, 04:50:37 pm
From Twitter, an unfortunate juxtaposition in the schedule:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BFPWOtpCMAAUMel.png)

Also, there will be an Obama zombies party on Friday:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/12/cpac-zombie-party_n_2862325.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Quote
The “Walking Dead” Obama zombies party will take place Friday evening at the Gaylord National Harbor hotel in the Washington, D.C., area. An invitation to the event passed to U.S. News & World Report's Washington Whispers blog on Tuesday notes that participants will receive a Hollywood-quality zombie makeover, apparently inspired by AMC's hit show, "The Walking Dead." The transformed undead can then walk around the "Obama apocalypse," touching their "mingle sticks" together in order to get one another's contact information.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on March 13, 2013, 09:08:54 pm

That's not really funny.  Funny would have been to answer "missionary".


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on March 13, 2013, 10:02:42 pm

We get a lot of "posting straight into the deluge", but not much "posting straight into the goldmine". Kudos.

Anyway,

I'm not racist, but...

These four words never precede something that actually indicates that you're not racist. I suppose some of your best friends are black?
Yes, and I talking to a girl who is black.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 13, 2013, 10:02:58 pm

You're posting it in the Goldmine already! That's cheating! :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on March 14, 2013, 05:08:44 am
The funny effect is in the mimicry - click for context.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on March 14, 2013, 01:39:07 pm
Florida is an embarrassment.

(http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/bugs.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 14, 2013, 07:36:26 pm
Plato would be hated on the election boards, as his longwinded posts, featuring dialogues between semi-fictional characters, would constantly dismiss the importance of electoral politics and try to steer the conversation toward justice.

GLAUCON: Isn't it good luck that we've run into you, Socrates, on our way to the Agora. We're in the middle of a seeming intractable dispute that you can help us with.
SOCRATES: What is your dispute about?
GLAUCON: It's about who will carry North Carolina in the 2012 American presidential election.
TENDERBRANSON: I say Barack Obama will probably win. The newest poll has him leading by 3 points.
UMENGUS: Everyone knows that's just junk. That poll has a sample 7 points more Democratic than the electorate of North Carolina in 2010.
TORIES: I wouldn't put it so strongly as Umengus, but another poll from Rasmussen does have Mitt Romney leading by 2 points. We just can't be sure at this point.
SOCRATES: So one poll says that Obama is leading, and another says that Romney is leading?
GLAUCON: That's right.
SOCRATES: Now, can it be that in the real election, both candidates are the winner?
GLAUCON: No, that couldn't be.
SOCRATES: So it must be that the polls do not capture the form of the election in its true nature, but only a changeable appearance of it?
GLAUCON: That must be right.
TENDERBRANSON: Your logic is clear, Socrates.
TORIES: That's how it is.
SOCRATES: So perhaps another approach would be better. Now, North Carolina voted Republican in 2004 and Democratic in 2008, did it not?
TENDERBRANSON: Yes.
SOCRATES: Would we not say that if a man is to be a lover of wisdom and have harmony in his soul, the rational and philosophical part of his soul should be in command?
GLAUCON: Clearly.
SOCRATES: So should we not look to North Carolina's most rational and philosophical citizens?
TORIES: Well, North Carolina has a lot of high-income seculars, working as computer programmers in Raleigh or bankers in Charlotte, and these I think will trend hard to Romney. This is why I think Romney will carry North Carolina.
SOCRATES: Who are these "high-income seculars" of which you speak, Tories?
TORIES: They are people like me, who've made lots of money filing suit in the court of Argon and trading with the Persians, and who don't believe that there are any gods.
GLAUCON: Wait, what? Surely we all believe in the gods atop Mount Olympus.
TORIES: No, not me.
JMFCSTES: There is only one God. Currently He is only worshiped by the Jews, but four hundred years from now he will send his only son to redeem us all. For it will be written, in a few centuries: "yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live."
BRTDES: No way I'd believe that. Maybe after a couple of thousand years their services will get more interesting, but for the first nineteen centuries or so it will be just a bunch of old men talking. Why would I go for that when I could go see the hot new Oracle of Delphi predict the future while waving her hands in the air?
NATHANES: I too believe that there is just one God, but the truly sophisticated position is to realize that the importance about religion lies not in the so-called objective truth-value of whatever metaphysical theses about the external world it might be interpreted as making, but rather in its providing structure and guidance to a personal spirituality that I recognize also is present with many adherents of Olympian polytheism.
GLAUCON: Now I'm totally lost.
SOCRATES: As am I. But luckily we don't need to settle these issues about Gods, as I see another problem with these "high-income seculars". Did you not say, Tories, that they were merchants, who had obtained a lot of money?
TORIES: I did.
SOCRATES: Now, would we say of a man who was ruled by the love of money that he was wise, or that he did not recognize what was truly valuable in life?
TORIES: The latter.
SOCRATES: So we should look instead to the philosophers. How do the philosophers of North Carolina vote?
TENDERBRANSON: I'm not really sure, but I think they live in a town called Chapel Hill, where they support Obama.
MEMPHES: Wait, what? In America philosophers live outside the big city? Crazy! They must be a lot smarter than our philosophers. All our philosophers want to live right in central Athens, even though a stone hut will cost you ten drachmas a month, just because they think it's the "cradle of Western civilization" or some crap like that.
SOCRATES: So the philosophers support one candidate, and the merchants another?
TENDERBRANSON: Yes.
SOCRATES: And didn't North Carolina vote for one party the previous time in 2008 but the other party in 2004?
TENDERBRANSON: Yes.
SOCRATES: Truly a state with a disordered soul. And is not Mitt Romney likewise the candidate with the most disordered soul, given that he claims to oppose all the more liberal things he said he supported as governor of Massachusetts.
TENDERBRANSON: Yes indeed, Socrates.
SOCRATES: And does it not follow that a state with a disordered soul will vote for a candidate with a disordered soul, so Mitt Romney will carry North Carolina?
GLAUCON: Your logic is clear, Socrates. Thank you so much for settling our dispute.

ROFLMAO


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on March 14, 2013, 07:54:17 pm
Was about to post that here myself. Glorious.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on March 14, 2013, 08:53:38 pm
Miserably. Villainous business tycoons cackle as they pay their workers ten cents an hour. People regularly drop dead from the strain and are replaced by more desperate slaves from off the street, trampling over the corpses that are casually thrown onto the street. Children are forced to resort to panhandling to pay for life saving surgery because their parents died on the job and received no compensation. Anyone who protests is shot dead by Pinkertons because they have no union to protect them, and the cops knowingly turn the other way.

And then Opebo was all, "Omygod I know, right...?"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on March 15, 2013, 05:30:32 am
I suspect that this poster is a troll, but I couldn't help cracking up when I read this.

[Romney] wasn't a liberal? He wanted a gay military.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 15, 2013, 02:35:45 pm
Ahem...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Clinton1996 on March 15, 2013, 04:01:26 pm
I don't know if this is funny or just sad, so I'll post it both here and in the Deluge.
I believe it would be a mistake to underestimate Governor Palin as it was to underestimate then First Lady Clinton.

It is possible for the once unpopular to become popular. Though admittedly, more difficult for anyone to the right of Joseph Stalin, because the leftists have the media to make them popular.

I believe in a fair fight, Sarah Palin would beat the Democrats by 10 points or more.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 16, 2013, 11:17:48 am
Like Hitler in what way? In that they ate sugar?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 16, 2013, 08:13:26 pm
Like Hitler in what way? In that they ate sugar?

Oldiesfreak's response in that thread is also interesting, in that he says, among other things, that Hugo Chavez was more like Hitler than the Kims.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 16, 2013, 08:19:27 pm
Like Hitler in what way? In that they ate sugar?

Oldiesfreak's response in that thread is also interesting, in that he says, among other things, that Hugo Chavez was more like Hitler than the Kims.

And that PETA was more so than Dick Cheney.

Anyway, my point was that "like Hitler" can mean thousands of different things.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 16, 2013, 09:49:09 pm
I'm now starting a petition for Vosem to be made to only post in Russian.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 17, 2013, 12:22:49 am
CPAC: The Woodstock for crazy people.
Not at all. At Woodstock, they played decent music. At CPAC, they blare "Life is a Highway" between every single speech for no reason at all.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on March 17, 2013, 01:31:11 pm
I am not going to postpone my life just because I don't have a job and I will actively enjoy life while I'm trying to rebound.

...How Bushie takes advice on the Atlas forum

(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QBwUuiehwBQ/T4IExllkxQI/AAAAAAAAA5Y/Rrxy4fkHypc/s1600/george-bush-gif.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on March 17, 2013, 05:25:24 pm
Context:

What about Mitt Romney? He's out of a job, has plenty of experience on national television, and the show could benefit from his unique brand of folksy charm.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on March 18, 2013, 03:39:56 pm
Quote from: William Shakespeare
A knave, a rascal, an eater of broken meats, a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave, a lily-livered, action-taking, whoreson glass-gazing super-serviceable finical rogue, one trunk-inheriting slave, one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch, one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deni'st the least syllable of thy addition.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on March 18, 2013, 09:44:33 pm
Why don't they just forgo democracy and appoint the nominee?

Or pass primary voter ID law requiring 4 forms of ID, including at least two platinum or higher credit cards to vote.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on March 19, 2013, 12:30:41 am
The British tradition in these matters is to have a regency if the monarch suffers from senility or madness.  I'm all for having a regency start right now, but for tradition's sake it should wait until Charles is on the throne before a regent is appointed for him.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 19, 2013, 02:21:54 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=170766


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 19, 2013, 02:23:40 pm
I may be chubby, but I am NOT flat chested!  Rude...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on March 19, 2013, 04:00:27 pm
"Romeo, drinking poison will not help you get girls."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 19, 2013, 07:05:31 pm
memphis is acting even more adolescent than usual. Pay attention to the context in which he's quoting me here.

Double deluge
Dumping on Shakespeare should not be protected by the First Amendment. I consider that akin to treason - worse because it disrespects the English language (which he more than anyone else in its modern form gave birth to), rather than a mere political entity.

You're one to talk. Your opinions on English verse lack all merit. In fact, I'd argue that it's very unlikely that they'll ever gain merit, since they appear to be based on an ear for poetic form so bad that I wasn't actually aware that it was possible before this afternoon.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on March 19, 2013, 08:02:01 pm
o.k that's actually hilarious


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 19, 2013, 08:57:41 pm
BRTD, you know I love you, but...

Given the way this thread is worded, probably BRTD.

I would say that the person who is the most screwed in the head is probably Bushie.  Frankly, the man has some severe mental problems that need to be revealed by a psychologist or some sh*t.  And his natural tendencies towards conning people left and right, all in the name of God, is disgusting.  If this were thirty years ago the man would have a multi-million dollar "evangelical" empire with five different Boeing Jets that he uses to bang high priced prostitutes in.  So of course, while I find the poster Bushie a disgusting parasite of a tax paying citizen, I in no way think he makes less sense than BRTD (getting to that in a minute).

Oldiesfreak. . . . . . . . makes some sense.  Sure, his view of politics is illogical and irrational but it's conceivable how someone who has an average amount of sanity and is normal in the mind and maybe even above average intelligence can get around to his way of thinking.  I mean good god, he isn't that much different from some "editors" on Wikipedia (admittedly, you have to have a sh*tload of time on your hands to find that out) in the talk section.  IN fact, given that Oldies at least acknowledges that Know Nothings largely went to the Republican Party, he's a good degree more honest than some wikipedia editors I've come across.  Overall, I'd probably say he makes more sense than either BRTD or Bushie, even with his irrational thinking.  Hell, he probably makes more sense than JJ (who butchers the meaning of polls).

With all that said, BRTD makes no sense.  Like absolute zero sense.  Words can't possibly describe the amount of effort it would take to try to understand, just attempting to make some sense of BRTD.  Because, you can't.  Gay racists make more sense than BRTD does.  Gay disabled racist chauvinists make more sense than BRTD does.  Gay disabled racist chauvinistic animal lovers make more sense than BRTD does.  White Supremacists for Obama/Biden 2012 make more sense than BRTD does.  Homosexual Black Women Directors for McCain/Palin make more sense than BRTD does.  George Wallace voters for Jesse Jackson '84 make more sense than BRTD does.  Communists for Joseph McCarthy for President '52 make more sense than BRTD does.  Republicans for Slavery make more sense than BRTD does.  Mountain bikes with no seats make more sense than BRTD.  Nickelback fans make almost as much sense as BRTD does.

With that said, he's still saner than Bushie.  Which is saying a lot.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: patrick1 on March 19, 2013, 09:59:23 pm
Click for context
Naso must be highly conflicted by the news.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 19, 2013, 10:01:02 pm
Click for context
Naso must be highly conflicted by the news.

haha!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 19, 2013, 11:39:35 pm
Context:

Is he?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 20, 2013, 12:19:57 am
How the **** did I get a higher score than BRTD?

I'M A HIGH-CHURCH MAINLINE PROTESTANT WHO PRAYS THE ROSARY.

BRTD GOES TO CHURCH AT SOME SORT OF WAREHOUSE OR SOMETHING.

WHAT.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on March 20, 2013, 12:35:53 am
I wanted to post that but it'd be too weird because it refers to me.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 20, 2013, 05:20:35 am
A Freedom Fighter in the War Against Rational Thinking.

The W.A.R.T.?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on March 20, 2013, 11:49:25 am
Who knew (http://www.politico.com/story/2013/03/rnc-report-gop-scary-out-of-touch-88974.html?hp=t1_3)? In a not so veiled way, the generalized fluff of a text basically is saying that the Pubs need to throw social conservatives under the bus. Either that, or figure out how olds can live to be 200 (what a horrible thought!).

There are many sensible olds whom I would not mind having live to be 200; you might even be one of them.

Maybe he'll last long enough for the Revolution to come and he can be guillotined.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 20, 2013, 11:53:49 am
Bushie, by the time you actually move to Kenya, your children will probably be young adults. Will you then adopt cuter replacement children?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Хahar 🤔 on March 20, 2013, 12:20:34 pm
Forum posts rarely make me actually laugh, but this one did.

WHAT IF EAMON DE VALERA WAS SCENE


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on March 20, 2013, 09:20:57 pm
This whole daddy thing is incomprehensible to me. I guess it is good that Bushie isn't a female because he'd look to be type who would kidnap kids out of the maternity ward.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 20, 2013, 09:46:21 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=170863.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Хahar 🤔 on March 21, 2013, 08:54:08 am
We need more Mad Men and less People of Walmart.

While I can understand the sentiment, in practice that may not be such a brilliant idea.

Mad Men includes Harry Crane.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on March 21, 2013, 06:12:36 pm
Wait, but he wants sex within a marriage legal?!?!?!?!?!


All I have to say is


RINO

(http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/media/inline/blog/Image/white_rhino.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 21, 2013, 09:18:29 pm
RNC PR BS is perfect for the job.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: MattVT on March 21, 2013, 10:47:45 pm
Which poster is most Christ like?



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on March 22, 2013, 12:42:25 pm
I'm a gay man


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on March 22, 2013, 01:05:12 pm
From the study I've been doing on the End Times, I easily choose the Papal Conclave.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on March 22, 2013, 01:54:32 pm
Harvard taking up the #14 making-a-run mantle from Davidson earlier in the day.  up four at half despite being -4 in turnover differential

I've got UNM as a Sweet 16 team knocking off Arizona in the 3rd round and losing to Ohio State in the Sweet 16.  I've only lost one Sweet 16 team today, but I don't want to make it two.  Let's pick it up, Lobos!!!

this is why I always have had an aversion to getting heavily involved in the bracket thing, it leads to a perversion of the experience, where perceived and selfish self-interest trumps justice and Beauty.  case-in-point: at a high school party in '06 everyone was actively rooting for tourney favorite #1 Connecticut as upstart #16 Albany took a 50-38 lead early in the second half.

What's wrong with rooting for favorites instead of underdogs?  Unless I actively dislike the team, I'd rather see the teams who are actually good play in the later rounds.

this is fascism.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 22, 2013, 07:51:42 pm
Context:

A RINO.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 22, 2013, 08:28:28 pm
Would Oldiesfreak: The Moor of Atlas be going too far? It would, wouldn't it?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on March 22, 2013, 10:08:32 pm
Sorry Goldwater,

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
:'(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on March 23, 2013, 12:18:34 pm
(http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/27155_164081763747760_1255462338_n.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on March 23, 2013, 01:18:18 pm
Another litmus test I'd have: You can't run if you support the outright repeal of any of the amendments in the Bill of Rights.

And before anyone asks, THAT INCLUDES THE SECOND AND THE TENTH!

Are there any prominent Democrats that support that?

I don't know, but we need to stop the problem before it starts.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 23, 2013, 07:07:07 pm
How about an endless Augustan didactic novel? You know, like BRTD's Posting History; or, Virtue Rewarded.

I prefer Fielding to Richardson.  An Apology For the Life of Mr. Shamela Hamilton


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on March 23, 2013, 10:03:22 pm
x Scott

Those starving people in Africa will have to wait.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on March 23, 2013, 10:14:27 pm
Very simple- you are the dog and her lady business is the food bowl


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on March 23, 2013, 11:43:10 pm
Citing your damn sources is really not that hard.

