Update

[TeePee4Prez]

I'll be the jerk who says what everybody's thinking but is too polite to say. If she needs this much space, you may want to reconsider the whole marriage thing. You just met her. What's the rush? There will be a lot less pressure on everybody if you just take a more casual approach. This doesn't mean you can't get married later if this does work out. You really need to know a person longer than a few weeks to plan to wed.

Watch it.  The usual suspects will shout you down in 5...4...3...2...1... 

I think as guys get older, they become less eager and have the discipline to "play the game" so to speak.  The Catholic Church even recommends AT LEAST 6 months of knowing someone before being engaged to them.  I guess the difference between me and BushOK is I've taken a lot of spills early and often so I've acquired the ability to take things more casually over time.  When looking at BushOK, I'm seeing elements of myself 10 years ago when I saw wedding bells for anyone I was interested in.  Women can sense that and more often run.  I think the best concept in this situation is "active disinterest" so to speak meaning he should be interested, but don't revolve his life around her.

[TeePee4Prez]

I'll be the jerk who says what everybody's thinking but is too polite to say. If she needs this much space, you may want to reconsider the whole marriage thing. You just met her. What's the rush? There will be a lot less pressure on everybody if you just take a more casual approach. This doesn't mean you can't get married later if this does work out. You really need to know a person longer than a few weeks to plan to wed.

Watch it.  The usual suspects will shout you down in 5...4...3...2...1...

This stopped being funny after the first time you posted it.

I respect memphis for actually being respectful about it and not going on with the type of "advice" that you give.

So basically I'm not entitled to my opinion?  Or any opinion I have, even non-perverted, is not "respectful"?

[TeePee4Prez]

Do we get an update today?

Well he's not going to call her till August, and I have a feeling she won't be calling him anytime before that, so I suspect there's nothing to be updated about.

I was really hoping he'd take my advice.

That ring is gone for good, E.......

I just hope he didn't shell out a fortune for it.  That would suck.  Hey, I couldn't imagine going through what he is right now.  Someone he's about to marry is talking about "space".  That's not good.

Being objective here.  Jake is right.  I've been through the same situation with someone with the "don't call me, I'll call you" routine.  The keywords "space" and that pretty much mean it's over.  I really hate to sound harsh, but in the end I'm glad people have told me this- Move on.  Date lots of women.  And be casual about it, like you don't care what happens next.  And like prison, you get one call after the 1st date.  My overall callousness and alcohol have helped me out a lot I must say in these situations though.  Again, it's just me, but I'm sure you get the idea.

BushOK- Good luck with the weight loss.  I need to do so as well.  I've been getting chewed out by my teammates in roller hockey for not being able to get back on defense as fast and I'm too slow to cover the perimeter.  Plus I'm starting to have back issues.  Not something a 29 year old should have.

[TeePee4Prez]

Yeah. You can't have her telling you not to call her unless she calls you first. That isn't the way a relationship should go.

Yep, this is what it looks like.  Not good.

[TeePee4Prez]

you really shouldnt do this to yourself, bushie.

Agreed, this is just sad.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Your question should now be pawn shop or eBay?  Not will she call?  Leave a message, tell her it's over, and I want the ring back.  Cut your losses now both financially and emotionally.

[TeePee4Prez]

I'd suggest stalking at this point.

Not worth it, even a little bit.  I got angry at someone for listening to her retard friend who didn't approve of me and she got her father to call and threaten me.  Don't get this poor guy in trouble on top of what he's already going through.  I'm sticking with what I said- call, ask for ring, pawn it/sell on eBay.

[TeePee4Prez]

I got angry at someone for listening to her retard friend

A real charmer here.

Yes she was.  Her friend was engaged and hit on my friend.  She demanded I buy her drinks.  She was a piece of work then had the nerve the next day to tell the person I was well... starting to see that we weren't right for each other.  Again, she waited over a week to tell me that and dicked me around. 







Of course, I knew you meant me buddy.

[TeePee4Prez]

something tells me that right now bushie is sitting there staring at his phone.

it is too sad.

