Talk Elections

Taking this from a discussion in the "Hawkeye" thread of The Atlas board.  What do you guys think about these things?  If you don't know what I'm talking about, click on the link in Hawkeye's signiature. 

Positive, they're f'ucking hilarious. Always good for a laugh.

I remember a bumper sticker in the bathroom of the Triple Rock in Minneapolis that had just an excerpt from one that was hilarious, it was the anti-Christian rock one which claims all rock music is evil including Christian rock and showed a Christian rock band being signed by a "record label executive" who happened to have a 666 on his forehead who told them they had to sign it in blood. Oh, and after they did that, he laughed about how their souls now belonged to him. Hmmm, I should ask any bands I see touring if they've ever ran into anything like that.

They're funny until you realize that someone actually believes all of that.

They are bat guano insane.  And  probably more than a little evil too.

I always assumed that they were a parody.  Now I wonder...

There's no way someone could suffer under such a severe case of tongue-jaw impaction for that long.

Some are a little extreme but others are based on biblical teaching whether you can accept that fact or not.

I thought I'd post what I wrote in that other topic of my summary of Chick Tracts that attempt to prove someone wrong, given that it's relevant to this topic:

Bad person: "I AM ANGRY RAAAAAR NOBODY BETTER GET IN MY WAY BECAUSE I AM SO RIGHT AND I HATE EVERYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME"

Protestant Christian: "Hello sir.  I am the Protestant Christian, and that means that I am, of course, the most polite person you have ever met, in stark contrast to bad people like you, who are always very angry in an obvious attempt to compensate for the fact that you are not a Protestant Christian.  You are wrong."

Bad person: "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAR HOW DARE YOU SAY I AM WRONG RAAAAAAAR I HATE YOU SO MUCH TIME TO GET CRUSHED"

Protestant Christian: "I disagree with your opinion because these Bible verses prove them wrong.  I hope you will casually ignore the fact that this is entirely irrelvant because you don't believe the Bible is the Word of God, and as such, you have no reason whatsoever to take these verses at face value."

Bad person: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT HOW CAN THIS BE THE BIBLE DISAGREES WITH MY OPINION NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Protestant Christian: "For whatever reason, the Bible, which you have never cared about until this moment in your life, has completely convinced you that I am right and you are wrong.  Isn't that great?"

Bad person: "GOD BLESS THE BIBLE, IT IS SO RIGHT THAT BIOLOGY TEACHERS ARE CRUSHED UNDER ITS WEIGHT EVEN THOUGH THEY AREN'T CHRISTIAN AND EVEN THOUGH IN REAL LIFE THEY WOULD WONDER WHY THE HELL THE PERSON IS USING BIBLE VERSES TO TALK ABOUT SCIENCE"

Protestant Christian: "Isn't Jesus grand?"

Bad person: "I AM SO GLAD JESUS SHOWED ME THE LIGHT, IT IS CERTAINLY REALISTIC THAT I OFFERED NO SUBSTANTIAL OPPOSITION WHATSOEVER AND INSTEAD JUST TRIED TO ATTACK YOU WITH AD HOMINEM ATTACKS AND THEN IMMEDIATELY DECLARED DEFEAT"

THE END

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The fact never fails to crack me up that Chick always makes the non-Christians in his tracts raving, abrasive lunatics and always makes every Christian a calm, collected, sensible sort.

Actually a very large portion of religious Americans would agree with Chick on some level.  For example:

Well, considering all Christians see Jesus as the son of God, and Jack Chick is a Christian, it's pretty much a given that they'll agree on some things. That doesn't imply however that Jack Chick is mainstream Christianity.

I agree with BRTD. They always give me a good laugh, so I love 'em. ;D

They are a steaming pile of sh...

Very easy to accept, which shows the insanity of Christian beliefs.

