US Political junkies have a sense of humor too!! :-)

[M]

In 1997 Air Force One crashes. Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Hillary are aboard. They enter the pearly gates and go to talk to G-d.

G-d leans over from his throne of heavenly glory and says, "Bill, who are you and how have you used your time on Earth?"

Clinton answers, "well, I led the greatest nation on Earth through a period of Peace and Prosperity."

G-d says, "that sounds pretty neat! You can sit on the right hand of my throne. Now, Al, who are you what did you do with your life?"

Al Gore responds, "Well, I tried to help Bill lead America."

And He responded, "Nifty! You can sit on the left hand of my throne."

Then He turned to Hillary and inquired, "so, who are you and how did you use your earthly existence?"

And She answered, "Same to you! Get out of my chair!"

[M]

So Hillary Clinton is in heaven and enters a room to meet G-d. And He is surrounded by a bunch of mechancical clocks with pendulums. A few are practically motionless ticking slowly, while others have a pretty quick movement. There are billions of these clocks.

Hillary says, "So, G-d, what are these clocks?"

G-d says, "Each clock is connected to a person on the Earth. Every time their clocks ticks, they have told a lie."

Hillary scans the nameplates under the clock. Then she says to Him, "Wait, I don't see Bill's clock!"

"Oh," said the holy one, blessed be he, "I keep that in my office to use as a fan."

[M]

In late September, 2001, a little red 60s looking dial telephone rang on President Bush's desk in the oval office. Bush leaned backed in his swivel chair (tm) and picked up the phone.

"Yellow?"

"Mister President?" The voice was dark and mysterious.

"Who's this?"

"I am Osama Bin Laden."

"You! what are YOU calling for!?"

"Mister President, I wanted to inform you that I had a dream last nime. A dream of great portent."

"And what's that?"

"In my dream, I was slave of Allah, master of the world, and Khalifah of all the West. America grovelled at my feet. Stripped of its riches, it was reduced to poverty. Women have been made into slaves and collected for my harem. The richest Americans can hardly afford a deformed mule. The great cities have fallen, and they are only so much rubble and ruins. Your mightyinstitutions of freedom and democracy are totally destroyed. All speak Arabic and accept the glorious Islamic rule."

The President's reply surprised Osama. "Really? What a coincidence! I had such a dream myself last night!"

"Truly? And what happened in your dream?"

"Well, Afghanistan was a thrivig and wealthy paradise. There were well-cared for and  economically successful cities. A strong middle class was the norm in the nation. They regularly drove their Toyotas and Tauruses to the polls and voted for a wide array of candidate. Women were fully liberated and elevated to the same status as men. The people constantly chatted to happily each other about something or other."

"What were they chatting about?"

"Well, Osama, I don't rightly know. I can't speak Hebrew."

[M]

Ryan, I told the Ashcroft joke today at synagogue. I was at a bar mitzvah at a synagogue I don't usually go to, do I didn't know many people. I figured, safe bet they'll be liberal Jews. Turned out to be like the only other conservative Jew in Houston, and he was upset! I told him Ashcroft himself thought the joke was funny. He still looked suspicious, and asked how I knew. I answered, "Internet."