The Comedy Goldmine(ONLY FUNNY ATLAS POSTS ALLOWED, NO BRTD ALLOWED)

[YRABNNRM]

New year. New thread.

I would question whether he was the worst senator ever.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I'm just joking. You're a fine senator.

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On the topic of "What will you be drinking tonight?"

Freedom.

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Dies of exhaustion after preforming a 63-hour long filibuster on the Senate floor

Dies when air becomes privatised and he can no longer afford it

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"How will the preceeding forumite die?"

Peacefully in his sleep...unlike those in the car with him

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I'm wasted right now and got shot down by a fat chick.  Let's see I had 2 Miller Lites on the bus going up and about 6 Vodka and Red bulls along with 3 Cherry Vodka and Tonics then 2 Gin and Tonics along with 2 Cherry Vodkas and Tonics along with some Champagne at midnight then 3 Miller Lites on the bus ride back then 3 more back at my friend's place.  You guys should also try Cherry Vodka and Red Bull.  Then I danced on someone's coffee table then fell over to impress some ing girl who said she wanted to go home.  Wow, I'm ing wasted right now.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!  Let Rick Santorum be kicked out of office and the Murphys gets elected to the US House!  Salut and Cheers!

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Pat your stories are ing great!

patrick man I think I did exaggerate a bit, but you have to remember it was over a period of time between 8 and 4 last night.  I lost count, but I know I had a lot to drink and that number was at least 15 and it was open bar so I had to take advantage of the $100 I spent to go to this place.   I had 5 drinks within the first hour at the place and that's after drinking 2 beers on the bus.  And yes patrick1, I'm sure you would love to know there was a "police presence" so to speak because there was about 2 separate fist fights that some strippers caused.  One guy had blood pouring down the side of his face.  Chairs were being thrown and of course that killed the good time at the end and about 5 women were hiding behind me.  Although I'm Irish, I am not a violent drunk, but I become far more aggressive with the opposite sex and I'm sure I made myself look like an idiot.  I had my arm around this chick named Liz the whole bus ride home trying to hook up with her and she was giving me looks like what the hell is worng with this guy.  I was also trying to get with her friend Kristen earlier that night.  Like I said before, I can be a bit of a loose cannon with alcohol, but I know NEVER to stir up a hornets net by going for some guy's girlfriend.

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opebo you bastard

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Why are we wasting time on dead-end fads like solar energy or fossil fuels?  All this time we could have been using f****try.

We need to have 99% of North Americans be flaming homosexuals.  The sheer levels of f****try that would exist in North America if that were the case would completely free us all from our dependence on Middle Eastern oil.

Thats only all of North America though right? Hasn't Canada been using f****try for quite some time?

[YRABNNRM]

Why are we wasting time on dead-end fads like solar energy or fossil fuels?  All this time we could have been using f****try.

We need to have 99% of North Americans be flaming homosexuals.  The sheer levels of f****try that would exist in North America if that were the case would completely free us all from our dependence on Middle Eastern oil.

Thats only all of North America though right? Hasn't Canada been using f****try for quite some time?

No, just Quebec.  In fact, Quebec solves everything using f****try.

Yes but all that f****try power derives from Celine Dion and her fanbase.

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Ironically, f****t equates to firewood in Britain.

And fag is a cigarrette, correct?

You can light a cigarette through f****try!

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Well, first I'd check under her hood, make sure the engine is running OK.  Get a maintenance report, check the history of everything. Do a little test drive, make sure the brakes are solid.

Maybe kick her a few times, just to make sure nothing falls off and she's trying to pass herself off as a quality vehicle when she's really a piece of crap.

Yeah, that's what I'd do.

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DAVE LIEP IS A ING ASSHOLE f****t WHO SCREWS HIS MOM UP THE ASS THEN SUCKS HER COCK. HE COULD POWER A SMALL VILLAGE WITH HIS f****tRY!!! AND SPEED OF SOUND IS A BACKSTABBING PUSSY FACE!! GO TO HELL ATLASIA!!!!

Can someone please explain to me why a post that has been deleted for obscenity and harrassment can remain in the form of a quote? I mean, does the box around it make it okay? If it can stay up in this form, we need to stop deleting the original. It's either okay or it's not okay to post this. Pick one.

DON'T DELETE IT!

[YRABNNRM]

DAVE LIEP IS A ING ASSHOLE f****t WHO SCREWS HIS MOM UP THE ASS THEN SUCKS HER COCK. HE COULD POWER A SMALL VILLAGE WITH HIS f****tRY!!! AND SPEED OF SOUND IS A BACKSTABBING PUSSY FACE!! GO TO HELL ATLASIA!!!!