No.  But the idea that you can 'say anything new' seems to me absurd.  Completely derivative is the only possibility for academic work.

What I used to do as a student was sit down, write a ten page paper in about one hour, from notions in my head, and then stick in 'citations' randomly throughout, crediting sources with things they hadn't said at all. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on March 24, 2013, 06:04:15 am
Why did the troll have to be so openly Italian?  :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 24, 2013, 05:00:32 pm
There's a baseball league?  0.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on March 24, 2013, 05:21:58 pm
 
Other, Ron Paul came to me in a vision and said Clarence was the only one who'd audit the Atlasians Fed.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on March 24, 2013, 06:10:53 pm
Considering Stockman's success comes from his being in the oil and gas industry and that he is not known for MENSA membership, it makes sense that he would believe something like this. What makes less sense is that he was elected.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 24, 2013, 08:06:42 pm
Huh. I was thinking the next post would begin in 1960, what with the collapse of the Socialists and all.

That's considered as well. I as of yet have no "titles" for the post-1920 system, though it may become the "Socialist Era" of politics (1920-1956/60).

EDIT: Though it seems a bit strange to merely chop history into little two decade sections.

It gives me titles for the chapters of my Glorious Textbook Monopoly, which is heavily biased towards the Socialists.

"The Early Republic 1789-1796"
"Jeffersonian Democracy 1796-1824"
"Clay's Americanism 1824-1848"
"The Civil War, Reconstruction, and Republicans 1848-1872"
"A Government Divided 1872-1900"
"Progressive Republicanism Ascendant 1900-1920"
"The Era of Socialist Dominance 1920-1940"
"World War II and the Socialist Decline 1940-1960"
"The Modern System 1960-?"
-Atlamerican History, Jones Publishing, 1962

Oh, my corporation is named the Glorious People's Workers' Democratic People's Corporation (Approved By God Himself [here we have a picture of an R-MI avatar giving a thumbs-up]) For The Education Of Our Most Precious Resource, The Children, And The Moral Edification Thereof, Inc.

Just a tip for the future.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on March 25, 2013, 02:29:25 pm
I am an openly gay male, I live in San Francisco, and I oppose gay marriage at the federal level.

I fully expect that this was one of the rejected cards for Let's Make a Date or Party Quirks on Whose Line Is It Anyway.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 25, 2013, 03:15:06 pm
I think he would have preferred to switch places with Barney.
It would have been more appropriate given their respective mental capacities.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on March 25, 2013, 06:46:24 pm
Have either of you had a sudden urge to listen to more ZZ Top lately?  I find that I'm listening to more ZZ Top this week than I have in a long time.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on March 26, 2013, 01:02:20 am
Krazen proves why I always found him among our best trolls

Hmph. Maybe there is some merit to this idea.

The responses make it even better.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on March 26, 2013, 06:35:49 am
I'm open to gay marriage. Where's my thread?
Where it should be.  Locked in a closet with Marcus Bachmann.

I thought of putting it in sulfur but for that it would have to be more closely based on Nappie.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on March 26, 2013, 02:39:59 pm
Pretty soon, people will be opposing gay marriage ironically. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on March 26, 2013, 08:33:56 pm
"I'm Mitt Romney, and I support common-sense solutions for America that will improve citizens' lives, free up the private sector to create wealth and jobs, and get this country and this economy back on track. And one of those common-sense solutions is to make sure that all Americans who want to marry and make a commitment to the individual he or she loves, and wants to start a family, are able to do so. Families are the building blocks of our society and they are what strengthens our social fabric. And that's why I'm proud to support marriage for all couples.

...

...there, I said it. You think now I'll get to be president in four years? What did we do with all the left over PAC money? Is it still in that Swiss bank that doesn't report to the IRS?"

"Um, Mr. Romney, the camera is still on."

"It is? Well, gosh, just be sure to edit that last part out."

"This is live, sir."

"#$%&!!!"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on March 26, 2013, 11:13:03 pm
Barry Goldwater never died, he was kidnapped by the KGB and escaped and now posts on Atlas Forum under the name Goldwater. It's the old hide-somewhere-so-obvious-nobody-would-ever-think-of-it trick.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 27, 2013, 11:55:38 pm
Which one is the better shot.  In this case I'd prefer Palin to either, since I think she'd have a good chance of nailin' the zombies before they could get me.

If it's brains they're after, that woman has nothing to fear from a zombie apocalypse.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Queen Mum Inks.LWC on March 28, 2013, 12:17:49 am
It must be asked. When you told them you voted for Obama, did your parents give you a spanking?

Haha, no.  They were a little disappointed, but I worked it into the conversation so I had already fertilized the soil and planted the seed before it grew.

I like how you plant you seed all over the place.

I'm a pretty good gardener. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Swedish Austerity Cheese on March 28, 2013, 10:21:47 am
I can just imagine Inks waterboarding Bushie.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 28, 2013, 03:26:23 pm
Not entirely sure, but I'm sure tax cuts and increased military spending would help solve the problem.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on March 28, 2013, 07:00:16 pm
What?
SOCIAL CONSERVATIVE is evolving!
...
...
Congratulations! Your SOCIAL CONSERVATIVE evolved into DECENT HUMAN BEING!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on March 28, 2013, 09:18:12 pm
He seems to belie what my dear old mother used to tell me about Polish people.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Small Business Owner of Any Repute on March 29, 2013, 03:34:22 am
I would hardly call the African American population in the 60's a fraction of the country.
Fractions don't work the way you think fractions work.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on March 29, 2013, 03:34:08 pm
No, homelycooking hasn't updated his map thread in a while.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on March 29, 2013, 05:46:12 pm
Of course you can say something new... Not everything has already been written about.
Please tell that to John Grisham.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on March 30, 2013, 02:23:45 pm
(http://www.shapology.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bigstock_Young_overweight_bride_sitting_20140823-e1315694180409.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on March 30, 2013, 07:45:51 pm
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/15/Gifted-hands-movie.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mehmentum on March 30, 2013, 08:43:23 pm
There really isn't a point in doing the Democrats.

Why not?
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=0&pv_p=0&ev_p=0&AL=3;9;6&AK=3;3;5&AZ=3;11;5&AR=3;6;6&CA=3;55;6&CO=3;9;5&CT=3;7;5&DE=3;3;5&DC=3;3;9&FL=3;29;4&GA=3;16;5&HI=3;4;7&ID=3;4;6&IL=3;20;5&IN=3;11;5&IA=3;6;5&KS=3;6;5&KY=3;8;6&LA=3;8;5&MD=3;10;6&MA=3;11;6&MI=3;16;5&MN=3;10;5&MS=3;6;5&MO=3;10;5&MT=3;3;5&NV=3;6;5&NH=3;4;5&NJ=3;14;5&NM=3;5;5&NY=3;29;6&NC=3;15;5&ND=3;3;5&OH=3;18;5&OK=3;7;6&OR=3;7;5&PA=3;20;5&RI=3;4;6&SC=3;9;5&SD=3;3;5&TN=3;11;5&TX=3;38;5&UT=3;6;7&VT=3;3;6&VA=3;13;5&WA=3;12;5&WV=3;5;6&WI=3;10;5&WY=3;3;6&ME=3;2;5&ME1=3;1;5&ME2=3;1;5&NE=3;2;5&NE1=3;1;5&NE2=3;1;5&NE3=3;1;6)
Green: Hillary Clinton
That's why.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on April 01, 2013, 12:11:14 pm
Out of all the Presidents who could be called Liberal historically, who are the ones who were truly Liberal in their own personal ideology and not just Liberal for political pragmatism? Basically, Presidents who were "true believers" and not just Liberal because it was politically expedient to be.

Presidents who IMO could be called Liberal in today's politcal climate:
-Theodore Roosevelt
-William H. Taft
-Woodrow Wilson
-Franklin D. Roosevelt
-Harry S. Truman
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
-John F. Kennedy
-Lyndon B. Johnson
-Richard M. Nixon
-Gerald Ford
-Jimmy Carter
-Barack Obama



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on April 01, 2013, 12:14:59 pm
Out of all the Presidents who could be called Liberal historically, who are the ones who were truly Liberal in their own personal ideology and not just Liberal for political pragmatism? Basically, Presidents who were "true believers" and not just Liberal because it was politically expedient to be.

Presidents who IMO could be called Liberal in today's politcal climate:
-Theodore Roosevelt
-William H. Taft
-Woodrow Wilson
-Franklin D. Roosevelt
-Harry S. Truman
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
-John F. Kennedy
-Lyndon B. Johnson
-Richard M. Nixon
-Gerald Ford
-Jimmy Carter
-Barack Obama

LOL. Yes, Taft was a true Librul.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 01, 2013, 02:44:54 pm
If nkpatel finds it we're all out of here.

Every time somebody mentions this name, a little kid somewhere is being eaten by a monster.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: sjoyce on April 01, 2013, 03:20:01 pm
Goldwater!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 01, 2013, 03:22:28 pm
Jesus was slaughtered like a baby lamb, not some squeaky pig.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on April 02, 2013, 10:16:32 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=3;9;5&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=3;6;5&CA=2;55;5&CO=2;9;5&CT=2;7;5&DE=2;3;5&DC=1;3;7&FL=2;29;5&GA=3;16;5&HI=2;4;4&ID=3;4;5&IL=2;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=2;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=3;8;5&LA=3;8;5&MD=2;10;4&MA=2;11;4&MI=2;16;4&MN=1;10;5&MS=3;6;5&MO=2;10;3&MT=2;3;5&NV=2;6;5&NH=2;4;5&NJ=2;14;5&NM=2;5;5&NY=2;29;5&NC=2;15;5&ND=2;3;5&OH=2;18;5&OK=3;7;5&OR=2;7;5&PA=2;20;5&RI=2;4;5&SC=3;9;5&SD=2;3;5&TN=3;11;5&TX=3;38;5&UT=3;6;5&VT=2;3;5&VA=2;13;5&WA=2;12;4&WV=3;5;5&WI=2;10;5&WY=2;3;5&ME=2;2;5&ME1=2;1;5&ME2=2;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=3;1;5)
Gov. Simfan34 (R-NY)/Fmr. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R-AL) 391 Electoral Votes
Gov. KenyaObama (T-AR)/Sen. Ted Cruz (T-TX) 134 Electoral Votes
Rep. Mondale84 (D-OR)/Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) 13 Electoral Votes

The Simfan/Rice ticket, with its "leftist Marxist agenda", loses the support of the Tea Party, who then create a new tea party, breaking off from the Republican Party. KenyaObama vows that the Islamic, Kenyan, murdering, Southern hating, socialists shall never again rule the U.S.A. The Democrats pick Representative Mondale as their nominee, who picks Senator Warren as his running mate. With the split within the GOP, it looks like the Dems will have an easy victory. However the Friday before the election, phone calls from Mondale84 campaign headquarters are leaked out, tying him to embezzlement, voter fraud, deals with terrorists, affairs with nine of his secretaries, Jaywalking, DUI, granting violent felons early prison release in Oregon, plots to imprison Inks.LWC when he comes to power, plotting to execute billionaires, and stealing puppies. The country is horrified, and many people, even life long democrats rally around the moderate Simfan/Rice ticket. KenyaObama and Cruz do well among conservatives, while Simfan does well with some conservatives he does extremely well with moderates, and also with liberals. Leaving only Washington D.C. and, for some reason, Minnesota to Mondale.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on April 03, 2013, 02:51:58 am
Context:

Tonight, love wins.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 03, 2013, 04:06:51 pm
Quote
And even the 'winners' are only persons being used.

In my case, by the man opebo himself. :P

??
I think he just hit on you. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on April 04, 2013, 02:52:40 pm
Is Handel the Messiah the Georgia Republicans are looking for?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 04, 2013, 04:00:26 pm
Adam, how the hell is your S score positive? Are you ravingly anti-abortion in order to compensate for your weird obsession with lesbian horses?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: greenforest32 on April 04, 2013, 06:27:45 pm
Context:

If he has a strong showing in the Moon primary, all bets are off.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Landslide Lyndon on April 05, 2013, 01:57:05 am
BTW, do Hispanics and Asians have their own prom?

They used to, but the white parents are now inviting them to the white prom in hopes of expanding the Republican base.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on April 05, 2013, 02:27:56 am
Actually let's just...

http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?action=profile;u=10478;sa=showPosts

This guy seems like he's on acid. I voted accordingly.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Miles on April 05, 2013, 02:47:54 am
Do Americans have no taste in food or something?

Precisely!  They shovel burnt low-quality garbage into their mouths like threshing machines.  And grimace at you the entire time.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 05, 2013, 04:01:49 pm
Do Americans have no taste in food or something?

Precisely!  They shovel burnt low-quality garbage into their mouths like threshing machines.  And grimace at you the entire time.

Haha, thanks.  Its the grimace which makes it funny, really.

And now what I came here to post:

I miss it when v goes for months without posting a grammar question.  I always worry he's in prison being tortured or standing in front of tank in Tiananmen Square, or somethng.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on April 05, 2013, 05:55:32 pm
I think Ranch is OK, but I prefer Italian or Bleu Cheese.  As for on pizza, I believe Papa John's puts some sort of dipping sauce in with their pizzas.  I have a book about pizza where the author says that a general rule of thumb is that pizza should not be served with dipping sauce.  Personally, I would probably agree.  Pizza is much too good on its own.  Why ruin such a great classic Italian/American comfort food like that?

Oh? I'm glad you've cleared that up with the experts' opinion.


I see he has the same high standard in culinary experts as he does in historical experts.
What's that supposed to mean?

He's complimenting you. Be proud of your research abilities.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on April 05, 2013, 07:39:36 pm
Obama has apologized to Kamala Harris for calling her the best looking Attorney General. 

No word yet on when he'll be apologizing to all the other Attorney Generals for the slight.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on April 06, 2013, 06:15:40 pm
He's a misbehaving child, he needs a time out.

(https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/527098_472133519520075_880973808_n.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 07, 2013, 11:47:45 am
THAT IS BRILLIANT


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Malcolm X on April 07, 2013, 05:30:50 pm
Sanders would be a good way to get black people. After all, you shut up black people with fried chicken, right?

Context necessary


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Watermelon sin Jamón on April 07, 2013, 06:00:22 pm
1. Write-in: Comrade Kitteh of Virginia (Atlasian Imperialist Front/Labor Party)
2. Bore
3. Matt from the TV:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/82/Damon_cropped.jpg/220px-Damon_cropped.jpg)
4. Matt from VT
This somehow made me lol.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on April 08, 2013, 01:54:51 am
Reported for personal attack.
(context)


There's another reason to avoid most pies I've tried. They taste like [inks].

What part of me have you tasted?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 08, 2013, 02:22:44 am

Someone had to say that. :D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 08, 2013, 08:41:19 am
I killed man in Reno just to watch him die.

This line takes on a whole new character when you imagine it delivered in a Polish accent and without the article "a" before "man", as Kalwejt has enabled us to.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 08, 2013, 09:11:19 am
because it is wrong to diet on your birthday

Why?  Is it wrong to abstain from shooting meth and going to the prostitute on your birthday too?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Marokai Backbeat on April 08, 2013, 10:21:01 pm
I find the ending of the "confession" thread (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=171707.0) amusing, since I knew immediately Mikado would be the one to close it for a random reason.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on April 09, 2013, 10:22:12 am
I find the ending of the "confession" thread (http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=171707.0) amusing, since I knew immediately Mikado would be the one to close it for a random reason.

He gave no reason except "not going well".


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on April 09, 2013, 03:35:56 pm
Nice and blunt:

I just got home from the doctor and I got drops and an anti-biotic. It was a middle ear infection and a rupturing of the eardrum. Just as I suspected.

Quit listening to Nickelback and the other gay bands you listen to at such a high volume.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 09, 2013, 04:35:36 pm
:(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on April 09, 2013, 05:23:28 pm
The video had 38 views when I watched it.  This thread had been read 84 times.  LOL.
I'm assuming that BRTD made the video himself?

YT username: dtrb83

Go figure.

Dead Than Red Better? LOL :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on April 09, 2013, 07:46:42 pm
On the death of Annette Funicello:
I wonder if she'll be frozen like was reputedly done to Uncle Walt.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on April 09, 2013, 10:22:42 pm
I was going to say Dudefest, because I was under the mistaken assumption that Dudefest was perhaps a celebration of the 'Big Lebowski", but since it isn't I'm going with Branson.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on April 10, 2013, 12:15:13 pm
Probably Cock.  Darth Vader as president is almost as bad as Al Franken being an accidental Senator.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 10, 2013, 07:50:13 pm
US Election Atlas Forum: Where a supermajority of our women have penises.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 10, 2013, 09:03:53 pm
I'm going to do something quite different for me.  I'm normally not a golf person, but my Uncle who is still here while his wife is in Florida is a huge golf fan.  After I take a nice walk, I am going over to Grandma's with him the next four days and watch the 2013 Master's Golf Tournament from Augusta, Georgia.  I would love to hear his commentary on the biggest golf event of the year.