Thank you for finally saying something intelligent.  I actually like them and have a positive opinion of them and every time I see someone in a subway station, shopping mall, or freeway rest area giving them out I take as many as they'll give me and read it cover to cover.  My favorite one is "Big Daddy?" with the ape-man wearing a mortarboard on the front cover.  Most of my colleagues bitch and moan about them.  I guess either they have weak senses of humor, or you and I are warped.  Either way, I like them very much as well.

The Nazis were kind of funny too.

()

BRTD, I think you may find the description of th emusic industry is not entirely inaccurate.

My favorite is Dark Dungeons.  In that one I learn that if you play D&D long enough, your friends will teach you real magic.

I've played for 20+ years now.  My friends have yet to teach me real magic.

My conclusion:  I have defective friends.

What's also hilariously wrong with that one is that every last one of the people playing are women, lol!

First of all I'm sure we traditionally call him Jesus Christ, unless you have an aversion to Greek. Secondly Chicks inspiration to publish these tracts  came from the Chinese Communists - he knew all about propaganda and false messages :)

I like them; they are very funny. But I hate their intent more then I like their humour; so negative.

Apparentally I can, cause I do. :P

Last time I checked Chick tracts are not the Bible, and Jack Chick does not have sole license to interpreting what the Bible means.

Yes, but disliking Jack Chick is not a direct cause to disliking Jesus.  Other things factor in...

Jack Chick is hated because he has the guts to tell American Christians that they are not to be comfortable in their religion, that going to church doesn't save you, and that one must go out and tell others that Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to Heaven. Most don't want to hear that so they call Chick names and tell people not to listen to him.

Jack Chick is a man of courage and I think we can agree with that. James A. Garfeild once said, "A brave man is a man who can look the Devil in the eye and tell him he is a Devil."

Call me radical if you want, I don't give a damn.

So you think the negative attitude towards him doesn't have anything to do with his anti-Catholic bigotry, which includes the attitude that Catholics aren't real Christians and they're going to hell as well as a plethora of conspiracy theories that pretty much blame the Catholic church for a heck of a lot of bad things in history, or his habit of demonizing and insulting everyone who disagrees with him(very un-Christian IMHO, seeing as Jesus told you to love your enemies), or the various other things that are just bat sh*t crazy(see D&D tract) or factually inaccurate if not blatant lies? It's got nothing to do with any of that?

Im surprised that anyone can honestly believe any of that, but its Your opinion, not mine, Hawkeye PBrunsel.

Dibble,

I know that Chick is anti-Catholic and that is a main reason he is not liked, but the reason I said is also a big one as well.

SoS,

I beleive every word I wrote, and it is true whether you beleive it or not. Chick tracts taught me how to witness and the importance (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0079/0079_01.asp) of witnessing. I would wager a good many people have been converted by Chick tracts.

While there may have been some funny Nazis (though I can't think of any), Colonel Klink was neither funny nor a Nazi.  (You may be thinking of Major Hochstetter, who was also not funny imho, but he was a Nazi.)  Klink was, however, a German.  His real name is Werner Klemperer, and he was born in Köln, Germany in 1920.  I think he may have been the only bona fide German hired by that program's producers to play in the show.  Now, Klemperer's 1968 appearance on Rowan&Martin's "Laugh In" was very funny!  And his cameo on the Simpson's ("Last Temptation of Homer") was mildly amusing as well.

The more you know...

I like the tract where Native Americans apparently can't fathom such difficult things as "words" and thus must be shown their way to being a good Christian through a picture book.

Clicky (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1710/1710_01.asp)

Though the last panel is kinda cute :)

How can anyone be converted by them? They are full of blatant innaccuracies that anyone can poke massive holes in.

Do you really believe all rock music is satanic, including Christian rock, and rock artists are frequently asked by the devil to sign contracts in their own blood? Or that people who play Dungeons & Dragons always go on to try out real magic?

Oh, and of course his full length comic books in which he claims that the Nazi Party and Communist Party are both creations of the Roman Catholic Church, and that the Roman Catholic Church created Islam as a way to kill the Jews so that they could move the Vatican to Jerusalem.