Can someone please explain to me why a post that has been deleted for obscenity and harrassment can remain in the form of a quote? I mean, does the box around it make it okay? If it can stay up in this form, we need to stop deleting the original. It's either okay or it's not okay to post this. Pick one.

I think that Dave deleted the stuff more because of its quantity, i.e., because the guy was spamming up the thread.

Still, I hope that it doesn't get deleted.  The post I quoted is a true piece of comedy gold.

Yea. It's a comedy goldmine...

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This thread has a new title!

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Some reason I always thought it was a V0031 thing...guess not...

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Indeed, Jake is most certainly not a prude in my fantasies, nor is Philip.

I was almost expecting Peter Bell to make such a comment... and he did.

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I'd tell her I'd do it for free.

^^^^
Also, I will ensure a layer of impermeable rubber exists between us when we do get laid.

Then why bother?  Not doing it at all is more fun than doing it that way.

You must have more diseases than that monkey from Outbreak.

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No. You are an ass wipe light weight too. Let me guess. Your daddy paid for you to go to state college and little Gabu became a liberal  by sucking up all of Prof. Libs sh**t.

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A moderent democrate

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Maybe many of you have seen this wonderful site.. but if you haven't, it may make you feel better about your own appearance:
http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/

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Flyers, you know you're on shakey ground when you're agreeing with the misogynist dazzleman.

The exeedingly low pay prevailing for american workers today is caused by the owners, not by the female workers, Flyers.

This is precisely analogous to accusations made in the past against African or Irish americans, who supposedly undercut the wages of the white man.

opebo, yes you are right in part being that CEOs are making 500X what their average worker is which is much highed than the 20X in 1970, but you completely missed my point.  I have no problem with female workers making what men are, but it seems very ironic that at the same time they want their potential mate to make more than them.  This is not being anti-feminist, it's just saying I'm thinking a lot of these "equal rights" women fought for have its costs and being a working class male, I would know this and I will have to agree with dazzleman on this- sorry.  Since 1970, millions more people used BOTH incomes to buy a house and this in turn drastically increased prices of homes ergo requiring BOTH spouses to work. 

You have a great point there Flyers, but women since the dawn of time have primarily wanted men for money - status, support, power, etc.  I don't know if that is a genetic role, or if was simply imposed upon them due to their slave-status in society, but it is very awkward in this transitional period.  Presumably, if women make enough money they will have no use for men at all! 

If I were you I wouldn't waste another minute with American women - get out of the Bad Place!  I recommend Asia or Latin America.

Women still have a biological clock you know.  The thing is it doesn't tick as fast with them as it does for men.  I still have to read Maureen Dowd's book "Why Are Men Necessary?" to get a better perspective of this.  Women in their 20s I think are brainwashed by their yuppie parents to find a man with money, but for some reason their mother is there preaching sometimes militant feminism in their brains saying to their daughters that they should get educated and make money themselves, but demand even more from their men.  Example, I heard a nursing student told to look for a doctor and settle for nothing less.  You think I'm kidding?  A lot of this recent "prudism" you speak of is nothing more than a woman holding out for a well to do guy like T.O. and the Eagles.   They have it preprogrammed that their vagina is worth something and sadly so many men put it on such a pesdestal (40 Year Old Virgin) and it kills us.     

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Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! that's absolutely disgusting!  Yuck, yuck yuck, yuck YUCK!

Come on, cheesejizz, we know you do it all the time.  You're a 14 year old boy!  I can't think of much else I did do at that age.

Of course if you really don't, you should report to the insane asylum immediately.

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Know what- I'm glad a lot of you young guys are so prudish.  I'll soon be in my 30s and will be banging your 20 something female friends and you'll all be saying "I'm waiting until marriage."  THANK YOU!

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Only if they're at least decent looking. If they are they can get a license. Ugly ones have to keep their tops on.

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It will probably be you, and I, and every other 'Wal Mart shopper' who foots the bill in the way of higher prices.

I avoid Wal-Mart if possible.

Me too. When my parents go I sit in the car. Just being in there gives me a headache.

Yes, it is a horrible place.  I avoid it except very late at night, not due to any concern for the Morlocks toiling within, but simply the place is a depressing sh**thole with a lot of fatties waddling or driving around in those to-fat-to-walk carts.  The crappy products, the fat poors, and the homogenized corporate-scale atmosphere all make a visit to WalMart the perfect vision of America and its sick culture and sad society.  No thanks.