The Comedy Goldmine

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Inflicting either on civilians ought to be regarded as a violation of the Geneva Conventions.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

It’s 1980. President Carter in collusion with the Muslim Brotherhood laughs at a suggestion by Sgt John Everyman, Chief of Getting Things Done, to work on a deal to release the Iranian hostages. Sgt Everyman is disgusted and promises his cancer ridden daughter that he will seek vengeance for Democratic mishandling of the crisis. Luckily, Reagan is elected president in a landslide. Reagan and Everyman were buddies back in ‘Nam so Everyman knows he can trust him.

After saving Reagan’s busty wife Nancy from an attack by Muslims who had poisoned her tarot cards, the two set off to make things right in America battling against Tipp O’Neill, the deadly IRA backed terrorist Democratic chief of the Muslim Overlords Ninja Deadly Assassin League Extreme (M.O.N.D.A.L.E) and Reagan’s estranged son Ron Jr from building a device to block out the sun so it can never be ‘morning in America’ again. Everyman fights back against M.O.N.D.A.L.E’s goons but is heartbroken when O’Neill captures his daughter and gives her treatment for cancer in a public hospital where she will surely die after being injected by the deadly virus SocialAIDS.

Just in time, Reagan bursts in with his new sidekick Gorby, who warns O’Neill of the terrible effect SocialAIDS has had on Russia. Gorby and Reagan free Everyman’s daughter with the help of a local televangelist who was jailed for celebrating Christmas and flee to a private hospital. Everyman disables Ron Jr and then faces O’Neill down in the hospital canteen where after a series of blows, O’Neill drops down dead. Everyman finds on his possession a membership card proving that O’Neil was nothing more than a dirty Muslim Communist. Afterwards, Reagan announces he is stepping down. The whole nation is heartbroken wishing that he could be their President for ever and as a final act of gratitude, Sgt Everyman and his ‘Nam buddies blast an image of Reagan on the side of Mt Rushmore.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Oakvale returns with a bang:

Nathan and I as roommates sounds like an interesting premise for an IFC sitcom or something.

"Nathan, Atomic Fetus and Savile's Paws are playing a hardcore show tonight, I'm going to smoke a bowl for Jesus and then go. You should come, I'm going to wear a t-shirt of a band from 1987 and set fire to a cop car because The Man."

"For the millionth time, no, I'm in the middle of The Pink Kabuto: Queer Samurai In 13th Century Japan. Besides, I went to Dance Witch Abortion last week like you asked and it was horrible."

"Come on bro you're a bad hipster Christian, I'm going to have to mosh for your soul in da club. Remember that Jesus was a medical marijuana practitioner. If you don't become more scene I don't know if this roommate situation is going to work out."

[Nathan ponders this]

"Yeah, you're right. Jesus did invent the gravity bong... what the hell, I'll get high with you and go to The Show At Da Club."

"Awesome bro I'll get my Ron Paul 2012 crack pipe."

[They hug, audience applaud. Fade out.]

[Fade in. BRTD and a horrified Nathan stand in a dark bar full of people who look like BRTD.]

"BRTD..."

"Isn't it awesome bro? Look at all these scene dudes."

"Is... this a gay bar?"

"WTF no bro. I have never touched another guy's dick."

"There's a flashing neon penis over the bar."

"LOL bro I have one of those in my room. Haven't you ever been to Dudefest?"

[Audience laughs, Nathan and BRTD look at the camera and both shrug, grinning. Credits.]

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Saw this mentioned on the news and all over Twitter, but good to see it from the source so I know it's not some kind of hoax. How are you handling the reaction from your constituents to your shift on this issue?

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I for one welcome President Rubio.

After that spic supported opening our doors to ILLEGALS?  No way.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I wish My spouse and i knew a bit more about black mold, I would simply test our own place personally. Does any person know a fantastic place to get yourself a test equipment?

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

You had to know a post like this was right around the corner, but...

Fourth of July Dinner is over and I am thoroughly exhausted!  I may not be long for this world tonight!  Tomorrow is July 5 which is the beginning of my Christmas season.  I will be starting the official countdown to Christmas after I wake up tomorrow morning!  Christmas Music has already started in my car, but it will be time for me to start planning.  There's still 5 1/2 months until Christmas Day, but for me, that's not much time.   I didn't watch Home Alone at all last Christmas, so I will probably go on a Home Alone Marathon in the next couple weeks to kick off Christmas 2013!

This is it, folks. Show's over, this cannot be topped. I ask the mods to lock this thread immediately.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

"He's pretty fly for a white guy."

?