BRTD,

Fear is quite a converter, look at the Great Revival.

I can't say agree with all of Mr. Chick's ideals, but his tracts are truly a fine way t witness. I myself have converted a few of my friends with them.

Your god approves of the use of fear tactics? Seems rather tyrannical to me.

They never scare me, I just laugh at them. So many of them are such a load of sh!t I see no reason to take any of them seriously.

Well I guess we'll end this thread there then. I approve of Chick tracts, you do not, I respect that, and now I end the debate.

PBrunsel, sometimes I think you are a better man than all the rest of us combined :)

I dont understand this whole 'witnessing' thing. Especially when they try to witness to Catholics.

fear tactics?  tyrannical?  these guys need to learn a thing or two.  Consider former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Sa'id Al-Sahaf's admonition:  "God will roast your stomachs in hell!"  Or better yet, consider that poor Paki bastard who faces execution for conversion.  Conversion between roughly equivalent monotheistic religions, yet!  Or what about Akhenaten, the heretic King of the ancient New Kingdom of Egypt, who changed his name from Amenhotep the Fourth to Akhenaten when he decided that Aten was a better god than Ra.  What a choad.  Of course he alienated and reviled the aristocracy and the preists, who promptly went back to Ra when he "accidentally" died from hanging around too much with that bitch of a wife, Nefertiti.  We all know it was Ra who inspired Nefertiti to cause Akenaten's "accident"  There's a god you can respect.  And didn't Athena spring forth from her mother's womb fully armed?  Now that's every male god's hard-on I'd have to image.  She can bring home the celestial bacon and fry it up in a pantheon.  What a sexy goddess.  It's like Statesrights old signature with Ann coulter in neofascist black leather with a riding crop.  But Athena's better, she's a dominatrix and a god!  Boing!  But my favorite god has to be Tonatiuh.  That bastard lives for human flesh.  Ever noticed those claws on the side of the central figure on the sun stone?  (The so-called Aztec Calendar?)  Of course, Tonatiuh was no match for Cortez, not really a god but rather only a man, but still one who inspired fear on par with any god.  These modern gods--even those whose minions claim that their patrons will roast your stomachs in hell--are really very sensitive and politically correct gods  compared to the pantheon of gods that have existed over the millenia. 

Still, John, we're getting a little off-tract (if you'll pardon the jeu de mots).  You don't judge religious art by the amount of Political Correctness exhibited by the mythological beings contained therein.  You judge it on the same merit you'd judge any other literature or art.  Art that serves a purpose is deemed so useful, in fact, that governments worldwide have funded art since the dawn of civilization, and ours is no different.  For me, that particular brand of art, the Chicks Tract, serves a wonderful purpose for my soul:  it makes me laugh.  And therefore I maintain a positive opinion of the Chicks Tract. 

Keep an open mind, John.  Any self-respecting Libertarian should be far too enlightened to buy into the groupthink that demands disdain for Chicks Tracts. 

And smile once in a while.  :)

God is about what we'd call "tough love". He doesn't use a strong hand towards us out of intimidation or "tyranny" as you call it, God is love, but God is also justice and when one does wrong they should expect to be punished. Much like if a child does wrong so they should to be expected to get punished.

Would you approve if a parent, in response to a child doing something wrong, locked the child in the basement and proceeded to torture him for the rest of his life?

No, but God doesn't do that either.

If there is a god, he/she doesn't care about humans enough to bother being vengeful. Seriously; they might have a soft spot for us but 99.9% of their time would be spent on everything else in the universe.

I'm sorry States, but "Worship me or burn forever" is just tyrannical to me. The Chick message is pretty much that one should worship God out of fear of hell - one need not love God, only fear him enough to worship him to avoid punishment. This isn't even fear of punishment for grave misdeeds and harm to your fellow man we're talking about(which I find reasonable enough) - this is punishment for not worshipping the correct invisible man in the sky.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you and I have discussed via AIM the subject of whether or not God sends all non-Christians to hell regardless of how they behaved in life - IIRC you seem to think he wouldn't. Frankly, I would think that any God who would send people to eternal torment simply for not worshipping him in life could not be considered loving. I would see such a being as vain instead.

