The Internal Intelligencer: Fuzzy Sues IDS, Citizens Call BS

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Presidential Candidates Announcing Candidacies In Droves
Newark, NJ

Within the past three days, four candidates have announced they will be running for President--with one of them announcing that they would withdraw the same day.

Napoleon, Benconstine and 20RP12 have announced their candidacies for President in June. They join Boss Tweed as candidates for the office.

Many other names are being thrown out as potential candidates, including Senators Clarence, TJ In Cleve, NC Yankee and former Presidential candidate ZuWo.

The diverse group of candidates is set to make this race an interesting one.

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Poll Finds That 100% Of Atlasians Disapprove Of Fetal Consumption
Salem, Oregon

A poll recently conducted by the 20RP12 Research Center shows that 100% of Atlasians disapprove of the practice of eating babies, which two of five current Presidential candidates have admitted to doing so, and two others are prospected to have done or do.

The only Presidential ticket that is not being probed for potential consumption of infants is the 20RP12/Windis ticket.

SoIA 20RP12 was quoted saying "it is truly a disgusting world we live in when four people can run for President, garner large support whilst also dining on small children. It's time for a change."

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Mr. Secretary,

As soon as you have finished dinning, would you be so kind as to defend the next two of your former bills to reach the Senate floor. You have 24 hours to complete this task or the whole bloody lot is liable to blow up.


Senator NC Yankee,
President Pro-Tempore.

On it!

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Oakvale Shakes Up Presidential Race
Detroit, MI

Widely colourful Atlasian political figure Oakvale recently entered the race for President in June, blowing the race wide open. The race was once believed to be at least somewhat Napoleon's to lose. Now, with Oakvale entering, the race is considered anyone's to lose.

Polls show potential strong showings by Senator Clarence, along with Oakvale and Napoleon. However, Ben, Tweed and 20RP12 hope to make the race a bit more interesting.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

Average Base Salaries Of Teachers In The Imperial Dominion of the South

Texas

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Texas earns a base salary of about $48,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Texas earns a base salary of about $50,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Texas earns a base salary of about $49,000 per year.

Arkansas

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Arkansas earns a base salary of about $45,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Arkansas earns a base salary of about $45,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Arkansas earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

Louisiana

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Louisiana earns a base salary of about $48,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Louisiana earns a base salary of about $49,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Louisiana earns a base salary of about $51,000 per year.

Tennessee

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Tennessee earns a base salary of about $48,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Tennessee earns a base salary of about $45,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Tennesse earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

Mississippi

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Mississippi earns a base salary of about $44,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Mississippi earns a base salary of about $44,500 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Mississippi earns a base salary of about $45,500 per year.

Alabama

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Alabama earns a base salary of about $46,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Alabama earns a base salary of about $43,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Alabama earns a base salary of about $47,500 per year.

Florida

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Florida earns a base salary of about $49,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Florida earns a base salary of about $50,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Florida earns a base salary of about $51,000 per year.

Georgia

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Georgia earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Georgia earns a base salary of about $50,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Georgia earns a base salary of about $52,000 per year.

South Carolina

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in South Carolina earns a base salary of about $42,500 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in South Carolina earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in South Carolina earns a base salary of about $42,500 per year.

North Carolina

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in North Carolina earns a base salary of about $40,500 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in North Carolina earns a base salary of about $41,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in North Carolina earns a base salary of about $41,500 per year.

Sources:

http://www.salary.com/ (for various states)
http://www.rileyguide.com/ (for various states)

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     I applaud this official recognition of the true name of the Imperial Dominion of the South. Bravo!

Thank you, Mr. Emperor

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JPMorgan Losses Revive Wall St. Regulation Debate
New York, New York

On the heels of the recent report that JPMorgan has lost billions of dollars due to poor fiscal strategy, some Atlasians citizens are calling for stricter regulation on Wall Street. A recent poll indicates that 50% of Atlasians support stricter Wall Street regulations, whereas 47% oppose. Diego Flores, an economics professor at the University of Texas said that putting stricter regulation on Wall Street is "the only way to prevent a further crisis such as this from happening again." However, Professor Bob Bell of Washington State University disagrees. "Imposing tighter regulations on businesses and Wall Street at a time like this would be disastrous for our economy. Businesses cannot thrive with Government breathing down their neck." Regardless, the debate is sure to resurface in the coming Presidential election. No candidate has made any comments regarding the issue thus far.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

Uh, did we ever find out the cause or is there an investigation?