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Will JJ the Jet Plane survive the Deluge?

idk but I know something he won't survive

This would cause the price of gold to drop.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I happened to mention Thomas Friedman to my taxi-driver the last time I was in New York.  He thought his writing was flat.  So did my driver in Paris, in Istanbul, in Karachi, in Bogota, and in Tokyo.  As should be obvious, if you want insight into what is afflicting the world, ask taxi drivers. So the opinion of Thomas Friedman by the world is flat.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Mark Levin graduated from my high school

So did Ben Netenyahu, according to wikipedia. Yikes.

Reggie Jackson did too

I have a disgraced Tour de France winner and some guy on Glee.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

No, I've had a rather extreme change of heart in the week since we last had this poll. Marriage should not be redefined to include people in committed relationships.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

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Tmth, noticed you made a campaign logo for yourself, but I thought it was just lacking something, so I pondered it for abit and made you a new (honest) and improved version in MS Paint! Tell me what you think

Are you like, twelve or something?

People like you are why this game has lost its charm.  I'm being brutally honest.  I will be enthusiastically endorsing your Senate opponent in October, whether he's to the left (yeah right) or right of you.

People like I are why this game has lost it's charm? Methinks you doth protest too much, Scott. You don't like me much because I, unlike you or half of the people active in Atlasia, actually have an agenda and want to implement specific policies. I am not some wishy-washy, moderate hero that wants to play nice with others because I want everyone to like me. I don't give a sh*t about that. I'm playing for all the marbles, and that's something rather alien to you and much of the Atlasian establishment, for which elections, this game, the whole damn thing is nothing but a popularity contest.

If you don't want pretend politics, don't play the part of pretend politician. I invite you and encourage you to endorse my opponent in October. I don't need your endorsement, and in fact, I'd rather not have it.

What the  did you just ing say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I became the best governor in the Northeast, and I've been involved in numerous attacks on the Labor Party, and I have over 300 passed bills. I am trained in political attacks and I'm the top participant in the entire Atlasian government. You are nothing to me but just another incumbent. I will drive you the  out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this forum, mark my ing words. You think you can get away with saying that  to me over a game? Think again, Senator. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of zombies across Atlasia and we’re putting you in last preference now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your career. You're ing out, Senator. They can be anywhere, anytime, and they can take you out in over seven different elections, and that's just in this year. Not only am I extensively trained in cross-party appeal, but I have access to the entire army of the Federalist Party and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the floor of the Senate, you little Lieboral. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" response was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ing tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're going to lose, you goddamn Laborite. I will send my zombies and you will drown in them. You're ing dead, Senator.

FTFY

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

6:00-6:30 - Prepare to wake up
6:30-7:00 - Prepare to turn off snooze on alarm
7:00-7:30 - Prepare to brush teeth
7:30-8:00 - Prepare to get in shower
8:30-9:00 - Prepare to wake up, turn off alarm, brush teeth, and get in shower after previous routine was a dream
9:00-9:30 - Wake up, turn off alarm, brush teeth, and get in shower after previous routine was a dream
9:30-10:00 - Focus on Christmas

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

..Oh, Barney!
    Fort Hood Hasan has summoned Obama to administer the vows of marriage for Manning and he and, also says, “He is looking forward to their honeymoon at Camp Mohammad”, the just recently renamed camp david

     ...not

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

A bit of an obvious retort to make, but:

The one who isn't guilty of mass murder.

Are you trying to tell us something about Mike we need to know?

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

BK again confirmed for greatest mod:

Hey!  This is Roux18 here, and since I am new to the forum

Blatant Lie -10 Points

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Probable Lie -5 Points

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Blatant Lie -10 Points

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Blatant Lie -10 Points

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Probable Lie -5 Points

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Blatant Lie -10 Points

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Probable Lie -5 Points

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Pointless Hope -5 Points



FINAL SCORE: 40/100, F

They should call you Too Dumb At Socks amirite

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

This lady I work with literally said the Secret Service's Colombia prostitution scandal would not have happened if not for Obama being the President.

What scandal? Would you criticize the secret service for driving on the left side of the road in the UK?

On a different day I'd find this objectionable and patronizing, but today I chuckled.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

(Sorry BRTD, nothing personal, but really)

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I did find out some useful information this evening.  I told her about my "brief relaxations" and guess what?  I still have a girlfriend.  She's saying it's natural.  I also asked her position on same sex marriage and she is in favor of it as a states rights issue.  She is not in favor of a federal law regarding it, but state by state is fine.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Reality: 538
Ingress: 0

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Is there any election in which you haven't initially "endorsed" the Republican candidate?

Did he endorse Romney at any point?

At one point, yes, but I think he switched back to Obama at the last minute.

Literally the last second.  I had Romney on my voting screen, but switched it to Obama before I hit submit.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

It might be because the flip has now occurred 1.15 take vs. 1 pay it. New statistics show there will be, if not already, through automatic registrations, over 1,000,000 health subsidies awarded too the SNAPers, with less than 2,000,000 registered voters.