Dude, there's no need to rub it in.  It's best to be supportive and hope something like this never happens again for him. 

[TeePee4Prez]

something tells me that right now bushie is sitting there staring at his phone.

it is too sad.

Dude, there's no need to rub it in.  It's best to be supportive and hope something like this never happens again for him. 

maybe he will realize how irrational he is being.

There comes a point where he has to know what's best for him.  We can only suggest things in a constructive way to him.  Sure, in this case it maybe mean or crude, but he's gotta know and at the same time not attack him personally.  Most of us on here have been in some variation of his situation, including myself. 

I'm starting to wonder if the ex and current are in cahoots to f--k with him.  They could be joking back and forth about how needy he is, etc.  I'm not kidding, I've seen women talk about guys like this.  Again, I'm 1500 miles away and know nothing about these ladies, but don't discount it from the realm of possibilities.  If so they need a good talking to or mom/sister (if possible) need to open a can of whoop ass on them, especially with a ring involved.  I get the funny feeling this is the case.

BushOK, if I were you again get the ring, call it off, and just signup for match.com or eHarmony and date lots of women as practice.  And don't be needy- take it casually.  I got burnt a lot myself.  Who knows, God may point you to the right one. 

[TeePee4Prez]

I'm going to give her until August 1.  I'm committed to that date.  She has given no reason to believe she WON'T call me back.  It is true, it has been 6 days since I last talked to her, but being the patient guy that I am, I'm going to give her two weeks which will be August 1, 2009.  At that point, if she hasn't called, then I'll call her and deliver the ultimatum, either we set a date to talk or arrange a time to get my ring back.

I hear what everybody is saying, I'm still holding on to the last bit of hope that I can.  I'm still hanging on to what she told me last Sunday, that her heart is still in it and that she will call me when the time is right.  Coupled with the fact that I will not wait forever, I will give her until August 1.  If she sets a date then to talk on August 8, fine, I'll talk to her on August 8, but I at least will have to have a date established by the evening of August 1.

My cousin gave me some really good advice earlier this week.  He said not to give up and consider it over until I hear it from her lips.  He said that she is probably still trying to process things and is doing it in a way different than the way I am doing it.  She's doing it in isolation, I'm doing it amongst friends and family.  Plus, I have no idea what her family and friends are telling her.

I can assure you she and my ex are not ganging up on me.  In fact, my ex is becoming more ticked at her than I am.  She even told me that if she continues to refuse to talk to me, that she probably will no longer talk to her.

However, if this relationship does not work out, then probably after the first of the year, I'll sign up for one of those dating websites either match.com or eHarmony.com.  I say after the first of the year, because I'll probably start focusing on Christmas here very soon, like in August and that will take most of my thoughts.  In fact, I am already starting to focus on Christmas even now in July, but that's an entirely different thread and subject.

You're engaged to her.  Tell her you need to talk NOW.  If no response, wait 3 days and ask for the ring back.  Don't kick a can down the road.  It's not worth it.  I'm glad to hear her and your ex are not in cahoots.  In fact, let your ex know of your plans so it doesn't backfire.  You have to take a stand.  If not, she'll be walking all over you in marriage.  Assertiveness is necessary. 

[TeePee4Prez]

I will give her until August 1.  If she sets a date then to talk on August 8, fine, I'll talk to her on August 8, but I at least will have to have a date established by the evening of August 1.

YOU DON'T SET A DATE TO TALK TO YOU FIANCE!!!!   

If you have a wound on your foot that's bleeding......you better take care of it before you lose your foot.   Sounds like you heart is bleeding.......deal with it right phucking now......or lose it.

Not one person here is against you......we're just being blunt and objective.