I started reading this paragraph thinking "Wait, Bushie isn't going to golfing is he?"  Then by the end, I realized that all was right with the world again when I read that you were only going to watch it on TV.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Torie on April 10, 2013, 09:06:40 pm
I see that thread that I shall not name, is still like a vinyl record on a spinning wheel with a scratch, that just plays the same suck measures over and over again.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 10, 2013, 09:11:08 pm
Why people keep reading that pile of sh*t is beyond my understanding.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 10, 2013, 09:15:38 pm
Why people keep reading that pile of sh*t is beyond my understanding.

I try not to but sometimes I click on it somehow.

It's just absolutely hilarious to me that he's makes a big deal out of seeing his uncle who is into golf...so that he can watch it with it. It's classic.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on April 10, 2013, 09:30:03 pm
I was a member of the Earth expedition ship, the Icarus, which was dispatched on a research mission to Z'ha'dum late in 2256.  While on the expedition, we inadvertently awakened an ancient race known as the "Shadows", whereupon all of us on the expedition were either killed or made servants of the Shadows.  I pledged to serve the Shadows in any way they asked.

At the request of my associates, I recruited Centauri Ambassador Londo Mollari to entangle the Centauri in an alliance, helping them to make war on the Narn.  I am thus indirectly responsible for the conquest of the Narn Regime, the destruction of their homeworld, and the enslavement of their people.  The guilt for my actions weighs heavily on me, so I try to distract myself by posting on an internet messageboard about US politics.  Unfortunately, my other life has, on occasion, caught up with me here.  I brought my associates to the quarters of another Atlas moderator known as "The Vorlon" and, well, I've already given away far too many spoilers for those of you who haven't watched the reenactments of my adventures on TV, so I'll stop there.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 10, 2013, 09:40:07 pm
Your sig should be in this thread as well, Averroes. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 11, 2013, 07:47:40 am
Why people keep reading that pile of sh*t is beyond my understanding.

Because it is America. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 11, 2013, 08:02:22 am
Oklahoma City is one of the most beautiful cities in the world.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on April 11, 2013, 08:06:37 am
You are now what I call a Stage 1 Adult - you can vote, legally smoke, legally have consensual sex and are legally considered an adult.  A Stage 2 Adult is Age 21 where you can legally consume alcoholic beverages.  One can make a case for a Stage 3 Adult at Age 26 when you can no longer be on your parent's insurance.

Sheesh, these sound like a disease. :)

What stage are you?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on April 11, 2013, 08:43:05 am
Why people keep reading that pile of sh*t is beyond my understanding.

Because it is America. 

It's not merely America.  It's Oklahoma!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 11, 2013, 08:43:52 am
I see that thread that I shall not name, is still like a vinyl record on a spinning wheel with a scratch, that just plays the same suck measures over and over again.

Oh c'mon, you peek in once in a while.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 11, 2013, 02:45:46 pm
you meant Tabasco dude.  you had me scratching my head for a moment.  and had my mother wondering why I was Googling 'Cheez-it tobacco' when she walked past.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 11, 2013, 06:58:58 pm
When I was a kid I wished I was black.  Or green.   

True story.

Were you that insecure about your junk?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Tender Branson on April 12, 2013, 03:20:13 am
Penalty shootout. No prices for guessing how the English side did.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 12, 2013, 02:14:31 pm
Yes, in 7th grade, by a Dr. Fagan. He also noted that I was flaccid and out of shape, and over-weight (no I didn't look like Bushie, but he was more right than wrong).  I said that was because I lived the life of the mind rather than the body. He said, oh, I see, you think you are an intellectual, eh? How do you spell that word describing the climatic conditions, and its homonym referring to alternatives. I spelled out "weather" and "whether," respectively, and he said that is pretty good, and he moved on to closely inspecting my package.

And there you have it. I was genetically wired to never be intimidated by M.D's. :P

Well yes.. but I can't believe you managed not to get an erection with this kind of heavy flirting going on.

Quote
I bet I would have nailed him. Yes I do. :)

Oh! Perhaps I spoke too soon.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 12, 2013, 02:26:16 pm
I went back and fixed that [img] error, Gramps.. should be

Fixed!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 12, 2013, 09:40:02 pm
As an infant, I cast my ballot for Grand Wizard David Duke in the 1990 Louisiana senate race and contributed to his campaign. But in my defense, I only donated a shiny penny I found on the floor that I didn't feel like eating.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on April 13, 2013, 03:08:51 am
are the ports of Madagascar closed yet?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 13, 2013, 01:20:13 pm
BTW, do Hispanics and Asians have their own prom?

They used to, but the white parents are now inviting them to the white prom in hopes of expanding the Republican base.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on April 13, 2013, 02:59:41 pm
75% of us are unimaginable, 25% are normal.

Sounds about right. This is the Atlas Forum after all.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 13, 2013, 03:47:55 pm
At this rate, I'll lean left economically within a year or so :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 13, 2013, 06:24:18 pm
Once you can say finks and shmikado on television, can you also say them on websites that schools might link to?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on April 13, 2013, 11:45:51 pm
So what's the story on getting that exercise app?  We're all dying for proof to see that you're walking.

I haven't tried to download it in a few days.  I've let other things get in the way.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on April 14, 2013, 02:17:08 am
Newest suggestion in the Mod Cave's discussion on how to get in touch with our absentee administrator:

There's a link on every poster's profile page called "report to admin".  If you report someone, does that email go to Dave?  What do you think about reporting Dave's own profile to admin, saying "This poster will not respond to PMs or emails about important forum business"?  ;)



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: patrick1 on April 14, 2013, 01:56:40 pm
Muh confession:

I'm an exceptionally good liar, at least face to face.

Well, you're a gay, right?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 14, 2013, 04:14:56 pm
There does not seem much interest in muting in the cave. I certainly am not going to take the time to do it. The jmfcst is pleasant enough during his vacation here. However, the matter is on Nym's desk. Or maybe Inks is just distracted at the moment.  Did I really say that?  :P

                                     TORIE
                         He is here...

                                     NYM
                         jmfcst! What makes you think
                         so?

                                     TORIE
                         A tremor in the Logic. The last time
                         I felt it was in the presence of the
                         old master.

                                     NYM
                         Surely he must have run out of IP’s by now.

                                     TORIE
                         Don't underestimate the power of Logic.

                                     NYM
                         the jmfcsts are extinct, their fire has
                         gone out of the universe. You, my
                         friend, are the only one still paranoid by them.

               [There is a quiet buzz in the Mod cave.]

                                     NYM
                         Yes.

                                     INTERCOM VOICE
                         Governor Nym, we have an emergency
                         alert on the US Discussion Board.
.

                                     NYM
                         Logic! Put all boards on
                         alert!

                                     TORIE
                         the jmfcst is here. Logic is with
                         him.

                                     NYM
                         If you're right, he must not be
                         allowed to post.

                                     TORIE
                         Muting him is not our plan. You must face
                         him alone.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on April 14, 2013, 07:51:33 pm
I have no idea who those men are.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on April 14, 2013, 08:20:49 pm
Actually, the best way to improve it would be if Bushie stopped posting in it, but that'll never happen.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 14, 2013, 10:17:45 pm
The trouble with you people is that you're all so judgmental.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 15, 2013, 05:20:19 am
My confession:  I once slapped a mosquito on my arm and killed it.  Then I felt really bad, so I buried it in the sand at the beach I was playing on, marked the grave, and pretended it was a holy tomb in the city I was building.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on April 15, 2013, 07:32:52 am
I easily have the thickest glasses at my school, so...

Me too!  I'm a sociopath.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 15, 2013, 07:40:25 am
Any more questions, or are we done?

Do you walk on two legs when in there?

(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ny6Rpvrpdcc/TrkY1xspVTI/AAAAAAAABIk/BBcTXawXPQo/s1600/Animal+Farm+Card+001.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Watermelon sin Jamón on April 15, 2013, 08:00:47 am
I live in an igloo and am employed as a lumberjack. I drink a gallon of maple syrup a day.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 15, 2013, 11:33:26 am
I listen to hardcore and wear hoodies all the time, but rarely with the hood up.

The part I underlined had me laughing.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on April 15, 2013, 02:07:42 pm
He's faking it to avoid testimony on Benghazi.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 15, 2013, 02:56:04 pm
Nick Snyder for 8th grade president. Talk about reign of terror.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on April 15, 2013, 05:10:44 pm
I'm pretty sure that somebody was behind this.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 15, 2013, 07:20:26 pm
Anderson Cooper just said to be on the lookout for a black man with an accent.

Lot of detail there, CNN...

All the black men with accents crossed the finish line two hours before the explosion happened.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 16, 2013, 01:47:17 pm
I'm sure that there are plenty of underprivileged youngins in OKC that you can love on, Bushie.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 16, 2013, 02:19:52 pm
His contributions are just as tiresome and block-headed as Bushie's, but without even being entertaining.  Kind of like his activity in the Mod board, in fact.

I've worked harder than anybody else at tracking down and getting rid of socks.  It's a bit sad that you don't appreciate that.

:'(
(http://i.ebayimg.com/t/POLITICAL-BUTTON-PIN-UNAPPRECIATED-HOUSEWIVES-FOR-MITT-ROMNEY-COOKIES-4-INCH-/00/s/MTA2MlgxMDY3/$%28KGrHqF,!o0F!HGkofyEBQHL%29cbIeQ~~60_35.JPG)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 17, 2013, 05:18:02 am
context:

"in-ter-mod-er-ate"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on April 17, 2013, 10:05:18 am
God told me he's crying at your pitiful attempts to make a joke.

He's angry.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on April 17, 2013, 10:39:59 am
It's shiny.  It's been use for money or to back money.  It even has some practical uses though very little is used for anything practical.  If you had bought it when GW Bush was inaugurated it's value would have tripled by the time Obama was inaugurated.  After Obama was inaugurated it's value even doubled again for awhile, but it's fallen from a high of $1900 to $1430 overseas this morning, including a drop of almost 10% since Thursday.  What's it all mean?  Does it even mean anything or is it all, as the kids say, hoakum?

J.J., why are you bothering with a sock?  You haven't been banned.

He's looking to start fresh with a record of 0 incorrect predictions.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 17, 2013, 07:02:06 pm
can anyone here not stand hipsters? Some of them might be nice but a lot of them seem like pretentious douchers. I'm sort of a BIll Maher/Tucker Max/Amazing Atheist type lefty (not saying the latter two are lefties but saying thats how I am) that generally likes to sniff out bs from either side.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on April 17, 2013, 07:24:12 pm
Quote from: Oldiesfreak circa 1960
Quote from: Scott
When will Vermont go Democratic in a presidential election?
Probably never.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: HokeyDood on April 18, 2013, 08:57:21 am
(http://content.internetvideoarchive.com/content/photos/1183/04970112_.jpg)

clicks for contexts


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Watermelon sin Jamón on April 18, 2013, 09:11:48 am
This would not have prevented Newton.

Gun control wouldn't have stopped him.  We would have needed fruit control to stop the apple from falling on his head.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on April 18, 2013, 12:31:19 pm
I see the Atlas forum is flexing it's anti-atheist muscles again.

FF, obviously.  Society needs arrogant, douchebag atheists like him.  Without them, more normal ones like myself and my friends would still be despised and oppressed.  With people like him, we become tolerable, even respected by some of the religiouses.  

considering the subject, I have to read this as brilliantly sardonic


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 19, 2013, 02:45:13 pm
I think people should be out and about.

Sorry, the terrorists won.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: minionofmidas - supplemental forum account on April 20, 2013, 04:54:05 am
That first picture is wonderful. Both fun while also somehow really foreboding. An elderly Bush wheels in slowly, eying his prey. When will he strike and show those bitches the meaning of patriotism?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on April 20, 2013, 08:43:17 pm
Quote
Seeking leniency from the jury during closing arguments, Cook quoted Shakespeare: “The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven, upon the place beneath. It is twice blessed: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.”

Cook started to attribute his quote to Shakespeare when he caught himself.

“I realized that I was in Dade County, Ga.,” Cook says. “The people of Dade County are good but simple people. They don’t know who the hell William Shakespeare is. They may think he’s some guy named Bill from Tennessee, or worse from Alabama, and sentence my client to death.”

So Cook cleared his throat and told jurors, “And that’s from Song of Solomon in the Bible.” The jurors all nodded in reverence.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on April 20, 2013, 11:12:55 pm
Glad you enjoyed that, Joe.  The whole article (I think I linked it) is quite amusing, for lawyers and non-lawyers alike.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 21, 2013, 08:55:29 am
Click for context:

Probably likes Accidental Racist.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 21, 2013, 10:43:07 am
something like this if hillary were to expose rand paul's crazy economics.

(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=0&ev_p=1&AL=2;9;6&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=2;6;6&CA=1;55;6&CO=2;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;5&DC=1;3;9&FL=2;29;4&GA=2;16;5&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=2;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=2;8;6&LA=2;8;5&MD=1;10;6&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=2;6;5&MO=2;10;5&MT=2;3;5&NV=2;6;5&NH=2;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=2;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=2;15;5&ND=2;3;5&OH=2;18;5&OK=2;7;6&OR=2;7;5&PA=2;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=2;9;5&SD=2;3;5&TN=2;11;5&TX=2;38;5&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=2;13;5&WA=2;12;5&WV=2;5;6&WI=2;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=2;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=2;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)

Fixed. Isn't 3 years out stuff fun?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: HokeyDood on April 21, 2013, 01:11:40 pm
I assume someone has noted that a substantial percentage of teens getting pregnant not married, etc. want to do so. They assume that the stack is wired against them, and they don't have a future, so why not feel important, and have someone to love, by having a baby?  This issue is not going to be "solved" by having more health classes, or birth control available. It's far deeper and more intractable than that.

Precisely.  Teen pregnancy is the fault - as is everything else - of the ruling class.  It is Bill Gats and Warran Buffet we should be aborting.

Two points:

1. I love when opebo says stuff like this.

2. I can't imagine what his intentional misspelling of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet's names might mean in this context.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 21, 2013, 03:23:21 pm
Are you sure that's really Glenn Beck in the video? I didn't pay close attention, but I didn't hear him say, "buy gold" even once.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 21, 2013, 04:46:04 pm
Considering yourself a hipster won't make you white, Oldies. Only plastic surgery will.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 23, 2013, 01:52:43 pm
yep, or what passes for English.

Your primary language isn't English?

Priceless.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 23, 2013, 07:05:16 pm
Not getting into this debate but bro be careful with the pee stains


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on April 24, 2013, 12:24:08 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/0lS0u15.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 24, 2013, 01:52:37 pm

I don't get it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: RI on April 24, 2013, 02:30:44 pm

Check out the faces in the last picture.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 24, 2013, 02:36:12 pm
I actually lol'd

Good show, Snowy


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 24, 2013, 02:53:36 pm
I don't get it.

Check out the faces in the last picture.

Oh!  Ladyboys!  Thanks I hardly notice them anymore.

Wait, Dr J is a female impersonator as well?
It's a harmless hobby. I don't hold it against him.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 24, 2013, 03:55:51 pm
The opposition to the marriage bill was probably the campest and 'gayest' protest I have ever seen. I've seen striaghter gay rights parades. I full expect it to be announced as one elaborate joke for a tv special.

Only in France would this be an anti-gay protest:

(http://editorial.advocate.com/sites/advocate.com/files/imce/uploadedimages/daily-news/167283253X633.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Velasco on April 24, 2013, 04:08:23 pm
Wow, the anti-gay movement in France is pretty fun! The coolest demonstration in favour of the 'true' marriage that I remember having seen. Bishops and young Christians in Spain should take note, they would be more popular with a bit of pink in their wardrobes.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Sawx, King in the North on April 24, 2013, 04:41:47 pm
I actually lol'd

Good show, Snowy

I made that, asshole. :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 24, 2013, 04:46:10 pm
Wow, the anti-gay movement in France is pretty fun! The coolest demonstration in favour of the 'true' marriage that I remember having seen. Bishops and young Christians in Spain should take note, they would be more popular with a bit of pink in their wardrobes.

Personally, I'd rather like the demonstrators to look like the obtuse, stale, antiquated reactionaries they actually are.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: MaxQue on April 24, 2013, 04:47:31 pm
Wow, the anti-gay movement in France is pretty fun! The coolest demonstration in favour of the 'true' marriage that I remember having seen. Bishops and young Christians in Spain should take note, they would be more popular with a bit of pink in their wardrobes.

They are also violent and use kids as human shields against anti-riot police.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Velasco on April 24, 2013, 04:57:44 pm
Yep, I am aware of how obtuse are those morons. We are pretty familiar with obtuse and stale attitudes towards certain issues related to sex and gender, aren't we?. It's just that the photo made me laugh, like certain opebo's 'funny' remark on the price of prostitutes (single-issue man until the grave), btw.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 24, 2013, 05:10:27 pm
Yep, I am aware of how obtuse are those morons. We are pretty familiar with obtuse and stale attitudes towards certain issues related to sex and gender, aren't we?. It's just that the photo made me laugh, like certain opebo's 'funny' remark on the price of prostitutes (single-issue man until the grave), btw.

