ReLOVEution - The Common Man's struggle for Freedom in 2012

[Yelnoc]

Crunch.  A snow shovel broke into the thick snow.  Bringing his thin frame to bear, Angus tossed the load aside.  He stopped breathing heavily.  The first big snow is always hardest to clear.  It was still snowing, the white flakes floating down from above.  Angus wiped his forehead with a glove, and surveyed his yard.  The accumulation had already reached two feet.  And the guy on Channel 9 said it would get worse before it got better.

Angus grunted when he saw where his shoveled snow had landed.  The snow man he and his son rolled together that morning had been decapitated, its carrot nose poking out of the drift pensively.  

“What’s up?” asked his wife, dragging her shovel over.  Angus gestured at the sad snow man.

“Oh, you boys will make another one tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

She turned around, surveying the cleared driveway.  “It appears our work here is finished for today.”

“Not quite,” retorted Angus, stepping into the snow.  Hmm, where did I put – “Oof!”  Angus pulled himself out of the snow and dusted off his coat with as much dignity as he could muster before turning and wiping off the sign.  He finished clearing snow in front of it, so that the people across the street could be reminded of Dr. Paul.

“Now we’re finished,” he quipped, turning to his wife.

“Are you still going to that thing today?” she asked, looking out nervously at the roads.  A truck had cleared the road a few hours ago, but snow had already accumulated and the roads were sure to be iced along the way.

He flashed a grin.  “Of course I am.”  Need to remember to check the chain before I go.

She couldn’t help but smile.  “Ok, be safe.”

“I will.  Now let’s go get some hot chocolate!”

[Yelnoc]

Angus backed out of his driveway, tires crunching against the thin layer of slush.  The Ford Explorer’s engine sputtered but recovered nobly.  Angus patted the dashboard.  Hold together baby, hold together.

Before hitting the open road, Angus stopped by Terry Meyer’s house.  Terry had called just as he was walking out the door to ask for a ride to the caucus.  Apparently his car wasn’t starting.  Angus winced as the old SUV croaked again.

He pulled up to the cookie-cutter house and sighed. Shame that is, when I was a kid houses had character.  If it wasn’t for….  After a few minutes, Angus leaned on his horn.  Out shuffled Terry, clutching a thermos of coffee in one hand and a CD in another.

“Thanks for the ride, man.  I don’t know what’s with my car; I’ll have to take into the shop tomorrow.”

“No problem,” said Angus, shifting to first.  I love sticks…

Terry sipped on his coffee, waiting for his friend’s familiar dazed look to clear, before waving the CD.  

“Look at this, Angus.  'Best of Aerosmith'.  Got it for Christmas.”

“Pop it in,” said Angus, motioning towards the CD player.  I remember when we listened to Aerosmith on cassette…

Whir, click, shuffle.  Spinning, spinning…

Every time when I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got the dues in life to pay

“So, Terry, who are you supporting?”

“I dunno, I was thinking about Newt but the more I think about the 90’s, the less appealing that idea becomes.”

“Well, you-know-who could always use your vote,” Angus said with a wink.

“I’ve heard,” retorted Terry dryly.

Angus shifted gears as they went up a hill.  The road was iced and he had to crawl all the way to the top.  He braced himself at the crest for the inevitable downhill.  His brow furrowed when he saw the number of cars littered on the road.

As he coasted down, he saw a youth, a man of maybe twenty years, standing along the road side, thumb up hitch-hiker style.  Behind him a Ford Taurus was wrapped around a tree, a bumper plastered with Ron Paul 2012 stickers hanging lazily from one side.  Angus coasted to a stop a few yards past the unlucky guy and rolled down his window.

“Hey, you ok there?”

The guy slid down to Angus’s car and poked his head through the window.  “Yeah, I’m ok, though my car will need some work.”  He paused for a momentum, glanced back at his totaled car, and then made up his mind.  “Um, are you guys going to the caucuses?”

“You bet.”  Angus hit the unlock button in the armrest.  Click. “Hop in.”

“Thanks,” he said, opening up the back side door.  “I’m James Brahzee.”

“Nice to meet you James, I’m Terry.”

“Angus McCloud.”

“Cool.”  James perked his head up.  “Hey, is that Aerosmith?”

“Yeah man,” said Terry.  “I got it for my birthday.”

“Nice.”