Better from a married man than my mouth.  Hate to say it, but he'll learn the hard way.. like I did meaning well.... STOP ACTING NEEDY!  There's a true "nice guy" and then there's the nice guy who thinks he is and is really being needy.  If we, as mostly men can pickup on it, I'm sure women do even sooner.  Not to be sexist, but most women suck at directions, but they can pinpoint in less than a second whether you're interested or over-interested in someone in the same room.  Men suck at that.  Interested is great.  Over-interested is suffocating.  You have to inflict a little emotional pain on a woman.  When they say "he's a jerk", that's a good thing or "when is he gonna call me?" That's a great thing as well.  Put them on their toes for once. 

As for fezzy's comment about online dating, well sometimes you're better off dating outside your circle of friends.  He's not in college anymore so his options aren't as great and you kinda want to avoid workplaces.  I think serial online dating is great practice.  Sure, he like I will get a lot of psychos, but practice makes perfect.  His needy tendencies will wane over time, like mine did.  He will learn why acting the way he currently does is not worth it.


God, I wish Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew were back on the air.  Think I should take their places?  I hate Accounting!   

[TeePee4Prez]

That's why I'm going to give her until August 1.  That's more than enough time to "process" everything.  If she wants to talk, awesome, we'll talk.  If she doesn't, then I'll take my ring back.

Unless the bitch has already pawned it for meth.

Dude, hate to be cruel, BUT

I think her ovaries are "processing" some semen right now.  Then he'll get "(BuskOK), you're a nice guy, but I don't think it's gonna workout" on 8/1/09.  Hope I'm wrong, BUT......

PLACE YER BETS!!!! 

[TeePee4Prez]

I would not wait for her to call of August 1 just to set a date to talk a week later. Honestly, if it's already been two weeks, postponing it another week is just downright foolish. You'll be playing right into her hands of buying more time.

I'd call her right now and tell her if she doesn't call you back by the end of the day, it is over and you want your ring back. Don't give her another weeks, or another three days. August 1 is still two weeks away. This story is getting ridiculous and it beginning to make me angry just reading it. This woman obviously has issues and is being extremely unfair and disrespectful to you. Take a stand. Call her NOW. If she still ignores you, move on. Don't be the sick overly needy puppy that she feels like she can control. Right now you are letting her do that.

Honestly ... this is your FIANCE. If she is disappearing for 3 weeks and telling you not to bother her, something is very, very wrong. Be the man and take charge.

I don't know how many of us can tell him that.  By now my mom and/or sister would have whooped this girl's ass if I were in his situation.  Then again I would have demanded the ring back already.

God does not want this to be.  She has had relations in the past obviously.  BushOK is a virgin saving himself.  It's a mismatch.  Get ring.. sign up for Match/eHarmony, start dating.  And this next one wait at least 6 months, preferably a year before any talk of engagement.

[TeePee4Prez]

God does not want this to be.

Wow

It gets even better.

Waits for Walter to call me self righteous even as Flyers claims to speak for God.

 

You must be logged in to read this quote.

God doesn't want virgins and non-virgins together? Uh...


For the record, I agree with the rest of the sentiment here. I'm worried that you're letting her walk all over you now, BushOK.

I said that because he acts like he's going for the purer, religious types when it fact I'm seeing things that say the opposite.  He either has to really find a pure, chaste religious type or like in 40 Year Old Virgin- "Bang some hoodrats" for experience.  If BushOK hasn't seen the movie yet, I'd recommend it.

[TeePee4Prez]

God does not want this to be.

Wow

It gets even better.

Waits for Walter to call me self righteous even as Flyers claims to speak for God.

 

You must be logged in to read this quote.

God doesn't want virgins and non-virgins together? Uh...


For the record, I agree with the rest of the sentiment here. I'm worried that you're letting her walk all over you now, BushOK.

I said that because he acts like he's going for the purer, religious types when it fact I'm seeing things that say the opposite.  He either has to really find a pure, chaste religious type or like in 40 Year Old Virgin- "Bang some hoodrats" for experience.  If BushOK hasn't seen the movie yet, I'd recommend it.

holy lol dude BushOK is not going be taking your advice on this. It would be pretty comical if he did though. There could be a movie made about it probably.