I don't know which one you mean - perhaps you should post it in here?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: traininthedistance on April 24, 2013, 05:25:34 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/L7MlOsi.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on April 24, 2013, 05:29:49 pm
Yep, I am aware of how obtuse are those morons. We are pretty familiar with obtuse and stale attitudes towards certain issues related to sex and gender, aren't we?. It's just that the photo made me laugh, like certain opebo's 'funny' remark on the price of prostitutes (single-issue man until the grave), btw.

I don't know which one you mean - perhaps you should post it in here?

Forget it, friend, Valero is like Robert Conrad begging you to knock the battery off his shoulder so he can kick your ass.  ::)

(http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTc0NDg1MDc0MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNDA5NDM2._V1._SX450_SY304_.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Velasco on April 24, 2013, 05:37:56 pm
I don't know which one you mean - perhaps you should post it in here?
[/quote]
Yep, I am aware of how obtuse are those morons. We are pretty familiar with obtuse and stale attitudes towards certain issues related to sex and gender, aren't we?. It's just that the photo made me laugh, like certain opebo's 'funny' remark on the price of prostitutes (single-issue man until the grave), btw.

I don't know which one you mean - perhaps you should post it in here?
Sorry, opebo, the thread is locked. However, this was your reply to one post of mine where I mentioned Mad Men.

opebo: All I care about is access to prostitution.

Nathan: That's actually a very effective and succinct answer to the question.

opebo: I watched Madmen, and there were only a few prostitutes, and not at all reasonably priced, so...

I don't know why, but I found it somewhat hilarious, because it made me think about you as a crazy man or as a man going crazy due to the lack of reasonably priced prostitutes. Don't take that into account, it's only that some persons like me have a certain sense of absurdity and even find funny a certain type of humour based on absurdity, which is too fine tasted to all people outside Europe, you know ;) In your favour plays that I can laugh with some of your posts, on the other hand I can't stand memphis. Do you know what I mean?

[
Forget it, friend, Valero is like Robert Conrad begging you to knock the battery off his shoulder so he can kick your ass.  ::)

Thank you very much, man, I like Robert Conrad! :D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Sawx, King in the North on April 24, 2013, 05:39:10 pm
You're too kind. I wouldn't have noticed this without Bacon King.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 24, 2013, 06:02:09 pm
I actually lol'd

Good show, Snowy

I made that, asshole. :P

Are you trying to claim responsibility for something a minority did? Racist.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 24, 2013, 07:26:29 pm
A related note: I remember an episode of Fairly OddParents (pretty lame show, but I admit I used to watch it) where Cosmo and Wanda appear in 1970 as Bill Gates' fairy godparents (when Gates would've been 15), and he talks about inventing the internet in the future.  I honestly think it would've been funny if they portrayed Al Gore as a child and having Cosmo and Wanda as his godparents while he talks about inventing the internet in the future.  Of course, the producers of the show would NEVER do that (for obvious reasons.)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on April 25, 2013, 08:06:20 am
Sorry, opebo, the thread is locked. However, this was your reply to one post of mine where I mentioned Mad Men.

opebo: All I care about is access to prostitution.

Nathan: That's actually a very effective and succinct answer to the question.

opebo: I watched Madmen, and there were only a few prostitutes, and not at all reasonably priced, so...

I don't know why, but I found it somewhat hilarious, because it made me think about you as a crazy man or as a man going crazy due to the lack of reasonably priced prostitutes. Don't take that into account, it's only that some persons like me have a certain sense of absurdity and even find funny a certain type of humour based on absurdity, which is too fine tasted to all people outside Europe, you know ;) In your favour plays that I can laugh with some of your posts, on the other hand I can't stand memphis. Do you know what I mean?

Yes, I know!  I like to think my humor is tailored for many tastes, a kind of shotgun approach.

Forget it, friend, Valero is like Robert Conrad begging you to knock the battery off his shoulder so he can kick your ass.  ::)

Thank you very much, man, I like Robert Conrad! :D

This Robert Conrad battery braggadocio is a new meme on me!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on April 25, 2013, 08:14:04 pm
So I know exactly what I'm looking for, what are the key industries in Atlantic Canada...

Unemployment

Mining and the fishery.

That's what I said...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on April 26, 2013, 02:42:11 pm
She has a husband and daughter now since y'all were engaged? She definitely moves fast!

The daughter is 10 1/2 years old, so if we had gotten married, I would have been her step father.  We broke up for the final time in early 2007, and her and her current husband just got married a few months ago.

10 years old?! She must be older than you then.

Haha, no she's almost 21 years younger!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 26, 2013, 03:37:34 pm
Context.

Yeah, I've referenced sex a few times.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 26, 2013, 08:44:30 pm
A Bushie classic:

new plot twist:  bushie found some way to manipulate the walking app.

Not today, boss...

but youve no doubt thought about it.

I've thought about it, and I tested the app, by setting it to running and then getting in my car.  It started going as fast as the car was moving.

Funniest. sh**t. Ever.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Northam for Governor '17 on April 26, 2013, 08:55:53 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=0&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=2;9;6&AK=2;oil;5&AZ=2;scary;5&AR=2;6;6&CA=1;movies;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;5&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;4&GA=2;16;5&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;nothing;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;here;5&KS=2;twisters;5&KY=2;8;6&LA=2;8;5&MD=1;10;6&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;hotdish;5&MS=2;6;5&MO=2;10;5&MT=2;cattle;5&NV=1;casinos;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;Mexicans;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=2;15;5&ND=2;3;5&OH=1;look;5&OK=2;ameriplan;6&OR=1;mondale84;5&PA=1;away;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=2;9;5&SD=2;see;5&TN=2;Elvis;5&TX=2;cowboys;5&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;5&WA=1;MSstate;5&WV=2;5;6&WI=1;bubblers;5&WY=2;to;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;see;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=2;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on April 26, 2013, 08:57:36 pm
Inks, why are you trying to ruin my birthday weekend celebration by insulting me needlessly?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: memphis on April 26, 2013, 11:09:52 pm
From the update but locked so I can't officially quote:
"I've walked not once, but twice this week, which is more than I've walked in years"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on April 27, 2013, 04:15:16 am
Are you often troubeld by garbage text messages from land agent?
(http://img823.imageshack.us/img823/6306/d13d44d566a1ddff9d5608b.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on April 27, 2013, 04:54:23 am
Are you often troubeld by garbage text messages from land agent?
(http://img823.imageshack.us/img823/6306/d13d44d566a1ddff9d5608b.gif)

OMG I'm dying from laughter.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on April 27, 2013, 01:30:41 pm
Another Bushie thread?  Give it a break, will ya?

This is what happens when you close the Update thread. You know what you need to do...

He needs to get off his fat ass and quit posting on the forum.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 27, 2013, 07:17:54 pm
No. We all want to motorboat Katy Perry.

I'd rather schooner.
And some guys would like to yacht all over her poop deck.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on April 27, 2013, 08:14:53 pm
Oklahoma City is the largest city in America

...

EDIT:  Oklahoma City is the 8th largest city in America.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_cities_by_area


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on April 28, 2013, 08:55:06 am
Bushie is on a roll.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: HokeyDood on April 28, 2013, 04:50:47 pm
Yes! that's hot.  Thai ladyboys only very rarely remove any genitals - they merely get whopping great breast implants.  Its a wonderful compromise.
You like the combination of large breasts and penises? It's an odd combination.

No the penis is irrelevant for me, but the fact that they've kept it and their gonads means they're their original randy selves.  If they remove that stuff they tend to be rather passionless and moody.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on April 28, 2013, 05:21:18 pm
I believe that Memphis died for our sins:

(http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/GALLERY/4206_23_04_13_11_07_56.jpeg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 29, 2013, 02:02:40 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=172813.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on April 29, 2013, 02:07:15 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=172813.0

Do you think it says anything that that was locked way more quickly than the penis size thread?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on April 29, 2013, 02:11:27 pm
Locking his own thread won't help Snowstalker with girls :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 29, 2013, 02:13:32 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=172813.0

Do you think it says anything that that was locked way more quickly than the penis size thread?

Yep.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on April 29, 2013, 02:15:42 pm
Locking his own thread won't help Snowstalker with girls :(

Speaking of which, where's the PMMFDSS?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on April 29, 2013, 08:54:07 pm
2. Abolish the 17th Amendment


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on April 29, 2013, 09:55:05 pm

I don't get it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Negusa Nagast 🚀 on April 29, 2013, 10:30:42 pm
People ought have a direct say in the selection of their representatives? In addition, selection of Senators by state representatives entrenches state senate gerrymanders, leading to further disproportional representation.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on April 29, 2013, 11:08:32 pm
People ought have a direct say in the selection of their representatives? In addition, selection of Senators by state representatives entrenches state senate gerrymanders, leading to further disproportional representation.

oh, right. that's hilarious :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on April 29, 2013, 11:58:47 pm
Locking his own thread won't help Snowstalker with girls :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on April 30, 2013, 03:20:26 pm
Inflicting either on civilians ought to be regarded as a violation of the Geneva Conventions.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on May 01, 2013, 07:52:58 pm
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=0&ev_p=0&AL=2;9;6&AK=2;3;5&AZ=2;11;5&AR=2;6;6&CA=1;55;6&CO=1;9;5&CT=1;7;5&DE=1;3;5&DC=1;3;9&FL=1;29;4&GA=2;16;5&HI=1;4;7&ID=2;4;6&IL=1;20;5&IN=2;11;5&IA=1;6;5&KS=2;6;5&KY=2;8;6&LA=2;8;5&MD=1;10;6&MA=1;11;6&MI=1;16;5&MN=1;10;5&MS=2;6;5&MO=2;10;5&MT=1;3;5&NV=1;6;5&NH=1;4;5&NJ=1;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=1;29;6&NC=2;15;5&ND=1;3;5&OH=1;18;5&OK=2;7;6&OR=1;7;5&PA=1;20;5&RI=1;4;6&SC=2;9;5&SD=1;3;5&TN=2;11;5&TX=2;38;5&UT=2;6;7&VT=1;3;6&VA=1;13;5&WA=1;12;5&WV=2;5;6&WI=1;10;5&WY=2;3;6&ME=1;2;5&ME1=1;1;5&ME2=1;1;5&NE=2;2;5&NE1=2;1;5&NE2=1;1;5&NE3=2;1;6)




Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on May 02, 2013, 02:04:47 am
Just because he comes out as gay, does not mean God hates gays or God hates the NBA.

Actually God may hate the NBA.  After all He allowed one of their franchises to move to Oklahoma. ;)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: traininthedistance on May 02, 2013, 07:30:09 am
I applaud jfmcts' valiant struggle against moderator tyranny. He truly is this forum's version of great civil rights martyr Harvey Milk.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on May 02, 2013, 02:41:34 pm
http://www.redracinghorses.com/diary/3085/rrhpmi-sc1-poll


Tied at 46.

List provided by Gravis Marketing.

How was their performance last year? Gold standard-ish?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on May 02, 2013, 10:53:54 pm
Not sure if we have LOL awards, but this post definitely qualifies:

I'll have to avoid the screening rooms.  The floors are gonna be all sticky...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 02, 2013, 11:04:06 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_ex_rel._Gerald_Mayo_v._Satan_and_His_Staff


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on May 03, 2013, 08:51:20 am
It’s 1980. President Carter in collusion with the Muslim Brotherhood laughs at a suggestion by Sgt John Everyman, Chief of Getting Things Done, to work on a deal to release the Iranian hostages. Sgt Everyman is disgusted and promises his cancer ridden daughter that he will seek vengeance for Democratic mishandling of the crisis. Luckily, Reagan is elected president in a landslide. Reagan and Everyman were buddies back in ‘Nam so Everyman knows he can trust him.

After saving Reagan’s busty wife Nancy from an attack by Muslims who had poisoned her tarot cards, the two set off to make things right in America battling against Tipp O’Neill, the deadly IRA backed terrorist Democratic chief of the Muslim Overlords Ninja Deadly Assassin League Extreme (M.O.N.D.A.L.E) and Reagan’s estranged son Ron Jr from building a device to block out the sun so it can never be ‘morning in America’ again. Everyman fights back against M.O.N.D.A.L.E’s goons but is heartbroken when O’Neill captures his daughter and gives her treatment for cancer in a public hospital where she will surely die after being injected by the deadly virus SocialAIDS.

Just in time, Reagan bursts in with his new sidekick Gorby, who warns O’Neill of the terrible effect SocialAIDS has had on Russia. Gorby and Reagan free Everyman’s daughter with the help of a local televangelist who was jailed for celebrating Christmas and flee to a private hospital. Everyman disables Ron Jr and then faces O’Neill down in the hospital canteen where after a series of blows, O’Neill drops down dead. Everyman finds on his possession a membership card proving that O’Neil was nothing more than a dirty Muslim Communist. Afterwards, Reagan announces he is stepping down. The whole nation is heartbroken wishing that he could be their President for ever and as a final act of gratitude, Sgt Everyman and his ‘Nam buddies blast an image of Reagan on the side of Mt Rushmore.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on May 03, 2013, 01:52:51 pm
Guys, I'm running for Stu. Co reporter, and I want your opinion on the speech that I have written.

Here it is, the first draft.
Quote
Now, thank all of you for coming to hear me blabber on why you should vote for me.  If you don’t know me, my name is Jerry Jackson, and obviously I am running for reporter of Student Co.  Now, when we are told to give these speeches, we are told to tell the people why they should vote for you.  Now, I really don’t think many of you want be to stand up here and talk about myself, so instead I will talk about you, the people.  So, let me get this suit jacket off, and get more personal with you guys.  I know you guys have heard promises that people had made, and most are fulfilled, but some, and almost always the best promises, go unanswered.  I can tell you this, I will do what you want, just tell me what that is.  I will not make any promises in this speech, that is not what I do.  I will give you guys results that you need.  So, if you want a person who will give you what you need, Vote Jerry Jackson, Reporter. 

Please post what you think.

Hey, sport. A few years back I ran with Everitt for the office of vice president of Atlasia. We nearly won! Are you excited about my help yet? I have decided to lend you my experience but only if you promise to make the costs for all of the products in the vending machines in the cafeteria divisible by 10 because fuck nickels.

Here is my revised draft of your speech, including actions you need to take.

STAND BEFORE PODIUM, SMILING. SHOW TEETH

Hello and thank you all for taking the time to listen to me right now concerning what I am about to tell you at the present time. If you don't know me, my name is..

SQUINT, LOOK AT YOUR CARDS AND SHUFFLE THEM

...Jackson comma Jerry. I am running for the office of reporter for Student Council. This is an exciting opportunity for me to have extra credentials when I apply for a slightly more upmarket community college. I also am a big fan of reporting and cards, unlike most of us!

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER. YOU'VE GOT THEM OFF GUARD NOW, GO IN FOR THE KILL

Now, I want to be real with you. That's why I've decided to take off some of my clothes.

TAKE OFF AS MUCH OF YOUR CLOTHES AS IS REQUIRED TO BE TAKEN REALLY

I'd like everyone to be aware as I continue that my nipples are so hard they could cut diamonds. I have no ideas about what to do in this job. I am being honest. I cannot make any promises because I have no idea how much actual leeway in this role I have for setting any sort of policy about anything. This is the student council for fucks sake! What am I going to help do, take the minutes while a couple of blowhards decide what sort of dress code is suitable for the prom? A prom that I will probably not get a date for? No, no, no. All I want is an excuse to not go home for a couple of hours a week. Why?

LOOK DOWN AT YOUR CARDS, COUGH. STICK YOUR BIG TOE INTO THE PIN YOU'VE PLACED IN YOUR $15 DRESS SHOES FROM TARGET, IF YOU ARE STILL WEARING THEM, UNTIL YOU FEEL THE TEARS FLOWING

Because my mom is a nympho, and every time I come home from school she's either riding my Dad, or one of your dads. I can't take it anymore. I'd give my left nut, and bear in mind that's like my favourite one, to not have to put up with that sh**t when I get home.

COUGH, WIPE THE TEARS AWAY WITH A TISSUE. BEFORE THROWING IT AWAY, SNIFF IT AND PUT THAT MILDLY PLEASED LOOK ON YOUR FACE. NOT A FACE THAT SAYS "THIS IS A DELICIOUS RISSOTO!!" JUST ONE THAT SAYS, "THIS IS THE THIRD DAY OF 75 DEGREE WEATHER IN A ROW, HOW NICE" LOOK BACK AT YOUR AUDIENCE. IF THEY TOO ARE CRYING, YOU'VE WON THE VOTE.

Thank you all for your time, and remember: Vote for Jackson! A vote for Jackson is a vote for the children.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on May 03, 2013, 02:22:30 pm
One from the vaults:

I support genetically modified children, but only if they have a sticker on them to alert potential buyers.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 03, 2013, 07:20:53 pm
Masturbate on cam and see how long it takes him to hit next.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: morgieb on May 03, 2013, 10:40:15 pm
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/4d8526d8308362314b673a157de8d6d7/tumblr_mm0oyzwf8v1r7k53go1_500.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on May 04, 2013, 04:02:04 am
I got TNF's point and agree with him on the thread question, but...