Dream on
Dream on
Dream on
Dream until your dreams come true

[Yelnoc]

“-as that panhandle hook move up across the Midwest, another storm is brewing in the gulf.  If it moves north as expect, it will meet up with the other storm to dump snow across New England-”

Angus punched the dial and the man’s voice disappeared.  James got out of the car and followed the two men over to a brick building surrounded by tennis courts.  “Civic Center” read the plaque over the front entrance. 

“Looks like your guys are out in force, today,” remarked Terry.  At 7:00pm it was dark, but James could still make out Ron Paul paraphernalia on a number of cars in the crowded parking lot.

“Yep,” grunted Angus, rubbing his hands together to ward off the cold.  They stepped into the building and were immediately warmed by the stale air.  The room was crammed full of tables and folding chairs but all seats were taken; many caucus goers lined the walls and milled about between tables.  James split from Terry and Angus and headed towards an alcove near the back where the restrooms were.

*     *     *

A big thanks to Snowguy for helping me make the weather system work.  I definitely did not come up with that first paragraph on my own.  Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging like this tonight

[Yelnoc]

Sound of a toilet flushing.

James walked over to the sink and washed his hands.  He sniffed, grimacing.  Something smells…sweet.  Weird.  He looked to his left and saw a door with a glowing “Exit” sign over it.  Curious, James opened the door.  In rushed cold air, and on its heels the smell.  James’ draw dropped open.

Three guys were stumbling around a metal cooking pot, smoke wafting upwards from it.  One of them dropped down on his knees inhaled deeply, and then stood back up.  James scratched his head.  Why are they dancing around a…a pot-pot?  Yeah, right behind the GOP caucuses on the coldest day of winter so far?

The guy who had just inhaled shouted at James.  “Hey man!  You wanna thank the Rain God with us?” 

“Uh…no thanks.”  James turned to go back inside.

“Dude, are they about t’ vote?”  The stoner smiled wide.  James judged him to be no more than eighteen years old.

“Yeah, uh, yeah they’re about to.”

“Guess we’d better come with y',” said the stoner, motioning to his two accomplices, who began stowing the paraphernalia under bushes.  James groaned. Wonderful, just wonderful

“We did a rain dance earlier today and look!  Rain!”  The guy’s face scrunched up as he thought deeply.  “Well, snow.  But, you know, man, snow’s just, like, frozen rain.  You, know?”

“Yeah,” James nodded, resigned to his fate.  “I know.”

The stoner stuck out his hand.  “I’m Johannus.”

“James,” he replied, clasping Johannus’s limp hand.  His two accomplices had finished their work, so James sighed and led the trio into the building.

“This is Wally,” said Johannus, motioning to the younger looking of his two friends.  Wally did not acknowledge them, his attention fixed firmly on a pimple at the end of his nose.

“And this is Gus.”

Gus, who had been taking care not to step on the cracks in the tile floor, looked up at James.

“n.”

“What?”

“Nig- oof!”  Wally had punched Gus in the stomach.

“What did I tell you about that word?”

Jbrase quickened his pace.  Almost to the hall…

“Hey, dude.  You like Ron Paul?” Johannus had put his hand on James’s shoulder and was grinning like a mad man.

You’ve got to be kidding me.  “Yeah, actually, he’s who I plan on voting for.”

“Cool, man.  We were actually doing the rain dance, to drive away the other people’s infidel supporters.”

For ’s sake.  “Oh.”  James spotted Angus and Terry standing in a corner and strode over to them as quickly as he could.

[Yelnoc]

Angus watched as James approached.  Three young guys weaved after him.  Suddenly a smell hit him.  Lighting up joints in the bathroom, eh?

“I see you’ve found some new friends.” Angus said, slyly.

James looked alarmed.  “No, no, these guys-”

“Yep!”  Johannus put his arm around James’s shoulders.  “Best friends!”

“Best friends,” muttered Wally.

There was an awkward silence.

“We were dancing for the rain god,” said Johannus, smiling widely as ever.

Angus and Terry looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

“No, it’s not…I wasn’t,” James stuttered.

Angus was bent over double, heaving.  “D-don’t worry about it.  We-we were all young once.”

Terry gasped for air, clutching his sides.  “Smoking weed too, I see!”

“No, that was them-”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” squawked a loud speaker.  Angus saw a short, older looking woman was speaking into a microphone.  “If we could go ahead and begin…ah, ok.  People are coming around with copy paper and pens, if you would please write down your preferred presidential candidate and then place them in the box once it comes around, we…can go ahead and get this over with.”