You're spot on. To worship anything out of fear is neither righteous nor liberating. Jack Chick uses fear to promote his message (and yes it's his message, not Gods or Jesus' or whatever he wants to dress it up as)

Just sad, really.

Hah,hah, your friends are dumbs.


You poor sap, 'god' is a figment of your imagination.  If your imagination is being 'tough' on you, itis called masochism.  Which in your case calls to mind some comical images.

Hahaha, Hawkeye, you're so stupid its funny!! Hahahah!!!

I don't get it.

You're wrong. I'm right. End of story.

So I'm the intolerent one now?

That's right. Only Catholics like me are right. :)

You're wrong, heretic, I'm Catholic so I win.

Could you point it out to me where exactly in the Bible it explains that D&D leads to the occult rather than just being some game nerds play, or where in the Bible all those anti-Catholic conspiracy theories are? Oh, wait, you can't, because they aren't there.

PS - I'm not at all ashamed in rejecting a tyrannical, narcissitic 'god' who would mercilessly send anyone who refused to be a slave to eternal torment.

PSS - Judge not, lest ye be judged. Love thy enemies. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. If you're going to claim to be a follower of Jesus, I suggest you put away your hatred and follow the teachings of Jesus instead of providing vain lipservice about your own superiority(humility was also something Jesus preached, which you seem to be forgetting).

Anyone can spit Bible quotes taken out of context left and right.
To understand the Bible as a whole and interpret those passages in context is a totally different thing.

That is a nice Get Out of Jail Free Card, Hawk.  Your anger and enmity will not endear you to the Lord. 

OT: You vaguely remind me of Duvall in The Apostle.

Have you never sinned, windbag of the west?

I may be reprobate, you are just a douche.

You are going to have to earn your way into heaven.  Being a hacky, bigoted a$$clown on an internet forum is truly testifying. 

Pax vobiscum, my friend. 

And that's the problem with Chick.  He doesn't provide that context.

Nice insults. I think we should all do the Christian thing and turn the other cheek as Jesus advised, unlike Hawkeye who has repeatedly shown he can't follow Jesus's very simple advice on dealing with other people.

If this is what a holy person looks like who is in God's favor, then by God, I'm certainly glad that I am not. :)

Once again I ask:

Why are all of you bothering to argue with a fake poster?

Why are you bothering to keep asking the question? PBrunsel has confirmed that Hawkeye is his brother and he does believe the crap he spouts - thusly, since a respectable poster who would have no known reason to claim this falsely has said so, we'll take him as real. People with extreme and out of touch views do exist in this world, you know, so it's not out of the question that one would come to this forum.

Hey BRTD,

I will use the same criteria that you defend opebo as real with:

1. Hawkeye must be real because you can trace his IP adress to Iowa.

2. Hawkeye must be real because he knows a hell of a lot about Iowa, gym teaching, and football, all things he talks about.

3. Opebo has declared his vbiews are noty exagerations but his true ideals, as has my brother.

So say it BRTD, Hawkeye is a real poster, or are you simply to stuborn to admit you were wrong?

There's a big difference between being in Iowa and being in Thailand. The people accusing opebo of being fake believed he had never been to Thailand and did not have sex with prostitutes, etc. Proving that opebo is posting from Thailand disproves that, and more evidence on other web forums showed that he is having sex with prostitutes. However, Hawkeye's location is rather irrelevant, he could claim to be from any state and be largely the same.

Yawn, same old double standard crap from you.

Not many people realy care about Iowa (except canddiates fro President), so why would he post from Iowa? Why not a big state like texas, because Texas is really important?

Also, Hawkeye does know a huge amount about body training, gym teaching, and science, stuff you learn from being a college graduate who aimed at being a gym teacher or a science teacher.