Yes. The purpose of May Day originated in Chicago, after all.

Is Chicago where the mound fairies arrive from on Beltane?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 04, 2013, 09:49:13 am
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=173047.msg3716803#msg3716803

See poll options.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on May 04, 2013, 11:52:45 am
It's not acerbic enough to belong in the sulfur mine, but I enjoyed this:

Obama has certainly been a good President for the 1%.

Right because the poors aren't allowed to invest in the stock market ::)

Friend, do you not understand the meaning of 'poor'?  It means = no money!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on May 06, 2013, 03:08:31 pm
Bump.

What did I tell you Reacticans?  Your party is sinking faster than the RMS Titanic in the middle of the Atlantic.  Your chances of ever winning again are as slim as Jimmy Hoffa being alive.

THis is proof positive that the future belongs to the Democrats and that Obama is the most transformative figure since FDR, only more successful.  When Hillary runs in 2016 it will be the death knell to your corporatist fascist party as she takes all states except Oklahoma, Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, and Alabama.  Your Congressional losses will be so staggering people will swear you were the Whig Party and that it's 1852.

So long, Grand Old Ass Party.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mopolis on May 06, 2013, 07:41:47 pm
Still, it's a fun exercise.

Now we'll never find out Bushie's WalkScore. :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on May 06, 2013, 08:09:00 pm
It seems like there *might* be more here than we originally heard about last autumn.

This is the real strategy, everyone: Say it enough times, and the Moderate Heroes will assume there's a story.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on May 07, 2013, 01:17:44 am
I lol'd at Heisenberg (?) :p

Easy(er):

President of the USA -  Jimmy Carter
Vice President of the USA -  Walter Mondale
Monarch of the UK and other realms of the Commonwealth -  Queen Liz 2
Prime Minister of the UK - Maggie
President or Premier of Russia or the Soviet Union -  Brezhnev
President of France - Mitterand
Pope of the Catholic Church -  Pope JP2

Somewhat more difficult:

Speaker of the US House of Representatives -  Tip O'Neil
Majority Leader of the US Senate -  Ted Kennedy
Prime Minister of Canada - Rush
Prime Minister of Australia -  Captain Kangaroo

Considerably trickier:

Governor of Massachusetts - Henry Adams VIII
Governor of Illinois - Al Capone
UK Chancellor of the Exchequer - Maastricht
UK Leader of the Opposition - Al
Most recent Best Picture Oscar winner - Little Man Tate
Most recent Nobel Peace Prize laureate - Jimmy Carter

Very tough:

Senior U.S. Senator of Tennessee - Howard Baker
Junior U.S. Senator of Vermont - Jim Jeffords
Leader of the Scottish National Party - Flintheart Glomgold
Most recent Best Supporting Actor Oscar winner - Rob Lowe
Most recent Nobel laureate in Physics - Heisenberg(?)



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 07, 2013, 08:38:07 am
My mother, a 2008 and 2012 Obama voter, has said she prefers Christie or Bush. She dislikes Hillary and Cuomo (she saw him during Hurricane Sandy). Just a tidbit.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 07, 2013, 01:14:46 pm
I would recommend a title change. Update Season VII: "The Golden Corral"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on May 07, 2013, 01:32:28 pm
Oakvale returns with a bang:

Nathan and I as roommates sounds like an interesting premise for an IFC sitcom or something.

"Nathan, Atomic Fetus and Savile's Paws are playing a hardcore show tonight, I'm going to smoke a bowl for Jesus and then go. You should come, I'm going to wear a t-shirt of a band from 1987 and set fire to a cop car because The Man."

"For the millionth time, no, I'm in the middle of The Pink Kabuto: Queer Samurai In 13th Century Japan. Besides, I went to Dance Witch Abortion last week like you asked and it was horrible."

"Come on bro you're a bad hipster Christian, I'm going to have to mosh for your soul in da club. Remember that Jesus was a medical marijuana practitioner. If you don't become more scene I don't know if this roommate situation is going to work out."

[Nathan ponders this]

"Yeah, you're right. Jesus did invent the gravity bong... what the hell, I'll get high with you and go to The Show At Da Club."

"Awesome bro I'll get my Ron Paul 2012 crack pipe."

[They hug, audience applaud. Fade out.]

[Fade in. BRTD and a horrified Nathan stand in a dark bar full of people who look like BRTD.]

"BRTD..."

"Isn't it awesome bro? Look at all these scene dudes."

"Is... this a gay bar?"

"WTF no bro. I have never touched another guy's dick."

"There's a flashing neon penis over the bar."

"LOL bro I have one of those in my room. Haven't you ever been to Dudefest?"

[Audience laughs, Nathan and BRTD look at the camera and both shrug, grinning. Credits.]


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 07, 2013, 02:26:36 pm
I would recommend a title change. Update Season VII: "The Golden Corral"

Win.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: HokeyDood on May 07, 2013, 05:38:39 pm
Oakvale returns with a bang:

Nathan and I as roommates sounds like an interesting premise for an IFC sitcom or something.

"Nathan, Atomic Fetus and Savile's Paws are playing a hardcore show tonight, I'm going to smoke a bowl for Jesus and then go. You should come, I'm going to wear a t-shirt of a band from 1987 and set fire to a cop car because The Man."

"For the millionth time, no, I'm in the middle of The Pink Kabuto: Queer Samurai In 13th Century Japan. Besides, I went to Dance Witch Abortion last week like you asked and it was horrible."

"Come on bro you're a bad hipster Christian, I'm going to have to mosh for your soul in da club. Remember that Jesus was a medical marijuana practitioner. If you don't become more scene I don't know if this roommate situation is going to work out."

[Nathan ponders this]

"Yeah, you're right. Jesus did invent the gravity bong... what the hell, I'll get high with you and go to The Show At Da Club."

"Awesome bro I'll get my Ron Paul 2012 crack pipe."

[They hug, audience applaud. Fade out.]

[Fade in. BRTD and a horrified Nathan stand in a dark bar full of people who look like BRTD.]

"BRTD..."

"Isn't it awesome bro? Look at all these scene dudes."

"Is... this a gay bar?"

"WTF no bro. I have never touched another guy's dick."

"There's a flashing neon penis over the bar."

"LOL bro I have one of those in my room. Haven't you ever been to Dudefest?"

[Audience laughs, Nathan and BRTD look at the camera and both shrug, grinning. Credits.]

I'm going to go ahead and second this. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on May 07, 2013, 08:49:17 pm
Apparently Bob is a 58 year-old guy looking for casual sex. (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/bigskybob)

'Maybe if he was getting some action, he'd hate the world less.

I was thinking about posting this for the longest time.

(http://ak2.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/150x150/558x800/140x84/308x252/0/10536960607839226427.jpeg)
Now, which of these do you think is his current girlfriend?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 07, 2013, 10:38:13 pm
I am certain that when Dave Leip sat down to create himself the US Election Atlas Forum, this is exactly the kind of thread he envisioned as the ideal goal of his forum.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 08, 2013, 05:26:25 am
that BSB post is gold

As for me, I actually laughed out loud at this one:

(http://i.imgur.com/ecMuk.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 08, 2013, 05:27:53 am
Yeah, yeah I'm in it, but:

Roughly 8 hours

Which brought my total up to about 12-13 times this month

…and now my mind is preoccupied with the question of how exactly a droid would masturbate. THANKS OBAMA!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on May 08, 2013, 12:46:59 pm
God I LOVE this country.

(http://www.sacredhoopministry.org/_borders/main-eagle.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on May 08, 2013, 12:50:33 pm
Classic, Naso.....(pronounced like peso)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 08, 2013, 02:27:35 pm
What a great post, for Naso.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 08, 2013, 02:44:02 pm
Naso loves Charles Ramsey because he fulfills most of the black stereotypes Naso subscribes to.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on May 08, 2013, 02:49:31 pm
Naso loves Charles Ramsey because he fulfills most of the black stereotypes Naso subscribes to.

When will "Lenny and Earl" return?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 08, 2013, 02:58:38 pm
Naso loves Charles Ramsey because he fulfills most of the black stereotypes Naso subscribes to.

When will "Lenny and Earl" return?

Along with Bonequesha?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 08, 2013, 07:04:56 pm
I don't think you can really compare Atlas members to Holocaust deniers, but my first pick would be Kalwejt, along with Franzl, a Person, and Leif.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on May 08, 2013, 07:27:51 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowguy716 on May 08, 2013, 07:31:21 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.
A whippersnapper, even.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 08, 2013, 07:34:25 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.

hello


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 08, 2013, 07:36:02 pm
ugh


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on May 08, 2013, 08:26:33 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.

hello

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!  How utterly hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on May 08, 2013, 08:50:31 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.

hello

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!  How utterly hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

it wasn't quite that funny.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 08, 2013, 08:54:11 pm
(http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/toons/drew_california.gif)

No wonder California leans to the left.  It's geography that's responsible.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on May 08, 2013, 09:40:48 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.

hello

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!  How utterly hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

Terrible joke, but you have to admit he does fit the bill of scoundrel and whippersnapper.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on May 08, 2013, 09:47:14 pm
I don't know who Leif is, but he sounds like a real scoundrel.

hello

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!  How utterly hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

it wasn't quite that funny.

......


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on May 09, 2013, 12:07:22 am
Where is NY Jew when we need him most?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 09, 2013, 01:04:59 am
Link's dead.
Oh no, who will rescue Zelda now?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on May 09, 2013, 02:29:31 am
Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma City

1. Will Rogers died in a plane crash.
2. This airport is the only one to have 'World' in its name rather than the more customary 'International'.
3. You cannot fly to any international destinations from this World Airport.

loloklahoma


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 09, 2013, 05:09:57 am
Terrible joke, but you have to admit he does fit the bill of scoundrel and whippersnapper.

This being the intent behind it


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on May 09, 2013, 12:13:29 pm
Did you loose your gonads in an accident at the window factory?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on May 09, 2013, 07:21:53 pm
Favorite: Bottom
Least: Top


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Keystone Phil on May 10, 2013, 11:46:14 am
Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma City

1. Will Rogers died in a plane crash.
2. This airport is the only one to have 'World' in its name rather than the more customary 'International'.
3. You cannot fly to any international destinations from this World Airport.

loloklahoma

Wanted to make the same point about it being named "World" and had a sad feeling it actually wasn't an international airport.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 10, 2013, 01:34:06 pm
Have they opened up Darwin Award nominating yet for 2013?

Quote from: nbcnews.com
A motorcyclist participating in a protest ride against helmet laws went over his handlebars, hit his head on the pavement and was killed, police said Sunday.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/43624650/ns/us_news-life/t/ny-motorcyclist-dies-ride-protesting-helmet-law/#.UY06rsok670

These are some of my most favorite protests.

(http://i42.tinypic.com/abnmet.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on May 11, 2013, 03:45:14 pm
The headache that was trying to develop earlier today has left the room.  It briefly got up to about a 4.0, but now is down to a 1.5.

Sounds like it's gotten much further than you have.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 11, 2013, 09:50:57 pm
December 1, 1955: Montgomery, Alabama (paraphrased)

James F. Blake: Hey, all you n*****s have to move to the back of the bus!
Rosa Parks: Well, I don't want to and you can't make me 'cause I have the right to sit where I damn well please.
Moderate Hero: How about you just move one seat back, OK? I mean, let's not get too extreme here.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 12, 2013, 10:33:02 am
FF, though he wasn't a really good president.  He handled Waco and Oklahoma City well, but had way too many scandals for his own good.  He refused to acknowledge Osama Bin Laden.  He refused to take out Saddam Hussein when he had the chance and left it for Bush to do and thus passed the blame onto Bush.  His deregulation of the banks in the late 1990's started the faucet dripping for the 2008-2010 recession that we're still trying to dig our way out of.  I won't even mention Monica Lewinsky.  He is a very likable guy, though.  I would really like to eat dinner with him one of these days, as long as he can leave Hillary at home.  With all that said, he's probably the best Democratic president in the last 40 years, including Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama.  He is also the best president we've had in the nearly 25 years since Reagan has been out of office.  Reagan is the best president in American History, but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SUSAN CRUSHBONE on May 12, 2013, 11:56:10 am
When I read BDSM, I think of BRTD.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on May 12, 2013, 12:57:35 pm
All the Bulgarian parties want the Roma to find work.

In Western Europe.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 12, 2013, 06:08:27 pm
Context:

On a completely unrelated note, I support Govenor Schweitzer to be the Democratic VP nominee in 2016 :D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on May 13, 2013, 07:15:39 am
FF, though he wasn't a really good president.  He handled Waco and Oklahoma City well, but had way too many scandals for his own good.  He refused to acknowledge Osama Bin Laden.  He refused to take out Saddam Hussein when he had the chance and left it for Bush to do and thus passed the blame onto Bush.  His deregulation of the banks in the late 1990's started the faucet dripping for the 2008-2010 recession that we're still trying to dig our way out of.  I won't even mention Monica Lewinsky.  He is a very likable guy, though.  I would really like to eat dinner with him one of these days, as long as he can leave Hillary at home.  With all that said, he's probably the best Democratic president in the last 40 years, including Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama.  He is also the best president we've had in the nearly 25 years since Reagan has been out of office.  Reagan is the best president in American History, but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century.
What's so funny about that?  Clinton wasn't a bad president, but he was a very overrated one.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 13, 2013, 08:03:18 am
Because he says "He wasn't a good President" and then says "but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century"


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on May 13, 2013, 09:32:58 am
Because he says "He wasn't a good President" and then says "but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century"

If you think that all US Presidents since Reagan have been pretty bad (like Jeff apparently does) its not absurd to say Clinton was the best of them, even though "he wasn't a good President". In that case he was the best of a bad lot.  


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 13, 2013, 02:31:16 pm
Because he says "He wasn't a good President" and then says "but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century"

If you think that all US Presidents since Reagan have been pretty bad (like Jeff apparently does) its not absurd to say Clinton was the best of them, even though "he wasn't a good President". In that case he was the best of a bad lot.  

I suppose. Though I guess the juxtaposition of it and the fact that it's Bushie makes it funny.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on May 13, 2013, 07:30:35 pm
There's something just quite so utterly and entirely perfect about a libertarian only being able to grow a neckbeard-and-Hitler-'tache combo.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on May 13, 2013, 10:15:34 pm
Because he says "He wasn't a good President" and then says "but Clinton is the best in the past quarter century"

If you think that all US Presidents since Reagan have been pretty bad (like Jeff apparently does) its not absurd to say Clinton was the best of them, even though "he wasn't a good President". In that case he was the best of a bad lot.  

Except Bushie seems to go into every presidential election undecided, but thinking that both candidates are good people, who he'd be cool with becoming his president.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 14, 2013, 05:26:31 am
There's something just quite so utterly and entirely perfect about a libertarian only being able to grow a neckbeard-and-Hitler-'tache combo.

Good one.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on May 15, 2013, 01:33:55 am
i think that requires a very careful analysis of some of nixon's other policies. probably more so than i am capable of offering quite honestly. but i will try anyway. please forgive the very brief summary:

- he enacted his secret plan to end the vietnam war and showed how ahead of his time he was by adopting a surge strategy. that the us only saw 15,000 american and 500,000 vietnamese deaths following this decision speaks to his foresight and clear-eyed realism. president obama should take note. perhaps reinstate the draft for good measure as some civic minded progressives have suggested.
- he launched a humanitarian intervention in cambodia to stop it from falling to the communists. i think since vietnam and cambodia both fell to the communists we can conclude he was right about the domino theory.
- he tried to convince our friends the chinese to intervene in india and pakistan. it is too bad that they did not heed his wise advice, otherwise the us would likely not have as many people hurt by outsourcing today.
- he tried to reduce poverty in the black community by promoting humane birth control measures like sterilization (without paternalistic things like 'informed consent' (http://books.google.com/books?id=FAB-6RzKAQIC&pg=PA170&lpg=PA170&dq=richard+nixon+sterilization+guidelines&source=bl&ots=4g2enDKHGr&sig=Z3Mu9D6l1hUyN5KFtDTa0a_Sick&hl=en&sa=X&ei=t1GOUeW1AtGGqwH0vYBo&ved=0CDkQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=richard%20nixon%20sterilization%20guidelines&f=false) laws) and abortion (which was of course, acceptable for blacks in his opinion). he also enacted policies that would give millions of young minorities guaranteed access to clothing, healthcare, food and free room and board. (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jan/15/jail-reflects-collapse-black-communities-us)
- he passed landmark health reform legislation, creating the system of hmos that so many millions of americans enjoy today.
- he helped enact policies that put a stop to the horrific economic stagnation caused by unions after ww2. undoubtedly helped contribute to present day record corporate profits.
- he campaigned against excessive regulation, then wisely changed course and proposed dozens of new regulatory agencies, then attempted to veto them after a thorough cost-benefit analysis. today agencies like the epa are staffed full of pro-business (http://www.forbes.com/sites/christopherhelman/2013/01/23/fracking-for-uranium/) individuals (http://www.counterpunch.org/2012/05/11/epa-to-fracking-victims-drop-dead/), with years of valuable experience working in business and government.
- he enacted price controls that were obviously very beneficial to the economy. grocery stores could barely keep up with new demand!
- he took the bold step of declaring a war on drugs, which has thus far cost approximately $1 trillion dollars. (http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-250_162-6480889.html). this to me sounds like a small price to pay given all the lives touched by nixon. it really speaks to the successes of our post-1970s drug policy so many former drug users have not only quit, but even become president themselves.

so overall, like many historians looking at nixon's many accomplishments i would have to say that he was 'near great.' if only he had done more before being taken down by a disturbingly un-civil and un-neutral media. who knows what legislation nixon and his team of policy wonks could have given us.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on May 15, 2013, 02:15:54 am
Legendary post^^^


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on May 15, 2013, 08:51:28 am

US birth rate fell further in 2012

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/provisional_tables/Provisional_Table01_2012Dec.pdf



see also:   http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=173228.0



Yup, that explains it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on May 15, 2013, 09:59:04 am
Oh wow, that sucks.  You never know when your time is up, no matter how young you are.  At least he was doing something he loved at the time.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 15, 2013, 03:08:11 pm
Context:

see also:   http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=173228.0


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on May 15, 2013, 03:15:56 pm
Context:

see also:   http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=173228.0

2 posts too late, kid.  :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 15, 2013, 03:47:29 pm
sh[inks] :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 15, 2013, 05:34:18 pm
What are you gonna eat today, Bushie? Will it be somewhat healthy at least?

