opeob in love (and a bad dream)

[opebo]

Yes, I am smitten - entirely inappropriately (no, not a student) and quite baselessly, and I've done and will do nothing about it.  But it is an interesting feeling - hadn't felt it at all in years and years. 

That, and I had a bad dream last night - it was the 1990s (or anyway had aspects of that time) and I was surrounded by 'hipster friends' (or perhaps I should say hipster 'friends'), and I got a very disturbing phone call (on my current mobile phone, so it couldn't have been the 1990s) from someone whose mere voice frightened me terribly - I had a sense he was 'me' (which is a funny self-aware way of thinking in a dream), and he made no sense at all and sounded very very ill.  So, he showed up with an unmemorable face and fell down flat on his back on the floor, apparently at his last breath.

Despite my fear I looked closely at his face and noticed his mouth was stuffed with chess pieces.  I pulled it open wide and got the impression he was entirely stuffed with them.  My 90s hipster friends gave me some more to stuff in his mouth, but that didn't help - if anything, it made things worse.

At this point I got the feeling he was very dangerous, if he reawakened, so I started running, with the real feeling that he was getting up behind me.. I ran down an endless flight of stairs, made of stone and free-standing, so that I could swing myself around each corner - I worked up such a speed that I only touched foot to stair once per flight, and the rest of the time my legs were spinning free. 

Finally I reached the ground floor and it was a sort of ultra-cheap shopping mall, in the Thai style but not with Thai people.  I had to practically swim in and climb over the crowds of people there, most of who were carrying huge parcels of goods, which I clambered over.  I felt him very near behind me, though I didn't see him.  Finally I got outside and got into an ancient 1970s Pontiac rather like one I had a couple of decades ago, and began to drive off, but just as he appeared in the back seat to do.. lord knows what.. I was awakened by my alarm.

I suppose the dreaded being was my own past or my own denouement or both.  Or guilt.. or the sad reality of a loveless life.

[opebo]

The mighty nihilist is finally broken.

Not at all.. really its just that I have many sides and facets, some latent, some to the fore on a daily basis.  This one has been largely latent, but it has never been entirely absent.

he was 'me' and he made no sense at all and sounded very very ill.

While this is an absolutely beautiful sentence.

Thanks Lewis.

Didn't read due to misspelling in title.

All miss-spelling is intentional, PK. 

This is a rather surprising thread. The dream reminds me a bit of the film Lost Highway by David Lynch. Have you seen it?

Sure have, good one.

And why wouldn't you act on the love?

Well I mean I did act in the sense of inviting her out for dinner, coffee, and drinks with a group of friends.. and giving her a lift to her hotel at the end of the night.. and we're still in touch via phone and those weirdo internet medias.. but you know.. she lives in another part of the country and is probably a lesbian, to be honest.  Its more that I just felt something that is the exciting thing.

well done.  you used to play chess in your youth, correct, in the coffee shops?  and this inappropriate love -- it is likely the last chance you will ever have to evolve as a person, so please reconsider.

Pshaw buddy, I'm only in my mid-forties.  People evolve all the time in old age - particularly those of us who never grew up.

opebo- every one wants some one to hold at the end of a long day. Best wishes and feel free to talk to me about it anytime...

Thanks buddy.  But this isn't about 'holding' - I get a lot of that in one form or another.. its more about the excitment of 'wow, she is exciting and stimulating on an intellectual/charm level even more than physical'.  (she's terribly thin, too much so even for me, which is saying something - I suspected her of being a vegetarian, but I think she ate some shrimp at dinner, though very, very little)

Hmmmm this is interesting. Is it another teacher? Is it a hooker you've actually fallen for?

No and no, though definitely an academic (and an artist).  Second question - I do occasionally 'fall for' those professional ladies in the only sense which is appropriate - in other words, I enjoy them fully if they're really 'my type'.  But that's not at all the same.  I would say that this young woman harkens back (unsurprisingly) to the kind of girls I date in my 20s and early 30s - very thin, very liberal, even verging on the feminist or 'alternative' (like hippy/environmentalist/activist type.  Perhaps I just miss my idle youth.

[opebo]

Is she a farang?

No.  She's a farang-like sort of Thai.  (as in very well educated, obviously upper or upper-middle class, and rather.. non-traditional).

I don't even know you anymore

My friend, if I didn't have this side, I couldn't have the other, now could I?

Btw, gents, I just had a chat with the object of my impression - on facial book of all places - and I really can't say how it went precisely.. I really feel like one of those youths with their self-important insecurities, unsureness, and so forth. 

Anyway, it is great fun, of that I'm sure.

[opebo]

Ha ha, happy for ya bro, oh and when you put quotation marks around your name, no one can send you a private message....

Thanks.  Thanks, didn't know that - fixed now.  I wonder how many messages I might've missed?

[opebo]

I really feel like one of those youths with their self-important insecurities, unsureness, and so forth. 

This sounds oddly like my life.

Not odd at all - we're both precious old farts.

I doubt I could stand a regular relationship as it would mess with my schedule too much.  Just like you might find it unbearable if she disturbed your bow-tie drawer.

[opebo]

At least the opeob update thread won't have him getting engaged in a month or picking up 10 different scam jobs.....

Well done sir!

Guys I'm chatting with her on facial book right now!  Its about the third time.. but I've let a couple of days or so pass between each time, in order to let her 'want' to see me pop up.

In related news, I was flirted with by a very tall slim grad student at a coffeeshop/bar tonight.. woo hoo.  Pressing up against me as we chatted, told me I was cute, etc.  Exchanged numbers and facial bookings.  Very silly girl compared to girl #1, but very good looking (a part-time model supposedly).

[opebo]

It must be the white thing.

What must be?  You mean the fact that they like moi?

[opebo]

It must be the white thing.

What must be?  You mean the fact that they like moi?

Yes, professor, they see something in you.

For certain it can an advantage to be 'something different' - even if people are somewhat racist, they still like variety.  Thais like white skin, but they prefer very pale Asians to Caucasians; at the same time some black guys do well over here with that minority of girls who are very adventurous.  (interestingly, if they detect that you are African, they would be much less interested than if they thought you were an American black)

However, in general the Thais are still a bit of a 'virgin/whore' culture when it comes to the ladies - other than in the lower classes, the line is fairly strictly drawn.  There's been a bit of a sexual revolution over the last decade or two, and most girls do have pre-marital sex, but it is still quite difficult and an excessively arduous pursuit to get it from them.  Being a lazy man, I prefer the brothel.

[opebo]

Notice that we don't the excruciating silly details in the opeob update we do in Bushie's....I like it, though a few drips of additional information might be nice...hint hint, opeob! 

heheh, no 'drips' yet, buddy

I'll keep you updated in case there are.  But so far just chatting online pretty often, I think she's more into it than I at this point. 

But speaking of drips, last night I drove three hours to go see a super-hot 20 year old 'regular' of mine who moved to a farther-away town (pro of course, used to be just an hour away.. alas, they always move on to bigger money).

Anyway, the girl I'm chatting is 30 years old, but looks about 23..