I don't believe there was an investigation, but I verified with several sources that their risky fiscal strategy, including poor trading strategies, led to the loss of the money.

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Region Restructuring Resurfaces As National Issue
Virginia Beach, VA

After recent concerns over the activity of the Midwest and Pacific regions, Atlasians have once again begun debating region restructuring. A recent poll indicates that 58% of Atlasians support at least some form of restructuring, whereas 34% oppose. The most radical restructuring proposals offer the solution of abolishing an entire region, giving way to three reasonably large regions based on population.

Nevada resident Paula Baker agrees that some restructuring is necessary: "It's hard living in a region in which nothing gets done. Polls get opened late and close even later, no legislation is ever passed...it's tough." However, 82-year-old Stanley Hopper, a resident of Butte, Montana disagrees: "This is the way it's always been. Since I was a boy and since my daddy was a boy. Ain't no way some big-name politician is gonna fossilize a system that this country was founded on."

The issue may play a crucial role in the upcoming Presidential election.

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Mr. Hopper obviously forgot about the era of Senate districts.

Shhhhh, Mr. Hopper is a traditionalist and will have none of your liberal-textbooky nonsense

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

I like your Added Alliterative Appeal. Was that intentional?

Of course

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Butte, Montana

Butte, Exhilaration*

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Unemployment Rate Drops Slightly, Pacific Still Struggling
Raleigh, NC

As per a report released today by GM shua, Atlasia's unemployment rate has dropped a hair from 8.4% to 8.3%:

Regional Breakdown of Unemployment Figures
                       Nov    Dec 2011   Jan      Feb     Mar     Apr   2012
Northeast           7.0      7.2       7.0       6.9      6.8      6.7%          
Mideast               7.3      7.5       7.3       7.1      7.0      6.9%
IDS                    10.3    10.1       9.5       9.3      9.1      8.8%
Midwest              8.9      9.0       8.6       8.5      8.4      8.3%
Pacific               10.8    10.9     10.5     10.3    10.1     9.9%

National              9.0      9.2       8.8       8.6       8.4      8.3%

Most noticeable about this chart is the fact that the Pacific Region still faces 10% unemployment, and the IDS sits close to 9%.

Atlasians are mixed about the news, with some calling this a fault on the part of the President, for jobs not being created and others saying that this is small progress.

Robert Dover, a mechanic in Durham, North Carolina, said that his region's unemployment rate being close to 9% is a sign of continued economic hardship, and he blames the President for it: "[Polnut] has done absolutely nothing about this. The IDS legislature has done close to nothing about this. I'm outraged. I want to be able to say "wow, progress really is being made." but it's not. Instead, the President is in England, sucking up to Queen what's-her-face. Our problems at home must be addressed first."

On the opposite side of the spectrum is Ken Haley, a high school teacher from Burlington, VT: "This is actually great news. The fact that the unemployment rate has been declining since January is wonderful news. Baby steps must be made in this recovery, and I have full faith in the President."

A homeless man, who called himself "Toadie," approached me prior to my speech in Raleigh, saying that he believes the current numbers are a lie, and that employment actually sits near 25%.

All in all, unemployment has indeed dropped, but perhaps not as much as everyone would like to see.

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Breaking: President Polnut Declares Crisis In Pacific
Montgomery, AL

At around 4:45 AM eastern time this morning, President Polnut declared a state of emergency in the Pacific Region:

EMERGENCY DECLARATION

I, Jack Polnut, acting within my Constitutional authority as President of the Republic, am formally declaring a state of emergency to exist within the Pacific Region.

The lack of the Governor to open a voting booth represents a clear violation to the constitutional rights of the citizens of the region, and therefore, despite efforts to ensure this is carried out, must now be considered an extraordinary event.

I will be instructing the Secretary of Federal Elections to open a fully recognised voting booth for the Pacific Region by 12:01am on Tuesday 22 May 2012.

Any action by the Governor to interfere with this process will render him liable to further legal consequences.