To be honest, doubtful.  I'm probably going to go by McDonald's on my to my cousins.  I'm riding with my cousin to a high school graduation tonight.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on May 16, 2013, 02:34:14 am
I'm still waiting for Obama to congratulate Phil.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on May 16, 2013, 02:37:11 am
(I guess I've been taken off of "The List")

i can confirm this

(http://img607.imageshack.us/img607/6062/watchlistj.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 16, 2013, 05:17:38 am
Black Powa! Stick it to the white devils!
(http://i43.tinypic.com/1zspx1.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 16, 2013, 10:03:10 am
I think may be a black.

There are ways that you can find out.  Do you wear socks with sandals?  Do you put hot sauce on macaroni and cheese?  How do you pronounce the word AUNT? 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on May 16, 2013, 12:40:46 pm
Context: previous poster.

Your girlfriend is eleven? You like'em young, huh?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on May 16, 2013, 07:55:42 pm
Attention Wore Time
I don't know how to say this, so I'm gonna just come on out and say this. I... I haven't told my family yet but... I think, I think may be a black. Oldies, please don't hate me for it, but I am a Black Democrat.

So, as a racist democrat you're supporting lynchings, and as a Black man, you want to lynch yourself?



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Sawx, King in the North on May 17, 2013, 03:31:29 pm
I have more confidence in Bushie's weight loss plans.

Context: thread title.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 18, 2013, 08:08:43 am
(http://uselectionatlas.org/TOOLS/genusmap.php?year=2012&ev_c=1&pv_p=1&ev_p=1&type=calc&AL=2;9;5&AK=1;3;5&AZ=1;11;5&AR=1;6;5&CA=1;55;5&CO=1;9;6&CT=2;7;5&DE=2;3;5&DC=2;3;5&FL=2;29;5&GA=2;16;5&HI=1;4;5&ID=1;4;6&IL=2;20;8&IN=2;11;7&IA=1;6;4&KS=1;6;6&KY=2;8;7&LA=1;8;5&MD=2;10;5&MA=2;11;5&MI=2;16;8&MN=1;10;9&MS=2;6;5&MO=1;10;4&MT=1;3;7&NV=1;6;5&NH=2;4;5&NJ=2;14;5&NM=1;5;5&NY=2;29;5&NC=2;15;5&ND=1;3;8&OH=2;18;7&OK=1;7;5&OR=1;7;5&PA=2;20;6&RI=2;4;5&SC=2;9;5&SD=1;3;8&TN=2;11;6&TX=1;38;5&UT=1;6;6&VT=2;3;5&VA=2;13;6&WA=1;12;5&WV=2;5;6&WI=2;10;9&WY=1;3;7&ME=2;2;5&ME1=2;1;5&ME2=2;1;5&NE=1;2;7&NE1=1;1;7&NE2=1;1;7&NE3=1;1;7)

Wisconsin wins 308-230. Minnesota could probably do better if she picks a running mate from the South.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on May 18, 2013, 05:46:54 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Yiv2RbE.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 18, 2013, 07:46:39 pm
Sawxdem wins again


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on May 18, 2013, 08:17:20 pm
Sawxdem wins again


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 18, 2013, 10:07:21 pm
Gonna slow your browser down, but it's damn worth it:

Italy 2013

Berlusconi's policies, platform, goals, vision etc since 1994:
(http://acidcow.com/pics/20111114/gifs_08.gif)

Berlusconi's record since 1994:
(http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc163/olorinoflorien/1215753091239.gif)

The delirious crowds at Bersani rallies:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_m9gu9gT0Kq1rdbnd9o1_400%20%281%29_zpsf7b64b12.gif)

Meanwhile, Mario Monti's speeches:
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcbchjLxQQ1rrc78e.gif)

And Grillo's speeches
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/GIFs/tumblr_ml7s72M8j21r02cmlo1_500_zps9158409f.gif?t=1368801947)

Bersani's platform summarized:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/anigif_enhanced-buzz-31000-1343856135-31.gif)

A few months before, when Berlusconi was below 20%:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/asd_zps6238b207.gif)

When Berlusconi started closing in in the polls:
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8funhN7RN1r6v7x1.gif)

When the exit polls came out:
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loyingBzZg1qle72zo1_500.gif)

Our reaction to the results showing Berlusconi ahead:
(http://gifs.gifbin.com/092009/1253885876_suicide.gif)

Our reaction to the results showing the left barely ahead:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_mb8t3hYtbg1remsx6o3_250-1.gif)

What we were like all day/night watching results:
(https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_md32lvkRML1rkq886o1_250.gif)

What the Berlusconi fans were like:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_ma3dpryVLX1r2pp9ro1_500_zpsc04b6875.gif)

Phew, the left eeked out a win. The 'victory' speech:
(http://img.wtfmeme.com/73-Obama-we-caught-the-Boston-Bomber.gif)

The PD campaign summarized
(http://cdn.theatlanticwire.com/img/upload/2012/08/06/maroney2v.gif)

No, this is more accurate:
(http://media.tumblr.com/9d597c891e9d462f7439ae09c9a71bd5/tumblr_inline_mmm3drwoud1qz4rgp.gif)

Matteo Renzi meeting Bersani the next day:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_m8qdsyG89F1qcd7cjo2_500.gif)

When we realized what the hell just happened:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_m8pfktqLZ31qf8qofo1_500.gif)

Bersani: "damn I kind of screwed this thing up no?"
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_m8mb9nw0aO1qf8qofo4_250.gif)

Also, the Grillists did really well. Grillo was like:
(http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/42/Disko-hitler.gif)

We were like:
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbramjMtpt1rg2rf7o1_400.gif)

Angela Merkel was like:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/GIFs/tott-o_zpse018e4a6.gif?t=1368748843)

Our reaction to the whole damn thing:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/GIFs/tumblr_mbsc7bfnh91qlgpwso7_250_zps1ecd2c54.gif?t=1368802378)

What everybody else thought of Italy the next day:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/GIFs/tumblr_mbrc2v61Ph1qablpd_zpscc9a4337.gif?t=1368802399)

Bersani to the Grillists after the election:
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m54lidBroP1r2540yo1_500.gif)

But the Grillists were like:
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltvyi9DXGo1qjokxe.gif)

When we asked Bersani about a grand coalition with Silvio:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/GIFs/tumblr_matrx7mzNC1rv2dduo1_500_zpsa54fc162.gif?t=1368748947)

But then the PD formed a government with Berlusconi. We were like:
(http://media.tumblr.com/5f78005093f23da40060554f3971e7dc/tumblr_inline_mity9zDlE01qz4rgp.gif)

What we thought when Enrico Letta announced his government:
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbrcn8hBhx1rg2rf7o1_500.gif)

And Berlusconi was like:
(http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/hashemite/gymnastics/tumblr_m8h2e0kttn1qat75e.gif)

Further requests?



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 19, 2013, 05:33:03 pm
Quote
I don't deny the biological existence of race, nor do I deny that we're not all equal when it comes to intelligence
classic hate speech. looks like we have a nazi who wants to kill 6 million jews here. better take care of this guys.
(http://libertyunyielding.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/PC-Police.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 20, 2013, 01:27:38 am
I oppose all months, but we have white history month 11 months out of the year anyway.

You oppose all months? That must make it hard to read your calendar.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on May 20, 2013, 12:48:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/D1NWuNh.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on May 20, 2013, 01:13:17 pm
Creationists, they've been ruling the World since Theodosius took power.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: oreomilkshake on May 20, 2013, 06:55:49 pm
100%, me and Mint are both Blue Dog moderates who are pro-gun but like Brian Schweitzer. I guess you could say Reagan-Clinton-Warner-Schweitzer-Truman-Edwards Democrats with a fiscal conservative populist yet technocratic streak.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Talleyrand on May 20, 2013, 08:07:15 pm
Has anyone run an ip check on this thing yet?
good question. i was wondering if it's been spayed or neutered personally.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on May 20, 2013, 11:48:18 pm
click for context

Why don't they unite?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Justice Jbrase on May 21, 2013, 09:42:28 pm
One of very, very few good Republicans.

 At the end of the day, Huntsman still wants to implement policies that would destroy living standards for the vast majority of the American people and force the economy into a perpetual stage of austerity-induced economic depression. That doesn't qualify as 'good' in my book, regardless of how 'sensible' he might be about things like same-sex marriage, an issue that won't affect as many people as will the job-killing austerity programs people like Huntsman regularly advocate.
huntsman isn't that bad. he also supports liberating the iranians, syrians and making sure the terrorists don't hate us for our freedoms by getting rid of the more pesky ones. i'm glad to see such sensible policies prevailing in the republican party.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 22, 2013, 08:33:39 am
The Republicans would mop the floor with the Democrats.  Americans don't want to be told what they can or cannot eat or drink and how much.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on May 22, 2013, 10:47:55 am
(http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/GALLERY/6970_21_05_13_11_16_49.png)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 23, 2013, 08:34:11 am
Thanks, tranny.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: RogueBeaver on May 23, 2013, 11:18:41 pm
Christie needs to lose quite a bit of weight, first, though.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 23, 2013, 11:19:31 pm
I have no idea. I never count calories.  I just watch what I eat.
At first I thought you were Bushie and i was like "Jeff.. watching piles of food enter your mouth isn't the same thing as 'watching what you eat'".
But then it was Scott.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on May 24, 2013, 04:30:18 pm
You still didn't answer my question BTW.  How many sloppy joes would you be eating if you WEREN'T on a diet?

Probably 3.  I only had the 4th one last night to clean up the rest of the meat.  I generally stop at 3.

/thread


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Swedish Austerity Cheese on May 25, 2013, 12:59:10 am
Cant stand the excitement. Its like waiting for Christmas Eve when you were a kid. Has the average weight of Bavarian house wifes gone up? And is the beer consumption of German workers affected by Hartz IV?   


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on May 25, 2013, 12:13:55 pm
Saw this mentioned on the news and all over Twitter, but good to see it from the source so I know it's not some kind of hoax. How are you handling the reaction from your constituents to your shift on this issue?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 25, 2013, 09:38:10 pm
I'm not the love child of Clinton


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on May 25, 2013, 09:57:08 pm

He's you.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 26, 2013, 08:34:10 am

I feel this is gonna become the new "Oldies is black" meme.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 26, 2013, 08:45:30 am
Well, does it?

Weirdly, it kind of does when it has a thread title as short as "Does this thread make me look fat?"  It's a short enough title that it draws attention to how bulky the I-SC avatar is.  I'd suggest moving to NH or VT, or moving abroad to the UK to emphasize your height.  Or try going with a more slimming color.  I think dark colors make one look thinner, but unfortunately, no black avatars here.  Maybe try being a Republican, since that gives you a dark blue.

Sorry for being so blunt, but you asked!  You're still a lot thinner than I am with my Australia avatar!



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on May 26, 2013, 09:17:20 am

I feel this is gonna become the new "Oldies is black" meme.

It's not a meme, it's a fact.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 26, 2013, 10:21:16 am
Jerry your profile says you're sixteen. By chance were you born about nine months after Clinton and Lewinsky had their affair?

just wondering

Yeah, I was born in November.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 26, 2013, 11:17:44 am
The Atlas Forum Moderate Heroism Association weeps for its fallen comrade leader.

No, that would be Evan Bayh.

HPJ was an Evan Bayh sock.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 26, 2013, 10:57:04 pm
http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=174062


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 27, 2013, 08:19:53 am
Wow. Didn't figure we had so few 41 kids. Mostly Clinton or Reagan kids here.

I bet we already have Dubya kids.

Judging by the quality of their posts, a few posters are probably born under Obama.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 27, 2013, 09:39:52 am
God. No wonder you feel like crap physically all the time. You never eat anything light and healthy! Just fatty meat, carbs, and no vegetables whatsoever. And don't eat an ice cream cone for dinner.

Too late.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on May 27, 2013, 07:45:37 pm
You're going to stay in a dorm? That would be priceless.

I saw that... If I had Bushie as my roommate... Oh goodness, I don't think I'd be able to handle  that.  I don't know what would bother me more... the 31 year old guy with the creeper stache watching porn in the bed underneath me, or the fact that he tries to get me to pay for it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 28, 2013, 08:09:02 am
21:39 Snowstalker  i doubt society would totally fall apart if we legalized murder/rape/arson/theft etc


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 28, 2013, 03:20:44 pm
(http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3009/2701038371_1dce6a18e1_z.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on May 28, 2013, 06:02:31 pm
I for one welcome President Rubio.

After that spic supported opening our doors to ILLEGALS?  No way.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on May 28, 2013, 06:12:47 pm
(http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3009/2701038371_1dce6a18e1_z.jpg)

Gotta love the National Lampoon in its days of glory.  However, I doubt that even without Chappaquidick that Kennedy could have beat Nixon in 1972.  (The parody of VW ads of the time was done in 1973.)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 29, 2013, 05:30:41 am
.....who wouldn't want to see Selena Gomez run for president?

This isn't funny.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on May 29, 2013, 10:29:23 am
Apparently Pope Francis is a Catholic.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 29, 2013, 01:20:26 pm
I had three small hamburgers at McDonalds.  Small fries.  Small coke. 2 Big Macs and a side salad.  500 calories max.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on May 29, 2013, 05:51:37 pm
Fool.  Bloomberg mandated all by-mail terrorists switch to Diet Ricin two years ago.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Clinton1996 on May 29, 2013, 08:28:03 pm
I heard they sent it in a 32oz envelope.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 30, 2013, 05:22:00 am
I heard they sent it in a 32oz envelope.

That's dark. Hilarious, but dark.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 30, 2013, 04:01:54 pm
No.  Despite how tender children can be, I'm trying to cut down on red meat.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: WalterMitty on May 31, 2013, 01:41:07 pm
I've moved past that.

The classic Bushie dodge!

(He can't move himself off the couch, but he can "move past" his mistakes.)


JayCarneyFanOklahoma


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 31, 2013, 01:43:28 pm
I was too lazy to make breakfast today so I went to McDonald's and got 2 egg mcmuffins, no cheese, no candian bacon, and no english muffin.   250 calories tops.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on May 31, 2013, 02:15:54 pm
Context:

TX


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on May 31, 2013, 02:28:10 pm

Good man!  I purposefully left off the smilies to see if anyone would get it!  :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Clinton1996 on May 31, 2013, 04:17:07 pm
I would give up the ability to speak in exchange for sex with Bacon King.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on May 31, 2013, 08:26:17 pm
with the latest severe wx outbreak, bushie's 'diet' has been suspended until further notice.

Good.  He'll be going back to 3 sloppy joes instead of 4.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on June 01, 2013, 03:58:22 pm
Good Saturday Evening!  It is a much better day weather wise today.  It's so nice to see bright sunshine and know that the sunshine is not leading to instability and destructive tornadoes.   In fact, we're supposed to remain dry all the way through Tuesday.  Mom and I were able to get out of the house this morning and exchange my refrigerator that quit cooling yesterday afternoon.  We tried several different power outlets and it didn't come on, so we found the receipt and exchanged it.  Then, we met Dad at Santa Fe Steak House for lunch where I did get a Chicken Sandwich.  It was pretty tasty.  A lot better than I thought it would be.  Mom and I then took a stroll around Walmart for 30-40 minutes shopping, so I got a little bit of walking in at Walmart.  I didn't use my app, because I was so focused on conversing with my mother.  We just got home about 20 minutes ago.  A little bit later this afternoon, I've got to go to the church and rehearse my sermon for tomorrow morning.  I'm hoping we have power at the church, otherwise, we will be having church the old fashioned way.  Outdoors.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on June 01, 2013, 04:39:35 pm
Tomorrow, my exercise will consist of about 1-3 hours of swimming in my cousin's pool.  While I don't know how to swim, I can at least glide along the shallow end of the pool width wise from side to side.  I can do that back and forth several times.  I'll also have maybe one or two grilled hamburgers that my Pastor will fix along with some corn and possibly a few cucumber slices on the side for lunch.  It depends on what they have to fix.  I won't eat a whole lot, as I want to be able to swim without being too full.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on June 01, 2013, 05:12:46 pm
I would give up the ability to speak in exchange for sex with Bacon King.