He should take his ring proceeds and head to the Bunny Ranch in the Nevada desert.  Ever see Cathouse on HBO?  Hey, they cater to virgins.  It was hilarious when this mom brought her 19 year old son there to lose his virginity.  They're clean AND hot, but can be costly.  It would be his new Baptism and well worth the cost.  I would love Isabella. 

[TeePee4Prez]

He should take his ring proceeds and head to the Bunny Ranch in the Nevada desert.  Ever see Cathouse on HBO?  Hey, they cater to virgins.  It was hilarious when this mom brought her 19 year old son there to lose his virginity.  They're clean AND hot, but can be costly.  It would be his new Baptism and well worth the cost.  I would love Isabella. 

I'm literally speechless with you sometimes. It's your mix of genuine trash (which makes me think you're very serious here) with some clearly over-the-top comments (which makes me think some of this is an act).

Either way, he's not taking your advice so you can take a break now.

I know it riles you up buddy.  Of course he won't, well this part of it anyway.  Gotta add some comedic value to this misery.

[TeePee4Prez]

I would not wait for her to call of August 1 just to set a date to talk a week later. Honestly, if it's already been two weeks, postponing it another week is just downright foolish. You'll be playing right into her hands of buying more time.

I'd call her right now and tell her if she doesn't call you back by the end of the day, it is over and you want your ring back. Don't give her another weeks, or another three days. August 1 is still two weeks away. This story is getting ridiculous and it beginning to make me angry just reading it. This woman obviously has issues and is being extremely unfair and disrespectful to you. Take a stand. Call her NOW. If she still ignores you, move on. Don't be the sick overly needy puppy that she feels like she can control. Right now you are letting her do that.

Honestly ... this is your FIANCE. If she is disappearing for 3 weeks and telling you not to bother her, something is very, very wrong. Be the man and take charge.

I don't know how many of us can tell him that.  By now my mom and/or sister would have whooped this girl's ass if I were in his situation.  Then again I would have demanded the ring back already.

God does not want this to be.  She has had relations in the past obviously.  BushOK is a virgin saving himself.  It's a mismatch.  Get ring.. sign up for Match/eHarmony, start dating.  And this next one wait at least 6 months, preferably a year before any talk of engagement.

Sometimes he can't listen to his mom or sister. He has to take things into his own hands and make something happen or end this. This is the second time an engagement has fallen apart. Something is wrong. I hate reading this and listening to him be hopeful when we all know how this story is going to end.

Somebody's gotta pull the blinders off him and it certainly won't be one of us.  We can only suggest. 

[TeePee4Prez]

God is a Republican, I thought that was made abundantly clear by now.  Sheesh, Democrats are so intellectually inferior.

Well I know this for a fact. I see Jesus from time to time around Kiawah (he vacations there in the summer), and he confirmed that Heaven endorsed McCain in 2008, as well as every other Republican candidate since the Lord sent Abe Lincoln to found it in 1856.

Thy Lord said BushOK should call his fiancee on August 1st, but some nuance in the Book of Revelations calculated by the days of his birthday from the beginning of the year says he should call on August 8th because something good and great will come about from that.  And then the Rapture will cumeth forth!

This is too funny, but I hate doing it at his expense. 

[TeePee4Prez]

I don't say this very often, but I'm with Phil. Flyers is certainly not helping and I doubt he even believes that himself.

BushOK, all I can say is that I sympathize with you and with the information that the rest of us have putting an ultimatum before her NOW is the best course of action. This is true regardless of whether there is actually a chance of your relationship working out, or whether it is better for you to move on. I've been in similar situations before - girls always want to take breaks and stuff like that (remember Friends!), but you shouldn't go along with that. There is no point. Either you win her back directly, or you scare her enough to run back, or you break it off. But you do it ASAP. You've given it enough time allready.

At the same time, it is your life to live. You should do what you feel is best for you, not what some guys on the internet tell you to do. I'm sure you can find someone nicer than this girl.

Phil's basically on this thread as my PC message board police officer.  You do realize that? 