The President's decision further solidifies the notion that the Pacific Region is all but dead, with no activity at all in recent weeks. Governor Jackson could not be reached for comment.

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Atlasians Celebrate Memorial Day
Aberdeen, WA

On the last Monday of every May, Atlasians celebrate Memorial Day, a holiday meant to remember our veterans, both living and deceased. Senator Clarence, who is also running for President, is a veteran of the Vietnam War. We here at the Department of Internal Affairs would like to thank Clarence and all veterans for their service in any war they may have served in. To know that our liberties are protected from foreign threats by a select few who love this country enough to lay down their lives for it is humbling.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

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I don't think "celebrate" is the best word.

What's wrong with celebrating the lives and service of military personnel? I think it's a holiday to be celebrated.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

20RP12- this was very kind of you...thank you very much

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

NVTownsend Wins Pacific Gubernatorial Race; Lt. Gov. Race In Question
Henderson, NV

NVTownsend (Lib-NV) has been declared the winner of the recent Pacific Gubernatorial race, however, because no one formally declared to run for Lieutenant Governor, that office was left to write-ins. Antonio V won on write-ins, but never declared that he would accept those write-ins. In the case that Antonio does not accept the job, Torie would be left to accept or deny the job, as he came in second place.

Congratulations to NVTownsend for his victory. The mood in the Pacific seems extremely optimistic. People are ready for change and activity.

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Polls Show JCL Narrowly Leading Ben
Kansas City, MO

Many recent polls have shown JohanusCalvinusLibertas, a polarizing figure popular amongst Conservatives, leading Benconstine, a popular center-left candidate. Many are claiming that the race is a tossup, but at least one poll shows JCL with a reasonably large lead over Ben.

When asked his opinion of JCL, Mideast citizen Bob Burke said the following:

"He seems like a really down to earth guy. I don't really agree with some of his views, but he has guts to still say what he believes despite knowing the positions are unpopular. I'm not sure who I'm gonna vote for yet, but I'll keep this in mind when I do go to vote."

Others don't feel the same way about JCL.

"He's nuts. He's absolutely nuts. He's a fundamentalist and he does not deserve to serve in the Atlasian senate. Nope. No way." said Elizabeth Gold, a citizen of Baltimore, Maryland.

The race should be interesting, that's for sure.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

Glad to see you've returned - does this mean you'll be staying on as SOIA?

Until the end of my term. I don't plan on serving in the next administration. If there are no other potential candidates, I might consider it.

[This user has not been convicted of 34 felonies]

I would raise concerns about the fairness of this article; the author is an avowed JCL supporter, after all.

I might agree in theory but to be fair the article seems unbiased to me. It's hard to avoid theoretical conflicts of interest in this game considering how small a user base we have.

The Ben guy seems a bit less rational than the JCL guy; maybe it's nothing, but it seemed off.

There was no "JCL guy."

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AG Fuzzy Sues IDS, Citizens (and President) Call BS
Little Rock, AR

Last night, Attorney General Fuzzy announced he'd be suing the IDS over their issuing of their currency, the "Dibble." Fuzzy also said that Federal Agents would be seizing the currency at his order:

Executive order from the Office of the Attorney General, Fuzzybigfoot:


This administration charges the Imperial Region with breaking Second Clause of Section 7, Article 1 of Atlasia's third constitution by creating a regional curency (the "Dibble") under the Second Section of the Trojan Act. 


Due to said violations, Federal Agents will seize control of all exchange places listed in the Trojan Act (including the Imperial Capital of Memphis and all other state capitals in the Southern region) and cease the exchange and distribution of "Dibbles" to all Southern citizens.




Stand by for an impending lawsuit against the Imperial South.

SoEA Sjoycefla retorted:

The IDS's Chief Judicial Overlord is currently on a vacation; an attorney for the IDS shall need to be located.

The relevant section of the Constitution is as follows:

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And the relevant section of the act:

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and President Polnut said the following in response:

PRESS RELEASE

The President made a brief statement earlier about case being brought against the IDS.

"The section in question creates an alternative legal tender in the region. Whether or not they define it as 'not currency' in the bill is irrelevant, it is minted by the regional government, assigned a monetary value and able to be provided in exchange for goods and services. It is, by those very definitions, currency."