See BRTD, I can use your own logic against you. So admit it, my brother Hawkeye is 100% real. Stop being so stubborn Communist and admit it or will be forced to continue humiliating you.

Why did nomorelies claim to be from South Dakota as MissCatholic? Nomo pretty much picked a random state for each of his accounts, because the state wasn't all that important.


So do plenty of people in the US. That has nothing to do with his views. However, how many Americans know as much about Thailand and international prostitution besides sex tourists?

Not many Americans know much about Iowa. Do you know what year it became a state or who was the first Whig Governor?

See? I am correct using your crappy "logic" you silly Red.

1846 and James W. Grimes. Took me 2 minutes to look that up.

opebo knows plenty about Thailand that you can't research that easily.

"LOLZ RILI GUD PUSI IS THE BEST BROTHEL IN THAILAND!" does not qualify as information, BRTD.

Very good silly Red (i'm talking to him like opebo in case you didn't notice) but ask my brother the name of the principal at the Elementary School he teaches at. Ask him the gym teacher who mentored him. Ask him the school he was mentored at.

He knows it all, and it can be looked up.

Pink does more than you think.

Hahaha, you're wrong.

:(
What if I give you some money out of my pants?

No one wants the proceeds from your manwhoring, Reese.

Everyone gets the proceeds if you know what I mean.

Very Christian of you, as usual Hawkeye. How Christian are you:

1. Let's see, first off you took the Lord's name in vain, breaking the second commandment - good job, very Christian.
2. Nice insults following your breaking of the second commandment, but I'm not quite sure Jesus would approve - from Luke 6 in your Bible



Clearly you curse your enemies, not love and bless them as Jesus commands - your insults show the nature of your hatred. You also show that you either wish to be insulted, seeing as you should treat people as you wish to be treated according to Jesus, or you simply don't follow another of Jesus's commands.
3. Oh, and let's not forget:

But clearly you judge and condemn others on a regular basis - Jesus is telling you here that it is not your place to do so, that it is the territory of God and not you, mortal.


You talk about what a fine Christian you are, Hawkeye, yet you can seem to follow even the most basic instructions that Jesus has given you - instructions a child can understand. Continue to do so and you will not recieve the reward you believe you will. Jesus has warned you otherwise:


If you truly believe that Jesus is your Lord and Saviour, you might actually want to do what he says and behave yourself in a much more civil manner.

I actually thought you were talking more like Hawkeye...Opebo has been here a long time and back when he was less trollish talked about all sorts of things in a way that was pretty convincing. Hawkeye on the other hand has never made a non-trollish post that I'm aware of. All of his posts are disturbed. Now, PB, if he is for real, I don't get why he's on an internetforum and not in an institution. He has issues with perception of reality, aggressivity and manners. Not ot mention logic. I doubt that he exists simply because I refuse to believe that anyone would just idly accept their brother become such a twisted soul.

I actually read an interesting thing about the second commandment.  I'm not sure if it's true or not (I haven't researched it intently), but supposedly, in the time around which the commandments were written, contracts were made "in the Lord's name" (this was literally said at the time of signing the contract).  Hence, to take the Lord's name in vain was to make a contract with every intention to break it.  Under this interpretation, the second commandment is actually essentially instructing people to keep their promises and not to enter into an agreement when they know they can't or don't intend to uphold their side of the bargain.

It would be interesting if true, and to me, God wanting people to learn the lesson of "keep your promises" makes a lot more sense than that of "don't say stuff like 'oh my God' because God doesn't like it or something".

In other words, the same logic as a Total commercial.

I have always suspected that Total is a tool of the Pat Robertson Christian right.  You can't have that few calories in such a damn fine-tasting cereal without some divine intervention.

"Katherine Helmond, would you switch from your old cereal to Total?"

"No, my old cereal and I are inseparable!"

"But Total has more fiber!"

"From now on, it is only Total for me, Katherine Helmond!"

[eats Total and smiles insincerely]

They're interesting, and some do have a good message (definitely not all though!)
Comics like this made by liberal Christians would be awesome