[TeePee4Prez]

I find myself (somewhat surprisingly) siding with Phil here.  Feel free to call me names if you wish, but I think that some of the comments here show a general lack of emotional maturity in their postings.

I am well aware how the semi-anonymity of the internet gives some the sense that they can act rudely toward others with impunity (and a lack of empathy), or even allow them to convince themselves that the target of their abuse "isn't real" to them in some way.

This is known as the Online disinhibition effect, or more informally as the Greater Internet F***wad Theory.

I think myself and even AHDuke mean well, but sometimes a guy needs a kick in the ass to realize his needy ways, myself included.  I know I've become so enamored with dating at times I lose sight of my own pride and self-esteem.  This is CLEARLY the case with BushOK.  Sometimes other people need to keep certain things in check.  I have friends tell me I'm doing sh**t wrong all the time.

For me this is painful as hell to watch considering me and BushOK have a lot of similarities barring the religious stuff.

[TeePee4Prez]

Good luck with everything BushOK.

[/END OF MY POSTS IN THIS THREAD]

[TeePee4Prez]

I can tell you that I am no troll and I'm not pulling a Yates here, and there is a 99% chance that she does have my baby.  (It could be 100%, I just haven't heard the official word, yet.)

However, there is a chance we may move our wedding up a couple of months to about February or so, so we can be husband and wife before she gives birth.  That remains to be seen, though.

GM3 is right, this is a lot of the reason I'm being so very patient with her.

I'll post more tonight after work.

And it also explains why she's not been feeling well and maybe not up for a chat now.  She might be quite upset, scared, and uncertain.  Yeah dude give her a  lil time.

[I'm back]

Yeah, it makes sense now.  Before when it did not, I decided to call this thread quits.  I hate to say there is the chance she maybe scared of him as a father with calling a lot, etc.  If this is true, I change my position on this completely.  He should stick with her until he KNOWS what's going on.  And I would make sure of that.  There is a chance she maybe using a potential kid as a weapon however.  As much as I may come off callous and perverted at times, I also realize a baby on the way changes the dynamics a lot.

Or like fezzy said I hope I'm not being Punk'd so I can make this post.  If I am, my original position stands.

[TeePee4Prez]

brittain, dont you think women lie about being pregnant to force the man into a relationship more often than lying to get out of one?

True... I'm making assumptions about when he learned this that may or may not be true.

There is also the chance she could be testing his commitment level in all of this considering what has happened to her in the past.  That's if she said she was pregnant.

There is also the chance BushOK is holding out hope for a pregnancy to keep this woman in a relationship with him.   

[TeePee4Prez]

brittain, dont you think women lie about being pregnant to force the man into a relationship more often than lying to get out of one?

True... I'm making assumptions about when he learned this that may or may not be true.

There is also the chance BushOK is holding out hope for a pregnancy to keep this woman in a relationship with him.   

You are soooooooooo lucky Phil isnt here, Flyers

I'll admit I am a Maxim reader.  In one of them "women respond" sections one said some dude wanted the condom to break so she could get pregnant and her not leave him because it's happened so many times and she was creeped out by that.  I forget what state it was from, but IIRC is was somewhere down South.  It wasn't BushOK because I read it over a year ago.  Could be possible in this case though.

[TeePee4Prez]

brittain, dont you think women lie about being pregnant to force the man into a relationship more often than lying to get out of one?

True... I'm making assumptions about when he learned this that may or may not be true.

There is also the chance BushOK is holding out hope for a pregnancy to keep this woman in a relationship with him.   

You are soooooooooo lucky Phil isnt here, Flyers

I'll admit I am a Maxim reader.  In one of them "women respond" sections one said some dude wanted the condom to break so she could get pregnant and her not leave him because it's happened so many times and she was creeped out by that.  I forget what state it was from, but IIRC is was somewhere down South.  It wasn't BushOK because I read it over a year ago.  Could be possible in this case though.

just admit it flyers...youve tried that too.

Hell no.  I'm a stickler for NOT having kids when not ready.  Women come and go.  There's no point with doing that to try to keep one.