“So, what’s it gonna be?” asked Angus, looking at Terry.

Terry chuckled.  “How much you want to bet those kids over there,” motions towards the stoner trio, “are Paul supporters?”

Angus stroked his chin.  “They don’t seem old enough to be here.  Regardless, they look like Gary Johnson types.”

Terry shrugged.  “You know what?” He took the offered paper and pencil.  “Why not?”  He scribbled down a name on paper and placed it in the basket when it came around.  Everyone else did the same.

A few minutes later, the basket sat on a table in front of the female speaker.  She drew the ballots out one-by-one, read them aloud, and then placed them into piles.  “Gingrich, Paul, Paul, Romney, Santorum…”

“Looking good for us,” said Angus.

“I wonder what the other caucuses are like,” responded Terry.  This area was not at all a Paul stronghold, but it appeared the weather had kept a lot of people from coming.

“Paul,” said the lady.  She picked up another ballot. “Ni-” her face turned red and she crumpled the ballot, flinging it aside.”

“n,” giggled Gus.  Wally slapped him on the back of the head.

Terry looked over at the three stooges and then back at Angus.  “Weird.”  Angus nodded in agreement.

Five minutes later the votes had been counted.  The woman stood up, cleared her throat, and tapped the mike.

Come on, lady, tell us who won…

“It’s my pleasure to announce to night that…” she paused for dramatic effect.  “Ron Paul has won our caucus!”

Yes, aweso-

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAA, YEEEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!  WOOOOT, WOOOOT!”  Johannus was on his feet screaming.  His friends stood up and copied him, Gus yelling obscenities.  Everyone else in the room stared, mouth hanging open.  Out of the corner of his eye, Angus saw James bury his head in his hands.

“OH YEAAAAAH!” shouted Wally, running towards the bathrooms.  His friends followed.  Everyone staid frozen for another minute, not sure what to think.

Angus tapped James on the shoulder.  “Come on, let’s get you home.”

As the three of them left the building, they spotted one of the stooges slipping around in the icy parking lot, the metal pot askew on his head.

“I’m telling you Angus, you Ron Paul people are weird.”

“They’re definitely Johnson people, trust me.”

[Yelnoc]

So, are there any other loose ends that need tying, or can I move on to New Hampshire (after releasing the state-wide results of course)?

Who's Wally? I know who Johannus and Gus must be referring to.

As well, when Michigan comes around, there may be some material I have you might want to use.

Take a guess.  And sure, PM me about it.

[Yelnoc]

Johannus is obviously JCL.

This is based on the "A Snowstorm in Iowa" thread from 2012, right?

That's what inspired it.

[Yelnoc]

Gus is GusChiggens, Feeblepizza's friend, while Wally is feeblepizza himself, right?

Yep.

Iowa results should be up tomorrow.

EDIT:  Damn, looks like I lied.  Hopefully they will be up by the weekend.

[Yelnoc]

So...... got any more in store?

This is finals week, I'm a bit busy.  Regular updates will resume next weekend.

Sorry all.

P.S.
If you don't like the way you have been featured in a piece, let me.  By that point, of course, it would be too late to pull the material, but I'll apologize and drop you as a character.

[Yelnoc]

This thread is now 10th (first page!) on a Bing search for "Reloveution".

That's epic!  Anyway, I've got an update around the corner.

[Yelnoc]

Carl’s strummed his guitar.  Hum…  His eyes swept across his collection of CD’s, over the new Amp he had got for Christmas.  He focused on the window, looking down onto the dark, snow covered street below.  The guys had left not too long, the jam session a mild success.  Maybe this whole band thing will work out after all.

Chime.  The grandfather clock downstairs struck nine o’clock.  Carl bolted upright.  Nine o’clock?  Oh My God, Iowa!  He snatched the remote and flipped the boxy TV on. 

“-haven’t seen a chair of Victorian desi-”

Click.

“-when Dallas rolled over the Giants Sunday-”

Damnit.  Click.

“-incredibly, Shep, it looks like Paul might actually win this thing.”

“YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  Yuss!” Carl pump his fist into the air.  “WHOOOOO!”  He jumped onto his bed, hurling pillows left and right.  One knocked the amp over, screaming distortion.”