Continuing on that theme:

I would give up the ability to speak in exchange for sex with Bacon King.

That's nothing. I would give up the ability to have sex in exchange for being able to speak with Bacon King.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on June 01, 2013, 05:40:02 pm
I'll be honest, Hockey, I'm a little jealous!  I've always wanted to join the Navy for another reason - to have the American Flag draped over my casket.  Alas, the Navy wasn't in God's plans for my life.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on June 01, 2013, 07:00:24 pm
I'll be honest, Hockey, I'm a little jealous!  I've always wanted to join the Navy for another reason - to have the American Flag draped over my casket. 

Emo.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on June 02, 2013, 03:06:33 am
Blair is maybe the only Labour British PM I have any affinity towards.  Him and GW made a handsome couple...

Too bad gay marriage wasn't an option back then.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 02, 2013, 06:42:46 pm
Mars attacks

Have you ever farted but realized you just had diarreah?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on June 04, 2013, 08:50:22 pm
I went to the drink fountain with the intention of getting a diet drink, but I accidentally hit the Dr Pepper lever.  I didn't realize it until the cup was full.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Torie on June 04, 2013, 08:54:58 pm
I went to the drink fountain with the intention of getting a diet drink, but I accidentally hit the Dr Pepper lever.  I didn't realize it until the cup was full.

The rest of the story being no doubt that he consumed the accidental beverage, because he had an excuse - in his own mind. Suppose the machine had spit out hemlock? No doubt, consume that too, because you can, and you had already paid for it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Kitteh on June 04, 2013, 09:12:44 pm
That whole post is pretty f'ing hilarious:

I went to the drink fountain with the intention of getting a diet drink, but I accidentally hit the Dr Pepper lever.  I didn't realize it until the cup was full.  Also, the fries only brought it up from 350 to 730 calories according to the McDonald's menu.  So, the regular Dr. Pepper brought it up to probably 1,050-1,100 calories.  That's not THAT bad, especially when I've only had 450 calories up until dinner.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: ⚑ Comrade Corbyn for PM ⚑ on June 05, 2013, 08:43:30 am
'Drinks fountain' lol.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on June 06, 2013, 01:50:45 am
On Apple products:

I vowed a long time ago never to buy anything that has a piece of half eaten fruit as its logo.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on June 06, 2013, 12:28:12 pm
On Apple products:

I vowed a long time ago never to buy anything that has a piece of half eaten fruit as its logo.

If only there were a technology company with Grilled Hamburgers as its logo.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Joe Republic on June 07, 2013, 01:54:21 am
This is better without context:

He gave me that shot in my bum, but my headache just laughed...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on June 07, 2013, 07:41:12 am
My favorite 'rural moment' was sitting on a huge recently felled log a mile up our 'back woods' on the largest of the hobby farms (400-500 acres, can't remember), chatting with our log-cutters. They were a funny bunch, real raw and rough chaps, but rather polite in their way.  Suddenly, out of the blue, they asked us 'you fellers are saved aren't you?'  My dear departed father - a man far from atheism, but highly uncomfortable with any mention of religion in casual conversation with (near) strangers, merely said 'well, I suppose its better than the alternative'.  Thank goodness the bizarre rubes let the matter drop, and we made it out of the woods alive and 'unsaved'.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 07, 2013, 08:22:26 am
This is better without context:

He gave me that shot in my bum, but my headache just laughed...

I hate when Bushie thinks he's clever.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Хahar 🤔 on June 08, 2013, 02:17:08 am
This is better without context:

He gave me that shot in my bum, but my headache just laughed...

Is Bushie a Mad Men character?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Filuwaúrdjan on June 08, 2013, 05:05:38 am
It makes a degree of sense: he could certainly be used to illustrate wider themes about America.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: True Federalist on June 08, 2013, 08:17:26 am
Does anybody know why Bushie uses military time?

It's not that it's "military time;" he just recognizes that that's how they do it in most other countries. Oklahomans are cosmopolitan like that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on June 08, 2013, 08:36:58 pm
Actually I almost got suspended about six months before the lie to the cops.

I pulled a prank consisting of showing kids a disgusting video, and my friend was on the sidelines. Basically, friend starts running his mouth on Tumblr about me, I start kicking around the idea of "(http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing knocking this (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)(http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)er the (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png) out" and "putting this (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)(http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)(http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)er in his place". I also tell this friend that "I'm in (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing beastmode" and that "Nobody will (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing stop me this Monday."

That Monday I came down with the flu. Naturally, this kid tells everyone he knows that I'm faking it. My excuse is that "I'm not Michael (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing Jordan, I'm not in shape for fighting with the (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing flu." Thursday, my grandfather dies, and I have to spend most of the next week down in PA for the funeral, and apparently I'm faking that too according to him. This also means I can't go to the Winter Classic to watch my Flyers take on the Rangers. Between those two things, a lot more inks-laden rants and Facebook messages got sent. Then, that Friday, I show up, he doesn't. After the funeral and I return, on the last Friday of the year, I finally see him, hop up, and say "Surprise, (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)(http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)er. You wanna talk (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png), say it to my (http://i.imgur.com/7GqQudq.png)ing face." I just hear him faintly mutter "**** off" and bolt to his next class.

Since it was two weeks since he started running his mouth, I just let that speak for himself.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on June 08, 2013, 11:17:53 pm
BK/Sawx for supreme dictators


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on June 09, 2013, 03:03:27 pm
In Germany the church taxes you.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on June 10, 2013, 09:19:38 am
Probably gonna get death points for this, but this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on this forum

Context:

Is this nigga still alive?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on June 11, 2013, 08:57:31 pm
As Walter mentioned, something is breaking... Literally...  On the way out the driveway this morning just a couple miles from the house, A rock decided to fall from what looked like an old abandoned building.  It's a little windy today, so the wind probably moved some of the branches of the tree to sweep the rock off the building and right onto the upper half of my windshield.  There is a great big crack in the glass that looks like a big spider from where the rock made impact.  I called my grandmother to get the name of the business she used to get her back windshield replaced after the recent hail storms.  I called them and they will replace the front windshield tomorrow at 11:00 am for $180.  Not bad at all, I think!

Hey guys and gals can we go back to this post for a minute?

Quote
On the way out the driveway this morning just a couple miles from the house

Like, how is somewhere that's "just a couple miles away from my house"still only "on the way out the driveway" Bushie how long exactly is your driveway jesus

Quote
A rock decided to fall from what looked like an old abandoned building.


How did a rock get up there, I mean rocks can't climb or fly or even move on their own

Also how do you know where the rock apparently came from, unless it was like really huge you wouldn't be able to see it until it hit your car

Quote
It's a little windy today, so the wind probably moved some of the branches of the tree to sweep the rock off the building and right onto the upper half of my windshield.

Is it just me or is this like the worst explanation for anything ever?

How did a rock get on top of a building? Do Oklahoma buildings have roofs flat enough for rocks to just chill on top of them anyway? How does "a little bit of wind" cause tree branches to fling a rock like it's a golf club? Since when does Oklahoma have buildings tall enough (and road frontage small enough) to even make something like this possible according to physics?

Bushie how did this really happen

was some kid throwing rocks at you or was it just because you sat on your window


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on June 12, 2013, 05:23:43 am
Who is HPJ?

I think it is a virus that causes cervixial cancer.  Caused by masturbating with socks.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on June 12, 2013, 09:27:19 am
Two from the same set of commentary:

I see the story is veering into magical realism now.

Wait, how did it fall off a building? Were you driving under it? Or did it just blow it off and the rock floated in mid air to your car? I'm liking the rock throwing theory. Maybe Bushie was playing at a playground with some kids and the teens started making fun of him and throwing rocks. Fearing for his life, Bushie ran to his car and got in but one of the punks threw a rock and hit his windshield.

Sounds plausible to me.

We're starting to hear rumors of a second rock thrower in a nearby grassy knoll.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: SPC on June 12, 2013, 06:02:50 pm
Hopefully they help us remove a few of the conservatrolls and Paultard radicals.
And perhaps a few arrogant Frenchmen as well?
Good thing he's Canadian.

Could be one of those cases where both countries will try to blame each other.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on June 12, 2013, 11:55:24 pm
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH
COUCHKID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE HIS COUCH

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/p480x480/310_27190905959_5014_n.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 13, 2013, 08:27:26 am
Mods are NSA
Wake up sheeple
IPU unite
Ron Paul 2016

Only because they don't understand the zoo.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on June 13, 2013, 08:38:55 pm
Leif is a Viking and the person who really discovered America.

Link is a fictional fantasy character who wears green and saves the kingdom of Hyrule from a Man-Bear-Pig guy named Ganon/dorf.

How do you confuse them?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on June 14, 2013, 01:24:31 pm
Let's let those slide. He proudly identified himself as a Republican; a Northeast establishment Rockefeller Republican. Talked about all the money he donates and almost literally mapped out his political future.

What the hell is Oldiesfreak doing in PA?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Sol on June 14, 2013, 02:20:11 pm
Massachusetts currently has an African-American man and a Native American woman.  South Carolina has an African-American and a homosexual.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on June 16, 2013, 09:09:17 am
Probably about 2 in 10 strongly support affirmative action and the other components of the war on whites.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 16, 2013, 10:48:46 am
My eyes are starting to fade, but there is still something I need to do before I go to bed. 

Say no more friend, I get ya.

(http://i.imgur.com/d0Jmt.gif)

I guess he just types in "sex.com" and hopes for the best, since apparently they don't have google search in Oklahoma yet.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Homage to Catalonia on June 16, 2013, 02:41:40 pm
Can't find sulfur mine thread, so brutal ownage of Oldiesfreak by Joe goes here:

(http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o107/JoeRepublic/null_zpsb667fd9d.jpg)

(http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o107/JoeRepublic/null_zps4387db1f.jpg)

(http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o107/JoeRepublic/null_zps2ecf7a66.jpg)

(http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o107/JoeRepublic/null_zps07b12072.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Fmr. Pres. Duke on June 16, 2013, 03:33:06 pm
Happy Father's Day, Bushie! I hope your children sent you a card.

I didn't get a card from the kids, though I may get one later this week when I am able to hold them in my arms!  I did get recognized among the real fathers by birth at church today and was given a couple tokens of appreciation.  There were only 5 dads there this morning, myself included.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on June 16, 2013, 05:59:40 pm
From the "How many countries have you been to?" thread:

1: The greatest country in the world.

So what parts of China did you visit?
(http://i.imgur.com/g7X0VPb.jpg)

Gotta give credit when Hoosier's right


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on June 18, 2013, 03:35:27 pm

Also today, I did not torture any puppies by leaving them outside in the heat all the day instead of letting them inside.

And I got a small chocolate frosty from Wendy's. Twenty calories, max.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on June 19, 2013, 01:04:04 pm
I don't know if to put this here, the deluge, or the GPG.
Hitchens in a nutshell:

HAR HAR CHRISTIANS SUCK THERE IS NO GOD LOLZ!

BOMB IRAQ BOMB IRAQ, INVADE AND SLAUGHTER PEOPLE!

HAR HAR TORTURE IS AWESOME!

HA HA BUSH RULES, LIBERALS WHO TRASH HIM SUCK, LIBERALS LOVE TERRORISTS!

There I completely summarized that idiot's "contribution" to public discourse.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on June 19, 2013, 10:05:10 pm
If the white women and white men of Missouri were segregated from each other to such a degree that a gender gap in voting showed up on a county map, it would be no wonder the state had weird pregnancy politics.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on June 20, 2013, 07:40:39 am
Quote from Naso:

"She asked, "Are you a virgin?" I was slightly offended. Here I am, just a few hours after doing the naughty with my hot 19 year old girlfriend and another hot 19 year old girl thinks I am a virgin. Later that same night, me and another worker were talking about guitars. Another girl I work with said, "Mike...you play guitar??" I said, "Yeah, why?" She said, "You don't look like you'd play guitar, you look like you'd play the tuba."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 20, 2013, 08:40:22 am
Quote from Naso:

"She asked, "Are you a virgin?" I was slightly offended. Here I am, just a few hours after doing the naughty with my hot 19 year old girlfriend and another hot 19 year old girl thinks I am a virgin. Later that same night, me and another worker were talking about guitars. Another girl I work with said, "Mike...you play guitar??" I said, "Yeah, why?" She said, "You don't look like you'd play guitar, you look like you'd play the tuba."


Let us cite the whole post:

http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=174430.msg3767985#msg3767985

Quote
Again, I was insulted. These girls look at me and see a redheaded Tuba-playing virgin. When in reality, I'm a redheaded guitar-playing womanizer."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on June 20, 2013, 08:46:23 am
We better have the whole quote then:

Nice guys don't finish last....they finish in the shower. (Two and a Half Men)

In reality, it depends on the person themselves. It's very easy to generalize and in many cases books can be judged by their covers. But other times it's about perception. Take me for instance.

I never did so much as go on a date until I was 20 years old. I still live at home. Yet I have dated more girls than I can count. What's funniest of all? My biggest time period of dating the most girls occurred when I was without money and unemployed. In fact, my date life has gone sour since I've been making steady money. Perhaps less time focused on getting girls and more focus on getting money. Whatever the case, you would assume working and being around more people and having money would make you more attractive than being unemployed and without money.

There was a girl I dated a year and a half ago, with whom I'm still friends with today. We talk all the time but we just didn't remain in a relationship longer than a few months. This girl is close to my age, and gorgeous. She's hot. She liked that I played guitar and she liked my red hair.

We were a hot item together. I remember one day we spent the whole day and night together during which time we took this picture.

(http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y66/Floydbuster/daniandi2.jpg)

That night I went to my work. A girl I worked with who was 19 years old came up to me with an awkward smile. She asked if she could ask me a personal question. I said, "Sure."

She asked, "Are you a virgin?" I was slightly offended. Here I am, just a few hours after doing the naughty with my hot 19 year old girlfriend and another hot 19 year old girl thinks I am a virgin. Later that same night, me and another worker were talking about guitars. Another girl I work with said, "Mike...you play guitar??" I said, "Yeah, why?" She said, "You don't look like you'd play guitar, you look like you'd play the tuba."

Again, I was insulted. These girls look at me and see a redheaded Tuba-playing virgin. When in reality, I'm a redheaded guitar-playing womanizer.

It's the way I am perceived. I do often feel out of the times. One step behind. The best example of that is a picture from after my sister's wedding. All the guys from the wedding party were walking "Reservoir Dogs" style down the sidewalk and suddenly everyone decided to grab each other's hands and jump in the air for a picture. I tried, but as you can see from the photo, I was the only one who didn't think, "Let's all be youthful goofballs and jump in the air holding hands."

(https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/8435_1253240293061_3382050_n.jpg)

I was one step behind.



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on June 20, 2013, 08:47:04 am
If politicus didn't do her Inks impression and lock the thread we could have quoted it earlier.  :P


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on June 20, 2013, 11:24:58 am
If politicus didn't do her Inks impression and lock the thread we could have quoted it earlier.  :P

Thread closers suck.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on June 20, 2013, 11:30:32 am
If politicus didn't do her Inks impression and lock the thread we could have quoted it earlier.  :P

Thread closers suck.

Okay, Ill reopen it. I just thought it had run its course.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on June 20, 2013, 01:15:05 pm
I have no idea how Bushie travels, but I expect he will be wearing a fanny pack at some point.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on June 20, 2013, 01:40:44 pm
Not really, but what you and Lief said was waaayyy worse than that.

Link?

No, not Link.  Lief. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: King on June 20, 2013, 05:08:48 pm
Mine is of a little girl from Maisha, who is 4 years old and has HIV/AIDS.  You wouldn't know it by the picture or by meeting her.  She is just as bubbly and vibrant and happy (or seems that way) as any 4 year old girl you might meet.  Sadly, even with medication her life expectancy is less than 15 years old.