Feet thudded outside of his room.  “What’s going on in there?!”  shouted his dad, throwing open his door.

Carl froze, like a dog caught standing on the dinner table, his bed swaying under him.  “Ron Paul.”

“Oh.”  His dad nodded.  “Well, uh, could you keep it down?  Your mother and I are, uh, sleeping.”

“Sure thing dad.”  His door closed.  Carl got down from his bed to right the fallen amp.  This is going to be a good year.

[Yelnoc]

CARLHAYDEN?

Carl Schulz.

EDIT: Damn, maybe I should have called him Jake.  I'll wait for the word from him before editing.

[Yelnoc]

It was stuffy in the room.  Ridiculously stuffy.  One of the cubicle workers got up to open a window.  A tall man he was, in his late twenties, with smartly cut hair wilting under the heat and the collar of his white dress shirt loosened.  Sometimes this weather makes me feel like I’m back in the states.  Except the seasons are all switched.

He sat back down at his computer and opened up the internet.  That report isn’t due for another week.  I have time for some community service.  The front page of his iGoogle homepage shouted the results from a contest a hemisphere away.  Ah, the boys will like this.
A minute later, he was looking at a “Post New Topic” screen on the Atlas forum.
Hmm, subject?  Ah, I know.  “Paul wins Iowa, Romney nowhere to be seen.
Paul 28%
Gingrich 22%
Bachmann 18%
Perry 15%
Santorum 12%
Romney 3%
Huntsman 1%

Remember, these results are non-binding.  Regardless, this is awful news for Romney, and possibly for Gingrich.
King

inbefore Paultards
ModernBourbonDemocrat

Told you so
Wonkish1

This is really a Gingrich victory.  It doesn’t matter what happens in New Hampshire, Gingrich has South Carolina locked up and the nomination with it.  I would bet my entire portfolio on that.
“Hey, Morden, what are you doing?”

Morden hit minimized, opening up his spreadsheets.  “Just working on those invoices.”

“Good man,” said his boss, taking a sip from his coffee.

After he walked away, Morden opened the tab back up.  This will be a fun day on the forum.

[Yelnoc]

YELNOC THIS IS GREAT

Also, Yelnoc, Id be glad to represent the high school Paul fans in MI.

I want you to be you, dude.  Tell me how you're feeling in PM and I'll work you in. 

Oh, and I'm on break now.  So we should, hopefully, motor through a couple of primaries before Christmas. 

[Yelnoc]

Good, but no way does Romney only receive 3% in Iowa, especially since Branstead will soon be endorsing him. He's already polling well there, and considering he has the most resources to spend there the next few weeks, he's much closer to winning than he is to flopping.

A win in New Hampshire will put Romney back on track.

Remember the storm.  And remember also that this is a story first, a timeline second. 

Next update coming within a few days. [/vague]

[Yelnoc]

Well damn, guys, I forgot about this.  I've been writing Aksum related stuff.  But this would be a nice change.  Maybe I'll post an update.

[Yelnoc]

“-weather conspired against us, but I assure you, this campaign will carry on.  Thank you, and God Bless.”  Matt heard the audience buzz through the paper-thin walls of the antechamber as Romney finished speaking.  The door opened, and in strode Romney, his plastic smile melting into a deep frown. 

“No, the Governor will not be taking questions at this time,” Matt heard an aid shout as the reporters swarmed forward.  Romney slammed the door shut, blocking out the feeding frenzy.

“What the hell was that, Rhoades?” snarled Romney.  Matt straightened out of his slumped sitting position.  He still had some dignity; after all, he was the manager of this train wreck.

“Maybe the Paulites are seeding the clouds?” ventured the campaign manager.  Or maybe God isn’t Mormon.

“Ha.  Ahaha.”  A pause, longer than necessary.  “That was not a laugh, Mr. Rhoades.  That was…” Romney waved his hand absently in the air, trying to put his finger on the right word.

For a man beginning his sixth year campaigning for President, he sure is bad at that speaking thing.

“Yes sir, not funny at all sir.”

“Good.”

Another pause, longer yet. 

“New Hampshire.”

“Yes sir.”

“We need to win New Hampshire.”

“We do, yes.”

“It’s a home state of mine, you know.  We were never really expected to win here, maybe this won’t hurt us.

Yeah right, I would bet everything I own the next polls will show us barely above water.  The media narrative will tear this campaign apart.