You really know how to kill a thread, don't you? :(


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Lief 🐋 on June 21, 2013, 11:01:57 am
Do we have any photos of Bushie's ankles?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: shua on June 21, 2013, 07:47:23 pm
Well here was something else that came to me last night as well. I just realized that hot blonde drunk girl is probably also a Christian. see "hot blonde drunk girl" is what I think of her as since I don't know her real name. I've probably heard it before, I just don't remember it. i doubt she does remember mine either so who gives  a . But i see her at shows all the time, i've bought her drinks before, she's boughtme drinks before, we interact on some level. And she's always ING DRUNK and dances like crazy. she's the one who told  me about her time that she got banned from this club for smoking pot outside, but then she got back in by flashing the doorman like 2 weeks later. haha, like doesn't give a  about anything but pot, alcohol, shows and records. like my ideal person, but probably not a christian. But here she is at mewithoutyou. now yeah lots of nonchristians listen to them, like even Tweed listens to mewithoutyou. ING TWEED GUYS But she was christian dancing. not like normal dancing like everyone does, like CHRISTIAN DANCING. Hand raising and waving, holding them out, and then jumping up and screaming along lines like "THERE IS DEFINITELY A GOD" and "GOD IS LOVE AND LOVE IS REAL". so you see, that's the type of person Jesus would hang out with today. Not some ing megachurch preacher or suburban church events committee couple. No He'd probably have some pot dealer roommmate, and his other roommate like an art school grad or something like that. He wouldn't drive or own a ing car of course. He wouldn't have lots of money but would buy everyone drinks at shows. it'd be so cool.

also i wish it would cool down here ing fast so girls start wearing hoodies again. Girls look SO CUTE in hoodies.


there used to be a Christian satire magazine called The Wittenburg Door.  They would have published that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on June 21, 2013, 08:56:40 pm
Sh!t, I was quite drunk last night, wasn't I?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: politicus on June 22, 2013, 06:11:55 am
I guess if Lief took a lot of Adderall he'd post like Link.

Who would I post like if I took a lot of Adderall?

Nathan.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on June 22, 2013, 03:51:05 pm
Good Evening again folks!  It has it’s been very busy and wonderful all at the same time although now I have a massive migraine unfortunately.

God has blessed me and my heart is so happy right now!  Seeing my kids, spending time with them and with the other children makes my heart sing with joy!  I’m going to enjoy church with them tomorrow and next Sunday as well.  I'm so happy it's going to be hard to sleep!

Things are coming along just fine but there is much work to do.  You guys would be proud that I have to drink so much water during the day.  I hope it helps.

Mom is going to talk to Dad while I’m gone.  She knows what my long term goals are and what is in my heart.  Since it’s just the two of them she can share my goals about Kenya with him.  I think he will be accepting.  I’m thinking I can be here full time within a few years, hopefully 2015 but not much later than 2016 and really be a Dad to my kids.

I’ll try and update you again soon!



Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on June 23, 2013, 05:44:23 pm
HPJ is the leader of the local KKK chapter

No that's Oldies.

(http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=319846.0;attach=359573;image)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 23, 2013, 05:57:00 pm
At what point do we discover that he's posting all of this from a McDonald's in Oklahoma City?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Justice Jbrase on June 24, 2013, 10:48:45 pm
We're on opebo.

(http://theseconddisc.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/1987_predator_008.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on June 27, 2013, 09:59:57 am
I was not aware this forum was populated with disgusting childish morons like Marcus Aurelius.

What is your level of maturity, thirteen? 

Oh, sorry, I have just insulted all thirteen year olds by bringing them down to your level. 

Now we know where your mind is at and what your inner desires really are.  After all, if one is obsessed with something, as you obviously are, one will express their true inner desires for oneself by openly making them public, as you have just done.
You have such a way with words as to make literally everything you say seem disingenuous.


Snowguy, that is clearly because you fail to grasp the full gravity of my advanced writing skills.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on June 27, 2013, 04:09:45 pm
Now, I've got to admit that was a great one (although not strictly speaking factually true). ;)

only for non-obese women between the ages of 18-40.

The sad thing is that I think you are serious.

Yeah he is, but look on the bright side, Tony, if BRTD ruled the world you'd see your first naked girl!!  :D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: ⚑ Comrade Corbyn for PM ⚑ on June 28, 2013, 10:56:01 am
He's like a physically intimidating version of Rick Santorum.  Oh, and with a monkey face.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on June 28, 2013, 06:55:08 pm
BK knows how to unmask socks with style.

I wish I could join this club, but I can't. I've only been here for a day!

This is lies, mister sock

We both know the truth
So why not confess
Before you are poof'd?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on July 02, 2013, 12:01:12 pm
In 2009, 52% of voters in the town where Jesus was born voted for the communists.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on July 03, 2013, 04:08:03 am
I wish My spouse and i knew a bit more about black mold, I would simply test our own place personally. Does any person know a fantastic place to get yourself a test equipment?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on July 03, 2013, 01:41:43 pm
I am still in New York right now.  Our flight to Dulles was canceled yesterday causing all 11 of us to be split on different flights. 

Good lord, 11 Oklahomen on one flight from Europe!  I hope you didn't all sit on the same side of the plane.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on July 03, 2013, 01:54:19 pm
Why did you think this thread was a good idea? Why would anyone think that any of these "hot or not" threads were a good idea?

(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnuhhwBXBD1qg945w.jpg)

Why the hell are we dogpiling on a politician's daughter?  Are folks here that morally depraved?

(http://images.wikia.com/creepypasta/images/b/b7/Willy-wonka-you-must-be-new-here.jpg)

Is that a joke?

(http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/new.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Snowstalker's Last Stand on July 04, 2013, 10:06:21 pm
You had to know a post like this was right around the corner, but...

Fourth of July Dinner is over and I am thoroughly exhausted!  I may not be long for this world tonight!  Tomorrow is July 5 which is the beginning of my Christmas season.  I will be starting the official countdown to Christmas after I wake up tomorrow morning!  Christmas Music has already started in my car, but it will be time for me to start planning.  There's still 5 1/2 months until Christmas Day, but for me, that's not much time. :)  I didn't watch Home Alone at all last Christmas, so I will probably go on a Home Alone Marathon in the next couple weeks to kick off Christmas 2013!

(http://i.imgur.com/U74clAX.png)

This is it, folks. Show's over, this cannot be topped. I ask the mods to lock this thread immediately.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on July 04, 2013, 10:06:40 pm
Sawx is the best poster in Atlas history.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Bacon! 🔥 on July 04, 2013, 10:09:13 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^^


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on July 04, 2013, 10:45:04 pm
I hereby resign from the Atlas forum. Sawx wins. He may now claim his prize, which is Dave Leip's multi-million dollar estate in the Rocky Mountains. Congratulations.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on July 05, 2013, 04:28:06 pm
So the cast is to keep himself from...


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Clinton1996 on July 05, 2013, 09:32:46 pm
Zimmerman would make a tremendous secretary of defense.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Trounce-'em Theresa on July 06, 2013, 05:48:54 am
Just noticed the reference to me here.

But yeah good for him, this concert looked boring as f**k. I mean sitting on that chair the whole time? How the f**k are you supposed to dance? Also full of boring people too based on that pic. Does this place even serve alcohol and is it full of hilarious wasted people? That concert looks like it'd be utter hell to sit through, comparable to a metal show.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on July 06, 2013, 10:09:42 am
Yeah, no.

Which is it?  Make up your mind.


Apparently it flew over your head.  The answer is clearly no.  To read this properly, you say the "yeah" slow and drawn out with a quick, sudden "no".  Kinda like - "yyyyeeaaahh, no."


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on July 06, 2013, 11:42:45 am
The most dangerous city in Canada. Oh noez! Run for the hills ::)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: ⚑ Comrade Corbyn for PM ⚑ on July 06, 2013, 12:22:06 pm
I love how you can imply in the title of this thread that anyone reading it is male, because it's so blatantly obvious that no women use this forum.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mr. Morden on July 07, 2013, 07:28:33 am
Maybe "Comedy Goldmine" isn't the best place for this.  What about "WTF mine"?:

Are you going to tell your dad you want to live full time in Kenya within the next year to year and a half?

Is the dog ok?

I'll tell him when I get home.  The old man needs time to get used to the idea, as well.

He just sent me a picture of JJ, so she's okay. We found out she squats instead of lifts a leg, so she's a girl.

How's the female dog that you guys have for some reason named Jeff Junior doing?

J.J. is growing like a weed.  He's as active as ever and he does come inside during the hottest of temperatures.  We are taking him to the vet tomorrow at 1630.  They wanted to wait until I got home to help them.

I am really confused.  ???

Perhaps the first question to ask the vet: In your expert medical opinion, does this dog have a penis?


Whoops, all that should say "she."  We'll find out for sure from the vet tomorrow. :)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on July 07, 2013, 06:47:55 pm
preferably someone that doesn wear a bolo and have extreme right wing gun views.

but i may be asking too much.   


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: PUT YOUR POM POMS DOWN on July 07, 2013, 06:52:34 pm
To oldiesfreak in the good post gallery. I usually don't laugh at much here but this gif brightened my loins.

You're so bad at this thread. SO BAD.

(http://i.imgur.com/JKHTl.gif)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Watermelon sin Jamón on July 09, 2013, 06:52:26 am
I read the Bible straight through every year from Genesis to Revelation as well as read cherry-picked passages.  I rarely will read just one verse, though.  I have also started reading another Christian book on the side called "Total Church" by Steve Timmis.  I should be finished with that book within the next two weeks and will move on to a book called "Christian America?".  That should take me about 4-6 weeks and then it will be "Normal Christianity" sometime in September.

Counting the Bible as one book, I voted 1-3, with a more defined answer of 2.
This one is just sick. :D


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on July 09, 2013, 11:54:11 am
I don't get it.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on July 09, 2013, 12:31:41 pm
The more the dog stays indoors, the less exercise she gets by being able to run around outside.

The irony mine just collapsed. RIP to all those lost in the rubble.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on July 09, 2013, 03:49:39 pm
Bushie has kids? Isn't he like 17?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Paul Kemp on July 10, 2013, 08:42:04 am
If I lock it, that's it, no more Update. Ever. 


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oldiesfreak1854 on July 10, 2013, 04:09:12 pm
Wait, don't we have to give each other presents or something?

A Merry Davemas to Dave and to all my fellow Atlasians.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Oakvale on July 10, 2013, 05:42:01 pm
cc: Gallery

Anyone remember "The Sopranos" episode where Dr. Melfi discovers that talk therapy may only advance sociopathic tendencies? I think The Update is our version of that.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: tmthforu94 on July 10, 2013, 09:27:21 pm
Can I ask why I was banned? I don't want to intrude or anything.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on July 10, 2013, 11:03:31 pm
Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solidarity Forever on July 10, 2013, 11:12:32 pm
Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney

There's no way this guy isn't a troll.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on July 10, 2013, 11:17:59 pm
Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney

There's no way this guy isn't a troll.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNv7lY-ZhKA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNv7lY-ZhKA)

moderate and sympathetic?


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: tmthforu94 on July 11, 2013, 12:03:34 am
Another way to put it would be if I were governor of a state, I'd be very moderate and sympathetic. A good comparison would be Mitt Romney
He's made some bad posts, but I don't see this as one of them.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: rejectamenta on July 11, 2013, 12:34:42 pm
Perhaps the most important question is which sexual acts would be legal or would all sex acts be legal if we were to legalize prostitution. I mean it sounds like it could be a problem. Things would have to be worked out and paper work signed ahead of time. Imagine a guy buying a prostitute and after it was done wanted to poop on the female because it's just what t urns him on. Think about it. [...]


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: opebo on July 11, 2013, 01:01:01 pm
Left out the best part, rejectamenta:

I certainly don't want to come into contact with prostitutes who smell like dirty diapers.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on July 12, 2013, 04:29:32 am
Isnt it ironic? Bushie was the only poster to have any substance in that thread. WTF


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Gustaf on July 12, 2013, 06:02:32 am
That post by Barfbag on prostitution makes it very clear that he's a troll.

" these are important questions that our country needs to ask itself before we move on with legalization because I certainly don't want to come into contact with prostitutes who smell like dirty diapers."

That's pretty clear sarcasm.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: PUT YOUR POM POMS DOWN on July 13, 2013, 01:07:21 am
Just to give the Goldmine back a little more class:

I'm surprised by the votes so far. People disapprove of the police confiscating jars of poop?

i'll give you my jar of poop when you pry it from my COLD DEAD HANDS


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on July 13, 2013, 01:42:15 am
I guess it's time to eat some humble pie.

I've been watching a lot of videos by Market Anarchists, Libertarians and ultra-Capitalists on Youtube, and videos by Socialists too, and in watching the Socialist's videos I've been watching the market anarchists videos too, and I've been persuaded by some very good arguments by them. I always had barriers aganist these ideas that were JUST barriers, you know. When you think about ultra-Capitalism it's only about how two people interact with one another, and how they should interact etc, and it's fallen to me.

If they don't agree then they don't have to do business with one another. You know, it's so simple, anybody can learn it, it's effective. I've made a lot of comments on here criticising it, and I've realised how stupid I was. For example, let's say a landowner is living landlocked by a lot of other landowners, and he needs to get off that land to survive basically. I used to think, "well he's trapped, he can't move to a market, he can't get water, he can't go anywhere, without the express permission of the other landowners, and if they said no then he's going to stave to death."

That was what I used to think, but when you think about it it's really that person's responsibility to invent themselves a flying machine, and then they can go right up high into the air, and they won't invade anybody's airspace, and they can come back down and find a land that they are allowed to use.

And I'm sure that they'd be some private company that decides which land people are allowed to go on and off, so you could have these flying machines that just hop around the planet, but only for people that are inventive enough to actually have them.




 





Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on July 14, 2013, 04:19:16 pm
Duh, it's probably one of the most rabidly left-wing forums I've ever seen.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Compassion Fills the Void on July 14, 2013, 11:19:51 pm
Duh, it's probably one of the most rabidly left-wing forums I've ever seen.

Which says a whole lot about what you've seen and not a whole lot about objective reality.

I for one am shocked, shocked I tell you, to hear that the Atlas forum is more left-wing than the Winnie the Pooh web-board or Loony Tunes Online.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Napoleon on July 14, 2013, 11:26:13 pm
Dukakis actually did win Illinois. I was watching the election returns, and they had the map shaded in for Dukakis. Then crooked DuPage County "found" a bunch of votes for Bush.

And the rest as they say is fascism.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mopolis on July 15, 2013, 04:39:06 pm
Robert Kennedy went carbon-neutral in 1968, bro.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Nice Guy FF on July 16, 2013, 10:51:05 pm
My favorite one is some girls rape so easy. That should be a 1960s Motown hit.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Scott on July 16, 2013, 11:16:06 pm
Walt Disney 67%
 You hate Jews but love mice, ducks, and anthropomorphic dogs which people don't seem to know is actually a dog.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Mechaman on July 17, 2013, 08:55:01 am
Context: A Wormyguy thread about rape

(http://www.valleyvet.com/group_images/16945_A.jpg)


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on July 17, 2013, 08:58:51 am
Beet won that thread.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on July 17, 2013, 11:26:17 am
This one's a good, serious post, but the second part made me laugh quite a lot:

The Merkel government's reaction has been a hoot so far.

Merkel herself has proven again that she's a real master in talking much without saying anything. An editorial from yesterday put it quite fittingly in concluding that Merkel's stance on the issue is simply one of apathy.

Meanwhile, it has become apparant that our increasingly incoherent interior minister Hans-Peter Friedrich must be suffering from some kind of personality disorder.

So far he has...
- Demanded an apology from the US government
- Denounced criticism of the NSA programs as anti-American
- Flown to the US to demand an explanation from the US government
- Defended the PRISM as necessary and noble, since it has prevented five terrorist attacks on German soil
- Announed that he actually doesn't know anything about the aforementioned five terror plots or whether they existed at all
- Postulated a "super civil right" to security which apparently supersedes any other civil rights


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Solitude Without a Window on July 17, 2013, 01:33:25 pm
Yeah, beyond her "intransigent" façade, Merkel is actually one of the most comically opportunistic politicians who in every situation does her best to have the cake and eat it. Actually, she's very similar to Hollande in that regard.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Senator R2D2 on July 17, 2013, 04:15:55 pm
Mike Assad is on some school board, and Darryl W. Perry will soon be the 45th President of the United States.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Averroës on July 17, 2013, 06:48:19 pm
Hashemite was briefly leader of PASOK, the Greek centre-left party.
What's the story behind that?

Long story short, Hash comes from a prominent Greek political dynasty and served as a Minister in PASOK cabinets on a few occasions, eventually becoming leader and Prime Minister in 2009 when he led his party to victory at the elections. But as you're presumably aware Greece had something of a debt crisis and in the ensuing meltdown he was forced from office and succeeded by some fat traitor. He's still pretty bitter about it as you can tell from the tone of his posts.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Crooked Grumps on July 18, 2013, 08:12:21 am
Visiting this thread at random, I must admit even though I don't wish to sound selfish or egotistical, but I do feel this thread is the top echelon of Naso Threads.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: rejectamenta on July 18, 2013, 12:29:13 pm
I finally heard the other day and the kids are doing okay.  They did get malaria, but they are recovering nicely.


Title: Re: The Comedy Goldmine
Post by: Goldwater on July 18, 2013, 12:42:05 pm
The whole thread is filled with hilarity, but this one in particular cracked me up.