Matt nodded.  “We need to think about how this will affect the, uh, the main stream media’s narrative, though.  We need to win back the momentum.  And the best way to win it back is to dominate a debate.”

“Hmm…you’re right, Matt, you’re right.  I’ll need to talk to my debate coach.”

“That would be a good idea.”

“When’s the next debate?”

“In four days.”

“Damn.”

Matt’s head snapped up, Romney blushed.

“Er, darn.  Darn, I said, uh, Darn!”

“Yes sir, right.  Um, if you’ll excuse me-” Matt hurried away.  Oh will I enjoy writing that book.  “Inside the Romney Camp”?  Nah, too drab.  Matt shook his head.  First things first, shore up New Hampshire.  There are more ways than one to change the narrative. Matt pulled out his cell phone, and flipped through his contacts lists to “Paul Ico.”  He took a deep breath, steeled himself, and hit dial.

Sniff.  “Hello?” whined the voice.

“Hey Paul, this is Matt.  You ok?”

Sniffle.  “Yeah,” cough “yeah, I’m fine.”

Matt rolled his eyes.  Where the hell did they find this kid?

“Good, Paul, that’s good.  I need your help; we’ve got a week until New Hampshire, and we need to get some things done.  Now here’s what I want you to do…”

*     *     *

Paul scrolled down to the Mitt Romney to be Republican Presidential Nominee 2012 market and clicked buy shares.  He purchased 100 shares at the rock bottom price, input the credit card info for the account Matt had told him about, and confirmed his purchase.

Paul leaned back and fell flat out of his swivel chair, landing on the disconnected chair back he had torn off of the seat and thrown to the floor in a fit of rage hours earlier.  He coughed, picked himself, and sat back down on the swivel stool. 

A tab in Internet Explorer drew his attention.  Atlas Forum.

“Those fools think Romney is done for.  I’ll show them,” he muttered navigating to the 2012 board.  He scanned the topics.  PPP twitter feed says Romney shaky in first night of NH Polling.

Bastard liberal firm.

New Reply


Mitt Romney has lived in New Hampshire for years.  It’s right next to Massachusetts, where people love him for his excellent term as governor.  There is no way he will lose the state; Iowa was a freak accident, it came down to the weather and those cultist Paultards.  Nothing screwy will happen in New Hampshire, unless of course liberals like PPP sabotage the Republican primary process.

[Yelnoc]

It's back! It's back! I hope you remembered my name!!

Well damn, guys, I forgot about this.  I've been writing Aksum related stuff.  But this would be a nice change.  Maybe I'll post an update.

Aksum? Do tell me more.

Aksum!  The Ethiopian Empire that dominated Red Sea trade from around the time of Christ until the Dark Ages, and created a powerful civilization which would go on to resist all colonial encroachment.

There's so much to talk about, I'm not quite sure where to start.  You could read the wikipedia article but it's piss poor, to be nice.  This book by Munro-Hay is the best overview of Aksum I have found on the internet.  I'm writing a history on Aksum which will hopefully be easier to read and more in-depth when it comes specifically to history, but finding good, up to date sources has been a struggle.

But yeah, if there's anything specific you want to know, just ask me.  Aksum is my pet history subject, so hopefully I will have an answer

[Yelnoc]

It's back! It's back! I hope you remembered my name!!

Well damn, guys, I forgot about this.  I've been writing Aksum related stuff.  But this would be a nice change.  Maybe I'll post an update.

Aksum? Do tell me more.

Aksum!  The Ethiopian Empire that dominated Red Sea trade from around the time of Christ until the Dark Ages, and created a powerful civilization which would go on to resist all colonial encroachment.

There's so much to talk about, I'm not quite sure where to start.  You could read the wikipedia article but it's piss poor, to be nice.  This book by Munro-Hay is the best overview of Aksum I have found on the internet.  I'm writing a history on Aksum which will hopefully be easier to read and more in-depth when it comes specifically to history, but finding good, up to date sources has been a struggle.

But yeah, if there's anything specific you want to know, just ask me.  Aksum is my pet history subject, so hopefully I will have an answer

Oh, I know all about Axum... don't forget I'm half Ethiopian! I was wondering what you doing that was related to it.

That's awesome, I didn't know that.  Might be an odd question, but you wouldn't happen to know anything about Ethiopian history that wouldn't be in the history books and archaeology journals, would you?  Oral traditions and the like?